2. Give you a gift with the heaviest amount of feces since there was feces. You will eat a catty and be full. If you feel that the amount of feces is not enough, please help yourself!
The person I admire most in my life is Xu Xian-because he dares to stab the snake!
4, giving birth to a child can actually be called: servant.
In the past, you had to open your swimsuit to see your ass. Now, you have to open your ass to see your bathing suit.
6. Taking classes is like having sex with your wife. Although you may not want to, she will ask you to come once a month. Skipping class is like habitual masturbation, knowing that it will hurt your health too often, but you still can't resist the pleasure of that moment. Graduation is like childbirth. No matter how deformed you think you will be when you plan to get pregnant,/kloc-will mature after 0/0 months or 4 years.
7. SAO belongs to SAO, SAO has SAO chastity; Cheap means cheap, and cheap has cheap dignity.
8. Looking back after graduating from college, I found that I slept with a bunch of same-sex people for so long. ...
9. Why do European cucumbers spread viruses? Not gonorrhea, not syphilis, but Escherichia coli. Who can tell me why?
10, sanitary napkins are angels. They fold their wings every day.
1 1, close your legs, there is nothing in it; Open your legs and you will have everything.
12. The world is desperate. When I typed "men's short skirts" in Taobao, there really was.
13, the word ambiguous, literally, is to miss the days. But one pretends to have love and the other pretends to have a future.
14, donated blood in the school square one year ago. 200CC for nail suit, 400CC for watch. A MM in the next class felt very happy when she heard about it. She ran to the nurse and asked, "What is 1000CC for?" The nurse said calmly, "Send a coffin ..."
15, a student said, "teacher, I want to shit!" " Teacher: "Speak politely!" The student was silent for a while and said, "teacher, my ass wants to vomit!" " "
16. There are 50 students, 48 girls and 2 boys in a class in a foreign language college. Then, then, then, two people slowly fell in love.
17, since ancient times, who has no shit, who defecates without paper? If you don't use toilet paper, are you using your fingers?
18, I really think I am actually a good girl. I haven't fucked s, cheated, been a mistress and gay, and I haven't sprinkled pepper noodles on other people's sanitary napkins …
19, MM told me after watching the TV series: "Journey to the West is so abnormal-a man rides another man every day!"
20, other people's wives will be angry, my wife will cheer up. Other people's children can buy toilet paper, and mine is still on it.
2 1, I heard that men in China like men to have sex with women, and their wives are better than him, so A man marries B woman, B man marries C woman, C man marries D woman, and A woman accidentally becomes a leftover woman. It is said that the older unmarried young women in China basically fall into four kinds of endings: loneliness, being a stepmother, being a lesbian and becoming a monk.
22, a civilized slogan that girls have never heard of-a small step forward, a big step for civilization!
23. It is not difficult to get wet with one hand, but it is difficult to get wet with a quilt.
24. Three sentences summarize the emotional drama of the Three Kingdoms: Wu Dong loves Loli; Cao Wei controls his wife; Shu Han are all gay.
25, leave half when defecating, so as not to be hungry soon.
26. gay friends is a friend who eats KFC together, and his booty friend is a friend who eats instant noodles together. The former pays attention to communication while the latter pays attention to efficiency.
27. All feelings that have not been tested by the lower body are unstable, and then they will spit out romantic and colorful orchids. In the end, whether the mule is a horse or a bed has to be taken with you.
28, a 180MM man brings a woman a sense of security is actually far less than a 395MM sanitary napkin.
29. In fact, the project that is more attractive than the 7-day double flight tour in Hong Kong is the 5-day tour of Hainan Road 3.
30. Menstruation is like a wolf. When he left, he always shouted, "I will definitely come back."
3 1. If there is only you and me in the world, I will cut you off-then we can be sisters with peace of mind ~
32. Being single is very painful. Being single for a long time is more painful. I saw a wild boar the other day, and everyone thought its eyes were good.
33. Don't think that you are strong on the whole earth just because you put JJ in the ground.
34. A girl who sleeps with many boys is called unruly and disrespectful, and a boy who sleeps with many girls is called awesome. I don't think this truth is right. Young men have to sleep with many young men to be really awesome.
35. Level 4 certificate is like a jasper condom. It's only used when looking for a job, and then no one wants to pick it up and wash it before using it.
Do you know how dirty my hair is? Liu Haier is the same, Liu Haier drips oil, Liu Haier slaps his face, and Liu Haier struggles.
37. Animals never wear clothes, but because the opposite sex never wears clothes, they are never interested in sex.
38. Rabbits don't eat grass beside their nests. This sentence tells us that rabbits don't eat grass beside their nests.
39. Even if it is a piece of shit, there will be a day when I meet dung beetles. So you don't have to worry too much about yourself today.
