I will pay for your happiness; I will make up for your confusion; I will satisfy your greed; I will give in to your willfulness; Water loves you the most, it belongs to me; I am a professional pig farmer!
Your face is more beautiful than Chen Shimei's, your eyes are brighter than Zhuge Liang's, my love is deeper than Lu's, and my love lasts longer, but my promise is more empty than the Monkey King's.
1 I fell in love with you at first sight. I have no other heart. I am willing to take care of you for three generations. I dreamed about you four times last night. Your charming facial features make me lose my mind, and a restless heart can't be calm. If I say 10, I am wrong! ! ! ! ! !
I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you. . . . . . . . I'm sorry! Cassette!
At first I thought he loved me. It turned out to be a card. Ha ha.
And:
I want to say two words to you:
The first sentence: I love you.
The second sentence: Don't take the first sentence seriously.
Spilled water can't be collected.
This is a thorn.
Climb for the pole.
When you forget who you are, you'd better find a good quality mirror to remind yourself.
But I don't know what happened. I just can't see other men touching you.
Love is selfish!
Are you rejecting me?
Is this your psychological statement?
Career is a big ship, and family business is a harbor.
I can't see my fingers in the dark.
Don't die in silence, just explode in silence.
Phoenix is not as good as chicken. Without a career, people will lose their dignity.
Is it unreasonable for people to love each other? This is really crazy, you know? True love is the last word.
I'm not afraid of death, but I'm afraid that no one will love you like me after I die.
I won't be cheated by you. No matter how good your martial arts are, you will be afraid of me. This is an insult to yourself.
The swan flew away and never came back (me)
Good character and beheading two people (very)
Two trees are not connected with the heart of the forest (think)
If you don't want to fly separately (you)
I'm not afraid of crooked shoes.
It's shameful to turn around naked.
A happy life is like a piece of shit, but it may be a few farts if you work hard for a long time!
Mountains can't crush the earth, and difficulties can't crush heroes.
If an idiot can fly, then my company is an airport.
All men are created equal, except those who get married.
Can we go somewhere for a drink and make friends? Or should I give you my wallet?
I think as long as I have some modest qualities, I will be a perfect person.
If you need advice or opinions, we will provide them for free; If you need the correct answer, please pay extra.
In the past, when the alarm clock rang, I often had the problem of patting it before going back to sleep, but since I put three mousetraps next to the alarm clock, my problem has been eradicated.
If Beethoven is the father of symphony, does it mean that Beethoven's father is a master of symphony?
I have done many stupid things, but I don't care at all. My friends call it self-confidence.
The Association for the Blind sincerely advises you: Never drink and drive.
I think I should go to lose weight. Last time I donated blood, I actually shed a hundred milliliters of lard.
Experiment with two bugs. The one in the whiskey died, which proves that there are no bugs in the stomach when drinking whiskey.
My creativity is indescribable, my working ability is indescribable and my writing ability is indescribable.
If Bill Gates can get one yuan every time he restarts his computer, he will be rich.
Ten years later, the court sentenced the murderer to death for the second time.
I pretended to work for my boss, who pretended to pay me.
My wife and I haven't spoken for 18 months, so I haven't had a chance to interrupt her.
Have you heard the story that the big pig said yes and the little pig said no?
I never watch TV. I just often check whether the TV programs in the newspaper are misprinted.
Your eyes are like the bright moon in the sky, the first day; Fifteen points.
Why don't you be rational? My uncle is here. Why did you think of going to the zoo to see bears?
My eyesight is very poor. For example, see the thumbtacks on the wall over there? You can see it, but I can't.
Every day, I am constantly creating a new world record for the number of days I live in this world.
In the internet world, your girlfriend may be a man and your boyfriend may be a woman, which is very painful, but you have to accept it.
Your shooting performance is really poor. If I were you, I would kill myself immediately in case you need to take more bullets.
If you want to compete with tigers who can starve to death more, you win.
I put the TV remote control on my waist, making it look like I bought a new mobile phone.
Money alone can't make people happy, so I also steal some jewelry, stamps, watches and so on.
Life is really boring. Last month, one of my buddies borrowed 4000 yuan from me and said that he was going to have plastic surgery. Now I don't know what he has become.
Notice to the robbers: Our staff only know Spanish, please wait patiently when robbing, and it is best to bring an interpreter, thank you!
Are you blind? You can't see such a big shield, but you want to throw stones at my head!
Everybody! Today is the 10 anniversary of my wife's 30th birthday!
I lost all my money, furniture and clothes, and now I go out like an Arab.
I am forgetful, so my wife often tells me not to take an umbrella when I go out in rainy days, so there are ten umbrellas at home now.
All the other columns are filled in except one, and the relationship column should be filled in. Don't be nervous.
