The most popular jokes of 20xx

Except for my double eyelids, there really is nothing in pairs at home.

A woman chases a man, with a veil between them. Men chase women, and mothers are separated from each other.

After the work dinner, we played poker for a while.

A colleague called his wife to ask for leave: Hey, wife, everyone is at work. My colleagues and I will play three-on-one for a while and go back later.

His wife asked on the phone: When will the delay be?

The colleague said: I can’t say, I will go back immediately after playing.

. . .

Putting down the phone, I asked: Brother Liu, have you asked for leave?

Colleague: Can you not ask for leave? Your sister-in-law is quite reasonable.

Me: How long did it take?

Colleague: Just one night. She said, if you don't come back after that time, don't come back at night.

I dreamed that I was getting married, and the priest said: Now, please ask the bride and groom to exchange QQ passwords.

I woke up immediately with a fright

My best friend’s QQ status: I’m not used to getting married. When I opened my eyes in the morning, I found a man lying next to me, so I kicked him down.

A man at the wine table called his wife repeatedly. Honey, I'll be home in a minute.

Everyone had goosebumps on the floor, laughing at him because he was afraid that his wife would steal someone at home.

The most popular jokes of 20xx

Brother, I heard that your wife is pregnant, I really want to sing a song to celebrate for you!

Lao Wang, you You're too polite, what song are you singing?

I planted a seed and it finally grew fruit. Today is a great day

Your sister. . .

It was really uncomfortable to hold in a mouthful of phlegm on the subway, so I spit it out without caring about the quality, but it landed on the white thighs of a beautiful woman in a short skirt!

The beautiful woman was angry: lick it off~

p>

The boy next to him couldn’t stand it: What a big deal, brother, let me help you!

After saying that, he licked it

The boy asked his girlfriend: Why are you and Did your ex-boyfriend break up?

The girl replied: He does things too hastily and ends in an anticlimactic manner. He can't persist! Unlike you, as long as you start to do something, you will persevere, pay attention to methods, and be good at being flexible. Explaining the profound things in simple terms made me fall in love!

The latest jokes in 20xx

I met a man on a blind date, and he came with an iPad. I thought he was going to give me one Ipad was given as a meeting gift, and I was secretly happy. As soon as he sat down, he said: Come, take a look, I made a ppT about myself.

On the bus, a bitch said to a young woman with a child: How handsome this child is, how much like me. At this time, everyone in the bus laughed. . .

The young woman said: Can it be different? They are all born to the same mother.

Everyone in the car laughed crookedly!!!

Girl, your technique is good, where did you graduate?

Tsinghua University!

Tsinghua University still teaches foot massage?

Tsinghuachi Foot Massage Technician Training Center!

Damn it!

I was lucky today and saw five yuan on the bus. But there are many people in the car, so it’s not a matter of picking them up or not.

Later, I had an idea and threw the phone to the ground, secretly picked up the five dollars, and as soon as I bent down, my phone was stepped on, and the screen was cracked. . .

I didn’t even pick up the money, so I immediately got into a quarrel with that person. . .

During the evening date, he bought a Xiaomi mobile phone. On the way to send her back, he suddenly handed the phone to her.

He said: You must have known for a long time that I bought it for you.

She said: I know.

He said: Thank you for not telling the truth.

She said: Can I tell the truth?

He said: I can tell the truth.

She said: Oh. . . Broken cell phone.

I met my first love when I went home. After saying hello, I asked her: How are you doing now?

It’s not bad.

Oh, then I’ll be relieved.

My first love glanced at me faintly: What if I said I was not doing well?

Well, then I will be happy. Super long dirty joke

Super Dirty jokes (popular)

1. Please let me go. I’m a lot older and the meat is sour. It’s not delicious. Old man Zhang was leaning against the corner, unable to move forward. There is no way to retreat, and the two fierce ghosts are approaching step by step. The meat is sour? The male ghost grabbed Old Man Zhang's hand and bit off a piece of meat so hard that Old Man Zhang screamed.

