Festinger, an American social psychologist, has a famous theory, namely Festinger's Law: 10% of life is made up of what happens to you, and the other 90% is determined by your reaction to what happens. In other words, 10% of things in life are beyond our control, while the other 90% are beyond our control.
This is an interesting theory, which can be used for reference in the emotional relationship between marriage and love.
For example, when you have no contact with the opposite sex and suffer from lack of resources and channels, can you start with improving your self-charm and increase your attraction to the opposite sex? This ability is not necessarily linked to money. If you look ordinary, can you dress up a little more delicately? If the emotional intelligence is not high, can you strengthen your cultivation? If you don't earn much money, can you improve your ability, at least work hard and so on ...
Of course, these are superficial external problems, and most marital emotional problems are psychological reaction problems. For example, lack of confidence, the corresponding deep psychological characteristics are lack of security, lack of love and so on. Speaking of family background, in fact, family background has happened, which is beyond our control. This cannot be changed, but besides, all problems such as education level and working ability can still be controlled or improved.
Since I am doing marital emotional work, let's take an intimate case. For example, everyone likes to mention a mantra: love needs fate, which can last for a long time. Don't be reluctant if you don't have a chance. It seems reasonable, but fate itself is a probabilistic event. Handsome guys or beautiful women (plastic surgery is also acceptable), rich second generation or local tyrants all have their own strong attraction, which is innate and acquired.
Therefore, fate itself seems uncontrollable, but its attraction is controllable. For example, women's plastic surgery is popular, while men want to package themselves with more money and status. It may be tacky to say this, but in social cognition, beautiful or powerful individuals always attract more admirers. To put it bluntly: beautiful women or handsome men are always prone to have more rivals in love, while people with relatively high status are always more likely to attract the attention of the opposite sex.
Everyone loves beauty, and money can bring a better lifestyle. These two points are desirable and meet the needs of human nature, but these externalities are just attractive. Marriage emotion is a complicated problem. People with strong external attraction are often more risky in marriage and family relations. Because of all the emotional ties, only simplicity is the easiest way to satisfy happiness. On the contrary, the more complicated, the more painful!
In the cases we received about emotional counseling, lovelorn recovery and family mediation, although it seems strange, there is an unavoidable * * * nature, that is, the emotional relationship map of the parties themselves is unpleasant, whether it is the relationship of family origin, his emotional relationship with his spouse, or his relationship with his spouse's family (spouse's parents or siblings), it is more complicated and problematic.
Some of them don't realize the problem, some are in a kind of pressure and crisis for a long time, some adopt an indifferent way, some want to change but have no choice but to let things get worse. Marriage and family are first and foremost an emotional bond. Even if you have an ordinary appearance and a humble life, even if you are glamorous, rich and powerful, how can you have a happy marriage and family if you don't know how to express and maintain your emotions?