Preface: When I opened the yellowed diary, when I no longer recalled the bitterness and helplessness of the past, withered rose petals fell to the floor, scattered everywhere, but I did not squat down. I picked them up and stared at the floor blankly. They were so familiar yet so strange. They lay there, looking at me quietly. Those are his eyes.

It no longer has the splendor of wildfire, nor the alluring fragrance. Everything in front of you is just a pile of withered waste. How can it be waste? I slapped myself so hard. That is his soul!

It was too late to make an appointment with him, but he disappeared in the midnight storm and never came back. On that almost maddening night, I huddled in a corner of the wall, looking at the windows that were hit by the rain. Tears washed down my face. I cried, why did you leave me? Why did you have to leave like this? Woolen cloth? Didn’t you say that after you finish the exam, you would come to my house to play with me every day? You lied to me! You don't keep your word!

Mom and dad ran over, hugged me, hugged me tightly, I struggled in my dad’s arms, he left, he had to go like this, Dad, you know, I can’t Without him, Dad—Mom—I cried so hard that I lost all strength. I couldn’t see clearly what was in front of me. I only remembered two pairs of eyes that were swollen like walnuts, and my heartbreaking cry. I fainted.

Only the delicate rose was quiet.

(1)

I still remember that warm spring, when wicker brushed my pink cheeks, I stood on the mound, opened my arms, embracing nature, and he ran over , with his hands behind his back, "Guess what's behind me?" "I can't guess." He held a large bouquet of orange wildflowers above his head, "Wow, it's so beautiful, give it to me." I raised my toes to grab it from him. flower, he hid the flower behind him again, I ran behind him, and he raised the flower above his head. "Give it to me, give it to me, disgusting!" "I won't give it to you, I won't give it to you." Then he ran away, and I chased him. "Give it to me, you are so annoying." "Who said this flower is for you? I won't give it to you." We chased on the green grass. When we ran out of energy, we sat on the grass and he I pinched the largest one and stuck it in the hair behind my ear. "Brother, am I beautiful?" I blushed. "Well, she's beautiful. How can my sister not be beautiful?" "Brother, I'm so happy to be with you." In fact, at that time, he didn't know that my favorite flower was roses.

That was eight years ago, and it is still fresh in my memory. We named that wild flower because it was orange and looked like the sun, so we called it sunflower.

(2)

I remember one early summer, I wore braids. I vowed to grow my hair long because he was in my ear. It has been said that girls should have long hair, as elegant and refined as angels.

That day, I ran to his room, and he was sleeping soundly. I lifted up his towel and quilt.

"The sun is shining on my butt, why don't you get up quickly!"

"What are you doing, let me sleep for a while, you're annoying." He half-closed his sleepy eyes, then closed them again after a while.

"I can't tell you to get up, I can't tell you to get up, let's see how I deal with you!!" I lifted up his towel and threw it on the sofa.

He finally got up and sat on the bed with an angry look on his face.

"Hey, are you trying to tease me? Tell me, why do you want me to accompany you?"

"Your mother asked us to dig shepherd's purse in the back mountain. , Make dumplings for us at noon. Don’t you want to eat shepherd’s purse dumplings every day?”

When I finished, he jumped up from the bed and said, “Isn’t that great? Let's go quickly." He went to the back mountain with me without even brushing his teeth.

I can no longer remember the day we went to the mountains to dig for vegetables. I only remember that that day, we went to the mountains to catch grasshoppers for a day. We came back in the evening, dug up a bunch of weeds and went home to try to get by. As a result, I was severely scolded by my parents.

He and I have no blood relationship, just because we live in the same general building, his family lives upstairs and mine lives downstairs. His parents and mine are both colleagues and classmates. , is also a friend. So he was my childhood friend and my only childhood friend.

He is two and a half years older than me. I usually call him brother, and he always calls me sister. In the entire General Building, our two families are like one family.

（三）

“Brother, what is your ideal?” When my hair reaches my waist and I have grown into a graceful girl, my brother also He has grown into a full-fledged sunshine boy, with a sunny smile and shallow dimples.

"Be a painter and hold an exhibition of my own, so that people who love me can appreciate my works. Sister, what is your ideal?"

"My My ideal is not as lofty as yours. I just want to open a flower house and be with those lovely flowers every day, which is simple and comfortable."

"Then when we grow up, we can use our own hands. How about opening a joint venture and putting your favorite flowers in the most beautiful flower house? By the way, sister, what is your favorite flower?

It’s roses.

With excellent cultural scores and an innate obsession with art, my brother was admitted to the best high school in our city.