That ghost chewed and chewed and spit out Old Man Zhang's meat. Damn it, it was so sour and so unpalatable. Damn old man, you are lucky, get out! Old Man Zhang was pardoned and knelt on the ground a few times. Ten ringings, missing a piece of meat is better than losing your life. He was about to leave. The other female ghost screamed and stopped! The male ghost was a little weird. Why did he keep this old thing? The meat was sour and not delicious! The female ghost lay in the male ghost's ear and said: I want to eat more male ghosts. Are you wondering why? The female ghost poked the male ghost’s head with her finger and said shyly: You bad guy, I’m, I’m, I’m pregnant!

2. There is a place in Shaanxi that is not only poor but also Large population. The county sent an investigation team to investigate why the population was growing so fast. A local villager replied: Our place is remote. The leader asked: What does this have to do with the large number of people? The answer was: There is no electricity. The leader was surprised: This is not directly related! Villagers explained: What can we do without electricity?

3. When the wife had just come out of the shower and the husband was about to start taking a shower, the doorbell rang. After a few seconds of arguing about who should answer the door, my wife wrapped herself in a towel and hurried down to open the door. She opened the door and saw Bob, his neighbor. Before she could say anything, Bob said: "If you take off that towel, I will give you dollars!" After thinking about it, the wife took off the towel and stood naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob gave her The money left. Confused and excited, the wife wrapped herself in a towel and went upstairs. When she returned to the bathroom, her husband asked her, "Who was that just next door?" she replied. "Very good," said my husband, "Has he paid me back the dollars he owed me?"

4. There once was a monk who kept reciting Shakespeare when he was dying. There was no such person at that time. Later, a scholar continued to study and finally found out: It turned out that this monk had never touched a woman. He was thinking: What is B?

5. The two complained that the subway was too crowded. Person A said: Some time ago, my wife was so crowded that she had a miscarriage while taking the subway. B said: That's nothing, my wife was pregnant a few days ago!

6. One day while driving a bus, there was a family of three little boys sitting in front of me: Tonight I You have to sleep with your mother! Mom: If you marry a daughter-in-law in the future, you should also sleep with your mother! Little boy: Well, Mom: What should you do with your daughter-in-law? The little boy thought for a long time: It’s easy, let her sleep with her father! Mom: !?# ￥% Dad didn’t say anything, but his eyes were filled with tears!

Super long dirty joke (classic)

1. There was a town called Gaochao Town, and a man went there I was taking the shuttle bus to Gaochao Town to visit relatives. After getting on the bus, I kept asking the female conductor: Comrade, have you reached your climax? The answer was: No! After a while, the uncle asked again: Hey, I said, this lesbian , have you reached the climax? Answer: Not yet! A few minutes later, the uncle shouted: Comrade, I have been sitting for so long, why haven’t I reached the climax yet? The conductor became impatient and said to the uncle: What are you shouting? What are you shouting for? I won’t scream when I reach orgasm. Really...

2. A young man drove a convertible car with his girlfriend for a ride. Because the car was going too fast, his girlfriend’s thin clothes were all covered with it. Gone with the wind~~ It’s true that extreme happiness can lead to sadness, things must turn against each other. Because the speed was too fast, the car rolled into a ditch. The young man was stuck in the car and couldn’t get out. The girlfriend had no choice but to ask for help, but she was naked and had no choice. I took off my boyfriend's shoes, covered my lower body and looked for help. I finally found a gas station and said to the people inside: "Come and help me. My boyfriend is stuck and can't get out. Please help him get out!" The man looked at the woman's face and then at the leather shoes that were covering her lower body and said: Damn! He's stuck so deep, how can we pull him out?

3. A cannibal father and his son were hunting, and their son captured him. There was a thin man, and his father said: "Put it away, there is no meat!" His son captured a fat man again, and his father said: "Put it away, it's too greasy!" His son captured a beautiful woman, and his father said: "Take it home and eat your mother at night!"

