"Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what the next piece will taste like." This is a classic line from the movie "Forrest Gump", which means that life is full of uncertainties and full of infinite possibilities.

One day I ate a piece of chocolate that was called "anxiety disorder". From then on, my life was shrouded in a gray color. It took root in my heart and lingered; it laid many obstacles in my life journey; it made my life full of anxiety, misery and unwillingness.

The road of life has always been difficult and long, and my road to treating "anxiety disorder" was not only winding, but also extremely steep. Even as I moved forward, I was not sure about this path. Whether the road has an end, we can only move forward with a trace of hope.

Even after I tried various treatments, my "anxiety disorder" still recurred easily, and my mood changed from hopeful to exhausted and even despairing.

Many questions may not have answers right now, and there may not be clear, definite, or correct answers, but as long as you drive on the right road and keep moving forward, you will reach the end.

After experiencing confusion, helplessness, and despair, I picked myself up again. As the saying goes: "Everything in life is suffering, and you can only overcome it by yourself." After careful consideration, I decided to become my own psychotherapist—that is, I would help myself.

After several years of studying various books on anxiety, psychology and Chinese philosophy, and applying the insights to myself, I gradually found a road to recovery that suited me. As time went on, my anxiety symptoms gradually subsided. Finally, one day I discovered that my "anxiety disorder" had quietly recovered.

Everyone’s life experience is a record of life and valuable information. Sometimes this information can bring inspiration to others. Because I have deeply experienced the pain and difficulty of "anxiety disorder", I am willing to share my story with everyone, hoping that everyone can find a road to recovery that suits them.

I hope my story can bring you some light.

I was born in a small city in the south. My family was relatively well-off. My parents treated me very well. I spent my childhood in a carefree manner.

I have had some negative personality tendencies since I was a child, such as: low self-esteem, insecurity, sentimentality, perfectionism... These negative personality tendencies seep into my life and affect my mood and behavior. This may be the trigger for the outbreak of "anxiety disorder" in the future.

An incident that troubled me throughout my high school career perfectly illustrates my low self-esteem and perfectionist tendencies.

Because my hair is "naturally curly", my hairstyle in elementary school and junior high school was all "straight". When I was a freshman in high school, influenced by the trends of the time, I wanted to get a flowing mid-length "fragmented" haircut. But after I grew my hair longer, I found that it became more and more curly. Not to mention the flowing mid-length "fragmented hair", even slightly longer hairstyles couldn't be cut.

Many times, the less you can get, the more you want to have it.

At that time, I thought that as long as I cut my mid-length "fragile" hair, my appearance would be much better. However, "natural curls" are natural and cannot be changed, so this is an irresolvable contradiction. .

At that time, I was often worried about my classmates talking about my "natural curls"; I was often envious of some male classmates' flowing mid-length "broken hair", and was disgusted with my "natural curls"; I didn't even want to look in the mirror. of myself.

Throughout my high school career, I hated being "natural" and thought it was what made me unattractive. It seems that if there is no "natural volume" in my life, then my life will be happy and I will no longer have worries.

This seemingly "ordinary" thing had a great impact on me, deepening my sense of inferiority, and making me immersed in anxiety and worry throughout my high school career.

When I was a freshman in college, I already had a mild "anxiety disorder" and "frequent urination". It's just that "anxiety disorder" is very hidden and misleading, and I have been kept in the dark.

When I was a freshman in college, I found that I often had to urinate every 40 minutes. I clearly felt that there was a problem with my urinary system. From then on, I embarked on a bumpy road to seek medical treatment.

I was studying in Chongqing at that time. In order to treat "frequent urination", I visited many urology specialists in Chongqing and was hospitalized to have the entire urinary system examined. All the tests that should be done and could be done were done, but the result was that the urinary system was completely healthy, without even slight inflammation.

The urinary system is very healthy, but the only symptom is "frequent urination", and the experts are unable to do anything. They only prescribe some drugs to relieve "frequent urination" for treatment.

As time passed by, my "frequent urination" symptoms still did not improve, and I felt anxious about it every day. "Frequent urination" is eroding my life day after day, but I can't do anything about it. In this way, I spent 3 years repeatedly seeking medical treatment, but with no results.

When I was a senior in college, in order to cure my "frequent urination", I decided to try my luck in Shanghai - in my mind, Shanghai's medical level is one of the best in the country.

I traveled long distance to Shanghai, and after examination by a urology specialist, the conclusion was that my urinary system is still very healthy.