And I am still in junior high school.

"Sister, you must get admitted to this key high school, so that I can take care of you again."

I nodded hard.

My academic performance is not bad. I do not deny that I am talented, but what I lack is diligence. In the class, I am only at the upper-middle level. From then on, I studied hard just to be admitted to No. 1 Middle School

(IV)

Time always flies by, and in the blink of an eye I was in the third grade of junior high school.

As for time, people are often unable to predict it.

On New Year's Day that year, my brother took two days off. During the rare two days off, except spending time with his parents, he spent all the rest of his time with me.

"Brother, I'm in a bad mood, can you go for a walk with me?"

Brother was silent. He put on his coat and hat and went downstairs with me.

"Brother, the teacher dropped me to the last row just because I failed the math test. The head teacher teaches math and he can't stand me. You know that he wants me to learn math well. It's simply harder than reaching the sky. "Brother, I don't want to go to school anymore."

"What are you talking about? When you encounter such a trivial matter, you will stagnate. There are so many complicated things, isn't it just math? Why don't you show off your enthusiasm for learning Chinese and impress the teacher?" My brother was a little angry.

"Brother, you know, I——"

"You worthless girl, please stop talking. I'm talking in vain, and I'm wasting my love for you." It’s a lot of hard work.” After my brother finished speaking, he left me and walked forward without looking back.

I cried, I squatted on the ground and cried. There were cars passing by on the road, and people saw my sad look. I didn’t care so much and let the tears flow freely. My eyes were already filled with tears. It's a blur. There is a cold wind blowing, and my face feels like being cut.

"Xiaofan, Xiaofan..." I heard someone calling me. I rubbed my eyes and saw clearly, it was my brother. He was holding my favorite candied haws in his hand. Wave to me. I covered my face and ran away.

"Xiaofan, Xiaofan, don't be angry, okay?" My brother chased me quickly. Hearing this, I ran faster.

My brother didn’t catch up. With his speed, he could usually catch up with me in three or two steps. I was glad that my speed was so fast that day, but I still subconsciously turned my head.

Not far behind me, there were many people gathered around me. I didn’t see my brother in the crowd, so I walked over, wanting to join in the fun. What happened?

In the crowd, I really didn’t find my brother. I had a slight foreboding feeling in my heart. In the center of the crowd was a sewer without a manhole cover. I squeezed into the crowd like crazy and stuck my head into the well.

In the well, I found my brother. His body was twisted in the thick and curved iron pipe of the sewer. With his eyes half open and a look of pain on his face, he tried to stand up. But my body couldn't move.

"Brother——" My brother heard my voice and his lips trembled. I knew he was smiling at me. Then, he frowned and slowly closed his eyes.

"Brother, what's wrong with you, brother, wake up, brother——" I cried and jumped into the sewer.

At this moment, the ambulance came, and the medical staff rushed over quickly. They asked me to come out, because the well mouth was too small, and only one person could go in at a time. My brother weighed more than 140 kilograms. He was twisted in the tube and could not pull him out at all. Finally, they tied his brother with a rope. After 40 minutes, he was pulled out.

My brother was put on a stretcher, and I also got into the ambulance. The ambulance rushed quickly. I was in the car, and my brother never woke up. No matter how much I pinched him or beat him, he still didn't wake up.

...... ......

My brother was pushed to the emergency room. The doctor asked me his home phone number and notified his parents. I sat On the bench, staring at the ceiling, eyes glazed over. After a while, uncles and aunts came, as well as my parents, all came. Their eyes were red, and they kept asking me where I was going. I just squatted there, crying desperately.

Twenty minutes later, the door to the emergency room opened and my brother was pushed out. They quickly surrounded the doctor and asked about the situation. I didn’t dare to go with them. I only remember that my brother’s mother was there. Fainted. I didn't know the situation, I was dumbfounded.

(5)

After I went on winter vacation, my parents told me that my brother’s spine was broken and he had no feeling below the waist. God, isn’t that paralysis? I couldn't believe this fact, I shook my head vigorously, "Kid, this is true, this is already a fact."

"No!!!! This is not true!!!! "I ran out of the house crying and rushed to the hospital quickly.

I came to the hospital alone and came to the hospital ward. My brother is very popular with women. At the door, I could see that the table in the ward was filled with various nutrients and fruits. My brother’s There were many girls surrounding the bed.

"Brother, I ran to my brother's bed very quickly. He saw me and fell asleep under the quilt as if he was not prepared."

Waiting for the gang After the girl left, my brother's head came out of the quilt and stared at me deeply.

I saw my brother’s pale and thin face.