4. Little JJ’s reason for resigning: strenuous physical labor, working in the deepest part of the tunnel, having to stick your head in, no holidays, humid and dark working environment, wearing a plastic mask, difficulty breathing, always being fucked until vomiting

5. One day, the teacher wanted to see if a student had any problem with his IQ in class. He asked him if there were ten birds on the tree. If he shot and killed one, how many were left? He asked if it was a silent pistol or something else. A silent gun? No. How loud is the gunshot? Decibels. Does that mean it will cause ear pain? Yes. Is it illegal to hunt birds in this city? No. Are you sure that bird was really killed? Sure. The teacher is impatient. Please, just tell me how many are left. OK, OK, are there any deaf birds in the tree? No. Are there any in cages? No. Are there any other trees nearby? Are there any other birds on the trees? No. Are there any crippled or hungry birds that can’t fly? No. Does it count as a baby in the pregnant belly? Not really. Are there any flowers in the bird's eyes? Guaranteed to be ten. If there are no flowers, just ten. The teacher's forehead was already covered with sweat, and the bell rang for the end of get out of class, but he continued to ask if anyone was stupid enough not to be afraid of death? They were all afraid of death. Will he kill two with one shot? No. Can all birds move freely?

6. Absolutely. If your answer is not deceptive and the student says with confidence, if the bird that was killed hangs on the tree and does not fall, then there will be only one bird left; if it falls, there will be no bird left.

The teacher fainted immediately!

Super long dirty jokes (selected chapters)

1. A hunter was hunting and saw two birds on the tree. He raised his gun and shot down one. Only hairless, the hunter was wondering, another bird flew down and cursed the hunter: Damn you! I just stripped her naked, and you shot her down!

2. One day monkey Chatting with the rabbit, the monkey said: Elephant farts, guess the name of a song. The rabbit said he didn't know, and the monkey said: It's "I Want It, I Want It" by Zheng Zhongji. At this time, a tortoise came out of the grass next to it and said, "Damn, I thought it was "Dang" by Power Train!

< p> 3. A beautiful woman was in urgent need of urination and urinated on the grass on the roadside. She had no paper behind, so she wiped her vagina with leaves. The leaves had thorns, and her vagina was very painful. The beautiful woman said to her vagina: Eat meat all day, and eat vegetables today. Can't stand it!

4. The father told the little nun that his penis was the key to heaven, and asked the little nun to squeeze it for him all night. The little nun was very happy, and went back to the old nun and told the old nun that she had touched the key to heaven. When the old nun heard the little nun's description of Father JJ, she said angrily: Damn it, he told me that it was the trumpet of heaven, and asked me to blow it for him for forty years!

5. Creatures of the world The engineering doctor wants to conduct an experiment to compare the reproductive capabilities of whites, blacks, and Chinese. The female orangutans were placed separately in the room and locked in the room. After a month, the white man came out, holding a baby gorilla in his hand, and said proudly: Look, the white man's reproductive ability is strong! Another month later, the black man came out, holding a baby gorilla in one hand: The black man's reproductive ability is Quick! Another time passed, and there was no movement in the third room. Blacks and whites began to laugh at the Chinese. Another month passed and there was still no movement, so the doctor became a little impatient. Suddenly, the Chinese broke out of the door, hugged a baby orangutan, and shouted angrily: Who the hell released a male orangutan? It took me so long to get it out.

6. I am about to get married to my girlfriend of one year. There is no doubt that I am very happy. The only thing that bothers me now is: my future sister-in-law, a pLMM. She likes to wear tight, low-cut T-shirts and mini skirts. She often bends down in front of me intentionally or unintentionally. What's more terrible is that she never does this in front of other men. I would be lying if I said she did not seduce me, to assure Chairman Mao. Until that day, my future sister-in-law called me and asked me to check on the preparation of the invitations. When I arrived, she was the only one in her house, and what greeted me was her eyes with endless resentment: The person I love is getting married, and the bride is not me. The only thing I want to do now is to dedicate myself to you before you get married. . She said to me on the stairs: I will wait for you in the bedroom. If you decide, come upstairs to find me. When she reached the end of the stairs, the look in her eyes that slid down with her pajamas and showered me. I stood frozen for a minute, then did the only thing I could do at the moment: pull open the door and walk to my car. Outside the door, my future father-in-law burst into tears and gave me a vicious hug: Good boy, you have passed our test, welcome to join our big family. What this story tells us is: how important it is to put condoms in your car! Short and dirty funny jokes

1. Chinese Americans and Jews drank drinks together, and three flies flew away The Americans asked for a drink, but the Chinese drank it without paying attention. The Jews grabbed the flies and shouted: Spit it out! Spit out the drink you drank!

