1. Untitled

Someone’s wife was sick and asked a doctor to see her. The doctor checked and asked: "Is there a screwdriver?"

"Yes, here it is." After a while, the doctor asked again: "Is there a hammer?" "Yes... But what disease does my wife have?"

"It's okay, I have to open the medicine box first." 2. There are two kinds of good doctors

One is the one who can do it himself. The patient is cured; one is to recommend the patient to a doctor who can cure the disease well, knowing that he cannot cure it himself. 3. Congratulations

Doctor: "Congratulations, Mr. Penfield!"

Patient: (excitedly) "Am I almost recovered?"

Doctor: "No, you won't recover. However, in a few days you will die of a newly discovered disease, and we will name it after you." 4. Relieve the disease

Doctor : Is there anything uncomfortable?

Patient: It hurts very much when I breathe.

Doctor: Okay, I'll keep you from breathing. 5. Live to 80

Doctor: Old man, you are very healthy and there is no problem in living to 80.

Old man: I am already eighty this year!

Doctor: Look, I’m right! 6. Escape

A British plane was shot down by the Germans, and the pilot's leg was broken. In the hospital the doctors wanted to amputate his leg. Pilot: "Doctor, can you airdrop my left leg back to the UK?"

Doctor: "Yes." A few days later, the pilot said: "Doctor, can you do me one more favor and airdrop my right leg?" Can the leg be returned to the UK?"

Doctor: "Okay!" A few days later, the pilot asked: "Can the doctor also return my left hand to the UK?"

The doctor said angrily: "No, now I suspect you are trying to escape" 7. Cured? !

A doctor in a private clinic was preparing to go abroad for vacation, so he asked his son, who had just graduated from medical school, to stay for a month. A month later, the doctor came back from vacation abroad and asked how his son was doing.

The son said proudly: "I completely cured the heart disease patient that you have been treating for 10 years but failed to cure."

Unexpectedly, the father cursed loudly after hearing this: " Bastard! Do you think you are smart and capable? You don’t even think about how you paid for medical school all these years!” 8. It’s too early to be happy

A young man is about to be drafted into the army and he is an ophthalmologist at a military hospital. Give him a vision test, and while undergoing the test, the young man confessed that he was short-sighted. After the examination, the doctor said: "Yes, you are right, it is myopia."

The young man was very happy to hear this. "Dear doctor, then I am exempt from military service?"

The doctor shook his head and said: "No... I have written that I can participate in hand-to-hand combat. 9. Excellent question

Someone asked the doctor: "Excuse me, doctor, how can I live to be 100 years old?" ”

“First, quit drinking. ”

“I never drink. ”

“Second, abstain from sex. ”

“I am not liked by women at all. ”

“Third, eat less meat. ”

“I am a vegetarian! ”

“So why do you want to live so long? " 10. Medical skills

A doctor's husband often boasts about his medical skills in front of his wife.

"I know you are a very successful doctor. There is nothing wrong with the patient, and you have a way to tell him. What's wrong. "The wife said to her husband.

"That's nothing," the husband seemed very proud. "My success is because I am a specialist. I can train patients to get sick in my clinic. " 11. Turn around

A doctor was treating a patient when his nurse came in and said, "I'm sorry, the man you just treated fell down on the steps in front of the door as soon as he went out. , what should we do?"

"Turn him around," the doctor replied, "so that others will know at a glance that he is about to come in. ” 12. Professional Habits

The doctor rushed to the hanger and shouted: “Hurry up and pass me the tool kit!” "

"What happened, Dad? "My daughter asked in panic.

"Just now, a young man called and said that without me, he would die.

The daughter breathed a sigh of relief: "Don't be busy, I think this call is for me." ” 13. Medical Ethics

A doctor was driving his car home after taking an emergency care class. On the way, he saw a man lying motionless next to a car. He quickly jumped out. Car, said to the person lying on the ground: "I am an emergency doctor at the hospital, can I help you?"

The man lying on the ground moved and said: "Okay, Can you fix this damn tire for me?" 14. Quack Doctor

A doctor was walking down the street. A young man bumped into him and knocked him to the ground. The doctor stood up and grabbed The young man's collar, he raised his hand and wanted to hit it.

The young man said: "It doesn't matter if you kick with your feet, never hit with your hands."

The doctor was very surprised: "What do you mean?"

The young man said: "You kick with your feet , It will not kill you; but people say that once it comes into your hands, it will lose its life." 15. Feeling ashamed of the dead

There is a doctor who covers his face with his hands every time he passes by the cemetery. "Why are you doing this?" someone asked him.

"I feel ashamed in front of the dead." He replied.

"Why?"

"Many of these deceased...have been treated under me..." 16. Preparation

Xiao Ming is sick. Dad was busy calling the doctor. "Doctor. Before you come, what preparations should I make first?" "Have the money ready." The doctor replied with certainty. 17. The true nature of an expert

The repairman was called to the doctor’s house to repair the TV. He found that his TV had been used for ten years and was dilapidated. The doctor said in a humorous tone: "Please write a prescription." "

The repairman watched the TV silently for a while, and then replied: "I think he can only write an autopsy report." 18. Explanation

A doctor wanted to explain the disadvantages of drinking. , put two worms in a bottle filled with wine and a bottle filled with water. The little bug in the wine died quickly, but the one in the water was still struggling. The doctor said to the people around him: "You see, this is the harm of drinking."

At this time, an alcoholic in the crowd shouted: "That's right, people who drink have no food in their stomachs." This kind of bug will grow!" 19. Remedy

"Doctor, doctor, I accidentally swallowed it while playing the harmonica."

"Oh, optimistic Some---let's take some remedial measures. By the way, now you can play the grand piano instead." 20. The crocodile's big mouth

The zookeeper stood with his mouth open. In front of the crocodile, I kept looking into his mouth. Tourists passing by asked: "What happened to the crocodile?"

The administrator said: "It's not clear yet. After the doctor went into his mouth, he didn't come out for half an hour.