In the past, as long as the feelings were true, age was not a problem. Now as long as the feelings are true, gender is not a problem.
4 1, the most hurtful man's rejection is not "you don't deserve me", but "you don't deserve me".
42. Anonymous's screen name is: superior, I said she was too narcissistic, and she said I read it backwards.
Heavy-tasting sentences
First, when you were young, your mother hung a bone for you, and at least you had a dog to play with!
Second, life is like shit. Sometimes you work hard and come out with nothing but a fart.
Third, if you don't go bad in debauchery, you will change in silence.
Fourth, I can't figure out how the stinking ditch of the deep ditch bridge got into your head.
I am glad to find 20 cents. I picked it up and saw that it was "1992" money. "This money has expired."
Six, love and gambling, red eye is the gambling organ.
The important task of post-80s is to create post-80s.
Eight, in the pigsty, you don't have to pay attention to human etiquette.
Nine, the difference between people and pigs is that pigs have always been pigs, but people are sometimes not people!
Ten, the base is also an art, let's do this art well together!
Eleven, I want to pick up girls, every time I pull a pubic hair as a souvenir, I guess I can knit a sweater!
Twelve, after graduating from college, one day I saw a classmate on the other side of the river who hadn't contacted for a long time. I laughed at him: "Small sample, all mixed up like this!" As a result, he quarreled with me, and I was angry: "Shit, bring it on!" " He said, "Who's afraid of who? Maybe you can bring the cow! "
Thirteen, don't tell me that you are virtuous. You are simply too idle and don't know anything.
The difference between a lie and an oath is that the listener takes it seriously and the speaker takes it seriously.
15. When I woke up, it was already dark.
Sixteen, after marriage, men are like tablecloths, which only appear when eating.
Seventeen, my girlfriend said that after she was hit by a car, she struggled with her last breath and emptied her mobile phone message before she fainted!
Eighteen, in the eyes of fools, the cleverness of smart people is worthless.
Everyone says you are beautiful, but in fact you all wear makeup.
Loving you at the same time is the beginning of my challenge to moths.
Play a joke on my sister in the private room and say that I really miss the sun! What does sister mean by the sun? I said the sun is the sun! Sister smiled: You want me to make it clear! You intellectuals!
Give me a fulcrum, and I'll put my neighbor's car in the ditch so that he won't honk when he sees me.
Twenty-three, the wind blows the crotch hair flying …
Twenty-four, dear! My clothes have lost weight again.
25. I was in pain when you left me silently. I don't know what to do. I hate myself when I watch your back go away. It's all my fault ... I got up early and caught the bus.
Twenty-six, I have a little mind, but I don't lack it; I have a good temper, but not without it!
Twenty-seven, I can't help but want to smoke at the thought of the reunification of the motherland …
28. During the injection, I said, "... I'm afraid of pain ..." The doctor said, "Don't be afraid, I'll push it in slowly!"
When we were young, we often made faces in the mirror. In old age, mirrors are flat.
It is very important to remind everyone to learn how to repair notebooks! Once upon a time, there was a man who couldn't repair his notebook ... and everyone knows what happened afterwards. (Since the Edison Chen incident, I won't say much about the reasons. )
Thirty-one, choose a mature woman, the skirt is easy to pull.
Every time I watch you eat pork, I feel very sad. Ben was born from the same root. What's the hurry?
In my country, even foreigners regard me as a foreigner.
Love sentences with heavy taste
A couple went to register for marriage. "Have you ever had a premarital examination?" "Yes, his house and car are gone." "I'm going to the hospital." The young woman blushed and whispered, "Yes, it's a boy."
Maintaining life lies in exercise, and creating life also lies in exercise. The difference is-under the bed.
Living alone, people can only waste; Wives and concubines in groups make people know how to be frugal. But now, I am eager to be frugal in waste all day.
A stuttering invigilator found a student peeking. He shouted angrily, "You, you, you, you, how dare you cheat? Stand up for me! " Five students stood up. Classic statement
You ask me, where is happiness? I tell you, if you stand on tiptoe, you can get closer to happiness. If you close your eyes, you can feel happiness. ...
Xiaoming and Xiaohua went to the zoo to play. When they entered the door, Xiaoming pointed to Xiaohua and said to the doorman, "Look carefully! Come out later, don't say I stole your monkey! "
No matter how high a woman stands, squatting can only wet the land under her feet; Men are amazing, stand higher and pee farther!