2. After the two mice got married, the female mouse became more and more arrogant. One night, the male mouse wanted to scare her, so he meowed like a cat at the door of the house. Not only was the wife not afraid, but she said tenderly: Brother Cat, stop barking, my husband hasn’t gone on a business trip yet.

3. A policeman went to Thailand to handle a case and called a girl at night. After several twists and turns, the young lady kept touching the policeman’s penis while he was in his arms. The policeman was very comfortable and asked: Do you want to come again? The young lady sadly said: No, I just miss it a lot. I used to do it too.

4. After the boss went to work, he sat there depressed. The secretary asked why? Boss: Yesterday I received a letter from a guy saying that he would kill me if I didn’t leave his wife! Secretary: Just leave his wife! Boss: But that guy didn’t sign it!

5. Once, a very bad eunuch stopped Ji Xiaolan and asked him to tell a joke. Ji Xiaolan said: Once upon a time, there once was a person. Then after a long silence, the eunuch asked impatiently: Where is it down there? Ji Xiaolan replied: There is no more down there!

6. Passing by a bank, four or five men walked across from them, and suddenly they all started coughing. I immediately thought it was a code for a robbery, so I was a little nervous! As a result, they walked over coughing. Then a woman also started coughing! Isn't it an infectious disease, T-virus or something? A little scared! What's going on! Until I got to where they started coughing and I coughed too! ! ! Fuck, who cooks with chili peppers that are so spicy?

7. When a male colleague and a female colleague in the company were joking and joking, the man accidentally sprayed perfume into the woman’s eyes. The woman burst into tears instantly. The man said boldly: It’s okay, blind. I will support you forever! It happened that this man's girlfriend came to pick him up from get off work and heard this sentence at the door.

The man didn't wait for his girlfriend to speak, but decisively pulled his female colleague to his girlfriend's side and said: Come on, call mom!

8. Text messages between son and father:

Son: Dad, I am shamelessly asking for monthly money again.

His father: I will serve it tomorrow, I hope you will accept it.

Son: Father, your words are serious. I kneel down to thank you for your kindness.

His father: God’s grace is so great that there is no need for it.

Son: My father is busy with state affairs and family affairs. I don’t know if my mother is in good health.

His father: We are busy with worldly affairs, but we have just figured it out. There is peace inside and outside the forbidden area! My son is in a Confucian country, so there is no need to worry!

Son: I obey your decree, long live my emperor.

9. I went shopping on the weekend and bought a bottle of Coke. I found an old woman following me, so I turned around and asked her: What are you doing? Granny. She said: I want the empty bottle in your hand. So I gave her the empty bottle. Unexpectedly, after walking for a while, I found that she was still following me. I asked her in confusion: Didn’t I give you the bottle? Anything else? Unexpectedly, she said: It’s such a hot day, I don’t believe you won’t buy another bottle!

10. The teacher was giving a lecture and saw two students sleeping with their books on their pillows. One of them was a student with excellent grades and the other was a poor student. The teacher pulled the poor student up and scolded him: You are a guy who doesn't want to make progress. You fall asleep as soon as you read. You see, people are reading even when they are sleeping.

11. The recruits went out for training. A recruit saw six stars on the shoulder of a uniformed man on the side of the road. He was shocked: six stars! Stand at attention with a snap as a military salute to show respect. The platoon leader came over and slapped me in the face: Salute to your mother, that’s property!

12. In order to prove to the students the harmful effects of smoking, the teacher specially put nicotine extracted from cigarettes on the bugs. After a while, the bugs died. The teacher then asked everyone: Look, what does this experiment show? The students answered in unison: Smoking will not cause worms.

