Describe the composition in detail 1 teaching objectives:
Knowledge and skills: By appreciating some wonderful fragments of detail description in examples, we can learn and imitate detail description and apply it to writing to feel the benefits of detail description.
Process and Method: Appreciate the interesting details and describe some detailed actions.
Emotional attitude and values: cultivate observation ability, guide students to be good at observing and discovering details in life, and form a positive attitude towards life.
Key point: learn detailed description and realize its function.
Difficulty: describe it with details and apply it to writing.
Class arrangement:
Two class hours
Teaching process:
I. Introduction
Detail description is the flower in the article. To make flowers beautiful, you have to describe the details. We should capture the details of life with keen eyes. If we feel life with our eyes and love, the flowers we live will be more brilliant. Such as the following text: the crescent moon on the horizon exudes a faint glow, quietly sprinkled on the balcony. In the dim moonlight, the colorful flowers and green leaves all seem dim during the day. At this time, a few newly blooming epiphyllum are pure and clean, emitting a wisp of fragrance and refreshing. Ah! There is another bud in bud. Will it bloom? I studied for a long time, and suddenly, the bud moved. Finally, a small hole opened unconsciously at the tip of the bud. Then, the hole opens slowly, and then the petals gradually spread out one by one. The petals are carved like crystals, and even the veins can be seen clearly; The flower heart is white and tender, and the lace shows a layer of goose yellow. The author described the flowers in detail. The whole process of texture, smell, color, grain and bud opening makes people feel as if they were in the scene, and the writing is delicate and vivid. Technically speaking, detail description is the first step of narrative writing, and it is also an important method to beautify narrative language.
Second, how to describe the details.
(a) Choose the best point to describe the details
1, a comprehensive and detailed description, the first step is to select a point.
The point of choosing a point should be the point that has an effect on the center. Only when the point is in place will it not stray from the topic. For example, with maternal love as the topic, you can choose the action point that your mother adds a coat to yourself, the state point that your mother looks at yourself, and the language point that tells you how to express yourself. In fact, this selection point is related to material selection in a sense, but no matter which point we choose, it should be the theme of maternal love. Of course, if you can't choose the right point, you can't describe it, and of course you are faced with the possibility of digression and digression. Because the skin does not exist, how can the hair be attached?
The point that can best express the theme is exactly what we need to highlight and make great efforts to render when writing. So, what kind of points are best described in detail?
Lao She said: The most difficult thing to describe characters is to make them stand up. We all know how to use the characteristics of occupation, class and nation to help form a unique personality; But these things don't necessarily make the characters active. We must always show him with actions. When he shows it clearly and forcefully in every movement, he becomes more and more lively and realistic. Only in this way can the appeal of the characters be profound and extensive.
Lao She's words mean that only by successfully describing the movements of characters can readers truly feel that the author's works are vivid characters, his spiritual world can be fully displayed and his image can really stand up. It shows that wonderful action description plays an important role in the display of characters.
Action description is one of the important methods to depict characters. Every action of a character is restricted by his own thoughts and personality. A successful description of a character's characteristic movements can explain his identity and status, reflect his psychological activity process, show his personality characteristics and sometimes promote the development of the plot.
Therefore, we believe that in the narrative, we should choose the action points that can best express the theme, focusing on the action details, supplemented by the portrait details, language details, psychological details and environmental details.
Choosing the most important action point in the process of things happening to describe, supplemented by other description methods and other angles, can concentrate the power of language in one place and show the basic skills of words to the greatest extent. If the situation before, during and after the action is recorded, the article will have no focus, only the content of each step of the character can be known; Moreover, it is easy to form a running account, which is lengthy, equally divided, boring and boring. This is the most common problem when students describe things. There must be wonderful highlights in the process of action. Grasping this bright spot and describing it in detail can not only highlight the key part of the matter, but also show the character characteristics, inner activities, attitude towards life and ideological quality of the characters, leaving a strong and profound impression on readers.
2. Select some examples and comments.
first part
We had a geography class that day, and a classmate talked back to the teacher. I don't know how this matter reached the head teacher's ear, but I saw her strolling into the classroom, scanning everyone and asking: Who did it? Stand Up! Can be lenient. There are only four kinds of sounds in the classroom: the teacher's footsteps, our breathing, the heartbeat and the ticking of clocks. Get up! Don't waste everyone's time! As it is class time, everyone is very impetuous. That's right. The students answered. He stood up, flushed. The teacher praised his honesty first, and then took him to the office calmly.
