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Foreword
There is a four-step error in the theory of love and happiness: "Mistakes are treasures, treasures that make us progress. Only corrected mistakes are real treasures." Every camper who participates in the Love and Happiness Winter and Summer Camps can experience this unique culture of love and happiness.
Why do we need this culture? I want to tell adults and children:
It is normal for a person to make mistakes as he or she grows up. "Unintentional mistakes are not called mistakes, and intentional mistakes are not called evil." Mistakes are treasures that allow people to improve and progress.
Therefore, we have used this method to let everyone experience that making mistakes is not terrible.
Making mistakes is acceptable. After being accepted, when you laugh at your mistakes and bear the consequences, you will have the courage to face them directly. Then the last step is how to correct the mistakes.
"How to correct mistakes" should propose specific and actionable plans, which can help us think and learn how to correct mistakes and increase wisdom.
However, too many people only know this knowledge point and cannot understand its profound meaning. It is all done in a formal way.
This time when Qionghui participated in the Nanning "Ferrada" parent-child development camp, she truly experienced the deeper understanding of the truth brought about by "Mistakes are treasures". At the same time, she also saw When I got my son, I really picked up a big treasure!
Text
Text | Qiong Hui
For the first time, as a volunteer leader, I took my son to participate in the summer camp of the Children's Growth Alliance.
The activities on the second day of the summer camp were indoor science popularization and parent-child development. Because I was in a hurry, I forgot to bring a water bottle.
In the morning, when I was thirsty during the science popularization activity, I bought a bottle of drinking water from the vending machine outside the classroom. I took it for granted and no one noticed.
In the afternoon, my son finished the water he brought and asked me for water, so I bought him another bottle from the vending machine.
At this time, someone saw it and told Battalion Commander Han Wu that we had bought water.
The battalion commander said that according to the camp rules, everyone in the camp must buy a bottle, and 52 bottles are purchased per day (the camp rules stipulate that you cannot buy drinks privately).
When my son heard that he wanted to buy a bottle for everyone, he burst into tears! Couldn't stop for a long time.
My son, on the one hand, he believed that water was not a drink, and on the other hand, he could not accept that he had violated the camp rules.
My son has always been a person who abides by the rules. This time I have to bear the consequences for his violation, which he cannot accept even more. And I have always thought that water is not a drink!
During the evening meeting, the battalion commander asked those who violated camp rules to stand in the front.
Although I stood up, when the battalion commander asked me if I realized my mistake? I didn't say anything because I didn't think I was wrong or that I violated the camp rules!
When the battalion commander asked me repeatedly, "Is it wrong?" I still didn't speak.
Later, Teacher Ke saw that I would rather die than surrender and asked me: "Who has the final say in the camp?"
"The battalion commander."
"Since the battalion commander has the final say, before you bought the water, you made your own decision and bought the water without confirming with the battalion commander whether the water is a drink. Now the battalion commander has confirmed that the water is a drink, are you wrong? "
"That's because the battalion commander didn't make it clear before..." I continued to argue with Teacher Ke, and I didn't want to admit that I was wrong!
Teacher Ke continued: "Qionghui, have you seen your pattern? You have been stuck in your thoughts. No one can change your mind about what you think is right. Have you seen your persistence? Why don't you dare to admit it? Because admitting that you are wrong is equivalent to admitting that you are not good. If you admit that you are not good, you are afraid that you will not be loved, right? So you can't admit it even to death! "
Brother Hanwu asked me: "Is it too difficult for you to say 'I was wrong'? ”
Listen? At this sentence, my tears instantly flowed down.
Teacher Ke guided me step by step, and I saw my own logic and old patterns.
I was overwhelmed and collapsed in an instant. The defense I had built over the years was instantly overwhelmed when I was unprepared. I burst into tears!
When Teacher Ke asked me to ask everyone loudly: "I violated the camp rules, do you think I am bad? Do you still love me?"
When I shouted one after another, When I said this sentence, everyone's firm and powerful answers made me cry!
Brother Hanwu held me in his arms, and I couldn't help crying. Later, I lay on the ground crying completely uncontrollably.
In the six years since I learned about love and happiness, for the first time, I cried hysterically and uncontrollably on the ground. I couldn’t stop, and my long-suppressed heart finally let out a cry. It is releasing, redeeming, and growing up...
In my tears, I saw myself who had been cautious and afraid of making mistakes for so many years. My parents have not allowed me to make mistakes since I was a child, and I have not allowed myself to make mistakes.
When I was a child, my father’s fear of throwing me away because I loved to cry has always been imprinted deep in my heart. I was trapped in my own fears and fears.
This fear that I will be rejected by others if I am not good has always been holding me and restraining me deep in my heart.
For more than 40 years, I have lived cautiously, carefully, and looked at the faces of others. I have lived so humblely, for fear that others will think me bad and be disliked!
I don’t admit that there is such a huge secret hidden behind my mistakes.
It turns out that I can make mistakes!
Today, I finally saw that I am not bad, I just always thought that I was bad! I am not good, I have made mistakes, but I can still get love and I deserve to be loved!
"For so many years, I have been trapped in my fears and beliefs. I used my beliefs to deeply hurt myself and the people around me. I'm sorry, I was wrong!" When I When I said this out loud, I burst into tears again!
Thank you, Brother Hanwu, and thank you, Teacher Ke, for letting me see the fear and fear deep in my heart!
What I saw this time was very crucial and core to me. Although it was accompanied by huge pain, after the pain passed, I saw the sunshine and rainbow in my heart! I felt a rising power within me!
Through this incident, I also saw my son’s care and love for me, and my son’s beautiful heart that has always been thinking about me. I have the same pattern, afraid of breaking the rules and making mistakes.
I have always been proud of this when teachers and parents tell me that "my son is a child with a strong sense of rules and self-discipline."
Only now can I see that behind my son’s well-behaved and sensible nature is his fear of making mistakes and his inability to accept his own mistakes.
It reminds me of a passage I once read: "Sensibleness is another kind of sad praise. Sensibleness is just a forced choice of children under fear. When a young child tries hard to act sensible, in his heart , there must be a backlog of grievances that I dare not express." I deeply agree!
At this moment, I feel sorry for myself and my son!
Conclusion
From Qiong Hui's "seeing", we can see the great harm caused to children by parents who do not allow their children to make mistakes.
In fact, it is not the mistake that hurts the children, but the parents' "not allowing". Parents' "disallowance" will make children learn to watch words and emotions, become cautious, have no self, and lose self-confidence.
How can children learn well, do well, and be good people if they are not confident?
We believe that as long as a child is a child, he should make mistakes. Because only by constantly making mistakes, with the correct companionship and encouragement of adults, and being willing to constantly correct mistakes, can children become better and better as they grow up. In the same way, as an adult, if you cannot face your own mistakes, you cannot truly grow.
Now, let’s talk about “how to really correct mistakes.” In fact, it is the four-step process of "Mistakes are treasures":
Step one: "I was wrong."
This is called courage, not looking for reasons or excuses. The reason why people get into trouble is because they lack the courage to face problems.
Step 2: Look up to the sky and smile.
This is a matter of mentality. Only with a good mentality can we face problems in the right way.
Step 3: Bear the consequences, and bear the consequences happily.
This is called being principled. At the same time, the consequences are difficult for the person who made the mistake to do, but he is willing to do it, so that he will not be willing to do the same wrong thing next time.
Step 4: What to do next time.
"What to do next time" is not an expression of determination, but a specific and actionable method. This is help and it is possible to truly correct mistakes.
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