A beautiful bride has a lot of bride price.
On April 24 of the lunar calendar, just as the bell rang at eight o'clock, Li and Lu of Beijiazhuang Village, daming county, our city were busy shouting, "Xiao Gang, wake up the suona class quickly and pick up the bride with the car." "Liangzi, hurry up and load all the wine, meat and vegetables into the car." "cameraman? Didn't you agree to arrive at eight o'clock on time? Why haven't you come yet? " "Bring more cigarettes and candy, so as not to let people stop the car." ……
After a busy shout, at half past eight, the motorcade finally went to pick up the bride.
Today is a big day for my youngest son. However, Li and his wife are not happy at all. The bride-to-be is very beautiful, and her son is very congenial to her. I want to spend more money on bride price. After all, it is a glorious thing to marry a beautiful wife. But I didn't expect the girl to be so willing to give a bride price. The conference gift is 2000 yuan, the small gift 1000, the big gift 12000, and the holiday gift for buying clothes is nearly 10,000 yuan. They wanted to give up their marriage, but there are rural people's rules in the countryside. If they give up their marriage, they will not get any money from the bride price. Moreover, the matchmaker is one of their closest relatives. Say it out, everyone is a villager, and we can't meet again! On the 29th wedding day, on 20th, the woman must buy a motorcycle, otherwise the wedding will be postponed. Looking at all the guests, Li had to bite the bullet and borrowed 5000 yuan to buy a motorcycle.
Li's eldest son, Li, got married five years ago. The house is a ready-made corridor room, which cost less than 30 thousand, but it also spent all the savings at home. Li Hongbin spent more than 40,000 yuan on Gai Lou alone, and the bride price was more than 40,000 yuan. The eldest daughter-in-law tells people all day that her life is cheap. I don't know if there is no good-looking or valuable sister-in-law, or if my husband picked it up.
Tears can only be swallowed in the stomach. Li and his wife often cry silently in the dead of night. Gai Lou's money is the bride price money for her two daughters. I want them to take it with me when they get married, but I can't do it because the wedding cost of my youngest son is too high. The eldest daughter is so despised by her husband and mother-in-law after marriage that they are on pins and needles every time they think about it. Almost all the money for the bride price is borrowed from relatives and friends.
The unruly bride got cold feet.
"It's time! Why don't you come back! " Li muttered to himself. Suddenly, the ringing of the telephone broke the silence of the night, and Li hurriedly called: "Hello ..."
"Dad, xiaoling just don't get on the bus. She has to pay 2000 yuan for the bus fare. We don't have that much money! ……"
"What does she want to do? Do you ask her if she can stay at my house? " Before his son Li finished, he was furious.
"No way! Dad, I've said all the good things. She said that everyone has a boarding ceremony, and she is no less nose and eyes than others. Why not prepare her and think that our family looks down on her and cries her eyes out? "
"Didn't you say that 12000 is all-inclusive? There is no reason to talk to her at this time. Can't you give it? I'll raise money, and you tell her to get on the bus quickly. "
Li turned on the light and knocked on his nephew's door: "Ah, your sister-in-law is very difficult. You have to pay 2000 yuan for the bus fare. Look at this ... you ... ""Uncle, I know. " He told his wife to get the money. Generally speaking, rural people will not deposit their money in the bank, but will only leave their money at home. Otherwise, Li really dare not raise money in the middle of the night. Although Li Yantao's wife didn't want to go to the back room to get money, she didn't forget to remind her before she left: "Uncle, if you are in trouble, you can't help us. You haven't paid back the 6 thousand yuan you borrowed last time, and there are many places for our family to spend money! "
After getting the money, Li Yantao rode his motorcycle to the bride's house quickly.
The pendulum clock on the wall keeps swinging, and time shakes in it. One hour ... two hours ... time passed by, and there was still no news of the bride.
Li kept looking at the phone on the desk, hoping to hear the bell, but afraid to hear it.
