Choose marriage
In the past, children from aristocratic families in Tibet, boys 16 years old and girls 14 to 15 years old, their parents began to consider their marriage and choose their marriage partners. First of all, after secretly selecting several girls or men who are equivalent to their family status for their children, they usually designate a powerful assistant (that is, the housekeeper) in the family as the representative of the owner, bring gifts such as silks and satins, Tibetan silver, grain and Hada to propose to the selected family, and ask to inform the family of the children's genus and elements. If the family agrees to be a candidate marriage, they will be happy to tell the child's animal sign and elements. If they don't agree, they will politely decline on the grounds that their children are married or unwilling to let them get married too early. When Zuo Qiang (the housekeeper) gets each other's zodiac signs and elements, his family will ask a monk to do divination to see who it is appropriate to get attached to.
Proposal and participation
After the monk chooses who to marry, the brother or uncle with the highest taste in the family will go to the selected family to invite relatives and friends with a rich bride price and list. After the gift is settled, please ask the monk for divination, choose a good luck and make an engagement.
On the day of engagement, the man will give the woman a hada and give all the people in her family, old and young, a generous gift. The woman should prepare tea, wine and rice to show her hospitality. After the representatives of both sides entered the main hall and took their seats in turn, the host presented "chariots and horses" tea and wine. The proposal house presented a gift, especially a "gift" for my mother as "milk money" for the mother to raise her daughter. After that, they put two engagement papers in a high tray, which was read aloud by one witness and carefully checked by another witness. After the witness read it out, he stamped two family seals on the marriage certificate in public, and then the representatives of the woman and the man solemnly gave it to the other father, and then the parents of both sides presented Hada to the witness to express their gratitude. When the engagement ceremony is held, young men and women do not attend, only family members attend. After the ceremony, the woman's family hosted a banquet to entertain the guests and get together for a day; When the man's family leaves at night, the woman's family presents a Hada to each visitor.
hold a wedding ceremony
The man's family asked the astrologer to calculate the auspicious day of the zodiac to determine the wedding date (Tibetan "Niangzi"). On the first day of the wedding ceremony, the man sent someone to wrap a beautiful suit and eye ornaments in satin and send them to the woman's house for the bride to wear. On the wedding day, the man's family should find a person of status, bring a team of horses and colorful arrows with mirrors, jade ornaments and pearls, and bring a pregnant, well-dressed mare to the bride to ride and pick her up at her house. Before the arrival of cavalry, women will hold a farewell ceremony to "ride horses and chariots" with tea and wine. When the man's wedding procession enters the door, he first inserts colored arrows on the bride's back, and then puts jade on the bride's head, indicating that the bride belongs to the man's family. When a woman sends a bride to get married, she usually brings a companion. When the girl went out, her family stood upstairs with a colorful arrow in one hand and a leg of lamb in the other, shouting, "Don't take my family's blessing away!" " Repeat it many times until the girl walks away.
When the cavalry set out, the leader should be the best astrologer (usually an astrologer). He was dressed in a white robe, riding a white horse, holding a nine-palace eight diagrams in his hand, followed by the wedding representative, and then the attendants who accompanied the bride to get married. Along the way, the man's family had to wait by the roadside and toast the cavalry three times. They will feel unlucky if they meet people carrying patients, taking out garbage and carrying empty baskets on the road. After marriage, please ask the monk to recite the scriptures to eliminate disasters. During the procession of the cavalry, the entourage sang "Harmonious Youth" (big song), and the bride cried as she walked.
Before the bride arrives, the man must dress up the gate and prepare a mat for the bride to dismount. The mat is a bag filled with highland barley and wheat, covered with colorful brocade, and the surface is painted with wheat grains as a "swastika" symbol. The family met at the door, holding "chariots and horses" and highland barley wine in their hands. When the bride arrives at the door of her husband's house, she should drink three mouthfuls of butter tea before dismounting, and her feet should step on the ground sprinkled with highland barley and tea. The groom's mother welcomed the bride with a bucket of milk. The bride soaked milk with the middle finger of her left hand, sprinkled some bullets into the sky to express her gratitude to the gods, and then the groom presented Hada to the bride before welcoming her in.
The traditional ceremony of entering the park is very complicated, from dismounting, entering the door, going upstairs to entering the hall, drinking an ode and offering a Hada every time. When the bride enters the man's house, she must first pray to the protector at home. After that, the bride will sit next to the groom, have dinner with relatives of both sides and give gifts to each other. Relatives and friends attending the wedding also presented Hada and gifts to express their blessings. Then lead a couple to the top floor of the house. The Lama will recite the scriptures and pray for the family god to bless the bride. When the prayer flag was erected on the roof, the representative of the bride's family solemnly declared that from then on, the bride enjoyed equal rights with other members of the groom's family.
