34 funny non-mainstream sentences

1. Only when there is a long queue at the railway station can we truly realize that we are "descendants of the dragon".

I am like a fly lying on the glass. I have a bright future, but I can't find a way out

Youth is like toilet paper. It looks a lot, but it's not enough.

My mother always treats handsome guys and money like dirt, and they always treat me like this.

God said there should be light, but I said I was against it. From then on, the world was dark.

6. Lovers form families.

7. My name is God, my nickname is Jesus, my English name is God, and my dharma name is Tathagata.

8. You can't hang yourself from a tree. Try to die several times in several nearby trees.

9. If the tree is not peeled, it will die; People are shameless and invincible in the world.

10, the farmer's three punches hurt a little.

1 1, in fact, I have always been very popular: I was liked by everyone when I was a child, and now I am liked by bitches.

12, not afraid of enemies like tigers, but afraid of teammates like pigs.

13. Go your own way and let others take a taxi.

14. Rats are looking for cats all over the street with knives.

16, who runs fastest in China? It's Cao Cao (not Liu Xiang). Because speaking of the devil.

17, get the hell out of here as far as your mind goes.

18, spring came, and a flock of geese flew north, forming a B-shape for a while and a T-shape for a while.

19. Lie down where you fell.

20, the tiger is not arrogant, you think I am HELLO KITTY!

2 1, money is not the problem, the problem is no money!

22. If you are drunk, you won't obey anyone, just hold the wall.

23, eldest brother, do you know? Second brother's meat is now more expensive than master's.

24. If eating more fish can nourish the brain and make people smart, then you should eat at least a pair of whales. ...

25. Clear water means no fish, while lowly people are invincible.

26. Being talented is like being pregnant. It takes a long time for people to see it.

Friends around you, get famous quickly, so that my memoirs can sell well.

28. Colleagues may be nervous when they meet customers. As soon as they opened their mouths, they said, "Hello, Mr. Liu. May I know your name? " anxious

29. A female classmate is darker and her boyfriend is whiter. One day, the poison queen in the dormitory suddenly said to her, "You can't do this, you will have zebras."

Don't be lazy with me, I'm too lazy to compete with you.

3 1, I am not a casual person. I am not a casual person.

I am in a bad mood today. I only have four words to say. Including this sentence and the first two sentences. I quit.

33. To be a man, you must be a man who wanders between A Niu and Niu C.

38 non-mainstream funny sentences

1, good horses don't eat grass, so good horses always starve.

2, love gambling, pink eye gambling is organs.

3. The grievances that can be said are not grievances; A lover who can be taken away is not a lover.

4. Is it warm winter or cold winter? Experts say that it will not be evaluated until the end of winter.

The person who knows you best is not your friend, but your enemy.

6. Don't blame yourself for being irrational in love. No one in love is awake.

7, half a catty of wine, gargle; A kilo of wine, still go; A catty and a half of wine, help; Two pounds of wine, the wall fell and everyone pushed me not to go.

8. "Love" is a very powerful word. The upper part of it is taken from Metamorphosis, and the lower part is taken from Metamorphosis.

9. Love: 10% persistence+10% missing+10% jealousy+10% suspicious+10% sweet+10% distressed+/kloc.

10, love my family discount, free all year round!

1 1, regret falling in love for four years in college and not falling in love for a lifetime in college!

12, husband: "Dear, I love you with 120 degree passion." Wife: "Oh, then I'm going to divorce you." Husband: "Why?" Wife: "avoid being melted by you!" " "

13, it was pulled out before flirting.

14, although the famous flowers are taken, I will loosen the soil!

15, you are the sun in my heart, but it rains … you are the moon in my dream, but it is covered by clouds … you are the most beautiful flower in my heart, but it has bloomed … you are the Chang 'e in the sky, but your face falls first.

16, the only knife method that women should practice is the knife method of cutting vegetables. For women, this knife method is more effective than any other knife method.

17, when a woman cries, a man loses.

18. Women are sometimes like walnuts. As long as you can break the hard shell outside her, you will find how soft and fragile her heart is. Women please themselves, men are pitiful to please themselves!

19, youth: "I have been practicing her muscles these days." Friend: "Do you want her to call you a hero?" Youth: "No! So I can't be afraid of her father. "

20. I heard that women are like clothes and brothers are like brothers. Looking back, I actually streaked in Too Many Cooks for 20 years.

2 1. What is love in the world? The sage replied, "Waste!"

22. I do everything for my brother, for a woman and for my brother.

23. I like people who are "half-hearted": they have love, confidence and responsibility for me; Talking creatively makes me "satisfied"!

24, the difference between genius and genius: genius can be anything, ghosts can be like this.

If you want to be loved by others, you must first make yourself worthy of love, not for a day or a week, but forever.