Comments: This clip selects a common point in the school classroom, which is not big but very real and concrete. There are the movements and language of the class teacher, the movements and reactions of the classmates, and his movements and performances. It can be seen that when choosing a point for a comprehensive description, you don't have to choose those earth-shattering big points, as long as they meet the theme, you can achieve the effect of seeing the big from the small. And wrote a true story, true feelings and feelings. And isn't such a point everywhere in our lives? Everything is clear.
the second part
Come on! Come on! The students tried their best to cheer for Xiao Yong on the horizontal bar. He will do the first 12 pull-ups, which is a record that no one in our class has broken so far. I saw his body swinging back and forth, as if he were accumulating strength. Just as he leaned forward again, he suddenly shouted hi! Immediately, the whole body was stretched tightly, his arms were pulled up hard, his body was shaking, and he moved up slowly. He closed his eyes and sweat ran down his red cheeks. The muscles on the arm are gradually bulging like an inflated balloon, and the veins on the forearm are also bulging like blue earthworms. The horizontal bar also seems to want to pull Xiao Yong up. Xiao Yong insisted, insisted, in the shouts of his classmates, his head slowly approached the horizontal bar and passed it! It worked! The students cheered!
Comments: The author did not describe how Xiao Yong prepared, climbed the horizontal bar, did pull-ups, completed the last movement, and got off the bar. Instead, I chose the most difficult shot of pull-ups, and the action choice was very good. He seems to have witnessed Xiao Yong's tenacity and hard work. After careful observation, the author found that Xiao Yong's movements were swinging, pulling, moving and stretching in turn, which were closer than the horizontal bar. I heard him crying. Hi! ; Observe his expression, his eyes are closed, his face is red and he is sweating; I noticed that his whole body was tight, his body was trembling, he moved up slowly, his muscles gradually bulged, and the veins stood out on his forearm. Through these detailed descriptions, the author vividly presents Xiao Yong's last pull-up to the readers. At the same time, the author also noticed the status of the horizontal bar and the students around him, so as to set off Xiao Yong's efforts.
3. Problems that should be paid attention to when selecting points
(1) Select a point for the center. Choose a point to describe comprehensively, not to describe, but to express a certain emotion with a clear center as the guide. This center is the theme and theme of the article, and it is the reason that the author wants to express and explain by writing people or notes and painting scenes or things. Different centers should choose different points for detailed description. When choosing points, the first principle is to choose those points that are effective for the center, that is, the points that best represent the center.
For example, a student once wrote a successful exercise, tug of war. The center of tug-of-war performance is to stick to the end and win. He is very clever. He did not describe the tug-of-war process from beginning to end, but chose the most difficult point in the tug-of-war process and made a detailed description. He described the students' bent legs, tight muscles, stubborn eyes and hard-working posture, which truly reproduced the spirit of persistence and unyielding. Perseverance is victory. Later, when I wrote another article, I copied his high penny. However, my score is very low. Why? Because the article center has changed. The event recorded in the latter exercise is still a tug-of-war, but the center of the article is to write that the generous and kind smile of the class teacher gave him great encouragement and warmth. In this way, it is obviously not centered, or at least inappropriate, or deviated from the center of the article to invest a lot of space in the tug-of-war In other words, the center of the article should show the power of the teacher's smile, and the place to describe it in detail should be the teacher's smile. The details should be described around this generous and kind smile, and the charm of this smile can be rendered in a variety of ways to show the center of the article to the fullest.
Therefore, before a comprehensive and detailed description, we should first choose the points that work on the center according to the center, and we should not describe it simply for the sake of description, otherwise it is suspected of digressing.
(2) Choose real and specific points. After choosing a good point, you are actually choosing writing materials. Reflect the whole event by describing a point in an all-round way. If you can't reach a specific point, it is a superficial narrative. Through the embodiment of points, readers can get a glimpse of the overall effect. So the choice must be specific. In addition to being specific, the choice of points should also be true. The so-called truth refers to artistic truth, which is not necessarily true, but must conform to real life and logic. Excessive exaggeration or illogical points are against the basic requirements of writing, expressing the true feelings and achieving the true meaning.