Dad hit me twice today, the first time because he saw my two-point report card, and the second time because the report card was his childhood.
Tragedy is like I accidentally cut off my little finger; Comedy is like you accidentally fell into the sewer.
When arguing, the difference between men and women is like the difference between a rifle and a machine gun.
Next, I will publish Mr. Smith's will. Before publishing the will, I would like to ask sincerely, Mrs. Smith, will you accept my proposal?
Don't call your children rabbits, because from a genetic point of view, it is not good for parents.
Honey, I shouldn't shine my shoes with sheets, but I just got back from a business trip and I can't change them for a while. I was wrong.
In order to improve the safety of the product, we decided to print on the coke bottle cap: please open this end; Bottle bottom print: Please open the other end.
Reporter: According to a recent poll, people pay little attention to current affairs at home and abroad. Congressman, what do you think of this? Member: No problem, I don't care.
Mary, if you don't promise to marry me, I will kill myself at once, which is my usual practice.
Multiple choice question: If a lawyer and a politician fall into the river at the same time, would you rather have coffee or go to the movies?
It would be funny if it didn't happen to me.
Do you want to have good teeth? Here are three lessons for you: first, rinse your mouth after meals and brush your teeth in the morning and evening; Second, go to the hospital for a dental examination every two years; Third, mind your own business.
Without hair, dandruff is more prominent!
We always habitually think that the brain is the most important organ of the human body, but don't forget who made this judgment.
We should keep quiet when listening to the sermon in the church. It is impolite to disturb others' sleep.
These are not rubbish! I collect antiques! Of course, you can throw it away if you don't like it.
Artificial intelligence and natural stupidity cannot be compared, because we advocate pure nature.
If a person laughs freely in the face of criticism, he may have found a scapegoat.
I signed up for a weight-loss training class yesterday, and they asked me to wear loose clothes when training. How dare you? If there are still loose clothes, then why should I sign up?
1. The passenger asked, "Miss, there are flies in the cabin. Why don't they buy plane tickets? " ! "
A: "They are the crew!"
2. stewardess: "hello, what would you like to drink?"
The passenger said awkwardly, "No,no."
So the stewardess whispered, "Free."
Passenger: "Ah? Free! I want a glass of orange juice, a cup of coke, a cup of coffee and so on. . . "So he took out a bottle from his bag and said," Give me some more soy milk! " ! I want to drink my plane ticket back. "
A passenger with a clean plate (not even a leaf left) said, miss, your food is terrible, it's just dog food! !
Guangzhou tourists like to ask: Do you have milk tea?
Hainan: bud juice (coconut juice)
North: wine
Children; Ice bullying
Girls; yogurt
People who make us speechless; Miss, do you have bird's nest?
5. stewardess: "which do you want, chicken rice or pork rice?"
Passenger: "We are pigs and he is a chicken!" " "
6. A three-or four-year-old English girl came running from the front cabin as if looking for something. The stewardess asked enthusiastically.
"Hi, how are you?"
Unexpectedly, the little girl turned around and shouted, "Mom, come on, there are seats here."
7. One day, a flight attendant and a flight attendant greeted the guests. A foreign black stewardess whispered to the stewardess, look, that foreigner is really black! (Laughter) In the second, the black foreigner turned around and said to the stewardess, it was all for nothing.
Before the stewardess asked, the passenger shouted, "Tell the chef that I don't eat pork and don't cook it for me!
8. Passenger: Miss, why is this plane like a toy?
Take the baby behind you and answer, "Do you have any toys at home?"
Passengers are speechless.
9. One day, while serving drinks, the stewardess said, What would you like to drink? Passenger: Is there any milk? Stewardess: Yes. Passenger: Do you have yogurt? Stewardess: Only the milk has expired!
10. On that day, a black man with pigtails sat in front of the seats of two flight attendants. Before taking off, the flight attendant discussed in Shanghai dialect: "This hairstyle looks really dirty. It must have been washed for a long time. "
I didn't expect the lovely black friends to answer them in Shanghai dialect: "Please, it's expensive and easy to cut!" "
1 1. Flight attendant: "Hello, we have chicken rice and beef noodles. Which one do you want? "
Passenger: "I ... want to eat ~ ~ ~"
Passenger: "I want a coke."
The stewardess asked uncertainly, "Are you coke?" "
Passenger: "No!"
Stewardess: "And you are?"
Passenger: "I am human, I want coke!" " "
13. One day when welcoming guests, a gentleman came to me with his boarding pass and asked me, "Miss, can you open the trunk?" I'm a little cold, I want to wear a dress! "
14 ... Passenger: Miss, why is it so smelly in your plane?
Stewardess: Sir, because our plane is crossing the ozone layer. ...
Result: Complaint ...
15 ... one day, in flight.
