Let me talk about my family background first. In the family where I grew up, I had a sarcastic mother and a mediator's father. Mother's consistent communication language is to blame and not listen to other people's opinions. This makes me love and hate her. Later, I studied, I worked, I got married, and I worked hard, really hard. But the status quo is always unsatisfactory. Career has not improved, interpersonal relationship is average, and partner relationship is average. I always feel unhappy. Not to say that everything comes to him who waits? I work hard, too. My gorgeous female classmates who didn't learn to dress up well in college are much better than me in both work and family relations. What's wrong with that? I started thinking. Especially with my parents, people say that my family is happy. How come I have never learned from my parents? It seems that I am not really happy to grow up so big. There is always a sense of powerlessness. Why am I unhappy? I don't know. At this time, I am still in ignorance.
With the thinking of these problems, I began to look for books to read and to link many people with family problems like me. After reading The fetters of Motherly Love, I knew for the first time that there was a poisonous motherly love. After reading Wu Zhihong's psychology book, I understood for the first time that "inherit the wind" is the biggest lie in the world. The first time I heard the words "family background" and "sense of boundary". The relationship between a person and others is essentially the projection of the internal relationship model. The internal relationship model is often branded by our childhood parents. These years, my work is not smooth and my feelings are not smooth. It turns out that there is something wrong with my inner relationship model, which is the family I came from. Parents are to blame. This is the beginning of my inner awakening and pain.
It hurts, but it can't happen. It can't happen. Mom, start biting yourself. Gradually, I fell into deep depression. Depression to the extreme, can be said to be life without love. One day, I couldn't stand it anymore, so I sent a WeChat to Mother Strawberry, asking her for help. Began my journey of rebirth.
Mother strawberry invited me to start writing about healing. I don't have to stick to the format, I can write whatever comes to my mind, so I started my writing therapy. Practice has proved that writing is indeed a good way to express feelings and heal yourself. All the emotions that can't be vented to the outside world and attack themselves are quickly expressed in words. After reading a lot of books, I believe more and more that emotions are not a scourge, but depressed emotions are the devil. Emotions are messengers, especially those "bad" emotions such as anger, sadness, fear and pain that we don't like. Their arrival is to remind us that there is something wrong with our relationship model and we need to face it squarely and solve it. Ignoring and suppressing emotions cannot really solve the problem. On the contrary, emotions will visit more frequently until they are really seen by you.
Mother strawberry taught me to talk to my inner child. Seeing that it was a little girl who was injured in the past, I went to hug her, support her and give her strength. This scene that can never happen in real life, this unexpected picture that spans time and space, really made me recover further. I was sad, I cried, and I regained my strength.
The process of self-healing is not smooth sailing, and the mood is good and bad. I felt better for a while, but Mo Tian suddenly fell into a state of extreme depression. Mother strawberry said that the process of self-healing is spiraling. This road has really been experienced. Peel your heart layer by layer like an onion, and every healing is like pulling out a layer of skin, painful and happy. Pain is because you have to face the facts you don't want to face, and happiness is because you know that you are one step closer to the real solution. In this way, I kept peeling and peeling. One day, I told Mother Strawberry that I felt that there was always a thick chain that tied my mother and me tightly together and couldn't move. Mother strawberry asked me, "Did you help me or did your mother tie me up?" I replied, "I took the initiative to tie me and my mother together." Strawberry mother helped me dig the core ideological cancer, that is, "free growth is a betrayal of my mother." If we find the core of the problem, it will be easy. Because this question itself is a false proposition, it is untenable and easy to be overthrown. But it really bothered me for so many years, because no one saw it. When the problem is seen by us, the problem is no longer a problem.
Later, I formed a reading punch group, met Yi Yi, New Year, Second Sister and Ji Xian, and gave me countless support and strength. So I'm not alone. There are so many like-minded partners. We are all eager to live the meaning of life, explore our own path and light up our lives for others.
Mother Strawberry is a person who has experienced many problems in her family, but now she is alive and kicking. And I often feel something called "pity" in her. It was a state of rebirth after experiencing thorns and bumps, and she felt that she had lived the meaning of life. I gradually feel that I have this thing of "compassion". As for my mother's personality, now I seem to understand her difficulties. Although the relationship is still neither salty nor light, my heart has changed.
Some people compare a family with a problematic birth relationship to a broken record and should be discarded, but we often choose obsessive-compulsive disorder to repeatedly sing the sound made by that broken record, which leads us to be always shrouded in the shadow of the past and unable to live a new life. Bad records need not be thrown away, and they can't be thrown away. In addition to listening to bad records, you can take the initiative to find good records to listen to and listen to more good records. Gradually, you will find that you don't want to listen to that broken record. Have a farewell ceremony, put the bad records in the museum and wave and smile at him. The hero of the film A Beautiful Mind suffers from schizophrenia and often has hallucinations. This illusion has been with him all his life, but it does not affect him to become the Nobel Prize winner in economics. He said, "They (imaginary characters) are always there, and I can always see them, but I choose not to say hello to them, so they won't affect me." What a clever way to deal with it, we can learn from it.
On the way to explore life, I am still moving forward. If you are facing a moment of inner conflict, I have a few words to share with you.
1,? Believe that you can be better. You can take back your choice bravely if you want.
2,? Maybe you can't do it now if you don't compete with the facts. It doesn't matter, whatever your mood is at the moment, accept it unconditionally.
3,? Actively seek help from people you think may help you.
4,? Read more, write more, output more, find a high-quality group and actively participate.
Mother strawberry can, I can, and so can you.