The expert explained to me: "The test results prove that your urinary system is very healthy, and your original test results in Chongqing can also confirm it. From now on, you should have functional "frequent urination"—— That means "frequent urination" caused by pathological factors is ruled out.

According to current medical technology, there is no particularly effective method to treat functional "frequent urination". I suggest you go home and take care of yourself and see if there is any improvement. ”

This diagnosis completely extinguished my hopes. Even the two big cities of Shanghai and Chongqing are unable to do anything. So curing "frequent urination" has become a luxury!

I was so disheartened at the time that I really wanted to find a place where no one was and cry loudly to vent the darkness in my heart.

At that moment, I finally felt the hardship and helplessness of life: not only had I been tortured by "frequent urination" for three years; I also sought medical treatment for three years, but could not even find the cause.

As the saying goes, "The house leaks and it rains all night, and the boat is late and encounters the wind." During this trip to Shanghai, not only was my hope of curing my "frequent urination" extinguished, but an accident also occurred, causing my "anxiety disorder" to completely break out.

Here’s the thing.

I have been suffering from "dry eye syndrome" for the past two years. This is a disease that is difficult to cure but has a small impact on life. That day, after seeing "frequent urination" at a hospital in Shanghai, I felt depressed and went for a review of "dry eye syndrome" at this hospital. I was going to prescribe some "artificial tears" for daily use, and then went back to school.

I never expected that an unexpected routine inspection would occur. After an examination by an ophthalmologist, it was found that my intraocular pressure was very high and I needed to be tested for glaucoma in a week. At that time, the ophthalmologist didn't say much, and just asked me to report the examination to him in a week, and we would discuss the situation later.

Back at the hotel, I was very suspicious and went to Baidu to search for "glaucoma". The conclusion I found shocked me: "Glaucoma" is one of the three major blindness diseases that cause human blindness. Moreover, the damage to visual function caused by glaucoma is irreversible, and the consequences are serious, including the possibility of blindness.

I saw the serious consequences of glaucoma, and it felt like my whole life was about to collapse. At this young and vigorous age, not only is the "frequent urination" that has been bothering me for many years hopeless to be cured, but now it is suspected of being "glaucoma". It is really a disaster that never comes singly.

How I wish I could erect a barrier of nothingness to block the torrent of sadness.

The "glaucoma" incident was "the straw that broke the camel's back."

At this moment, it ignited my "anxiety disorder" and then completely exploded. I felt intense worry and fear, nervousness and agitation accompanied by an accelerated heart rate. I could not calm down no matter what. It was as if there was a huge stone pressing on my heart and I couldn't even breathe smoothly. It was as if the end of the world was coming and it would destroy everything about me.

I stayed in Shanghai for a week with such anxiety and panic. Fortunately, I went to the hospital for a review a week later and it was confirmed that it was not glaucoma. The doctor explained that I drank too much water before the intraocular pressure examination, which caused the intraocular pressure to be temporarily high.

The journey to seek medical treatment in Shanghai ended in panic. Although there is no hope of curing "frequent urination", I am mentally prepared; the "glaucoma" incident is completely a false alarm.

At this time, I was still in the dark, not knowing that I had already fallen into the whirlpool of "anxiety disorder". ?

After I returned to school, I was still very anxious every day, as if misfortune was about to happen to me, and I felt very nervous. In addition, I also have problems with sleeping. I often have difficulty falling asleep at night, and even when I do fall asleep, I sleep very lightly.

I thought that after a while, this uncomfortable state would disappear on its own. However, as weeks passed, the discomfort continued.

I am worried that my body will collapse in the long run, so I often go to the Internet to check the reasons behind these symptoms.

One day I saw an article about "anxiety disorder". After comparison, I was pleasantly surprised to find that my symptoms were basically consistent with "anxiety disorder." This made me feel hopeless and see hope again.

I asked the school counselor for sick leave and went to the Shanghai Mental Health Center accompanied by my family. Sure enough, after being diagnosed by a psychological clinic expert, I had moderate to severe "anxiety disorder" and mild "depression", and I was treated with medication.

After 2 weeks, the drug began to have a good effect. The persistent tension and anxiety have basically disappeared; my sleep has gradually returned to normal; and the "frequent urination" that has troubled me for many years has also improved significantly.

Everything seems to be moving in the right direction. Gradually, my life returned to its long-lost calm. ?

Two years have passed, during which I have been using medication, and my "anxiety disorder" has been well controlled.