Weddings usually last 5 to 15 days, depending on the family's economic situation. During the few days of the wedding, there are also very close relatives or friends who pay all the expenses on a certain day of the wedding. A few days after the wedding, a special person was invited to dance Tibetan opera and sing for fun.
after marriage
On the 1 day after marriage, the bride and groom should get up early and pray before the patron saint. After marriage 1 month, the bride is not allowed to enter her in-laws' house. 1 month later, the in-laws formally summoned the newlyweds, and the bride went in and out of the in-laws' house at will.
Three or six months after marriage, the bride (or groom) can go back to her parents' home with her spouse for a short stay, and the time must be set by the monk, and the bride (or groom) family should be informed to make preparations for the reception. On the day of returning home, the newlyweds go with their parents with servants and rich gifts. The woman's (or man's) family should also draw "Yongzhong" in front of the house and welcome them with various daily necessities such as grains and tea. Parents usually wait at home and send Zuo Qiang to meet them outside. Both parents presented Hada, toasted buttered tea and "Chema" to each other and congratulated each other. The bride and groom should pray in front of the family protector. At this point, the whole marriage process is over.
Tibetan old marriage customs
In old Tibet, most marriages were arranged. Parents had the responsibility to support and solve their children's marriages, while children only had the obligation to obey and honor their parents. In the past, when looking for a daughter-in-law and a son-in-law, children had no right to ask, especially women, who often went to their husband's house and didn't know what her husband's face was like. After liberation, most of them are independent marriages. Men and women love each other, notify their parents, then go through the customary procedures and finally get married. Old-style marriage has many constraints and unreasonable places, which are listed below.
First, you can't get married. I used to pay great attention to the right person, so I can't just marry the person you want. The first thing to consider is status and wealth, followed by character and appearance. At that time, the children of nobles could marry each other, the rich and the poor could never love each other, and of course the children of serfs could not marry the lords.
The second is the constraint of superstition. Before matchmaking, you should first offer Hada to ask the other party for your own zodiac sign, and then bring the zodiac sign to a living Buddha or someone who specializes in calculating calendars to see if they get along or not. If there is fate, you can get engaged. If you agree, both men and women are willing, and parents disagree.
Third, as ordinary serfs, love and marriage are bound by their masters, and serfs cannot get married without their masters' consent. Generally speaking, it is easy to marry a serf of the same Lord, and the owner can still agree; However, the serf marriage of different lords is related to the increase or decrease of serfs. It is really difficult to get parents' consent after getting the consent of the heads of both parties.
Fourth, the old society in Tibet was divided into eight classes and nine classes, butchers, blacksmiths and beggars were the lowest, and their marriage could only be "suitable", and families from other classes would not marry them.
Tibetans also prohibit close relatives from getting married. Paternal relatives can never get married, and matrilineal relatives can only get married after four generations. Of course, in remote mountainous areas with inconvenient transportation and sparse population, there are also close relatives who get married. As a result, most of the offspring are underdeveloped, either stupid or lame. Because men and women have no freedom of marriage, the social consequences are very bad. Some people lost the right to fall in love and get married, some people lost their hair and became monks, or fled to far away places, and some even committed suicide.
Tibetan new marriage customs
Nowadays, marriage in love is basically not arranged by parents, but mostly free marriage. Men and women fall in love, notify their parents, go through the established procedures, and finally get married, but basically follow the procedures of marriage proposal, engagement and marriage left over from the past.
1, suggestion
This is the first procedure that must go through. Make a proposal before proposing marriage, and then send Hada to the other party's home to formally propose marriage.
Step 2 date
When the two sides agreed to get married, they sent people to choose the auspicious day and draft a marriage certificate. The engagement certificate is generally drafted by talented people who write Huaneng poems. The content is to write about the combination of men and women, mutual respect and love, mutual understanding, respect for the elderly and love for the young, noble character, and so on. Some letters of appointment are about future property inheritance. This engagement is written in the form of poetry and can be recited.
On the day of engagement, the man will give everyone in the woman's family a Hada and give the other parents "milk money" when they adopted their daughter. The other party prepares tea and wine waiters. After the representatives of both sides entered the main hall and took their seats in turn, the host family presented "chariots and horses" and tea and wine.
The suitor gives gifts, refunds the expenses spent on the day, and enters a "helping ceremony" (apron). The cost of this day's delivery is because the man proposed marriage. Originally, all the expenses were borne by the man himself. Now the woman, as an agent, should compensate with money. Sending a "stick" means that the girl has worn out many pieces of "stick" sent by her mother since she was a child, and sent this piece to compensate for the loss. After drinking tea and wine, they put the letter of appointment in duplicate in a high tray, which was read aloud by one witness and carefully proofread by another witness. After reading the engagement letter, the witness stamped the seals of the two families in public, and then the representative of the woman and the representative of the man solemnly handed it to the other father. Then, the two parents thanked the witness for offering Hada. On the engagement day, young men and women don't attend, only family members attend. Enjoy the day after the ceremony. When leaving, the woman's family exchanged Hada and gifts.