13. I am a girl, and my father loves me very much. Once, my father took me to buy sportswear, and I found a set worth more than 800 yuan. Dad said: buy whatever color you like. I ended up buying three sets. After swiping the card and going out, I heard the weak voice of a saleswoman: This mistress is so ugly!

14. The spider is going to marry the bee. The spider asked his mother: Why do you want me to marry the bee? Mother Spider said: Bee is a bit nagging, but she is a stewardess after all. Spider said: I prefer Miss Mosquito. Spider mother said: Forget about that little nurse, the last time my mother was sick and had an injection, she gave her a swollen wound. Collection of funny dirty jokes

Funny dirty jokes (popular)

1. Xiangpiaopiao advertisement, last year Xiangpiaopiao sold so many cups that they circled the earth, and this year they are still saying it. Let me go, has the earth gained weight? My friend said quietly: What a profiteer, the cup must be too small.

2. Ever since my son started taking ballet classes, I have been particularly worried about whether he might be gay. Especially when I see that all the boys over there are so handsome! They have nice buttocks

3. I met a girl on Momo. I didn’t understand her online name. I asked her and she was beautiful. Smile, say nothing, and open a room a few days later. His online name should be...

4. I received a text message that day saying that your son is in my hands. I felt helpless and said: Then just wash your hands.

5. In the afternoon, there was nothing to do in the department. The female doctor was nagging and dissatisfied with her mother-in-law. The male doctor said to her: Flies don’t bite seamless eggs, so don’t just blame others. Female doctor: I have no eggs. Man: Do you have any gaps? The whole audience burst into laughter. . .

6. There was a lamb kneeling next to a kebab stall. The lamb’s tears kept flowing. Mom, Mom, they roasted you! Then a mouse came over and said, Crying with the lamb, you MB! That’s my mom who baked it

7. It is said that Santa Claus fell down on the way to the commodity mall to purchase goods and no one dared to help him, so this year’s Christmas has been cancelled

8. The target is from a school? Well! A department? Well! A major? Well! A dormitory? Well...

9. One time I went to KTV, and a buddy kept being reserved. Sitting in the corner, I called him: "Don't sit there, you can sing." He was stunned for a moment and said: Isn’t this good? I smiled and said: It’s okay, the most important thing is to have fun when you come out, so he took off his pants with a twist.

10. I just updated the new version of mobile QQ and saw that I died The profile picture of a friend who has been with you for several years lights up and you ask, should I say hello to him?

Funny and Dirty Words (Classic)

1. Here comes the girl upstairs. I borrowed the bathroom at my house, but there was no movement for a long time. I asked worriedly: Sister, are you okay? She replied weakly: I'm sorry, that one came suddenly, can you help me buy it? I bought sanitary napkins from I stuffed it under the door, and the girl finally came out. Thank you. I can't repay you today. How about a few days later? I'm dizzy. How should I understand this?

2. For a while, my buddy’s cheeks were always red and swollen. Every time I ask him, he answers: He got angry with his girlfriend and had a fight. The strange thing is that since he bought a pump, his face has never been swollen again.

3. A couple was sleeping at night, and suddenly the door was blown open by the wind and made a loud noise. Wife: No, my husband is back! After hearing this, my husband was shocked and jumped out of the second floor window.

4. A: I read the news some time ago. There was a newlywed couple who had sex a hundred days after their marriage. As a result, the man was exhausted and died. B: What about the woman? A: It wasn’t mentioned in the news. The result was a joke next to it: B sucks.

5. Nezha’s father complained: If he had known that Nezha could cause trouble, he should have shot him against the wall. Useless Sun Wukong, his father said.

6. After the man and woman are done, man: I bet you are a surgeon. She admitted it and asked him how he knew. The man said: It’s very simple, you wash your hands often. Woman: I bet you're an anesthesiologist. Man asked: Wow! How did you guess it? Woman: Because I didn’t feel anything just now.