In the past two years, under the guidance of doctors, I gradually reduced the medication and finally stopped taking it. In the past two years, my life has been very comfortable, I have experienced the happiness of health, and I have forgotten the pain of illness; these two When my college career ended, I started working in a bank.

I was very busy at work at that time, but also very fulfilling. I naively thought that "anxiety disorder" had been cured, and even a little arrogantly thought that "anxiety disorder" was nothing more than that.

What is going to happen will happen, there is no way to avoid it.

It may be that there was too much pressure at work during that time; it may be that some interpersonal relationships were not handled properly; it may be some other stressful events. In short, after stopping the medication for 6 months, my "anxiety disorder" relapsed.

I went to the psychological clinic again, and the expert explained to me: "Mental diseases such as 'anxiety disorder' are sometimes prone to relapse simply by relying on drug treatment." He suggested that I try psychological counseling, which would be more stable after cure and less likely to relapse.

"

Difficulties encountered in life must be solved, and escape is not the answer after all.

In order to completely cure the "anxiety disorder", I went to the local tertiary hospital for weekly psychological consultation. After several consultations, the results were not good.

The psychological counselor mainly listened to me venting my worries, and then comforted me that I should take everything lightly, live in the present, that life is not easy, and that I should learn to let go, without any more in-depth analysis and solutions. The consultation process is like venting worries with a friend. Although anxiety can be slightly relieved during consultation, the effect is not significant. I thought twice and decided not to go.

A few months later, my relative heard that there was a very qualified psychological counselor who had very good therapeutic effects and could provide online video consultation, but the consultation fee was very high (2,000 yuan per hour). He gave me the telephone number of the psychological counselor's studio so that I could go and inquire about the situation.

I have been subdued by my "anxiety disorder". Even if the chance is slim, I still decide to give it another try.

Unexpectedly, this psychological consultation was more effective than imagined. The psychological counselor helped me formulate and implement solutions to stressful events; emphasized the importance of positive cognition; taught me how to identify misconceptions and respond appropriately to promote cognitive and behavioral changes; arranged daily exercises to consolidate treatment Effect.

I have had more than a dozen psychological consultations and the results have been quite good. I accepted or resolved several stressful events that usually troubled me; I gained a deeper understanding of "anxiety disorders"; I found some misconceptions and corrected them.

At this time, I considered that the "anxiety disorder" was basically under control without the use of drugs; in the long run, I would not be able to afford the cost of psychological consultation. So after discussing with the psychological counselor, I stopped the psychological counseling.

Two years have passed in the blink of an eye. During this period, my "anxiety disorder" was relatively stable. It only recurred occasionally, but the symptoms were mild and had little impact on my life, so I didn't care about it.

Unexpectedly, two years later, due to an important job, the lingering "anxiety disorder" entered my life again.

One day, the president assigned me to take charge of a very important loan project with a large amount, complex structure and tight time. The president repeatedly told me not to make mistakes and to report the project progress to him every day.

This is my first time encountering this type of loan project, and I have no experience at all. The project is not only complex, but also involves many details, and it is easy to make mistakes if you are not careful.

During that time, I was a little out of breath. I work overtime every day and feel that I don't have enough time; before I get off work every day, I check the loan materials, but there are still various small mistakes; I am very anxious every day, and I have to force myself to keep working with a smile.

In this state of constant anxiety, not only did my "anxiety disorder" relapse, but I also developed symptoms of diarrhea and abdominal pain - I didn't know at the time that diarrhea and abdominal pain were also caused by "anxiety disorder".

After a month, I completed the loan project without any danger. However, the "anxiety disorder", diarrhea, and abdominal pain did not disappear.

The symptoms of diarrhea and abdominal pain have not been relieved, and I began to worry about my digestive system disease again.

Find a free working day and go to the gastroenterology outpatient clinic of the hospital to see a doctor. After the examination, I was diagnosed with "Irritable Bowel Syndrome" (IBS). Like the "frequent urination" at that time, my digestive system was very healthy and it was a functional symptom.

When the doctor learned that I was very anxious recently and had an "anxiety disorder", he directly determined that my diarrhea and abdominal pain were caused by an "anxiety disorder". He explained to me: "Medicines can only control the symptoms of diarrhea and abdominal pain. Anxiety disorder is the cause. When the anxiety disorder is cured, the diarrhea and abdominal pain will naturally disappear." "

As the doctor said, my diarrhea and abdominal pain disappeared quickly under medication. Once I stopped taking the medication, it would relapse soon.

