0 1 Origin: My husband and I had a little conflict.

A while ago, the physical examination of the subsidiary company, after the report came out, several indicators were not very good, plus I was very busy at work during that time, and the project was urgent, and my feet hit the back of my head; I also have to wait on the children, supervise the homework, and pick up and drop off from school; I have to find time to write something in the evening ... I'm very tired. When I am tired, I am bored. So, are you sick?

I was scared when I saw the report, so I called my husband who was away on business to explain that the situation was not very good. I hope he can go home early and accompany me to the hospital or something.

As a result, my husband said in a word that he was busy at work and had no time to go home.

Then tell me how to use my free time on weekends, how to take a bus, and what number I need to hang up to see a doctor. ...

It was very detailed, but no one cared and no one was distressed.

Think about it, women. Do I need someone to tell me how to get to the hospital by bus? I don't even know? I'm not a three-year-old and I'm not an idiot.

As a woman who got a medical report and told you that she was in poor health, did you want to call the closest person for comfort at the first time?

Want to get a sentence "don't be afraid, I'm here!" " "Even if you are busy with your work, you can say," I'll finish it in a couple of days and then go home. Well, should I book tickets as soon as possible? "Don't worry, I'm sure it's okay. Physical examinations are all bluff. "

Wait, I just want to get some comfort and calm my panic.

But men don't think so. After my husband told me how to go to Balabala to see a doctor by bus, I was angry and disappointed.

Impatient and disappointed, I quarreled with him for a few words, and finally both of them were in a bad mood.

Of course, after I went to the hospital in a fit of pique, nothing happened, but the "problem" between husband and wife was solved.

After one night, I struggled for a long time and couldn't get over it. Then, this book came and learned about the other half.

All right, I'll just look. Why don't I understand him? I don't feel well, won't he comfort me? Don't know him yet? How to understand? Love won't!

The title of "Know the other half"

The original title is you just don't want it? Understand: the dialogue between women and men, literally translated as: you must not understand: men and women are talking, but I think literal translation is more appropriate.

In the first half of the book, it is said that most of the communication problems between men and women in marriage are caused by the different starting points of the language used by men and women in communication.

The book points out: "Men use language to convey information, while women use language to express their feelings".

So women can't stand the tendency of men to start analyzing and solving problems. In fact, women just want to get a little comfort from men.

Men, on the other hand, do not solve the problem after asking questions about women, but feel puzzled and helpless because of their poor tone or business.

In the second half of this book, we talk about the differences between men and women in daily communication, behavior and even from childhood to adulthood.

The Chinese translation of Understanding the Other Half seems to focus on the communication between men and women.

The first half of this book mainly talks about the communication barriers between men and women in marriage, because the gender differences between men and women lead to different communication focuses.

To sum up, I personally think that the literal translation of the original title: "You must not understand: Men and Women in Dialogue" seems more appropriate.

Isn't it? Keep looking down.

03 "Men use language to convey information, while women use language to express their feelings"

Men use language to convey information, while women use language to express their feelings. This sentence is also the theme throughout this book. After understanding this sentence, the content of this book is basically understood.

This book is divided into *** 10 chapters, and each chapter is divided into 1 1 ~ 14 sections, respectively, to explain the differences between men and women in communication from the aspects of gender differences, communication inequality, dominance and control issues, and attention to details.

The most striking thing in the book is that each section is extracted from vivid life cases, or stories in the book, or plots of movies and TV series, and the established views are expounded.

It can be said that it is interesting and informative, which makes readers feel personally and empathetically, and it is also very interesting.

For example, in the section "Inequality: Men and Women communicate for different purposes", the book uses two cases respectively.

Case 1: After Eve's operation, the difference between her sister, best friend and husband gave Eve a different feeling.

Eve had an operation to remove a breast lump. She hates surgery. Besides, the surgery left stitches on her wound, which changed the shape of her chest.

Her sister said, "I understand. I also feel this way after my own surgery. " Her friend said, "I know, just like your body has been desecrated."

When she told her husband Mark how she felt, Mark said, "You can have cosmetic surgery to cover up your scar and restore your chest shape."

She hates surgery, but mark actually asked her to do more surgery to restore her chest shape? I don't understand her feelings!

"I will never have surgery again!" She protested, "Sorry, my breasts are not what you like now!" " "

Mark was stung by her words and confused. "I don't care about this. I don't think this is a problem at all. " Eve asked, "Then why did you let me have plastic surgery?"

