Why does my life stand still

Do you have a feeling that everyone around you is moving forward, but only your own people are standing still? The following is what I recommend to you why my life has stopped, hoping to bring you help.

User's question

Keywords: Others are bad to themselves, which is the punishment of God

I think that I am in trouble because God has punished me for doing bad things. What should I do if I am easily afraid?

My parents divorced when I was young, and my father never left me alone. Mom won't remarry for me. Sometimes I feel that my birth caused my parents to divorce, and it is also because of my existence that my mother failed to find her own happiness.

In the process of interacting with my classmates, others always bully me. I think they treat me like that only because they respect me. Then I have been forbearing and never dare to tell my thoughts and needs loudly. It's always a parrot. The same is true at work. I will try my best to do what my colleagues tell me if they need help. But when I was in trouble, they showed a very cold look, and then I was very resentful, but I couldn't show it. Including my husband and my mother-in-law, because my first child was a daughter, my mother-in-law was very angry, and my husband ignored me. Before the full moon, my mother-in-law asked me to cook, wash dishes and do housework in the fields, but my husband didn't say anything.

I wonder if I have always had a grudge against them, so God punished me and made me suffer all kinds of hardships? But I have done my best for this family, why do they still do this to me? I'm really scared. I'm afraid there's no end in sight for such a day?

Feng Dantong, a consultant, answered

Everyone's growth is inseparable from the adjustment and acceptance of internal and external stimuli. In this process, a fundamental belief on how to look at oneself and the world has gradually formed. Abstract: world outlook, outlook on life and sense of value, which will inevitably involve right and wrong, right and wrong, advantages and disadvantages, good and evil attitudes. Invisible, these attitudes will influence how we look at ourselves and others' behaviors. The formation of these fundamental attitudes and beliefs, from a small perspective, is closely related to family atmosphere and personal experience. From a large perspective, the cultural background will strengthen some characteristics.

Specifically, from your troubles, you have a set of internal frameworks for good and bad, morality and evil, which govern how you face and understand your inner desires and coordinate the relationship with the outside world. This kind of belief, which is mostly subconscious, will become your potential belief. When you encounter difficulties and prosperity and seek a plausible and clear explanation, it will infiltrate its color invisibly. Make you happy or depressed, gradually restore inner peace, but also strengthen the unconscious belief on your words and deeds? Inevitably? Join.

The negative effects of these inner beliefs, as you have already experienced, are that you disturb and destroy your inner desires, feel scared, and excessively suppress and condemn yourself. This feeling forced you to use it? Reverse formation? Defensive way to deal with, that is, a certain feeling and emotion that one yearns for is more afraid, feels that it should not be accepted, and is reversely expressed as the opposite behavior and over-disguised emotion.

This is also common in our daily life. For example, we dislike a relative, but when we have to meet each other on holidays, we are too polite, too flattering and polite, so as to stay away from our inner disgust and disgust. Because on this occasion, this emotion is hurtful.

However, these beliefs in dealing with inner feelings can help you in certain situations. Your guilt and remorse will strengthen your compliance with certain social rules and maintain high moral requirements. We are also helping everyone to have a clean and tidy external environment and a humanistic environment with spiritual care. This is not only beneficial for you to cultivate positive and healthy self-esteem and win everyone's recognition, but also the basis for self-discipline and self-reflection.

on the contrary, inherit? Go your own way? 、? I'd rather lose the world than let the world lose me? Some people, lacking too much guilt and moral awareness of their actions, have gone in the direction of anti-social personality, lacking self-discipline, irresponsible behavior, lacking profound interpersonal feelings, extremely selfish and cold-blooded. And when you talk about peace, do you use a lot? Altruism? With? Ritualized? Way, even slightly uncomfortable, to balance the inner guilt, so as to ease the inner conflict. This way, as long as it doesn't seriously affect your self-esteem and your interpersonal relationship, it won't be a big problem.

but? The emergence of difficulties? In your experience, it symbolizes a kind of punishment, which prevents you from achieving your goals and feeling comfortable. The negative impact of this closed belief lies in making you feel that you are a sinner, that you should not do what you did before, and that you bear greater emotional pressure and are prone to depression. But the good thing is, as long as I behave myself and be honest, the difficulties will be eliminated, as if we can get good luck and good fortune, and our fate seems to depend on what I have done before, and it's all about ourselves? Master? In the middle. This is the influence of the simple karma and causal cycle in our nation.

However, from a rational point of view, many things you encounter in front of you are limited by external conditions. Whether you are sincere or not and whether you have a positive attitude is only a part. What do you think? Excessive worry? To express it in a reverse way:? Longing for it is all an inner reason? As if to say, as long as I have a clear conscience and am open-minded, I should follow suit. However, he avoided the restriction of objective conditions in reality, thinking that he felt incompetent and helpless in the face of such restrictions.

what should I do?

to solve the fear of difficulties.

first of all, we should reflect on our many inner beliefs about people and ourselves. The world in our eyes when we were five years old and the world in our eyes when we were twenty years old are actually not a world. It is not that the material and external environment have changed, but that the development of cognition and emotional experience have changed. And many of our moral concepts, right and wrong, and the relationship between ourselves and others often stagnate at a certain stage. For example, it is normal and acceptable for a 3-year-old child to be self-centered because he has no abstract thinking ability to think from the standpoint of others. However, among people in their 2s and 3s, there are still self-centered attitudes and beliefs, which are that the previous beliefs still dominate themselves, which is out of date and brings difficulties in adaptation.

Secondly, I am aware of and accept my aggressive and unruly part. Under suitable conditions, vent and express within the scope of relative acceptance. Man is an advanced animal, but it doesn't mean that he has completely broken away from animal nature. People's inner desire for chaos and disorder is no worse than maintaining order. The existence of culture and rules only allows us to maintain effective communication between people and solve some disputes. But for example, you can be messy in your own home, and you can be willful and self-indulgent in front of your close friends and relatives, which is also a kind of balance. People who control themselves too tightly and suppress too much often create more psychological conflicts or externalize them into interpersonal conflicts. Accepting human nature and accepting the fragility of human nature is convenient for people and themselves.

finally, face up to the limitations of manpower. Man can conquer nature, which is part of man's exaggeration of narcissism. It is a healthier state of mind to be able to accept one's limitations and do one's best to listen to destiny. As mentioned above, self-reproach, monitoring, and even resentment have infiltrated a powerful fantasy under the seemingly strict requirements. As long as you have a clear conscience, you should be prosperous. If there is such a belief in the heart, this person will be frustrated and depressed in the constant communication with reality, because nature has its own laws and is out of our control. ;