In the film Under the Gaslight, pianist Anton killed the aunt of the young girl Paula in order to snatch the jewels, then changed his face, concealed the fact of being married, deliberately approached Paula without relatives, married her and tried to take possession of the house left by aunt Paula in order to continue to look for the jewels that had not been successfully obtained before.
After Paula found a letter addressed to her aunt, the signature Bauer was Anton's real identity. Anton was afraid that his actions would be exposed, so he began a series of mental manipulations on Paula.
He told all the servants that Paula was ill and hinted that Paula had "mental problems";
Hire a hard-of-hearing chef and a coquettish maid, and wantonly flirt with the maid in front of Paula, making Paula lose face.
Leave no dignity, reprimand Paula, forbid her to go out, forbid contact with strangers, and claim to let her rest at ease and not be ashamed to go out.
Deliberately "put away" some small things for Paula, but in fact he didn't put them in his bag. After Paula "lost something", he sharply asked Paula where her things were, and even these things could not be put away properly.
Pretending to go out to work every night is actually searching for jewelry on the closed roof and making strange noises, which makes Paula nervous breakdown;
Every time Paula is alone at home, she will deliberately dim the gas lamp and turn it on before going home, so that Paula, who only notices the change of the gas lamp, thinks she is hallucinating.
Distorted the facts, saying that the letter Paula saw was an illusion, saying that Paula's mother died of insanity, making Paula feel that she had a family mental illness.
Through all these hints, Paula gradually questioned herself and became sensitive and fragile, thinking that she was really mentally ill.
Maybe you are not familiar with the gaslight effect, but it is essentially the same as the well-known pua, mind manipulation.
The gas lamp effect refers to controlling the other party by "distorting the truth in the eyes of the victim", so that the victim gradually loses self-esteem and produces self-doubt.
Many people often believe that they can see through other people's psychological manipulation, but they finally fall in.
Because the manipulation of gas lamps is actually a ubiquitous hidden mind control, driven by the manipulator, we will gradually lose our self-awareness, doubt everything we insist on, and finally obey others.
In the Peking University incident, at first, Bao Li was firm in the face of her boyfriend's suppression of her non-virgins. After months of arguing with Mou, she wanted to correct the concept of being single.
The other side gradually lost its position by constantly emphasizing, stealing concepts, suppressing and belittling. Accept his values and agree with his distorted values. I feel humble, self-respecting, selfish and unworthy of love, because I have nowhere to go and I feel ashamed of him.
Before the successful implementation of mind control, the controller will lay the groundwork layer by layer and unconsciously infiltrate your spirit and cognition in a secret way, but when you fall down, mind control has just begun. This is why many people often fall into the trap of the manipulator without knowing it.
How to get rid of gas lamp manipulation?
First, let go of the demand for the manipulator, and do not explain the non-cooperation.
Any form of mind control actually uses the same underlying logic, which makes the manipulated demand a manipulator.
Create demand when there is no demand, such as suppressing your self-confidence and destroying your self-esteem. Just as Mou belittled the original cheerful personality and bright future, he had the idea of belittling himself, which made him even more inseparable from this relationship.
When many people face mental manipulation, the first thing they will do is to try to explain and prove their innocence.
But as long as you start to explain, it is actually equivalent to releasing a signal to the manipulator.
Author Stern said that if you are accused by others for absurd reasons, silence is the best response.
Because the controller can successfully implement mind control, in fact, it also needs the cooperation of the controlled.
In the book Under the Gaslight, the author said that "the essence of the gaslight effect is actually the gaslight tango", that is, the manipulated person is actually dancing with the manipulator. "
This is not "victim guilt theory", but when we can realize this, it will help us escape from the clutches.
"If you have even the slightest idea that" I am definitely not good enough "and" I need the love or affirmation of the other person to be complete ",you are easily manipulated by the gas lamp.
In intimate relationships, we often have needs, expectations and desires that are seen and recognized by the manipulator, and this is precisely the opportunity for the manipulator to reach out to us.
On the contrary, when you let go of the need for the manipulator, face up to the question, correct the other party without trying to explain, do not show your needs and expectations to the other party, and firmly believe that only you can define yourself, then the other party can do nothing for you.
The author said: "The way to avoid manipulation is simple, that is, you must accept that you are already an excellent, capable and likable person, and you don't need the approval of an idealized partner."
This means that we need to have a good and stable sense of self-worth.
Sense of self-worth, just like our body's immunity, people with strong immunity can recover quickly when they catch a cold, while those with weak immunity can recover slowly, which may also cause other complications or leave sequelae.
Whether you can recover after suffering, and how long it takes for you to repair and heal yourself often depends on a person's sense of self-worth.
How to rebuild self-worth?
1, we can rely on the positive power of suggestion, firmly believe that we have the ability, and firmly believe that we can get a better future on our own. In this positive suggestion, you can help yourself find your confidence a little bit.
2. We must attach importance to feelings and refuse to be dominated by fear.
We will receive treatment that makes us uncomfortable because of our inner fears, so that we will be dominated by fear, compromise with the manipulator and become more and more vulnerable.
We need to face up to our true feelings and attach importance to them. In the face of criticism, we should not think about whether he is right or not, but whether you like the feeling of being accused, which will give us more motivation to stay away from the manipulation of others.
3. Do something that makes you feel happy, full and meaningful.
Find yourself something to do, and learn to put your needs and self-worth on things that make you happy, fulfilling and meaningful.
Don't think that life is meaningless without anyone. The meaning of life needs to be created by yourself. Every grass and tree can enrich your heart and deepen your love for life.