He replied, "Because you said that the way you are now makes you feel sad."

You see, Eve just wants a kind of comfort. She wants the feeling that her heart is calm and comfortable.

However, from Eve's point of view, Mark's calm hint made her hear her dissatisfaction with her chest shape.

Eve actually knew that Mark cared about her from beginning to end during her operation.

But, "what Eve wanted was understanding, and Mark gave her advice. He played the role of a problem solver, and all she wanted was recognition of her feelings. "

Case 2: Conflict caused by the wife who didn't want to be hospitalized after the accident.

After the car accident, his wife was seriously injured, but she didn't like living in the hospital, so she chose to go home early. Go home, because I need to walk often and it hurts.

Her husband said, why didn't she choose to stay in the hospital? Obviously it will be more comfortable in the hospital!

The wife was unhappy and felt that her husband seemed to imply that she didn't want to stay at home.

You see, she interpreted her husband's painful advice as a feeling that she didn't want to stay at home.

As can be seen from the above two cases:

"Men use words to convey information" will give feedback to all women's questions in the form of suggestions.

Women express their feelings in words. She doesn't like the chest shape after the operation. When she said it, she wanted to be comforted by her husband and told her "It doesn't matter, I still love you" and so on.

She doesn't like living in the hospital, but she is miserable at home. When she said it, she hoped her husband would calm her down: "Baby, I know how you feel, so I will feel distressed if I don't exercise when necessary" and so on.

So, sometimes, sweet words are a good medicine, and when you feel comfortable, you will feel better.

But men don't know much about it, and they haven't learned to use it. They always think "I'm not that hypocritical" or something.

They will only tell you calmly: you do this and you do that. You don't say, sit down and I'll do it. I know how you feel.

Is it hypocritical to say a few warm words number

Warm words are sometimes used to make your lover feel comfortable. Because you are distressed, I hope she is comfortable and happy, and the warm-hearted language will naturally come.

However, as can be seen from the book, men sometimes really don't feel bad.

His childhood atmosphere and education led them to always consider "solving problems".

It's not that the baby doesn't want to, but it really won't!

Therefore, marriage just needs running-in! Grind and grind, and slowly, you will learn.

(PS。 So many times, there are uncles and warm men that girls like. They are so warm-hearted and gentle because they have been trained by other women, hehe. Cheap is not that good. )

Back to the "problem" between my husband and me, if I don't read this book, will there be more and more bumps between me and him, which will affect my feelings?

Yes, and then, one day, when the last straw falls, the marriage will also disintegrate or become a zombie marriage.

then what

Now, with this book "Understanding the Other Half", let's open it together, let's become the flowers of mutual understanding and say something that the other party can understand.

Or, before he was civilized, we used our civilized brains to explain his implication.

(PS 2: in terms of feelings, I have to say that women are smarter than men, huh! )

About this book and its author

Deborah Tynan, a famous American sociolinguist and professor of linguistics at Georgetown University, has the title of "Outstanding Lecturer of McGraw" and is one of the six honorary tenured professors in the university, and has published 12 bestsellers.

The author points out in this book:

There are essential differences in communication between men and women. This difference is not born, but is constructed in the process of growth.

Women use the language of establishing contact and pay attention to intimacy; Men use the language of establishing status and pay attention to independence.

There are many cases in this book. As a person in marriage, almost everyone can sit in the right place, which can really be used as a dogma book of marriage lubricant.

I can't explain them all in this article. Friends who want to know should read books.

For the workplace and life, this book also provides ways for men and women to get along and taboos for language communication. It is a magic weapon to make interpersonal relationships more and more harmonious, and it is also worth reading.

05 abstract

Marriage is the key to a person's life happiness. After all, decades have been spent with another strange and familiar person who has no blood relationship but only a cavity of love, right?

Therefore, the translation of the book Understanding the Other Half is still very appropriate.

In life, after all, marriage and love take the lead. Making money, working, getting promoted and getting a raise, getting along with friends ... family disharmony, nothing will be interesting, right? All happiness is for the family!

Marriage is a science, and it is really not easy to grow old together. After all, everyone comes from different families and receives different education, so it is impossible to understand each other's implication.

With this book, it will be different. We can try our best to start from each other's point of view, from "I don't know what you are talking about" to "I understand how you feel".

From then on, we are each other's words, "you are the wind, I am the sand", and the teenagers will grow old and join hands to the end of the world.

Know the other half, a good book, five-star recommendation.