After getting the certificate, I began to be busy with the wedding. I prepared a suite for us at home. I paid for the decoration and she paid for it. The bride price was not much, 80 thousand. Parents of both sides still agree with this, and there is no problem. Then after this year, the house decoration is coming to an end, and the wedding is scheduled for early August. There are many wedding arrangements, banquets, wedding photos and so on. In fact, I have been in charge of these things, and she doesn't have any big opinions, but at the end of April, we had a quarrel over a dog (yes, it is a dog) and it has been frozen until now.
My girlfriend has always wanted to get a new dog in the future. Just a few years later, a friend of mine in Shenzhen, Samoyed, gave birth to a baby, and I told her that I wanted one. I didn't mention adoption or purchase at that time. Then almost two months later, my friend in Shenzhen suddenly told me that dogs need 3000 yuan. To tell the truth, I have a good relationship with that friend. I was a little surprised that I didn't mention money at first. When my friend came back in May, I mentioned it to my girlfriend. At that time, she blamed me for not asking clearly at first, and I was really a little sour when I took out this 3000 yuan (I work in a state-owned enterprise in Wuhan, and my salary is above average, but I am a moonlight family and I am still paying back my credit card).
In this case, my idea is that the dog has promised others as much as they said, and my girlfriend is not happy. To tell the truth, I was a little unhappy, but somehow I got angry and quarreled with her. I thought that if you didn't like this dog so much, I would just tell my friends that I didn't want it. . .
Then I said in a rage, find a way for this dog yourself, don't look for me, I'm too lazy to care, and I don't want a penny (my trouble is that we are easy to break the jar and swear when we quarrel), and then she said, "Well, I won't look for you, I won't get married, and I won't look for you", and then we never talked again.
On May Day, the dog was brought back from Shenzhen. I didn't tell my friends that I didn't want it. I paid for it. My first thought at that time was to take the dog to apologize to my girlfriend.
Then I went to her house. She is so cold that she hardly looks at me. She told me to leave the dog and let me go. My heart was broken, but the dog had to be vaccinated regularly and given something to keep the dog, so I went to her house. Her family doesn't care much about me. As before, maybe she didn't mention the quarrel with her family.
Last week, I still went to her house to deliver things, and she called me to my room. She said that she regretted getting a marriage certificate with me now, and she also told her family what she thought. She said that she felt that my temper was not suitable for me to continue, because when I quarreled at a height, I would say cruel words and hurt her heart, and sometimes I would turn my head and walk outside. These problems were common in the first few years when I talked to her, and then I worked hard.
Then she said that I had worked for so many years and I didn't have any savings. My family has always been used to me, and she thought it would be difficult to have children after marriage.
Then she talked a lot about some problems and contradictions that may arise after marriage. She kept crying when she said these words, but I couldn't say a word, just lowered my head. Finally, she said, "Let me see, you go first." I just said "Oh" and left.
After I came back, I sat on the sofa in a daze for more than two hours. Today is June of 10, less than a month before the wedding date on August 8. I haven't told my family about my quarrel with her, and I dare not tell them that she is going to break off her marriage. My family is still worried about my wedding, running the wedding car, taking candy, the wedding, the hotel, and the wedding photos taken some time ago are almost ready.
But I really don't know what to do now. I asked her again just now. I said I could come out and see her. She said she didn't want to. She hasn't decided yet. Hey, teacher, what should I do now?
My girlfriend dissolved her marriage near the wedding. What should I do?
I don't think your situation is called breaking up marriage, it's called divorce. After reading your story, I just remembered a sentence I saw a long time ago: when there is a problem between two people, don't put the other person on your opposite side. That's your vs problem, not yours vs hers.
Give you the point:
In recent years, I have often broken old cans when I am angry. When she finally laid her cards on the table with you, you said nothing. You don't respond to her tears. When she got home, nothing was shown in her eyes. You are anxious, but cold.
You really don't have any idea of dealing with things (although not as valuable as Ma Bao, but the essence is the same, that is, you don't have a definite view, you only know how to worry about things, and you are unreliable at critical moments). To sum up, these manifestations are that when you encounter problems, you will only escape.
She thinks about practical things, such as that you have no savings.
Refine these four points again, that is, someone is a naive, impulsive, insensitive, shirking responsibility and worthless person. This statement is really ugly, but I can assure you that I can see your kind and lovely side. I can't guarantee that your fiancee, her friends and family, everyone can see the good side of you. How do you know that you are not such a person in their eyes? )
If it were you, would you like to marry a naive, impulsive, dull and indifferent person who shirks responsibility and is worthless? What is the purpose of giving the rest of my life to such a person? Do you think it's romantic to deal with broken cans and falls all your life, or do you think it's manly for your partner to run away when he's angry, or do you think he's manly when he's depressed and can't even draw a fart?
You may miss the point. It doesn't matter what a dog is. No woman is stupid enough to divorce for three thousand yuan.
Your real crisis is recently. You have visited the dog many times in order to give her something. She doesn't want to marry you and go out with you. Is nothing more than the last point. I want to give you a few chances to see if you can be a man. Even if it can't be solved, it will always show up. For so many days (you in her eyes), you are like an innocent person.
You can't just be anxious here. Timidity will only strengthen her impression that you are "unreliable". You used a word called "broken cans and broken falls", which is quite appropriate.
You clearly understand that you are an incompetent and rash person who always makes low-level mistakes in Mao Mao. You clearly understand that such a person is not good. Even hate, especially yourself.