To sum up, we find that choosing a real, concrete and vivid work point as the center is the basis of comprehensive fine painting. Without this, fine painting has no basis for attachment. If you choose the point that best reflects the center of the article and describe it in detail, you can actually start writing around the center, and the local description of the expression center is actually very detailed; Other places don't expand or draw. In this way, the details of the article are solved.
At the same time, choosing the point of detail description solves the problem of material selection, because the point of detail description is the material of the article itself. If we can make a comprehensive description of any point, big or small, small or small, it means that every bit of life can actually be written into our article. In this way, when choosing materials, students with insufficient material accumulation do not need to be stretched. Just expand the point into a concrete and vivid comprehensive description.
The details of the article and the choice of materials are precisely the places that many middle school students can't control well. Therefore, it is very important to learn to choose the point that plays a role in the center of the article.
Then, after choosing a point, how to expand it in detail to make it vivid, vivid, infectious and expressive? This is related to the perspective of comprehensive description.
On a sunny Sunday, the little squirrel, the deer, the rabbit and the ant went for an outing together.
They came to the river and saw the fallen leaves on the ground. The deer suggested, "Do you see the fallen leaves in the ground? In fact, leaves have many functions. What do you think is the use except shielding us? The little squirrel picked up a leaf and said, shaking and jumping. " I know it can be used as a fan. It's cool to use it to fan the wind. On the other hand, Little Nutbrown hare held a leaf above his head: "Look, how great my umbrella is!" " It can keep out the sun and rain. The little ant dragged a small leaf from the ground, dragged it to the river and jumped on it. It proudly said to everyone, "My boat is not bad. I can travel around the world in it. It is so exciting. " As for the deer, it unhurriedly picked up a leaf, put it in its mouth and blew out a beautiful sound. "My whistle can blow out a beautiful song."
They jumped up happily: "That's funny. I didn't expect leaves to have so many uses. "
Details Description Composition 3 Details are mother's inquiries after school, father said "Go to bed early after finishing homework", the teacher asked you if you understood the questions, and the detailed notes handed over by friends after they got sick. Although the details are small, they are timeless.
We are all just ordinary people, sometimes even mediocre. Life is connected by trivial details, not as sensational as the plot in the soap opera at eight o'clock, but with more real and touching details than the TV series.
Meng Jiao wrote down the details of "She sewed carefully, she made up thoroughly, and she was afraid that the delay would make him go home late", which made countless wanderers cry; Wang Wei wrote down the details of "advising you to drink more wine, there is no reason for people to leave Yangguan in the west", which made countless pedestrians sigh; Su Shi wrote down the details of "Xiao Xuan window, dressing", which made fans all over the world lament. Just details, not just details, it contains the deep feeling behind the details themselves.
Often moved by Rembrandt's Jewish bride, the couple wore beautiful clothes and looked gloomy and restrained. In the dark background, two people snuggled up to each other, without looking at each other, without ups and downs, only holding hands, as if in a casual moment, they caught the painter's heart and left it on the canvas. Even after hundreds of years, they still depend on each other silently, and this feeling will never change.
For the viewer, no matter how gorgeous the clothes are, it is their deep affection, the life course that they have walked through each other and will continue to walk, and the promise of "holding your hand and growing old with your son". This is such a cool and affectionate detail.
The same affection is often found in life, including a cup of hot tea and a knitted sweater presented by my mother to my father; There is a hot water bottle filled by my father and a basin of washing water poured by my mother; And they prepared three meals a day for me, and I patted them on the back.
We can't expect life to be great, we just want to make the details better. "In a word, the love of a lifetime", the lyrics sometimes reveal the truth of life so easily. True warmth is only silently transmitted in the details; People who really love you will only show their love in the details. Just like mother, father, teacher, friend and lover.
My deskmate is a girl, and the eyelids of a pair of eyes are both inside and outside; Under the watery eyes, there is a straight nose, and there is a cute little mouth of Yin Tao under the nose. Small mouth; And her hair, which can cover the whole face. ! Besides, she is very funny and has some funny classmates. She changed her face quickly. Sometimes she ignores me when she is unhappy, but in less than ten minutes, her face is full of smiles!
Her academic performance is not very good, but she still makes progress! Occasionally, I will explain a topic clearly and carefully. I remember that day in math class, Teacher Lu asked us to make a test paper and give us an evaluation after finishing it. We took a red pen and corrected it ourselves. When she couldn't answer a question, she asked me what to do. Later, I began to talk to her seriously about this problem and told him what it was called.
