The scariest thing about getting older is that you have to try your best to look decent.

01

In Changpu River Park in Beijing, there is a blind date corner.

Hundreds of elderly people come here every week for blind dates, not to find a home for their children, but to find a wife for themselves.

The 75-year-old Uncle Liu is one of them. Although he is old, his requirements for his partner are not low.

In the past two years, Uncle Liu has met many blind dates, and without exception, they all regard money as the primary criterion. "Ninety percent of the people who come here are looking for wallets."

He came up and asked, "How many houses do you have? How much is your deposit?"

Uncle Liu is not a man without money. He has 8 houses alone, but he really doesn't want to find such a house. Material feelings.

Before, Uncle Liu had a girlfriend from Henan. After they got along for a few years, the other party asked her to give her 500,000.

Uncle Liu didn’t agree, so his girlfriend abandoned her and found another new partner and went to the Northeast.

News source | The Paper

It is quite emotional to have not given up on love at the age of 75.

Unexpectedly, Uncle Liu was ridiculed by many netizens:

Some people say that if you still want to find love at the age of 70, you still don’t take a shower because you are so old. All places are strenuous.

Some people say that it would be great to find a nanny as a middle-aged person. Are they reluctant to pay for the nanny?

In short, in the eyes of many young people, they are old and buried in the dirt. After spending their old age honestly, why are they still messing around? Old gangster.

It is quite shocking to see such a view. It is the 21st century, and young people have not made much progress in treating the elderly. They are still using old views to constrain the elderly. .

02

The stumbling block to happiness in old age

/Children’s firm opposition/

What if, it’s just that others think it’s nonsense for the elderly to find love? That’s it. Many times, even the children of the elderly see it this way.

In the TV series "My First Half of Life", Luo Zijun's mother worked hard for most of her life and finally met her own happiness in her later years.

I originally thought that this twilight love would add a little color to life in later years. Unexpectedly, the man’s son firmly opposed the old man’s marriage, because in his opinion, Luo Zijun’s mother only stayed with his father for money. Together.

So, he didn't care what the two old men said and just drove Luo Zijun's mother away.

In the end, he was so angry that his father suffered a cerebral hemorrhage and was hospitalized, and he refused to let the two old people meet.

For the elderly, the difficulty is not that they cannot find love, but that their children readily agree.

This is not only a plot in TV series, but also a very common phenomenon.

On Zhihu, a netizen said that because she was not with her mother, she lacked companionship and wanted to find her a wife.

Who would have thought that this group of relatively knowledgeable users on Zhihu would strongly oppose dusk love.

Some were so angry that they were admitted to the hospital because they opposed their father's love at dusk; some were against their mother's love at dusk, and the relationship between the two was completely at loggerheads; and some because of the old man's love at dusk, the whole family became agitated. What a mess.

One of the top commenters replied that this is a real society, and a young man with no money and no house cannot marry a wife, let alone a useless old man.

In the eyes of young people, love is the preserve of young people. Old people who have lived for most of their lives have long lost their feelings. Their relationship is nothing more than a dispute over money and interests.

In order to prevent the elderly from becoming confused, the descendants use both soft and hard tactics to interfere with their happiness, and as the name suggests, they do their best.

03

Lack of companionship

/It is the biggest terminal disease of the elderly/

But children do not know that they lack the companionship of intimate relationships , is the biggest terminal disease among the elderly.

The widowhood effect fully proves this phenomenon.

The widowhood effect means that within 3 years of the death of a spouse, many people will die one after another, and some will even leave together on the same day or the next day.

I have seen this medical record:

An 83-year-old retired professor was diagnosed with lung cancer six months after his wife died in a car accident.

However, the old man was not very cooperative with the treatment and was anxious to go to the other side to meet his wife.

The wife is the old man’s first love. The two fell in love, got married, and stayed together since college, and they have been in love all their lives.

As a result, his wife died in a car accident.

From then on, the old man seemed to have lost his soul. He did not think about food or food every day, and often just ate a little food to make himself fooled.

