"Jiang Lang is at the end of his rope". To ask why, besides not having "goods" in my stomach, an important reason is that I am not good at describing details. The so-called "detailed description" is a detailed description of the development of things and the appearance, language, movements, psychology and environment of characters. It is the most important way to reveal the inner world of characters, express their subtle and complicated feelings, touch the relationship between characters and hint at their identity and situation. If you use the details well, you can achieve the effect of "four or two".
This writing method was successfully used in the article Before Yan Jian's Life and Death. Yan Jian held out two fingers when he died and refused to close his eyes. He saw two lights burning in the room, which made him feel distressed and wasted oil. He can't let go and close his eyes. Only when his little wife walked over and picked a lamp grass did the miser "nod and bow his head, and then he lost his breath." The immortal charm of this artistic image is precisely due to the meticulous description.
A classmate wrote a composition entitled "I learned to ride a bike". He wrote this-
Original playback
One day, I saw my classmate Xiao Ai passing me by on a bicycle. I want to learn to ride a bicycle.
I pushed my bike to the playground in front of the door and danced alone. I climbed on the bike and it fell down. I got up, rode a horse, and then fell down; I don't lose heart, keep practicing.
Where there is a will, there is a way. After a period of hard work, I finally learned to ride a bike. How happy I am!
How do the students feel after reading this article?
Qiao Lingqiao: I think this composition is too simple and empty!
Miss Li: Why?
Qiao Jingling: Because it doesn't make the cycling process specific and clear.
Miss Li: Good point. In your opinion, how can this composition be written specifically and clearly?
Qiao Lingqiao: We can write down the contents in the order of things. In my experience, learning to ride a bicycle generally goes through five processes: pushing, pedaling, getting on, pedaling and getting off, among which "pushing" and "pedaling" are the basis. Without it, learning to ride a bike is tantamount to building an attic in the air. "Getting on the bus" and "pedaling" are the key points. Is the process of riding a bike. Write in detail and clearly, with waves, ups and downs and twists and turns. The link of "getting off the bus" cannot be ignored. This is the end of the process. Without it, the composition would be incomplete.
Shan Zhihui: We can also write down the riding process by describing the details. For example, the process of "pedaling" can be written with the help of the movements and psychological activities of the characters: I grab the handlebar, step on the pedal with my left foot, and step back with my right foot, and the wheels will slowly roll forward, just like the train that just started. I was worried that the bicycle would suddenly deviate from the track and cause car crash and death, so I fixed my eyes on the front and rear wheels. Because I only cared about my feet, the handlebar didn't hold steady, and with a bang, I fell to my face.
Master Zhang: This series of movements, grasping, stepping, pedaling and staring, are well used. He wrote the process of pedaling in detail, clearly and concretely, reading it as if it were in the air.
Miss Li: Teacher Zhang's analysis is thorough and in place. Students should, as Qiao Zhihui and Zhang said, write clearly and concretely the people and things in the special environment in the order of things and with the help of certain description methods, so that people can observe their faces, observe their actions, listen to their words, smell their voices, enjoy their scenery and feel the same.
In fact, learning any technology or skill is not smooth sailing, during which we will encounter many difficulties and setbacks. These difficulties and setbacks are the focus of practice and need to be written clearly and concretely, but XX's composition just ignores this point.
Revised text
I learned to ride a bike.
That day, I saw my classmate Xiao Ai passing me by on a bicycle. I had a wish that I would learn to ride a bicycle.
With my mother's consent, I pushed my bike to the lawn in front of the door and invited my mother to be my tutor. My mother told me that learning to ride a bike requires determination and confidence, and things can be successful. I remembered my mother's words and began to study.
As soon as I got on the bus, I was given a "duel" ("duel" is the prestige displayed by superiors to subordinates, which is used here to describe the embarrassment of "I" at a loss). As soon as the front of the car twisted my ass (vividly writing about the situation that the bicycle was not smooth), I even turned around with the car (extremely embarrassed). My mother saw it and said to me, "Don't be impatient, you can't eat hot tofu if you are impatient."
I got up and rode again. My mother reminded me: "Be careful, hold the front of the car, sit up straight, keep your eyes on the front and step on the pedal." I remember my mother's words. I grabbed the handlebar with both hands and stared at the front (the two verbs "grab" and "stare" wrote the action and way of riding). As soon as my feet hardened, the car bumped around like a headless fly. I panicked with fear. When I panicked, my bike fell down, pinned my feet and couldn't move. My mother rushed over, helped me up and asked me, "Did you fall?" I patted my ass and said, "Nothing. Keep working! "
I climbed on the bike. The car staggered, stumbling like a drunk old man. In the case that the handle was not firmly grasped, the car had a "close contact" with the small trees on the roadside. 1 of "dong" (painting copy, details are not refined), I dropped my mouth and gnawed at the mud. I said angrily, "I won't ride!" " Stop riding! "My mother said to me seriously," Are you still a man if you give up when you encounter such a small difficulty? "In short, I am ashamed.
I adjusted my mind and continued to practice. I don't know how many falls I fell, and my body was black and blue. But I always insist and never give up. Where there is a will, there is a way. After a period of hard training, I finally learned to ride a bike. How happy I am!
Now, whenever I think about it, my heart is full of pride. It tells me a truth: where there is a will, there is a way!
Comments: The revised exercises are much more concrete and vivid than the original ones. The change not only writes the process of learning to ride a bicycle clearly and clearly, but also depicts some movements, language and psychological activities in the process of riding a bicycle in detail, so that you can feel the same after reading it.