Ask yourself, you are a good person in everyone's eyes-no smoking, no drinking, no gambling, no hotel, simple life and normal work and rest. I usually have a stable job, go to work during the day and go home on time after work at night. The income may not be high, but it's ok. Because wages are not profligate at ordinary times, they are mostly saved every month. The only interest may be playing monocular, (or) buying computer equipment, (or) reading comics, (or) playing video games, (or) riding a bike, (or) learning computers, (or) surfing the Internet, or (or) visiting information exhibitions. In other words, there is nothing to spend too much except occasionally spending money on hobbies. I don't pay attention to food and clothes. I think it's good to keep clothes and shoes warm. I don't think it's important to get a haircut or dress up. Besides, I'm afraid no one can match you with the adjectives "conscious", "earnest" and "honest". The only thing is that girls are willing to show you opportunities. So every time you meet a girl who wants to date, you try your best to please her. In order to show that you value her, you try to play a "gentleman". Of course, it is absolutely wrong to touch others casually. Even when talking to each other, I feel that I should keep my distance so as not to desecrate her. In order to show your respect for girls, no matter where you go or what you eat, you try to ask girls what they mean. You are always ready to be caring and attentive, buy breakfast as a snack, pick up feelings, and give gifts on major festivals. In short, it can be done with a phone call. However, if the two of them go out for a while, I didn't expect that one day she would tell you, "I don't think they are suitable." Under questioning, she couldn't say what was wrong. She just said, "I think you are very nice, but I just think there is something else. No, it's not enough. " "Your heart is puzzling, and you want to say that I am so single-minded, so honest, so devoted, so obedient to stay by your side, what is not enough? When you ask other female friends about you, they are also surprised and think, "You are really nice. It must be that girl who just had no vision." Or tell you systematically: "Women value feelings and care about security. "However, since she clearly has a stable job, normal work and rest, no bad habits, and on call, girls should feel at ease and grasp it well. Why can't they pass the door of "security and feeling"? This is really because the "feeling" and "security" pursued by women are actually not what ordinary boys think. You have to understand these two real definitions of women before you can understand what women are after. Only in this way can you give your appetite something, and it will be useful to establish an offensive strategy.

On two periods of security

First of all, women's demand for "security" can actually be divided into two different periods-"marriage object" and "communication object". In these two periods, what they usually pursue is not exactly the same. When choosing a marriage partner, women do pay attention to life stability and taking care of children. At this time, your job, income, no bad hobbies, and going out early and returning late every day will be a convincing attraction. But please pay attention to the two words in the first sentence of this paragraph: screening. In other words, these conditions are only useful in the end, in order to let women choose the best one among many good men. But if you want to enter the screening stage (that is, the final), you have to pass the evaluation of "worth communicating" (that is, the preliminary competition). However, in the initial stage, there is another safety filter. Although women may be unconscious, they actually attach great importance to the screening of preliminary competitions. Even women of marriageable age will do so involuntarily if they want to date each other. Obviously, I am in a hurry to get married, and I know that the other person has good conditions, but women don't get married right away, and they still want to find something unspeakable in men. If you can't find it, many women will feel that they should see it more. In other words, unless you have good material conditions, it is actually very difficult for you to impress women only with the image of a stable and comfortable man. On the contrary, you should first make her feel comfortable that you are "suitable for communication", and the comfort of being suitable for communication is not directly related to the stability or obedience of the man. Even in some cases, such factors often have negative attraction.

Negative attraction! ? What's going on here?

Let me start with the living habits of these men and women.

As far as I know, man is actually a stable animal. But women, fundamentally speaking, are actually an animal that is more accustomed to change. (Note: This refers to the comparison of the relativity between men and women. In terms of what to eat in restaurants, compared with women, men are mostly less adventurous and used to ordering familiar meals; Women generally like to try new things in restaurants. Most adult men rarely take time out to attend classes at night or on weekends unless they need work (or income-related); But women are generally eager to learn more new knowledge besides job skills (even if those new knowledge is actually useless). Men rarely change clothes and hair styles, and a coat can last for ten or eight years; Women are more likely to make different adjustments because of their mood or season. The same is true of furniture decoration. Men seldom want to touch it after they settle down. It's better to fix the sofa coffee table over there. And women always want to adjust for a period of time, change their positions, adjust their colors and change their configurations. Fresh, as women usually say; But men don't like changes in most of their lives, and habits make them feel at ease. Because of this difference in habits, when women bring up the topic of "security", men will intuitively deduce it from their own life experiences and think that if they can provide some kind of "stable" feeling, women will feel at ease. This is why men are confused when asked about "insecurity". I thought I had a steady job, and the girls knew I liked her very much. I rarely run around after work every day, just playing video games at home, and there are no other women (even no friends). She said that I would accompany her wherever she wanted to go at the weekend. Isn't this a full sense of security? But there is a high probability that these "characteristics" will eventually be regarded by women as symbols of monotony, boredom, dullness and no interest in life. The real sense of security is actually established by one of the following three conditions.