During a military parade, the leader walked by with his head held high, saying "Good comrades", "Good leaders", "Hard comrades", "Suntanned comrades" and "Black leaders".
Two birds saw a hunter aiming at them. One said, you protect the scene and I'll call the police!
If you blink, I will die. If you blink again, I will come back to life. If you keep blinking, I will die!
Teacher, just follow the old woman! After a long time ... teacher, please give me a break!
Three small animals are chatting in the forest. Pig said: nicknames are popular now, so you can call me pig in the future. Rabbit: ok, I'll call it rabbit. Chicken face is unhappy: I have work to do, so I have to go first.
My dream life: I sleep until I wake up naturally and count my money until my hand cramps. My real life: count the money until I wake up naturally and sleep until my hands cramp. ...
Being single is very painful. Being single for a long time is more painful. I saw a sow the other day, and everyone thought it had good eyes. ...
Some people's love is erotic, some are erotic, some are comedies, some are literary films; I am the worst. My love process is literary films, comedies, porn, suspense films, action films, and finally KB (horror) films. What's even more exasperating is that there are fucking commercials …
Menstruation is not only the pain of women, but also the pain of men.
You are very creative, and living is your courage; Ugliness is not your intention, but God has a little temper; Without you, you have to live bravely ... who will set off the beauty of the donkey!
If you need advice or opinions, we will provide them for free; If you need the correct answer, please pay extra.
Men are lewd. A stronger one is called a pervert, a stronger one is called a pervert, and a stronger one is called a pervert. Especially strong, they become perverted perverts and are called human aesthetic artists.
There are two kinds of men, one is lewd and the other is very lewd; There are two kinds of women, one is pretending to be pure, and the other is pretending to be impure.
I like to leave my life to fate: I will flip a coin when I wake up in the morning and go back to sleep face up; If I have a backache, I will lie in bed and watch TV. If the coin stands up after landing, I will get up and tidy up the house.
Why don't you be rational? My uncle is here. Why did you think of going to the zoo to see bears?
Is it cruel that the female mantis will eat the male mantis after mating? But some women swallow countless offspring during mating. ...
For men,' godsister' means-you can attack when you enter, you can defend when you retreat, and both' courtesy' and' personal use' are appropriate.
The mother bird was in tears, and the male bird said angrily, How many times have I told you that this ring was worn by the Bird Research Station, not a wedding ring! I'm not married!
Chastity varies from person to person. For example, people will praise a girl as a virgin, but they will also laugh at a boy as a virgin.
For a long time, we separated. I looked at your blushing cheeks and asked you softly, do you feel happy? You gently lower your head and answer in a charming voice: You ate garlic today.
Girls care about the happiness of the second half of their lives, while boys care about the happiness of the second half. ...
What is cruelty? If it's a man, I'll break his three legs; If it is a male dog, I will break his five legs!
You occupied four seats in the theater, and when someone told you to stand up, you just, uh, didn't move twice. The security guard came up and said, "Brother, it's not easy. Which way? " You gnashed your teeth and said, I fell down the aisle upstairs!
My wife and I haven't spoken for 18 months, so I haven't had a chance to interrupt her.
Shop assistant: Miss, all your ten hundred-dollar bills are counterfeit. Pretty girl: Ah! ..... I was raped!
Notice to the robbers: Our staff only know Spanish, please wait patiently when robbing, and it is best to bring an interpreter, thank you!
My principle is: if people don't attack me, I won't attack; If someone attacks me, I will be angry!
Cruel people-nothing to kill. A romantic.-nothing. Find a beautiful woman to sleep with. Rich people-nothing to buy a new car to drive. I'm fine. Pick up a cigarette and smoke it. ...
Blind date is distribution, love is direct selling, and throwing hydrangeas to attract relatives is bidding.
I am forgetful, so my wife often tells me not to take an umbrella when I go out to work in rainy days, so now there are ten umbrellas at home.
I have done many stupid things, but I don't care. Friends call it "confidence".
Tourist: Master, is that hut over there a toilet? Monk: There are toilets everywhere except the thatched cottage.
It is not difficult to drive on the road, but there are' newcomers'!
Those who work in public institutions are called' iron rice bowls' and those who work in private enterprises are called' no-washing tableware'.
I can't talk. When I see many people, I stutter like a sheep. This is not to everyone's taste. I hope you can forgive me.
In love, some people' feel like death'; In marriage, some people' see death as death'.
The tragedy of life is that after a hard night's dream, I wake up the next morning and I can't remember it!
Life is a play. We are all Oscar winners.
My father asked me what I wanted in life, and I answered money and beauty, so my father punched me in the face; When I answered my career and love, my father touched my head appreciatively.