Step 3 get married
On the first day of the wedding ceremony, the man will send someone to wrap a set of beautiful clothes and decorations with silk, such as eight beads, garlands and bracelets, and send them to the woman's house for the bride to dress up tomorrow. On the wedding day, the man's family should find a person of status, take a group of people and bring a well-dressed horse for the bride to ride. The color of this horse is consistent with the woman's genus; This horse must be a pregnant mare. At the same time, you have to bring colorful arrows, mirrors, jade ornaments, beads and so on. Before the arrival of the cavalry, the woman will hold farewell ceremonies such as respecting "chariots and horses" and drinking. After the man's wedding team enters the door, first insert a colored arrow on the bride's back, indicating that she already belongs to the man's family. Put jade on the bride's head. This jade used to be called soul jade by Tibetans, which means that the man's soul has been entrusted to the woman.
When a woman sends her bride away, she usually brings a companion. The girl was about to go out when a woman's house stood upstairs, holding a colorful arrow in one hand and a leg of lamb in the other, shouting, "Don't take away my family's blessing!" " Repeat it many times until the girl walks away. When the cavalry set off, the leader was a man with the best animal sign, wearing a white robe, riding a white horse and holding Jiugong Bagua map in his hand. Then, there is the wedding representative; Then the bride and companion; Finally, the people who came with them. Along the way, the man's family will wait by the roadside to toast the cavalry three times. If you meet people with water and firewood on the road, you think it is the most auspicious. We should dismount and offer Hada to passers-by. It is unlucky to meet people who carry patients, take out garbage or carry empty baskets. After marriage, please ask the monk to recite scriptures to eliminate disasters. During the parade, the entourage sang "homophonic" (Daqu), and the bride cried as she walked.
Before the bride arrives, the man must dress up the gate and prepare a mat for the bride to dismount. The cushion is a bag filled with highland barley and wheat, covered with colorful brocade, and the surface is painted with auspicious symbols with wheat grains. The man's family greeted him at the door with "chariots and horses" and highland barley wine.
The traditional entrance ceremony is very complicated. From dismounting, entering the door, going upstairs to entering the hall, we should sing an ode and offer a Hada every time. After the bride entered the hall, she sat down under the groom's head, and the procession that greeted the bride entered the hall in turn and sat down. Then she presented "Chema" and toast, presented Hada to the Buddha statue and parents, and hung Hada on the stigma. People attending the wedding sang harmony to express their congratulations. The host presented Hada and thanked everyone. After that, the groom sent the bride to the bridal chamber, and everyone else was very happy. This activity lasted for three days. During these three days, relatives and friends can come one after another to offer Hada and gifts. The host served wine and tea, and the bride didn't leave the room.
Before marriage, the woman's family chooses an auspicious day, and the whole family comes to congratulate and formally pay the dowry. The handover ceremony was presided over by representatives of both men and women. One person recited the dowry list loudly, and the woman's representative handed the items to the man's representative on the spot. The amount of dowry varies according to everyone's financial situation, but there must be a small bronze bodhisattva, a scripture and a stupa. It is said that Princess Wencheng took these three things with her when she married Songzan Gambu, so they have been handed down and become a necessary part of the wedding dowry. After the dowry is counted, the list is placed in a tall plate and placed in front of the groom, which means to give it to him for safekeeping. After the banquet and handover ceremony, the bride and her family went out to have fun.
Characteristics of Tibetan marriage;
Tibetan marriage system
The Tibetan marriage system used to be monogamous, polygamous and polygamous, but now it is mostly monogamous. Only in remote nomadic areas, because life is hard, a wife can reduce expenses and allow several brothers to marry a wife. Tibetan young men and women are either free to fall in love or meet each other on blind dates. Before they decide to get married, they must combine eight characters. If the eight characters match, the man proposes Hada to the woman, and then formally holds an engagement ceremony on auspicious day. After the engagement ceremony, they began to prepare for the wedding.
The day before the wedding ceremony, the man must send the bride's dress and jewelry to the woman's home for use the next day. On the wedding day, the man took a pregnant mare as the bride's mount and let the married representative take it to the woman's house. The color of this horse must match the bride's horoscope. The wedding representative must also bring a colored arrow decorated with mirrors, jasper and jewels. As soon as he enters the woman's house, he will put a colored arrow behind the bride to show that she belongs to the groom's house, and then take off the jasper on the arrow and pin it on the bride's head to show that the groom's soul has attached itself to the bride.