Condition 1: dangerous but not dangerous atmosphere

Women actually like "small adventures within their control", in a word, "put me in a dangerous (or exciting) situation, but don't make me feel dangerous." It's like riding a ferris wheel-feel the excitement in a completely controlled environment. But this kind of stimulation won't hurt other things she values, so she will be happy and excited. Women like a little excitement, which you can see from the observation of Risk VS Dressing. In places with good public security, women tend to highlight their "sexual attraction"-hot pants, short skirts, stockings, low-cut, backless and facial makeup. More girls like to take beautiful and sexy photos of themselves and put them on blogs or Facebook. Why is this? Because they want others to pay attention to them The feeling of being noticed, being beautiful, and being looked directly at by men's eyes will bring excitement and pride, as well as happiness. However, these stimuli are not associated with danger. After all, men who look straight on the road really can't do anything about them. They can only watch from a distance and swallow their saliva. This is actually a little adventure for girls. But this little adventure will only be carried out in a risk-free place and time. This will not happen if women are in poor security areas (or years). They will wrap themselves tightly and try to avoid others' attention. Because in that environment, temptation really brings danger. Therefore, if you can bring an "adventurous atmosphere" to women, but there is no real danger, or the danger can be reduced because of your appearance, then your "dependability" is established. The most direct way is your personal comparison. For example, you can make people feel a little uncomfortable or unpredictable (for example, getting along with you seems a little dangerous or you think you are fierce), but when you get along, you find that you are actually kind to her. This image gap will create a sense of security. You said that women don't care about dangerous or difficult men. This kind of cognition is incorrect. The next article will mention detailed analysis, but you only need to understand this one first: the adventurous atmosphere is very attractive to women. In fact, if you pay attention to our layout, you should see that people often ask emotional questions. What women can't let go of most are rarely those good otaku, but most of them are objects that should not be rationally chosen. So obviously, it tells us that a good otaku is probably not the demand of the market, and the attraction of adventure is much greater than most people think. But this is not to ask you to be a traitor or a bad person. But if you are not so safe in image, it is easier to feel safe. If this passage is difficult to understand, please consider the following example. When people are around a docile rabbit, they will find it cute, but they will not find it reliable. If you are near a lion, you will feel dangerous pressure. However, if the lion is docile and obedient, does not respond to your attack, but is fierce when meeting others, and can even protect you, then you will feel dependent on the lion. Imagine that it is safe to have a fierce lion around you who won't attack you. So this example tells you that being on call, always smart and docile, has nothing to do with reliability and security. On the contrary, you should be able to provide "contrast and contrast", and then you can guide the sense of dependence moderately, which will eventually make women feel that you are very safe.

Condition 2: create an interesting environment and take her to participate.

As mentioned earlier, women like the little excitement in life. But please don't get me wrong, this stimulus is not robbing banks or wandering around; Is to give her a chance to experience a different life, learn different new knowledge, broaden her horizons, degenerate slightly, and even simply make her feel fun. At this time, if you are the dominant party, you will feel that someone is leading or being taken care of while she feels excited. Under these conditions, a sense of security will also arise. You can recall the clubs in your student days. Even in unpopular clubs, if a girl is interested in that topic and joins, there is a great chance that she will associate with the president or the strongest member. The reason behind this is the power to guide her into the new world. When a girl is interested in a topic and wants to step into the world, it happens that someone knows that Field can lead her. This person who reassured her that she could follow naturally felt safe. This is actually the easiest environment to operate in safe mode. This also explains why couples in their student days tend to break up after graduation. Girls go out to work in society, and boys go to be soldiers. At this time, the girl felt mature, while the boy was still a teenager. As long as the quality of girls is not bad, it is likely that boys in the same company will start to pursue her. These men may be older, so they can teach her how to work and how to deal with it. If a supervisor is a grade higher than her, she may take her outside, or even take her to eat, buy things and see things that she couldn't afford when she was a student. In this way, she saw a new world through this person, felt excited, broadened her horizons, and felt led and cared for. The shock and adventure brought by these excitement and happiness don't need her to worry about anything, because this new man leads her around-full of security arises spontaneously. Looking back, she found that her ex-boyfriend didn't seem to grow up or even become stupid. Her only interest in coming back from vacation may be making out with herself (laughing). Compare the two and see for yourself. It would be strange if the newcomers still have some means to pursue.

