Answer: It's not good to have two girlfriends.
Damn, my girlfriend always steals my food. Is it easy for me to order? I went too far with this couple.
Reply: She reminds you to sow quickly.
3. A woman went for breast augmentation, with both sides 10W and one side with 3W. Why?
Reply: full of twists and turns.
He has a gentle side and a masculine side. No Google Translate. Thank you.
Answer: Sometimes he is slow and light, but sometimes he is black and hard.
I got 56 points in the exam today, and my father beat me. Now I'm in an Internet cafe.
Reply: Dig, I will beat you even if I get 56 points. I think that year, my brother got 40 points in the exam and the whole family went to Jiuzhaigou happily.
6. Wu's personality is a failure, his voice is ugly and he has no sense of humor.
Do you envy that his nose is longer than your penis?
7. I obviously sent a man's chest! Why did you seal my name? !
Answer: for us girls, isn't that H?
8. Why is March 7th Girls' Day?
Answer: Because girls are away from women for one night.
9. Wow, the popularity is so high, so why don't you go to Baidu's homepage?
Answer: Nonsense, have you seen the homepage on the Internet?
10. Emperor, do you still remember the summer by Daming Lake?
I remember. The price is cheap and the technology is good.
1 1.AV actress is so beautiful, why do you want to shoot AV? Wouldn't it be better to find someone to wrap it?
Reply: It is better to be happy with others than to be happy with one person.
When the otaku crossed, he opened his eyes and saw himself in a luxurious house surrounded by countless gold, silver and jewels. If you think about it carefully, he seems to be an important official around the emperor, and his wealth is extremely rich. When he was proud, a eunuch suddenly sent a message announcing that the otaku had entered the temple. The otaku asked in a low voice what the office was for. The eunuch replied, "Your honor, the emperor has died." (When Qianlong died, Jiaqing immediately turned the small Shenyang upside down and seized the property. )
2. Invincible ugly woman's house girl woke up from her dream and found herself in a red tent. A dashing uncle was undressing in front of the dragon bed and glanced at the bronze mirror. She was beautiful and sexy. After sorting out my mood, I found myself reciting countless poems and songs, and I was good at hundreds of beef jerky practices.
So when he was full of ambition and planned to enter the palace, the internal staff hurriedly reported: "The imperial army mutinied and the Lord Yang was killed!" (Needless to say, the Anshi Rebellion, Emperor Xuanzong of the Tang Dynasty ran to Sichuan, defected midway, and was forced to strangle Yang Guifei. )
3. Invincible ugly woman's house girl woke up from her dream and found herself in a red tent. She stole a glance at the bronze mirror and found herself beautiful and sexy. Sorting out my mood, I found that I remember countless poems and songs, and I am good at melody and female red.
Just as he was about to show his talents, the supervisor came to report: "The emperor told the guests that the empress has arrived at the palace gate. The Prince Won tried to persuade her. Please rest assured that there will be no worries in her life! " (Prince Ying is the son of Liu Bang's wife, and you are Mrs. Qi)
4. The otaku crossed and found himself in the wilderness grassland, hunting antelopes with a large group of men. Both sides respectfully call themselves Khan. After sorting out my thoughts, I found that I am familiar with world geography and have unified the surrounding tribes. I considered sending troops west as soon as I got back to the camp.
I can't help being generous. I saw a big eagle flying in the sky, and I was about to shoot it with a bow. Suddenly, I found that a cymbal landed in front of the horse accurately ... (After Morton got the relieving, I stepped up training. He made cymbals and ordered, "If you don't know what cymbals shoot, cut them off." )
5. Invincible ugly woman's house girl woke up from her dream and found herself in a red tent. She stole a glance at the bronze mirror, only to see her beautiful, sexy and tidy up her mood. She found that she had memorized countless poems and songs, all kinds of melodies and dances were everywhere, hundreds of technical works were good at, and steelmaking and ironmaking and glass blowing were everywhere. After dressing up, I heard the call and quickly came to the grand banquet in the front hall. I saw that the hosts were all dignitaries, and countless pairs of eyes stared at themselves greedily.
Ambitious to sing a song, when he became famous in one fell swoop, the handsome guy on the host's desk said, "Just right, pour more wine for General Wang Dun!"