7. There are three sisters. The third sister just got married. The eldest and second sister asked the third sister, how is your family? Is it awesome? The third sister blushed and was embarrassed to say, and asked the two sisters, The eldest sister said half an hour, and the second one laughed at her, and the second one said one hour. Then they asked the third one, and the third one bowed her head and said "clock" with a smile. The eldest sister and the second sister burst out laughing and said no! Then the third sister said "guangshuangshu<" /p>

8. I said: It’s boring to play games by myself, and I want to play with a cute girl. My buddy said: Don’t you bring it with you every time you play? Me: Where is it? My buddy glanced at me calmly and said: Your right hand.

9. One day in English class, the teacher asked Xiaohong: How do you say flower in English? Xiaohong: After thinking for a long time, she shook her head and said no. The teacher then said: Xiao Ming, give her a hint! So Xiao Ming put his hand in his crotch, shook it, Xiao Hong said with a blushing face: "Hold the second child." Teacher: You both get out of here.

10. Men study literature, while women study theory. One day, the two talked about biological science. Man: Dear, what is a genetic mutation? The woman thought for a while and said: It’s too deep for you to understand. For example, I have type O blood, you also have type O blood, and we gave birth to an A child. For children with blood type, this is a genetic mutation. Man: So our child has a genetic mutation? Woman: Yes

Funny and dirty jokes (selected articles)

1. A woman said to her friend : I can’t sleep at night because I have to keep an eye on my husband! My friend said, didn’t you hire a female nurse? The woman said: That’s why I keep an eye on my husband!

2 . Legend has it that everyone has a clock controlled by God. The more faithful a person is to his partner, the slower the clock will spin. Someone knew this after death and ran to God to see how his wife's clock was spinning, but God couldn't find it. After a while, God suddenly said: I remembered it, it seems My men used it as an electric fan.

3. I had a toothache! I was hooked up to an intravenous drip in the clinic! It was time to change the water. I yelled several times but no one answered me! So I yelled for help! Then I saw the doctor and nurse coming out of the next door in a panic! Still sorting out clothes! Do I know too much? They won't hurt me!

4. The lovers went to see the Christmas Eve scene. And we used the lights of overtime and self-study to form a night scene, how touching. After getting off work and on the way back to the dormitory, they used the lights in the room to light up our way back!

5. A friend asked: Why do Chinese people celebrate foreigners’ holidays now? I answered: Because of traditional Chinese festivals, girls have to go home.

6. A: My wife earns B in one month in the county town: My wife earns C in one month in the provincial capital: My wife earns D in one month in the capital: My wife earns in one month in Dongguan

7. I stayed in a hotel on a business trip last night. When I checked in, the boss kept looking behind me and emphasized: Are you alone? When I entered the room and turned on the TV, I found that the screen was full of snowflakes. The boss said: The antenna was broken last night. You are the first one. One found that the TV was unwatchable. Then he told me that there was no TV to connect to wifi. I said: There are so many people using the same wifi and it will get stuck. The boss said that actually, he and I might be the only ones free to use the wifi tonight. Well, the reason why I'm not asleep now is all because of the next door...

8. Late at night, a boy and a girl were walking hand in hand on the street. The boy suddenly plucked up the courage to say to the girl: How about Don't go home tonight! The girl lowered her head silently and said nothing. The boy suddenly touched his pocket and said disappointedly: Forget it! I didn't bring my ID card either. The girl hesitated to speak and was silent for a few seconds, then suddenly asked: Do you think I look better with long hair or with short hair? The boy replied listlessly: How do I know? I've never seen you with short hair. The girl then took out her ID card from her bag, pointed to the photo on it and said: Look! Look! The boy smiled knowingly.

9. The manager had an affair with Lao Wang’s wife, and Lao Wang discovered it. For various reasons, he endured it and found the manager’s wife: Sister-in-law, they went too far. Manager's wife, it's okay, my sister-in-law will make it up to you. After the love, the manager's wife still had some unfulfilled desires. She wanted to take revenge, so Lao Wang reluctantly accepted the challenge. When the manager's wife brought it up for the third time, Lao Wang replied: Sister-in-law, I have forgiven them both.

10. Superman was wrestling with a wretched old man, but was suppressed by the old man. Superman asked, "Who are you?" The old man replied lightly, "Single."