The late bride
Finally, Li's phone rang and quickly grabbed it. Li Hongbin's tired voice came from the phone: "Dad, we have come a long way, but Xiaoling is back." It turns out that according to local rules, the bride needs a close relative to ride, which is about one kilometer away. The person who picks up a relative should give the relative a red envelope with at least 200 yuan in it. The bride's three nephews all went to see her off, but Li Hongbin only prepared a red envelope, and the bride went back angrily. Now they are still deadlocked, insisting on a wedding gift of 1000 yuan, or they will not get on the bus.
Li was trembling all over and couldn't make a sound. It took him a while to get his breath back, and even his angry strength was gone: "I paid, I paid everything, I owed my child a debt, and I paid it back!" " What are the conditions for her to finish at once! Do it all. "
Wedding, bridge crossing ceremony, getting off ceremony ... plus the cost of cigarette money for passers-by to stop the bride's car, it cost nearly 3000 yuan. The bride's car arrived slowly at 1 1 in the morning, and all the guests, relatives and friends were impatient.
When the bride arrived at the door, the firecrackers began to fade. When the bride and groom pay their respects, the bride's eldest sister-in-law and sister-in-law stare at her in disgust, and the color on her face looks like a dye vat. No matter who picks up relatives, or who waits for relatives at home, they are not in the mood or interest to make trouble for the bride in the bridal chamber.
At noon 12, when the banquet was held, relatives and friends swept all the tables and didn't want to stay for a minute.
As soon as Li left the house, the female guests talked about it in succession: "This kannika nimtragol is outstanding, so this bride price should be unambiguous." "Look at how she lives in this house in the future. Her sister-in-law and sister-in-law are not fuel-efficient lamps and will not give her good color. " "Don't say somebody else, our own daughter-in-law also don't know how to marry ..."
Li told reporters that taking photos, renting a wedding dress, renting a car and hosting 38 tables of banquets cost more than 6,000 yuan. Together with all the bride price, the building is about 80 thousand. Counting the misappropriation of the bride price money of two daughters, it is necessary to pay off more than 60 thousand yuan. "Fortunately, I only have two sons. If there is another one, I will really throw myself into the river. "
Li is 63 years old and has been suffering from lung disease for five years. He has been dragging his feet and refusing treatment. The heavy burden bent his once strong back. Lu is 62 years old. Arthritis and stomach trouble accompanied her 15 years. Take some medicine when it hurts, and pick up garbage when it is gentle. Years of fatigue and illness made her look so weak. She is 1.65 meters tall and weighs less than 40 kilograms.
On April 29th, Li and his wife got up early, packed their bags and got on the first bus to work in a city in Shandong. Their two sons were still immersed in a beautiful dream and did not wake up. Only two daughters cried goodbye to their parents.
Li and Lu have lived there since 8 years ago. "I collect junk. My wife can only pick up some useful junk to sell because she can't read and doesn't know the scale. In the evening, we will set up a stall in the night market together. Excluding our basic living expenses, we can earn more than 1000 in January. If there is no accident, the debt will be paid off in about 6 years. "
It was just dawn, and the thick fog wet the misty morning, as well as the hair and clothes of the Li couple. On the narrow country road in Beijiazhuang Village, Li and Lu helped each other and hobbled along, slowly disappearing at the end of the road and in the boundless morning fog.
a white elephant
The existence of bride price has brought a heavy burden to rural families. Since the reform and opening up, the income level of farmers in China has improved significantly. According to the survey figures of the relevant civil affairs departments of the state, the per capita net income of farmers increased from 1978 to 397 yuan to 2476 yuan in 2002, an increase of about 6.24 times. However, during this period, the amount of bride price increased from several hundred yuan to tens of thousands or even tens of thousands of yuan, and the growth rate of income was obviously disproportionate to the growth rate of bride price. The high cost of bride price during marriage has become a heavy burden for many families.
The existence of bride price makes the original pure marriage relationship have the taste of "copper smell" and the nature of buying and selling, and has caused many social problems. Especially in recent years, disputes caused by bride price have frequently appeared in newspapers and become an important factor affecting rural social stability.