When the bride was about to become a monk, the family climbed to the top of the building, holding the colorful arrow just inserted in the bride's back in one hand and a leg of lamb in the other, repeatedly shouting: "Don't take away our family's good luck!" Shout until the bride goes away. On the way back to the groom's house to pick up the bride, the wedding procession was led by people wearing white robes, riding white horses and holding gossip. If you meet passers-by carrying water or firewood on the road, it means good luck and you must dismount and send Hada; If you run into someone taking out the garbage or carrying a patient, it means disaster. After marriage, you must ask the Lama to recite the scriptures to eliminate disasters.
Before the bride arrives, the man puts a bag full of highland barley or wheat in front of the door and arranges it properly. When the bride arrived, she stepped on these bags and entered the groom's house. Then, after offering ceremonies such as "cutting the horse", toasting, hanging Hada and blessing from the elders, she entered the bridal chamber.
"Love divination" predicts marriage
"Love divination", called "solar dream prayer" in Tibetan, is popular in Tibetan areas of Yunnan. This is a unique way for some young men and women in Tibetan areas to express their love. However, the Tibetan youth's "love divination" is not so, but a guessing game with love as its content.
All young men and women who play the game of three plus hexagrams take out a small object that best represents their own thoughts and concentrate it in one hand. The person in charge of small objects put all the small objects in their hands, shook them gently, and secretly took out one and put it in their hands for people to guess. Then, other young people guess who the owner of the object is according to the love situation of the owner and sing a series of funny love songs.
If the host has chosen his sweetheart, but he is ashamed to speak, then sing it in shy lyrics. If the host has chosen the right person, but the right person has privately agreed with other young people for life. In this regard, people may sing implicit lyrics to make fun of him or her, and humorous lyrics are varied. After the song is over, the person who grabs the object releases his hand to see who this little object belongs to, and the song just sung is a preview of whose love. Of course, no matter what the prediction result is, it will attract a string of youthful laughter from young people.
Love comes from stealing hats.
When Tibetan youth are in love, they often sing folk songs to send treasures, grab hats and express their love for each other. If a girl likes a young man, she will give him an ornament, such as a necklace and earrings. If the young man accepts something from the girl, it means that he also falls in love with the girl.
If the young man takes a fancy to the girl first, he will look for an opportunity to approach the girl and take her hat. A few days later, the young man went to the girl again and returned the stolen hat to her. If the girl happily gets her hat back, it means that the girl has fallen in love with the young man and accepted his love. If a girl refuses to take back her hat, it means that she doesn't love this young man.
The "bride" married the sky
In the past, Tibetan girls in Gansu, Qinghai, held a grand "wearing a hat" ceremony at the age of thirteen or fourteen, which was a general term for marrying a girl and a son-in-law. However, the son-in-law married by the girl who held the "headdress ceremony" is not a handsome and strong boy, not a real man, but a blue sky, a day when a girl can look up but can't sleep with it.
Because the object of marriage is the blue sky, it is also called "Dai Tiantou". In fact, the "Dai Tiantou" ceremony of marrying Qingtian as a "husband" is a rite of passage for Tibetan girls. After the Dai Tiantou ceremony, the girl said that she had grown up. Since then, she has the right to socialize. She can not only fall in love freely, but also take the man she loves home to sleep with her.
Giving birth to a child is the proper behavior of the girl after Dai Tiantou, and it will never attract public criticism. After "Dai Tiantou", girls can get married in the future, or they can live in their parents' homes for life, and live a free sex life with constant visits from their lovers. Although she was a girl all her life, she and her children who knew her mother but didn't know her father formed a matriarchal family.
Polygamy and Dover
Polygamy and polyandry were common in marriages in old Tibet. In some families with daughters and no children, in order to ensure the integrity of the family and the continuation of the patriarchal clan system, it is often sisters who marry, and the adopted man marries several sisters. This kind of polygamy takes the form of a man's son-in-law, not only a sister husband, but also a mother-daughter husband. When a young woman with a young girl dies, she finds another man to be her husband and support her family. After the adopted daughter grows up, the stepfather lives with the adopted daughter again, forming a husband-and-wife relationship.
In old Tibet, besides polygamy, there was also the marriage custom of polygamy. Some Tibetans are afraid of disasters, which leads to the division of family property and the decline of social status, so they will marry their sons.
Several brothers take turns to live with their wives at will to solve their sex lives. Anyone who lies with his wife will leave a pledge outside, and the husband will avoid it when he sees it. In addition, in some families, the wife died halfway, and the husband was not old but the offspring had grown up. With the consent of the girl's parents, the father and son can marry together. However, the wedding of father and son's daughter-in-law should be held in the name of the only child.