Later, I asked her why you could understand all the questions I told you, but you failed the exam! ? He said that I could understand it if I listened carefully, but I just didn't have the patience to listen to the whole class. She also said she wanted me to teach him how to do problems he didn't understand in the future.
So I think my deskmate can learn well as long as she wants to learn, depending on whether she has such patience!
This is my deskmate! Guess who she is!
In Vancouver, on a noisy street. "Mom, I want to buy a duckling!" The little girl Barna began to coquetry her mother again. "Well, I'll buy it for you." Her mother intended not to buy it, but Bana was so spoiled that even her own mother couldn't help it.
The ducklings do, but what can we feed them? Bana remembered that the book said that ducklings grew up eating earthworms. So, at the age of seven, she hurried downstairs to buy some. In this way, she feeds the ducklings and takes them for a walk every day. Gradually, three years later, the ducklings grew up, and Barna was ten years old. One day, when she came home from school and was about to open the door of the pet room to say hello to her pets, something unexpected happened-mother duck hatched her cubs ... "This is a problem. How can I have time to keep so many pets!" Barna decided to send them back.
On a sunny Sunday, Barna took this group of "little cuties" to the streets, ready to "return". Who knows, before they got to the store, those ducks who could barely walk ran around and accidentally bumped into a small river ditch next to them. Bana didn't pay attention, keep walking. Mother duck is not so careless. As soon as she saw it, she flapped her wings and shouted "Gaga" as if she were calling for help. Uncle Kelly, who was on patrol, saw it and came to help. I saw him pick up the struggling duckling and wipe it clean with a paper towel. Mother duck kept rubbing her children's heads and took them to the middle of the road. Mother duck spread her wings and stopped a taxi. She jumped up and down with excitement, as if to say, "Take me home, take me home!" " "But how can people understand the language of ducks? Just when the driver was at a loss, Barna came. " Go to Riverside Park, 5th Street! "It turned out that Bana came back and found that the' minion' disappeared halfway. She changed her mind-she didn't send the duck away. Back home, Barna gave them a new home, and even the food was upgraded, from earthworm feeding to rice feeding. Barna has seen it herself. Mother duck gives three-quarters of the food to her children and eats only a little by herself. This move moved Barna. She knows that ducks can't understand people, but she still says, "A mother's love for her children will never change. Isn't this a good example? As long as there is this kind of love maintenance, they will thrive! "
At the end of the city, there is no bustling market and shining neon; At the end of the city, there are only weather-beaten dilapidated shanty towns; At the end of the city, there are a group of people like them.
What should I call them? Children of migrant workers? Farmers' children? Or the second generation of migrant workers? No, I don't want to call them by these cold names. I want to call them by their simple birth names, hold their hands and approach their lives. ...
They grew up in the green mountains and green waters of their hometown, and their pure souls started jointing in the fields. In the wind of Shan Ye, they are running and dreaming. The wind blew into the city from the fields. For their livelihood and future, they followed their parents to the city and took root at the end of the city. So I got used to the eyes of green mountains and green waters, and came into contact with tall buildings and traffic for the first time. They don't know how to cross the six-lane road, and their little hands can't tell the floors of the office building. Prosperous modern civilization has never brought them any happiness, but this time, it has left a deep imprint on their hearts.
They took up their schoolbags and carefully integrated into city life. But in the strange eyes of "city people", I understood the difference between hukou and temporary residence permit for the first time. Are the treasures in parents' hearts! But prematurely assumed the burden that does not belong to this era.
When they come home from school, they cook a simple dinner, and their parents are still working at the construction site or the food market; Wake up in the middle of the night, the starry sky in the city is not as bright as my tearful hometown; Make a wish quietly, hoping that their primary school for children of migrant workers will not close down tomorrow because they can't pay the electricity bill. ...
However, I saw their growth in their growing bodies. I remember a reporter asked a child in a school for migrant children if he would go back to his hometown after graduation. The little girl said without hesitation: Of course, he must go back! At that moment, I almost cried for their growth.
I remember their childish declaration on the Spring Festival Evening that year: "Our school is small, but its grades are not bad", "We are no better than the children in the city" and "Beijing's 20xx is also our 20xx!" They gradually matured, bid farewell to yesterday's shyness and began to welcome a new day.
Although, they are still worried about small tuition fees; Although, the school still can't afford to pay the utilities; Although, there are still many imperfect systems ... although there are many "although", only one "but" is enough. Many eyes have turned to them, and they are thriving.