Condition 3: the heartbeat caused by the environment is accelerated.

Another situation that can project a sense of security is actually to put women in an environment where their emotions are high and their hearts are racing. Although I don't know the specific reasons, women are more intuitive in their emotional feelings, and women generally can't distinguish between "pounding" and "rapid heartbeat". Therefore, it is easy for women to turn their feelings of beating their chests into some kind of goodwill and project it on the men around them at that time. Therefore, the following sentence is very important: "The effect of rapid heartbeat does not necessarily need to come directly from your personal charm. As long as there is such an environment, you can also inherit the impact of the environment. For example, you do something thrilling with her (such as accompanying her to perform on stage). Both of them were nervous, and her nervous heart beat faster. But when she is most nervous, you just stay with her and give her a smile. Afterwards, she will turn this tension and your company experience into some kind of "stable impression" and leave it in her mind. With so many experiences, she will subconsciously think that you should be a reliable person. But the funny thing is that you didn't actually do anything on the spot, just because of environmental factors, you naturally got some favorable values. Then another unsatisfied situation, such as two people escaping from a fire together, or being in a disaster environment, can also bring a high sense of dependence.

Is substantial stability really useless?

Of course, some people will argue that many boys around them won the beauty house by buying breakfast, sending midnight snacks, sending them to and from the hotel, and giving them stable dedication. Can't a man's unstable work, lack of devotion and disobedience bring him a sense of security? It is wrong to say that you can't do it at all. This move does have an effect. But this technique brings another problem, that is, you can easily put yourself in the spare tire position. If a man can bring more excitement in this process, he is likely to take her away immediately. Men who win by clever and docile moves are not great, usually because "no one else grabs them" or "no man is more attractive to women" There are actually many such stories around. The girl has a boring boyfriend, but this man has a stable job, listens to himself, eats tasteless, and it's a pity to abandon it. But it's unreasonable to throw it away, so I'll stay in my hand first, but I don't rule out meeting other new men. Usually you may be fierce, cold and unreasonable about chicken ribs, just to test where the limit of chicken ribs is. When I didn't find a better one at a certain age, I decided to give up marrying Jirib. Is this the so-called "sense of security"? Of course it is. The problem is that this method is too risky and passive. Success depends entirely on no one else coming out to grab it. This is definitely not a good strategy. In fact, even if you finally get married, there may be a long dispute. Because for a woman, if you don't make her really convinced, she will always show dissatisfaction with you. In a word, being a gentle white rabbit is definitely not an advantageous technology. Because you are just the lifeline behind her adventure. If she finds something better, she will cut off the lifeline; But if you don't find a good one, turn around and land safely. But as far as the woman is concerned, it is completely reasonable and inevitable to adopt this strategy. (Note: From my point of view, this option is the Nash equilibrium of the game between men and women; It is also the best stable evolution strategy for women. But for a man who takes this move, he is not necessarily smart. Because you may take care of this relationship yourself, you will try your best to meet all the reasonable and unreasonable demands of the woman, but in fact, you are not fighting the psychological cognition of the other party, but fighting the fate. No one chased her, so in the end you won; If someone chases her, you are likely to lose. I have read many such stories, most of which are of this pattern, and there are usually more tragic endings than comedies.

conclusion

The starting point of a woman's sense of security comes from taking risks.

There are three key conditions.

-Contrast of water droplets

-The power of guidance

-Signs of rapid heartbeat.

So from this whole analysis, smart men should see two things. One is that you should try to be the person who can bring excitement without harm. The other is to avoid using it as a safety air cushion-I will think of you when something happens. In other words, if you want to build a sense of security successfully, you must create and control the environment, not the reaction of the environment. How to achieve it, we will come back later, security is only part of the whole feeling model. But in short, please remember: the key to a sense of security lies in establishing guidance and interaction, not in the stability and constancy that men think. Then I want to emphasize at the end that guidance is not a desire to control. Control is to make people obey through fear, such as threatening others to do things you don't do. Guidance is to let others come to a place without resistance through suggestion and observation. However, there is an incentive for others to stay there, so when you relax your guidance, the other party will take the initiative to stay. More like a dance leader, a little action traction and eye contact, the two finally formed some kind of tacit understanding and naturally walked down the dance steps. Both of them play a certain role, which is the key to establishing a long-term relationship. Although fear will have an effect in the short term, it is not a long-term healthy thing after all. So please don't confuse these two points.