A security guard watched a passenger turn on his mobile phone and immediately went over and said seriously, "Don't hit the plane with your mobile phone!" " "16 ... Passenger asked: Miss, what type of Boeing is this?
A: Airbus 320.
G: I asked you what model it was.
A: 320
Passenger: (loudly) I asked you what the Boeing number is.
A: It's Airbus 320.
G: Why are you so stubborn? It's Boeing! !
A: 320
Passenger: Let's say Boeing 320. The flight attendant doesn't even know this!
17 ... More than 30 hat groups came up, almost all of them were old people, with a man in his thirties in the middle. After coming up, I looked at the plane and shouted, it's windy in front, and all the people sitting behind are old people!
18. There was toilet paper in the toilet, and Little Red Riding Hood went in. When he came out, he hung toilet paper around his neck, very proud. Excited elephant members ran over and said, go to the toilet to get this, so it won't drip on you after eating! In an instant, the plane was full of toilet paper ~ ~ ~
A guest sitting next to the 767-300 bathroom called a stewardess: "Hey, miss, ask the chef to fry a fish-flavored shredded pork."
A: Excuse me, sir. Our meals on the plane are all prepared in advance, so we can't cook on the plane. "
The passenger shouted angrily "Don't lie" and pointed to the direction of the bathroom. "I can hear the sound of cooking in the pot."
.......
One day at 3:40 pm, flying time 1 hour.
A passenger was delivering water and said to the young flight attendant, Miss, may I eat? I'm hungry. "
The young stewardess looked at her watch and said, "What time is it? Are you a little hungry at home? If you are not hungry at home, how can you be hungry here? "
At the same time, the old flight attendant who delivered water suddenly fainted.
The guests were calm. ...
Everyone was surprised. ...
1. One day! A passenger came up with a blanket on the plane and asked, "Miss, can I take this away?"
A: "I'm sorry, this is a blanket provided to passengers on the plane and can't be taken away."
The passenger immediately said with a dissatisfied face: "My cousin took two beds home by plane last time!" "
Sir, we have two kinds of rice and noodles. Which one do you want?
Want!
Which one do you want?
What's there?
There are two kinds of rice and noodles. Which one do you want?
After thinking for a long time, I asked: What is rice made of and noodles made of?
A: Rice is made of rice and noodles are made of flour!
Then, rice!
Pour! ! ! !
One day, a passenger put on slippers, put his shoes in a plastic bag and put them on the luggage rack. After taking off, an old lady opened the luggage rack to get snacks for her little granddaughter. Unexpectedly, the shoes fell on her face because of too much luggage. Then he sat down and said to his granddaughter, "Don't eat this snack, it smells like salted fish!" "
4. One day, two passengers were chatting:
A: What is the displacement of this plane?
B: How can you be so stupid! Of course it's 3.0!
On the 320 plane, the flight attendants are collecting dishes, and most passengers hand in their plates for the flight attendants to collect. A passenger by the window was indifferent and couldn't reach by car, so he said to him, "Would you please pass me the plate?" The passenger said proudly, "Are you a waiter or am I a waiter?"
Cheng Cheng replied: "I am a waiter, but I am not a gibbon!" " "
Passenger: Miss, put my luggage up!
Stewardess: Excuse me, sir. I can't lift it alone. Do you want to join us?
G: aren't you an angel? ! The angel still can't put it up? !
Stewardess: Sir, even if you are a god, can you put it on my angel? !
One day ... I came out of the front line ... and a man stopped me and said ... Are you flying at the wrong altitude? ... why does my watch show only 4000 feet ... I'm speechless ... When I get well, please put your head and hands out of the window and measure your real height ... This time he was speechless. ....
The flight attendant was serving meals when he approached a passenger and asked, "Sir, we have chicken rice and fish rice. Which do you prefer? " The passenger replied: "ribs!" The stewardess repeated it, but the passenger still replied, "ribs!" " "At this moment, the flight attendant asked," We have chicken ribs and fish ribs. Which one do you like? "
The stewardess and the security officer are delivering food: "What kind of rice noodles do you want? ……"
After being delivered to the last passenger, only noodles are left. The flight attendant was very sorry to see that the passenger was about to explain that there were only noodles left, but the words had not been said yet. I saw the passenger seriously pulling the flight attendant and saying, "Girl, there are too many faces this time. Be sure to pay attention next time!" "
The stewardess looked at the passengers awkwardly and only heard the security officer say, "Sorry, the pot is a little small today."
"Ding-dong", the sound of ringing the bell came from the cabin, and the flight attendant who was about to distribute drinks went over to the passengers. "What can I do for you, sir?" "Miss, why hasn't our plane taken off yet?" The stewardess looked out of the window doubtfully, but the clouds outside. "Sir, we have already taken off." "You lie. Take off, why don't the wings of the plane come back?