Sure enough, my "anxiety disorder" "There is no complete cure. When encountering a major stressful event, if you cannot deal with it calmly, not only may it relapse again, but new physical symptoms may also appear.

I have been diagnosed with "anxiety disorder" for six years. During this period, medication and psychotherapy were used intermittently. Although they were effective, they could not completely cure the disease. "Anxiety disorder" is always hiding in the dark in some form, and it may "bite" me at any time when I am not prepared.

This recurrence of "anxiety disorder" made me think about a question: How can I cure "anxiety disorder"? In other words, how can we control "anxiety disorder" to an acceptable level and make it difficult to relapse?

After a period of thinking and reviewing information, my answer is: "To untie the bell, you need the person who tied the bell, and the heart disease needs the heart medicine doctor." This is only possible if I become my own psychotherapist Cure "anxiety disorder" or control "anxiety disorder" to an acceptable level and make it difficult to relapse.

Why?

Although drug treatment and psychotherapy are effective, it is still possible to relapse after stopping the drug or psychotherapy and encountering new major stressful events.

The logic of "I became my own psychotherapist" is very similar to the story of "it is better to teach a man to fish than to teach him to fish". The reason is very simple, fish is the purpose and fishing is the means. A fish can relieve temporary hunger, but it cannot relieve long-term hunger. If you want to have fish to eat in the future, you must truly learn how to fish.

Take me as an example:

In life, the things I encounter are constantly changing. For example, psychotherapy two years ago helped me accept or resolve the stressful events two years ago. At that time, no stressful events bothered me, and my "anxiety disorder" was naturally under control.

But I would always stop medication or therapy, and as time went on, new stressful events would definitely arise that were completely different from the ones I had experienced before. At this time, if you cannot deal with it calmly, the "anxiety disorder" may relapse again.

Suppose I know enough about "anxiety disorder" to understand its operating rules; Suppose I can see the essence of stressful events and solve them rationally; Suppose I can identify the misperceptions that affect my emotions and resolve them rationally; Can be corrected and establish reasonable beliefs in life.

At this time, I can become my own psychotherapist, and at the same time I will become stronger mentally and be able to deal with new stressful events calmly.

When I can do this, the "anxiety disorder" will naturally be cured and it will be difficult to relapse.

This is what I understand as the way to treat the "root cause".

"The best time to plant a tree was ten years ago, followed by now." I began to spend a lot of time outside of work studying "anxiety disorders." In addition to work, business trips, and traveling, I just read, think, comprehend, and train (practice) behind closed doors, living a simple and fulfilling life.

Not only did I study "anxiety disorder" and psychology-related works; I also discovered that the "cultivation of the mind" emphasized in Chinese philosophy is very useful for "identifying and correcting misunderstandings, and rebuilding rational cognitive structures." To help, I also studied works related to Chinese philosophy such as "Taoism", "Confucianism", "Xinxue", and "Zen".

As time goes by, I have a deeper understanding of "anxiety disorder" and have established a treatment system that suits me. Gradually, I feel that the ice-like "anxiety disorder" is melting and starting to enter a virtuous cycle.

At first, my "anxiety disorder" was not stable, sometimes relieving, sometimes severe, recurring. After a period of hard work, my "anxiety disorder" has obviously been relieved, but I feel that it has reached a "bottleneck period" and it will be difficult to make progress for a long time. At this time, I still insist on daily study, understanding and training (practice).

When my accumulation reached the point of qualitative change, I finally made a breakthrough.

After three years of hard work, my "anxiety disorder" has basically been cured, and I rarely notice traces of "anxiety disorder" anymore.

In the past three years, I have not only developed the scientific thinking method formed by academic training, but also had the practical experience of "cognitive" training and daily meditation (meditation). The unique treatment method has made me confident and rational. Also become stronger.

My "anxiety disorder" treatment process lasted nine years, which can be described as ups and downs and twists and turns. But so what?

The most unique characteristic of all things is change itself, and the same is true for life.

Everyone will encounter different dilemmas. I encountered "anxiety disorder". Although it brought me a lot of pain, it also gave me an opportunity for spiritual growth and gave me the motivation to change myself.

Therefore, although encountering "anxiety disorder" is "bad", perhaps it also indirectly brings me "good".

You only live once, enjoying life is more important than anything else!

In the future, I will try my best to do things that I think are valuable, spend more time with myself, my family, and appreciate the scenery along the way.

I finally broke free from the criss-crossing "giant web" woven by "anxiety disorder" and regained the long-lost freedom!

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