"Brother, I'm sorry." I secretly put my hand into his quilt and pinched his calf hard.

My brother was completely unaware.

In front of him, I shed tears again.

He held my face with his trembling hands, wiped the tears from the corners of my eyes with his thumbs, and smiled.

"My good sister, don't cry, you won't be beautiful if you cry anymore. I don't blame you, really."

"You can disfigure me, brother, If this can save your health, I would rather be disfigured by you."

"Silly girl, how can I bear to disfigure you? It's too late for me to love you."

My brother wanted to drink milk, so I poured the milk out of the thermos bottle, raised my brother's pillow with a pillow, and fed him spoonful by spoonful. But accidentally, a lock of my long hair slipped down and fell on my brother's face. He gently tucked the hair behind my ears with his hands.

"Sister, you have grown up." I smiled and blew him the hot milk in the spoon. Suddenly, my brother grabbed my hand holding the spoon. The milk in the spoon spilled on my brother's quilt, and the spoon fell to the ground with a clear sound.

Xiaofan, I love you.

Brother, I love you too.

"Can you please stop calling me brother? We are not related by blood at all. You have always called me brother, and I have always called you sister. In the eyes of others, we have always been brothers and sisters. In the eyes of others, we have always been brothers and sisters." In front of me, I can only maintain a brother-sister relationship with you? Do you know how much my heart hurts every time I call you sister, and every time you call me brother? Since I was a child, I have relied on you for everything. I am used to your humanity and your moodiness. Why? There is only one reason for all this, because I love..."

"Brother, please stop talking. "I don't want to hear it."

"Don't call me brother. I hate it. Go away!" The brother got angry.

I couldn’t believe it when I heard these sudden words. My brother, who has loved me for more than ten years, does not regard me as his sister. In my heart, he is my brother, my biological brother. I have no relatives in this city, so I regard him as mine. The only intimate partner, his position in my heart cannot be replaced by any friend of the opposite sex. I know that this is not love.

I only have affection for him.

Looking at his slightly closed eyes, I tucked him in.

"Yan, remember to drink the milk. It won't taste good when it's cold." I left the bed and walked towards the door. I could feel his hot eyes staring at me, but I There was no looking back. At the door, I met his parents, who asked me to stay for dinner, but I declined.

(6)

My birthday was on a snowy day. On that day, I accompanied my brother in the hospital. There was no birthday cake, no colorful candles, only Brother's deep and hoarse voice.

Today will you think of the diary you wrote yesterday...

Who tied up your long hair, who made your wedding dress... ..

This is "You at the Same Desk" that my brother often sang to me, but it was by his side, missing his beloved maroon guitar.

"Xiaofan, I have a gift for you."

"I don't want any gift, I just want to be by your side."

"Silly girl, the gift is under the bed."

I knelt down and found an unwrapped box under the bed.

"What is this?" I asked.

"You'll know after you open it and take a look."

I closed my eyes and slowly opened the lid. A pair of pink cotton boots came into my eyes, with white linings. wool circle. So beautiful.

"Xiaofan. Your feet are always frozen in winter, try wearing them."

I put my feet into these beautiful boots. A warmth immediately rose up from the soles of my feet and spread throughout my body.

"Yan, does it look good?" I remembered that my brother couldn't turn around, so he couldn't see my feet.

So, I sat down on his hospital bed and raised my feet high.

"Xiaofan, you only belong to pink in my eyes. You are as delicate as pink, as cute as pink, as innocent as pink..."

That night under the dim light of the ward, I chatted with my brother for a long time, until I fell asleep on his bed, with a happy smile still on my face.

(7)

The winter vacation passed quickly, and I plunged into the intense study life of the third grade of junior high school.

The sunshine in May shines warmly on people's hearts. I pushed the wheelchair and came to the bridge with my brother. Looking at the sparkling river water in the sun, my brother had a peaceful look on his face.

"Yan, I think of when we were young." The warm wind ruffled my long hair.

"Yes, time flies so fast, more than ten years have passed in a flash." My brother said calmly.

"Yan, you are still the same."

"Xiaofan, when you grow up, promise me that you will be good. You must be good."

"Yan, what are you going to say?"

"Xiaofan, tomorrow afternoon, I will have an operation. Do you know? My aorta has been transposed and I must have an operation. But the success rate of the operation is very low, maybe less than 50%. I'm afraid..."

I covered my brother's mouth with my hand. "Don't talk nonsense. You have always taught me to be optimistic. Where have you been? Don't think too much, you will succeed."

I put my hands on my brother's shoulders and looked at Calm lake surface.