Six months later, he coughed and coughed up blood and was diagnosed with lung cancer.

British social scientists surveyed 58,000 couples and found that 12 died on the day they were widowed, another 40 died within 10 days, and many more died within 6 months, including cancer, heart disease, homicide, etc. .

About 40% of men and 26% of sexual partners die within three years of the death of their partner.

Although the causes of death of these people are different, research has confirmed that their deaths are all related to the pain of widowhood.

For most people, a spouse is the most important social relationship.

Two people who have been together for most of their lives have long become part of each other's lives. Regardless of whether there is love or not, the death of the other person is a huge blow.

So, for the elderly, their biggest terminal illness is not from physical illness, but from being alone without anyone in their lives.

04

The loneliness of the elderly

/Not just company is enough/

Young people always have a misunderstanding, thinking that only company is enough Give the elderly enough company and they will no longer be alone.

This idea is so old-fashioned.

A happy old age requires not only the company of your children, but also the intimacy of your significant other.

In the movie "0.5mm", there is an old man who is particularly impressive.

The old man was once a university professor with a decent status and income.

But he stole something from the canteen. What he stole was not expensive or exotic stuff, but pornographic magazines that junior high school students loved to read.

In the store, the professor really didn’t dare to buy...

In public perception, the elderly should have no desires and desires. If they dare to think about what’s in their crotch If you do something like that, you will definitely be scolded as an "old pervert".

How can any old man who wants to save his face dare to buy and look at things openly like young men?

There are many people like university professors who have been kidnapped by their "elderly status".

In the film, almost every old man is suppressing his desires. For example, there is an old man whose biggest wish before his death is to touch a woman's breasts.

Domestic sexologist Pan Suiming said in "Leaving Historical Evidence for "Full Sex"": Among the elderly aged 55-61 in China, 53% have sex once a month. 39% of the elderly can reach 3 times a month.

Freud once said that humans and animals have sexual needs, which are called "sexual instincts" in biology. This is like wanting to find food when you are hungry. Does not decline with age.

Everyone has this kind of "original desire", but young people don't understand it. They have to label the elderly as "disrespectful", which causes the elderly themselves to be particularly entangled and contradictory in their hearts. .

05

When the elderly are ignored

／AIDS is caused/

When the elderly’s emotional needs, When sexual needs are ignored, the final outcome may be AIDS.

In 2015, in Yiwu, Zhejiang, a 91-year-old woman named Cui was diagnosed with AIDS due to sexual behavior.

Cui has been widowed for 20 years and lives alone in downtown Yiwu.

Since he lives alone, Cui sometimes takes in some homeless people who pick up rags, which not only relieves his loneliness, but also allows him to collect "accommodation fees" to subsidize his family's income.

Over the years, two or three men in their 60s have asked to share her bed and pillow, and Cui also had a relationship with them inexplicably.

So, just like that, she contracted AIDS.

Source | Jinhua News Network, Legal Evening News

When it comes to AIDS, many people think of "sex"; when they think of "sex", many people think it is for young and middle-aged people. patent. Not many people would associate the elderly with AIDS.

But the data is eye-opening. In 2014, there were approximately 35.3 million AIDS patients worldwide, of which nearly 4.2 million were elderly patients. The main route of transmission was sexual behavior.

The less society pays attention to the sexual needs of the elderly, the less understood the elderly will be, which will eventually form a vicious cycle.

Old people are shy about talking about sex. No one tells them relevant sexual knowledge, and sexual risks continue to rise.

Uncle Li, who is in his 50s in Beijing, does not understand the dangers of AIDS or the protective measures against AIDS.

He thought the only function of condoms was to prevent pregnancy.

As a result, he contracted the disease, and more than a dozen of the more than 50 women he had sex with have been diagnosed with AIDS.

The intimacy needs of the elderly are not a scourge, it is just one of the most basic needs of human beings.

Continuously condemning the elderly will only increase the number of AIDS cases. Instead of doing this, it is better to face up to the needs of the elderly and give them the protection and publicity they deserve.