26. Life is that my mother gave birth to me, and I must live.

27. Don't believe in love at first sight, because you can't see how much money the other person earns at a glance.

28. There is an old soul living in melancholy youth.

29. I am not your dog. I don't need to look at your face to get the bone I want.

30. I want a lot of love. If there is no love, then there is a lot of money. If there is neither, it is good to have health.

3 1, the real tears come from the bottom of my heart, and the eyes are just an exit.

32. Between relatives, talking about money hurts feelings; Between lovers, talking about feelings hurts money.

In high school, love is a luxury that few people can afford. In college, love is daily necessities, not very shabby.

34. The most handsome person in the world is her period. She can come whenever she wants, and she won't come if she doesn't want to. She will die if she doesn't come, and you will be annoyed if she comes. You have to bear it silently whether she comes or not. Admit it, listen to your period and be a good girl.

35. Life needs to be constantly refreshed, and work is copied every day. I hope love is more than just pasting.

36. The only way to make the person you love love love you is to love him less.

37. What eggs are the most expensive? Eggs. A: No, the face is the most expensive. I have given my girlfriend 5000 yuan, but her mother said that another 5000 yuan is not much for her daughter's sake.

38. Love like fish and water is the highest pursuit of both husband and wife, but we are prone to make a mistake, that is, we always think that we are water and the other is fish.

Non-mainstream funny

Two orioles singing green willows, I don't even have a companion! The rabbit and the rabbit are running, and I don't even have a companion! I suggest that god stand up again. I don't even have a date! Sitting up critically ill, I don't even have a companion! I don't even have a date! Ask how much you can worry about, I don't even have a date! If relatives and friends in Luoyang ask each other, I don't even have an object! This song should only be in the sky, I don't even have a date!

The mac died in five hours, the iphone died in half a day, and the ipad died in one day. Only boyfriends can charge for a long time, and it also includes various intelligent functions such as accompanying food, drinking and shopping, selling cute jokes, singing and dancing, and being a driver. So what are apples, donkeys and grandmothers? The real luxury is to have a good boyfriend. Agree to transfer ~

What if one day I suddenly die unexpectedly .......... ……QQ will not be visited by anyone, and Weibo will not be released by anyone. This ID will be hacked forever, and the children I know online will only think that I am disconnected ... gay friends in the third dimension doesn't know gay friends in the second dimension, and my mother doesn't know that I opened Weibo ... How can I tell those who care but don't know me that I am dead? ...

With her own house, an unmarried woman seems to be a few years younger out of thin air and has the patience to choose her lover slowly. A man asked a woman for advice: rent a house first, get married and save money before buying a house. W: Then I might as well rent my husband first.

China is strong, and all foreigners will be required to take CET-4 and CET-6! Classical Chinese is so simple that all the questions are answered with a brush, which is cheap for them. To get angry, each person should have a kitchen knife and a turtle shell, and carve Oracle Bone Inscriptions. The topic of the thesis is On Theory of Three Represents. After listening to all Jay Chou's songs, I only listen to Nunchaku once, and tell him that this is the normal speaking speed! Reading comprehension is based on Zhouyi, the oral test requires singing Beijing opera, and the experiment includes jiaozi …

I can't stand 10 anymore. I think you are very old. I want to see you every day. Leave it to me yourself. I will never let you down again. Let you stay with me forever. I will never be half-hearted. I swear I will only raise you 1 pig in my life! See this picture, 10 second forwarding, love is "perfect" and "happy old!

A: "What horse has only two legs?" B: "? Don't know. " A: "Obama." B: "..." A: "What mouse has only two legs?" B: "? Don't know. " A: Mickey Mouse B: A: What duck has only two legs? B: "Donald! ! ! "Answer:" Wrong, all ducks have only two legs. " B: vomiting blood! !

The reason for finding a short girlfriend is 1. You can hug her and kiss her. If her ankle is sprained, her back will be very relaxed. You can watch her wear nice high heels anytime and anywhere. 4. You can carry it while watching the excitement. 5. Naive girl, there is no pressure to walk together. 6. She can dodge flexibly when fighting with her husband. 7. She is always younger than her actual age, and she can be spoiled when she is old. 8. She has always maintained the fragile nerves of boys.

Roast chicken is the best seller-the first emperor among birds; The most awesome welding-welding emperor Wu; The best seller of sugar-coated haws-Emperor Taizong; The best-selling steamed bread-Mo; The best-selling braised pork-Lu; Door curtain bestseller-climbing golden lotus; The most awesome wedding-Ximen Qing; Shi Jin, the best-selling Viagra.

Several people are chatting together. Smokers say I'm a smoker, swordsman says I'm a swordsman, drunkard says I'm an alcoholic, tourists say I'm a tourist, and the ladle seller says, you talk first, I'm leaving!

No salary increase, no promotion, and even the year-end bonus was cancelled. I'm going to drown my sorrows in wine. Someone brought a bottle of wine, and when everyone saw the name of the wine, tears fell down, and some people immediately cried. The name of wine is very attractive.