(Wang Kai and Wang Dun are richer than each other, and let the beautiful women bring wine to persuade them to drink. If the guest can't finish that glass of wine, the beauty will die. When the wine came to Wang Dun, Wang Dun snorted and left without looking. Wang Kai was so angry that he was dragged to kill the beautiful woman on the spot. For several beauties vomiting-inducing toasts, Wang Dun refused to drink anyway, and looked coldly at killing people. Wang Dao said to him, "You can drink well. What if you just have a drink?" ? Why kill innocent people? "Wang Dun said in cold blood," He killed his family, what a fart! " The guests all stood up and advised each other, but the beauty of Wang Kai's family was not finished. )
6. When I came back, I found that I knew astronomy above and geography below. Research institutes specializing in mathematics and technology poured out countless plans. I was in a good mood. I picked up a branch, found a piece of sand, and painted what I learned in my heart.
Soon, a Roman soldier came in with a knife. (Archimedes, this really goes without saying)
7. On the other hand, Wan Nianfu woke up and found herself playing pipa with Sandy, playing the sound of nature. Next to her, two well-dressed sons were listening attentively, thinking about who should be the male master first, and one of them even called "good player, good player". Legend has it that Yan Wangdan tried his best to please Jing Ke in order to assassinate the king of Qin. At the banquet before leaving, Prince Dan specially invited a beautiful woman who can play the piano and is good at music to entertain Jing Ke. Jing Ke listened to the beautiful piano, looked at the delicate, white and dexterous hands of the beauties, repeatedly praised "great hands" and repeatedly said "but I love their hands". Listening to Jing Ke's endless praise, Taizi Dan immediately ordered the beauty's hand to be cut off and put on a plate for Jing Ke to eat. )
8. After a while, I looked again, only to reach the center of the Hall of Glory, surrounded by people. My clothes are luxuriously tailored and obviously hand-sewn. Surrounded by colorful lights, both male and female guests are luxurious and noble. After careful consideration, my home was originally big noble, and I followed suit to invest abroad, which made great profits. When I went to America, there were hundreds of thousands of fertile fields, dozens of buildings and countless servants and thugs. Hundreds of years later, the vitality of northern Mi Long has not diminished, which can be used to turn the world.
While I was floating, there was a commotion outside the auditorium. Someone shouted: Iceberg! ! (Titanic, you are Jack)
9, you look down, wearing a straight suit, shoes can be seen; Recall that I graduated from Harvard, a top company, a senior executive, a car, a house and a beautiful woman at home, and spent hundreds of thousands of dollars per minute. Looking up, countless high-rise cars and pedestrians are under your feet. They're so full of pride, they always laugh.
Suddenly a gray machine ... Yes, why is there a gray machine ... (9 1 1 event)
10, a house virgin accompanied by AV, opened her eyes and found herself wearing silks and satins, accompanied by peerless beauty. Recalling all kinds of things before crossing, he couldn't help feeling in his heart and immediately wrote down the only thing he remembered: when is the spring flower and the autumn moon? What do you know about the past? The small building was easterly last night, and the country could not bear to look back on the moon, with a bright future. The jade carving should still exist, but Zhu Yan changed it. Ask how much sorrow you can have, just like a river flowing eastward.
A few days later, a servant came to report: "Your Majesty has an imperial decree to pour wine for the king ~" (Zhao Kuangyin poisoned the wine for writing this word, and Li Houzhu, a gifted scholar, died)
165438+ Before I could ask who the guard next to me was, I saw a foreigner sitting in front turn his head and smile at himself and say, "Mr. Lin, it's safe. We have arrived in outer Mongolia. "
(Lin Biao fled and fell to death in outer Mongolia)
12, the poor otaku hero in his previous life woke up from his dream and suddenly found himself full of energy and furious under his legs. In front of him, a beautiful woman was looking at him and was about to pounce on him. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a jade bottle near the case, which contained half an unused pill. The beauty called again, "Your Majesty, Hurd waited well." )
13, after crossing back, I felt Wang Ba's breath on me, which was inexplicable. When I opened my eyes, I saw a plate of meat pie in front of me, which smelled delicious. Just when I was hungry, I opened my mouth and munched. Just as I was enjoying myself, an envoy next to me smiled and said, "Xibohou, is the meat pie sent by the king still to my taste?" (Xibohou is Ji Chang, and this is the story of the God List. )
14, the protagonist's poor old otaku woke up and found himself crossing into a baby, surrounded by splendid things, served by countless eunuchs and ladies-in-waiting, and all the two veins in his body were opened, all of which were pure innate qi. I came up with infinite secrets in my mind, such as the immortal tactic of God of War, nine yin and nine yang, and so on. Suddenly, a brave man came along, and the eunuchs around him hurriedly saluted. The voice was not true, but they only heard "Yuan" (the head of Qin Shihuang's mother, Ai, was killed together with her two sons).