The sun rises from the horizon, illuminating the end of the city and their lives.
They will eventually become us.
short review
The greatest advantage of this perfect composition of Shanghai Volume is to pay close attention to the children of migrant workers with deep feelings, show them, worry about them, be happy for them, be moved by them and be proud of them. The finishing touch of the article is the last sentence: "They will eventually become us." Candidates did not complain blindly, but wrote changes and hopes. There is no flowery rhetoric or fashionable packaging in the full text, but it has a high conception and a new angle, revealing a strong sense of social responsibility between the lines.
As a modern senior high school student, we should pay close attention to life with enthusiasm, show truth, goodness and beauty with love, show falsehood and ugliness with hate, praise fairness and justice, and criticize prejudice and evil. This is conscience and mission.
The second is to explore and capture the emotional points in life.
Emotional points in life can be expressions, language, actions and thoughts. In fact, it can be meaning, function and influence. We should not only be good at capturing the emotional points of ordinary people in everything peaceful, but also be good at discovering the value of ordinary people in everything peaceful.
When I was a child, I was crazy about watermelon. Now that I'm grown up, sometimes I really miss that cold feeling. Street stalls or melon shadows on the screen came into view, and the moment when I ate melons in my childhood came back to my mind:
In summer, the glory of the remaining days sinks into the horizon, and the summer heat gradually disappears. Under the blowing of the evening breeze, people's spirit is particularly comfortable. At this time, the fragrance of watermelon filled the streets, sometimes thick and sometimes light, as if nothing had happened. I (about five or six years old) put my arms around my knees and squatted on a small bench like a cat catching a mouse. My small black eyes glanced at the watermelon spinning up and down in the water. Across the water, the sweat on my face has already dried up, and "Qianchuan" hangs like a waterfall. Mosquitoes "swim around" in their ears and don't care. Under a bright smiling face, there is an expectant heart waiting-My Sweetie in a melon seed shell.
Until the watermelon was cut into pieces: I saw watermelon seeds embedded in red melon meat like black pearls; The melon meat is a little cold; Melon juice flows down the mirror-like melon surface, one drop, two drops; The texture on the surface of melon is like the fine lines on the surface of painted porcelain. ...
The happiest moment is: holding the iced watermelon in your hand, it seems that there is a cold current floating back and forth all over your body.
Today, my father said he would take me to Pinghu to see a dentist. I don't want to go at all. Because I know it will be painful to see teeth. "No, you have to go! Otherwise, what should I do if my teeth are empty? " Dad warned me seriously.
When I arrived at the hospital, my heart became tense involuntarily, and then I kept pounding, as if a voice repeatedly reminded me in my ear: "It hurts to see my teeth!" " It hurts to see teeth! ".It's my turn. The doctor examined my teeth and said, "Both my six-year-old teeth have a little hole and need filling." After listening to this sentence, I seem to feel a more urgent voice ringing in my ear again: "Filling teeth is also very painful! ""I said in a trembling voice, "Doctor, be gentle, not too heavy, or it will hurt!" "The doctor said with a smile," don't be afraid! As long as you don't move, I promise you won't feel pain. " Dad also comforted me: "endure it, it won't hurt!" " "
Fill your teeth! The doctor began to use strange tools. She opened my mouth with a strange thing like a spoon, then dug around my teeth with a hook with sharp and curved ends, then drilled the hole in my teeth a little bigger with an electric drill, then put some cotton next to my teeth to prevent drooling, and ran to the hole to play hide-and-seek and sleep. Suddenly, the doctor picked up the electric drill again. Seeing this, I was afraid again and quickly said to the doctor, "Does it hurt?" She said patiently, "No pain, no pain! This is something for filling teeth. " She disinfected my teeth as she spoke, and I only felt a sour feeling spread to my mind at once. Hey, what happened? I'm still thinking, the doctor has fixed it for me. In a short time, a tooth was repaired. Then, the doctor filled another tooth as just now. Finally, the doctor washed my teeth again.
When the doctor washed my teeth, I was still wondering how filling teeth could be sour and painless. At this time, I suddenly heard "get up" and it has been mended. I was surprised and asked, "Did you fix it?" Dad quickly replied, "All right!"
"So soon!" I said with ecstasy. Ah, it turns out that filling teeth doesn't necessarily hurt!