You don't want to be such a broken pot, but you don't know how to change. Maybe you actually know how to change, but maybe you are lazy, maybe because of other strange self-consolation and deception, so you haven't acted for change for so many years.
So the more you live, the more you grind people, and the more you live, the more you hate yourself.
So you have to keep deceiving yourself, "I'm not bad, but I'm not bad." Comfort yourself and cover your ears-as long as I don't look at my shortcomings, they don't exist, so I don't have to blame myself or hate myself.
But! When the girlfriend complains, "You are so unreliable that you don't know to ask about the dog in advance"; When your girlfriend scolds you for "I don't know how to book tickets in advance when watching movies"; When your girlfriend accuses you of "not knowing how to do things in advance, you don't know how to save when you have money." What can you do now? "
She opened your scar and reminded you that it is useless to pretend not to see. You are still the incompetent and thoughtless person who always makes low-level mistakes in Mao Mao.
You're still the same person you hate, but if you tell a lie a thousand times, it will become true. You don't want to accept this fact, so you are angry.
The essence of all your childish impulses, harsh words against her and cowardice in evading responsibility is that you can't accept that you are a weak chicken! Deceive yourself and hope others live in the dream of "I am an excellent man", which is the root of your contradiction!
Now you consult our Li Hua emotional tutor. What do you do? Accept, bear! Accept your own shortcomings, your own shortcomings. Accept you, face it, face it and change.
Take responsibility! Apologize, and even miss her consequences in the future. You must always reap the consequences.
All your troubles at the moment have nothing to do with whether she wants to marry you or not, and whether you will lose her or not. Most people's pain only stems from their own immaturity.
If you can't let yourself appreciate yourself, then fall in love with yourself and become the person you also appreciate, even if you stumble through this at the moment. What does the future marriage depend on?
Guess your state of mind: Shit, I didn't ask for money when I asked for a dog. Now it costs 3000 yuan at a time. Why is it so expensive? Can I not buy it? But after all, I have no face if I don't buy more! Buy it, but it's really expensive! What should I do? Want money or face? It's so difficult and annoying Blame your girlfriend! What kind of dog do you want to keep! Make me so embarrassed! I did all this for you.
(girlfriend:)
To be honest, buying a dog has nothing to do with your girlfriend. Your girlfriend said she wanted a dog, but she didn't even say what kind of dog she wanted (the description of the consultation question was not written, so I don't think so for the time being), so you took the liberty of thinking that everything could be done.
I found an acquaintance and thought I could get it for free or at a low price. I didn't expect the other party's offer to far exceed expectations. You think your friend is too old to talk, but you dare not bargain or simply return the dog. You want to save face, but you have no money. Finally, you were careless and lost your temper. It's your problem from beginning to end.
So after a simple analysis, I come to the conclusion that, first of all, your ability to deal with people is not good; Secondly, you have no sense of responsibility and responsibility at all; Third, you can't control your emotions; Finally, until now, you have not realized your mistake.
I don't know what to do. I'm just angry with others, shirking my responsibility, acting like a child, leaving such small things behind, and finally letting my girlfriend wipe your ass and put myself in your shoes. Would you be willing to entrust such a person with his life? Do you believe this person can share joys and sorrows with you?
You can't see such a serious problem at all. In your eyes, it is your girlfriend who makes a mountain out of a molehill and makes a fuss. Your original words: "quarrel about a dog (yes, it is a dog)" (here, if your girlfriend explicitly says: I want your friend's dog without asking, I'm sorry. I'll apologize when you discuss it with me later.
In addition, I suppose a scene: a friend said that the dog cost 200 yuan, and you happily bought it back. As a result, your girlfriend said that she likes golden retriever and doesn't like Satsuma. Will your attitude become: I bought you Satsuma, and you don't like it? ! I wonder if this assumption is correct?
See you say that the wedding day is coming, and such a serious problem may not be solved in the next few days, but you must have a good talk with your wife (after all, you have already obtained the license, alas, it is not easy to do it here). No matter what happens in the future, whether it is holding a wedding as scheduled or parting ways, we must face these problems and correct them. From now on, always remind yourself that you are an adult, learn to take responsibility and be a little responsible.
In fact, there are not many important things between you, and your shortcomings will be simply pointed out to you:
1. The handling of broken cans is very hurtful! Why do you argue with your girlfriend when she helps you again? About buying a dog, at first your friend didn't make it clear whether to give it away or sell it. You said you wanted a dog, but later you made it clear that the price was 3,000 yuan, which you found unacceptable. You can refuse or bargain, because the first agreement has expired, or a supplementary agreement is being made later, so we can talk again. You are giving up your own interests for the sake of so-called face, and your girlfriend is fighting for your interests, but you don't realize it.
2. Why did you go to your girlfriend's house many times after the quarrel but didn't calm her down? Because you really mishandled the matter of buying a dog. About the price, the dispute between you two is also caused by temper. Then go to her house. You should calm her down and apologize.
Your girlfriend talks to you about married problems. Why is there no solution or basic attitude to these contradictions? She may have no intention of breaking off the engagement at all, just trying to figure out how to avoid conflicts when you two have conflicts and how to treat her. And you missed another chance to resolve the conflict. She said that she would think again because she didn't see the attitude she wanted in this communication.
4, you can't take face too seriously in life. Bow your head when it's time to bow your head. Wrong is wrong, right is right. Only in this way can we have a virtuous circle and establish a long-term relationship. Don't lose your temper, not only can't solve the problem, but it will make the contradiction bigger and bigger.