15, the Millennium otaku woke up and found you sitting at the top of the banquet, wearing C-com, surrounded by soldiers, and Maggie was serving you food and wine. In your mind, you remember countless formulas such as gunpowder, glass and cement stirrups. When you are proud, the next prince seems to point to a cook who comes with a dish and say to you, "Lord, this candy."
16, an ugly man with delicious food, was struck by lightning one day and suddenly found himself wearing a nice wide-sleeved suit. Emei wave is charming, with red lips and white teeth and a face like a crown jade. He secretly likes this appearance and figure to pick up girls, and he will definitely be besieged on all sides. Suddenly, a page bent down and came in. "My Lord, I asked you to serve my bed ..." (Dong Xian is Han Yi. After the death of Emperor Ai, Dong Xian immediately fell out of power and committed suicide)
17, an old virgin silently prayed: "I don't know anything about technology, and I don't want to be arrogant. I just want to spend my life with the soft girl after crossing, and I can wash away my status as a magician. Nothing else. " So I went through and sat in the carriage. A beautiful girl half unbuttoned her coat, smelling fragrant, and said shyly, "Ping Di, you still doubt me in your heart. I ... I ... I gave you everything tonight. You ... you always trusted me. We will get married here tonight and become a real husband and wife. From now on, be a real husband and wife ... "(the legendary swordsman)
18, an otaku woke up and crossed, and found himself a prince of the dynasty, one above ten thousand people. The next BMW, with great power and high spirits, is waiting to ride the whip.
At this time, I passed by a tower, and I glanced at it inadvertently. I saw three words written on the door: Xuanwu Gate. (The change of Xuanwu Gate, Li Shimin killed his two brothers)
65438+ So the protagonist looks at his gorgeous robes, then at the food at the front end, and the royal sisters and maids standing on both sides, one more beautiful than the other.
I couldn't help but choose a sweet-scented osmanthus patty and eat it. I licked my fingers contentedly and suddenly heard the eunuch announce, "General Liang Ji asks for an audience." Establish a young emperor to promote a period of dictatorship.
20. The poor otaku protagonist in his last life woke up from his dream and found himself in excellent health. A beautiful woman below him was disheveled and flushed, so the tiger's body shook, shook, and shook again. Suddenly a male and female voice outside the tent shouted: "Your Majesty, Lafayette has arrived in hall of mental cultivation, go back to the palace quickly!" (Before Cixi died, she was said to have poisoned Guangxu. )
2 1, the otaku took a nap, opened his eyes and woke up to find himself sitting in the engine room, wearing a military uniform, surrounded by the staff: General, you have arrived at the airport on Buganwell Island. Your appearance will definitely boost the morale of the soldiers and win the confidence of Solomon Islands completely! Isoroku Yamamoto was the mastermind of the attack on Pearl Harbor. The United States retaliated against him, intercepted his secret message, and the plane was shot down halfway.
22, you look down, wearing a straight suit, shoes can be seen, white clouds rolling outside the window, sitting in the first class; Recall that I graduated from Harvard, a top company, a senior executive, a car, a house and a beautiful woman at home, and spent hundreds of thousands of dollars per minute. After a while, the beautiful stewardess brought a newspaper, and when she left, she made eyes at it. When she opened the newspaper, a room number was impressively written on the note sandwiched in the newspaper, and her emotions suddenly surged. This is the winner of life! Put the note in your pocket quickly.
At this time, I caught a glimpse of a news from the corner of my eye: the National Development and Reform Commission announced that oil prices would be raised today. (When the oil price of NDRC changes, there will be a plane crash.)
23. I found myself in Hiroshima after crossing. On the bridge, three B29…… ... flew to the horizon ... (Atomic bombs were dropped on Hiroshima.