"Xiaofan, I'm so happy."

My brother didn't speak anymore. I only remember that day was May 6, 2002.

On the afternoon of the second day, my brother was pushed into the operating room. The doctor was not very sure about this operation. If this operation was not performed, my brother's tricuspid valve would close and he would suffer. Less than three months. Therefore, this operation is a gamble with death.

At around 7 o'clock in the evening, my brother was pushed out. Fortunately, the operation was successful and smooth, but it required 48 hours of observation. After hearing the news, everyone in the audience was in suspense. My heart finally breathed a sigh of relief.

My brother was transferred to the observation ward, and the nurse and I tidied up my brother’s original bed. When I opened the pillow to prepare the sheets for my brother, I found a pencil drawing under the pillow, drawn by my brother: a boy lying on the hospital bed, a girl feeding him with a spoon, and the boy was feeding the girl A strand of hair fell and was tucked behind the girl's ear. I know that boy is my brother and that girl is me.

My brother has a strong foundation in painting. His hand holding the water glass will shake all the time and he needs someone to feed him. In this painting, his brushwork is sonorous yet soft, and the picture is also very clean. Under the sun, I found that there were words on the back of the painting. I turned the painting over, and sure enough, there were words, but the fonts were crooked. It’s a letter to me————

Sister:

Although I don’t want to call you that, and I haven’t called you that for a long time, but before I leave, I should still call you sister.

I know that in your heart, I am just your brother. I already knew everything from the look in your eyes that day. This ending was also what I expected in advance. But do you know how happy I am to hear that you no longer call me brother? People who are sick will not be happy, let alone a useless person like me, but do you know? These past six months have been the most beautiful, happiest and shortest period of time in the more than ten years I have been with you. You are a kind and good boy. You were afraid of hurting me, so you used good-natured deception all because you cared about me as your brother. In fact, I knew this. I didn’t blame you. Really, from beginning to end, I I didn't blame you. But I was sad and I cried. But then, I thought about it, having such a good sister like you is a blessing I earned in my previous life. I have no reason or right to expect anything more from you.

Sister, I’m afraid I can’t help you realize your dream of a flower house. In your dream, there is a picture that appears countless times, that is, you are in a warm flower house, wearing flowers on your head. Hat, wearing a skirt, arranging flowers carefully, I am drawing on the table next to you. This seems to be only a dream. I won't live to see that day. I'm sorry, my brother didn't keep his promise. You should find a boy who can accompany you throughout your life to fulfill your wish for me. I will hand you over. Gave it to him.

Sister, you have lost a lot of weight and your grades have dropped a lot. I know that all this is because of me. I want to ask you something. When you grow up, you are the one who asks me to do things. This Come back, brother, I beg you.

For me, can you be your original self, your original simple self? Do you think I don’t know? In the past few months, you have disguised yourself. You are afraid that others will hurt you and you are protecting yourself. I don’t want to see you like this. Promise me, okay?

Because of this operation, I will probably have to leave you forever. The above are what I want to say to you. I’m sorry, sister, I can’t wait until you are admitted to No. 1 Middle School. I will never leave you again. I can no longer help you with math tutoring. Now, the only thing that can represent my heart is the rose on the windowsill. It represents my brother’s fourteen years of love for you...

Let me call you one last time, Xiaofan, my good sister.

Brother

I read this letter with tears in my eyes. Brother, you are so stupid, don’t you know? Your operation was successful. I didn't have time to wipe away my tears and ran to the window.

A blood-red rose bloomed proudly in the sun.

I could no longer control myself, tears flowed down like spring water, and the roses in front of my eyes became moist.

(8)

I will never forget this day.

In the early morning of May 8, 2002, there was a thunder in the sky. My brother had to leave this world forever due to cell rejection after surgery. He did not survive those short 48 hours. Then the scene at the beginning of the story appeared.

My brother left, and he left with regrets. He had no regrets, because his last work before his death was treasured forever by the girl he loved and became an eternity in his memory. My brother had no regrets, because he I have been entrusted to him who accompanied me throughout my life; my brother is gone, just like his name, Zhang Yan, Zhang Yang’s brother has no words to leave; my brother is gone, my brother is really gone.

I looked at the rain-beaten window and shouted my brother’s name over and over again, Brother Yan, why do you have to leave like this?

The day after my brother left, I was unable to see him off. I cut off the long hair that I had worked so hard to grow, tied it with a white ribbon, and handed it to him until he cried like a human. mother. "Auntie, my brother needs my company."

In this way, my long hair was buried in the ground with my brother, and I slept together with him.

Brother, sister will always love you, because,