A villager surnamed Jia in Litong Village said that her family built a new house this year just to "say daughter-in-law" to her son. She said it was too expensive for local boys to marry their wives. From the meeting of men and women, bride price, wedding date and wedding ceremony, every step will cost hundreds or even thousands of dollars, plus the cost of building a new house, at least 20 thousand to 30 thousand. According to local customs, only when the house is built will someone introduce the object. Then, from the time the matchmaker comes to the door, money is indispensable step by step. There is a "meeting ceremony" when men and women meet; If the woman is interested, the man will pay a "dowry"; After that, the wedding date was fixed, and buying a dress was just like spending money. There are more tricks on the wedding day, and almost every step of the bride is money. ...
"The current bride price' market' is as low as 20,000 yuan and as high as 40,000 yuan." A farmer sighed and said, "My son got married last November. After all, it cost more than 50,000 yuan to marry this daughter-in-law. The main expenses are getting on and off the bus on the wedding day, getting out of the motorcade, hiring a cameraman, renting a wedding dress, eating a wedding banquet for relatives and friends, etc., plus various expenses during the engagement period. Everything costs money. If you can't afford it, you have to borrow it. "
In some rural areas, some families simply let their children drop out of school early and go out to work to earn money. Some work hard outside for a year, and the money they earn is not enough to send a bride price.
The soil of "bride price"
The occurrence of any social phenomenon has its profound social roots and social foundation, as well as its social soil. There is also a popular theory of "resource exchange" in the field of mate selection. For example, high economic status can be exchanged for prominent social status, and good looks can be exchanged for money and even power. Judging from the standard of reciprocity, in the conclusion of marriage, the man is obviously on the beneficiary side, because China is still implementing the policy of living as a husband, and the woman lives in the man's house after marriage and becomes a part of the man's family labor force. The woman asked the man for a certain bride price to compensate for the hard work and expenses of raising her daughter. From the perspective of fairness standards, due to the imbalance of the sex ratio between men and women in China, the demand for women in the marriage market is in short supply, and the oversupply of men, and the squeeze of male surplus marriage is becoming more and more serious, which makes women have obvious advantages in sexual resources and emotional resources in the process of marriage exchange, and men need to pay more economic or social and political costs if they want to obtain these resources, and bride price is one of them, even the most important one.
A civil affairs cadre in charge of marriage registration in our city told reporters: In the 1960s, rural youth 200 yuan could get married with money; In the 1980s, it was about 1 10,000 yuan; Now it's about 30 thousand yuan. The reason is that on the one hand, the living standards of farmers have improved, family planning has been implemented, and there are fewer children on the farm, so people are willing to spend the money; On the other hand, the old traditional customs left over from thousands of years of rural marriage have not been broken, and many families "would rather suffer hardships than lose face", which has contributed to the bad atmosphere of giving bride price, such as ostentation and extravagance and comparison.
Effective intervention and intervention
As a traditional custom, bride price has existed in China for thousands of years, which has profound economic and social roots and is not in harmony with the process of rural modernization. To put it mildly, it will affect the happiness of the parties after marriage and the happiness of the family. If it is serious, it may affect the stability of rural society.
"It is necessary for us to adopt certain mechanisms and measures to effectively intervene and interfere with the phenomenon of bride price prevailing in the process of rural marriage conclusion, so as to reverse this bad habit and promote the smooth progress of the modernization of new countryside. Among these specific intervention mechanisms, the first and fundamental thing is to improve rural women's economic status and enhance their self-help ability, so that they can get rid of their dependence on men and stop living on men's economic income. Only in this way can the bride price with self-protection function lose its reason for existence. At the same time, it is necessary to vigorously publicize the new marriage law and the concept of marriage and love, vigorously advocate changing customs, advocate the freedom of love and marriage, and prohibit arranged marriage, so as to effectively guide the marriages introduced by various matchmakers and make them become the leaders of Guangping Women's Federation once put forward her views on the prevalence of bride price in rural areas. (At the request of the interviewee, the characters in the article used pseudonyms.)