Beijing: I killed you; Shanghai: I will kill you; Hebei: I killed you with a white towel; Yunnan: I poisoned you; Guangxi: I will kill you; Hubei: I strangle you; Jiangsu and Zhejiang: I will trample you to death; Xuzhou: I will fan you to death; Hunan: I'm so hot; Fujian: I'll put a hat on you; Chongqing: I love you to death; Hainan: I killed you with a coconut; Xinjiang: I strangle you with a silk scarf; Inner Mongolia: I'll soak you to death with horse milk!

98 funny non-mainstream quotations

1. Phoenix rebirth is nirvana, pheasant rebirth is corpse change.

2. I just found out that the way to attract a man is to make him not get it; The way to attract a woman is just the opposite, that is, to satisfy her.

If I lose this life, then I don't want the afterlife.

I remember one day shortly after graduation, my girlfriend sent me a short message: "Let's break up!" Before I could feel sad, my girlfriend sent another message: "Sorry, I sent it wrong." Now you can be completely sad ...

5. Wildcat: Sleep wherever you go. Wild dog: Eat whatever you catch. Savage: Love everyone you meet.

6. Look at beautiful women in the street. If you look up, you will appreciate them. If you look down, you will be hooligans.

7. fragrant lotus, clear water and cool wind, water and cool wind, long summer, long summer, cool wind and water, cool wind and green lotus fragrance.

8. Chastity varies from person to person. For example, people will praise a girl as a virgin, but they will also laugh at a boy as a virgin.

9. Some people say that if you bury your girlfriend in the ground in spring, there will be many girlfriends in autumn. I heard that someone believed it and did it. In spring, he buried his girlfriend underground, and in autumn, he was buried underground by the police uncle …

10. Facing difficulties: You are not afraid of death, but are you still afraid of living? Facing danger: are you not afraid of life, but also of death? This is Einstein's theory of relativity …

1 1. Confucius said: only a villain and a woman are hard to raise. I have been unconvinced! Isn't it obvious to insult the villain? ! Anger!

12. I met a female netizen named "Little Sister" today. The code word is to look around the dating site with a rose. I ran away when I saw a woman looking up with a rose. Go online at night and ask each other: How did your mother come to meet you online? ... from then on, I quietly lay on her blacklist.

13. I really don't understand that girls buy a lot of beautiful clothes just to attract boys' attention, while boys want to see girls without clothes.

14. Everyone is an angel from the sky, but some landed intact, some landed face first, and some were even more unlucky. Ride directly on the railing when you fall …

15. The early bird catches the worm, and the early worm is eaten by the bird!

16. Buy me 10 cigarettes, why don't you go to a nightclub?

17. Friends around you, get famous quickly, so that my memoirs can sell well …

18. I really want to control your grandfather's crying myself: Dad!

19. Do you have Falun in your head?

20. People always make mistakes, otherwise the right road will be crowded.

2 1. After meeting me, you will suddenly find that handsome can be so single-minded!

22. If I were a girl, I would fall in love with me …

23. I only drink pure water when drinking water and pure milk when drinking milk, so I am very simple …

24. Life is sometimes like being eunuch QJ-resistance is pain, but not resistance is still pain!

25. The Internet is like a prison. You stole a wallet in, but you know everything when you go out.

26. A temporary impulse is a crisis for future generations.

27. If you can't find a dinosaur, use a lizard coat.

28. Guan Yu, with a long beard, is personable and armed with a dragon crescent moon blade. People in Jianghu call him Dao Lang.

29. Men and women are only animals of desire after all! Can it really be combined because of love? Unfortunately ... I don't know. ...

30. Don't step on the wild flowers on the roadside.

3 1. Menstruation is not only the pain of women, but also the pain of men.

32. When is the time to hug each other? Yang is watching the excitement.

33. Yesterday, Tiehua smiled at me, happy that I counted sheep at night, one sheep, two sheep and three sheep …

When you grow up, marry Tang Yan to be your husband. Play if you can. If you can't play, you can eat him

35. A man may or may not love you on impulse, but he certainly doesn't love you without impulse.

36. The higher you stand, the farther you pee.

37. Female, sweet tooth, very fat! This woman has a hobby: she hates ants and kills them when she sees them. Ask the old saying: this little thing loves sweets so much, and its waist is so thin.

38. If I irrigate, I will say that I didn't learn Theory of Three Represents well.

39. If the answer was a virtue, I would have become a saint.

40. Sleep is an art-no one can stop me from pursuing art!

4 1. The rice is in the pot and I am in bed.

42. Love is countless meals, and marriage is a meal.

43. Come on, well, let's become a butterfly …

I never write words, but I write interchangeable words.

45. Effect of contraception: If you don't succeed, you will become a "person".

46. Don't hang yourself from a tree, try to die several times in several nearby trees …

47. If you don't sleep in class, you will get drunk on the wine table.

48. You are really creative and have the courage to live.

49. No one has stepped on my head since I turned into shit.