Do you know that?/You know what? Do you know that?/You know what? Sister Lin didn't die of illness, but actually fell from the sky and died.
Life is really boring. Last month, a buddy of mine borrowed 4000 yuan from me, saying that he was going to have plastic surgery. Now I don't know what he has become.
I think I should go to lose weight. Last time I donated blood, I actually shed a hundred milliliters of lard.
Someone met a friend in the street. When he first asked about his friend's wife, he suddenly remembered that she had passed away, so he changed his tune: "Is she still in the original cemetery?"
If marriage is the grave of love, then the annual wedding anniversary celebration is to sweep the grave.
A young lady walks at night, and there is a thief in Lu Yu: "Give me the money!" The young lady replied, "No, even if you force me, I won't give it!" " "The robber looked at the young lady carefully and said," You think it is beautiful! "
If happiness is a cloud, if pain is like a star. Then my life is really cloudless and full of stars in Wan Li …
A man and his wife are often ambiguous, but when they don't see it, their colleagues send a pair of couplets. Part I: As long as life goes by, part II: Even if the head is a little green, part II: Ninja Turtle.
Men, the upper body is self-cultivation, the lower body is the essence; Women, the upper body is the bait, and the lower body is the trap.
On Valentine's Day, I turned around and found the phone number of a girl who had a crush on me in middle school, and sent her a short message: If there is only one bowl of porridge, you should drink half a bowl first, and I will put the remaining half bowl in my arms to keep you warm ... A few minutes later, she replied with a short message: Who introduced you? 400 at a time and 700 at night.
In life, you can't hang yourself on a tree, but try to die several times on several nearby trees.
The cat greets the cow. The cow teased the cat and said, You have a beard so young! The cat was very angry and said, why don't you wear a bra when you are so old?
Someone asked me, are you handsome? I said I was not handsome. He hit me and told you to lie.
A foreigner who has learned some Mandarin. Say hello to the secretary in the morning. "How are you?" The young lady stared at him. He paused and immediately said to her, "Hello, Mom!" " "
Two drunks are driving at full speed. A: "Be careful! There is a sharp turn ahead. " B: "What? Aren't you driving? "
Generally speaking, boys are not allowed to go to the girls' building and must leave before 8 pm. Otherwise, at 8 o'clock, Aunt Lou will shout loudly: Girls, Fujian.
A farmer's daughter was so ugly that he had to let her be a scarecrow in the corn field to scare crows. As a result, not only did she scare away the crows, but even three crows were scared to send some corn back.
If marriage is the grave of love, the model couple is only a' model graveyard' at best.
The father said sternly to his daughter's boyfriend, "You only take my daughter to the movies every day, can't you do something else?" The young man was surprised and happy: "You mean you can do other things?"
The salary is dead. If the salary is worthy of going to work, you have to go to work less.
Focus on taste, talking about a complete collection, focusing on taste and personality signature.
1. Yesterday, a friend said that he would break up with me, but I didn't agree. After all, I didn't know where it was.
Other people's wives will be angry, and my wife needs to cheer up. Other people's children can buy toilet paper, and mine is still on it.
3. Three white rabbits shit together in the forest. Xiao Bai pulled a round lump, Xiao Hei pulled a cylindrical lump, and Xiao Hui pulled a five-pointed star. Everyone was surprised and asked, Grey Grey, how can you pull out the five-pointed star? Grey said wryly, hey, I pinched it with my hand.
I didn't like girls hesitating before, but now I feel quite comfortable.
Everyone must be careful when making friends, and try to make more friends with good wine. Yesterday, a buddy even called me and said that he had a crush on me for a long time! Fuck, so he's gay! The most exasperating thing is that he forgot about it the next day, which made me happy for nothing!
6. As a woman, is it so difficult to want a simple love that works at sunrise and stops at sunset?
7. My roommate coughed in the morning and gave him medicine as cough medicine by mistake. Come back at noon and ask my roommate if the medicine is useful. Roommate: Tema worked. Cough and pull your pants. I dare not cough now.
8. People have 206 bones. At the moment the wind blows your skirt, I have 207.
9. A swimmer fell into a shit hole. He used various swimming skills, such as backstroke, breaststroke, butterfly and freestyle, and finally swam to the shore. Just as he was about to go ashore, he suddenly kicked his leg and hit the wall. He turned gracefully in the water and swam back.
10. When I was young, boys liked electric toys and girls liked dolls. When I grow up, the situation is just the opposite.
1 1. Brother, can I go out with you? I think you are gregarious. Although I am weak, I can stab people, especially women. I can poke her out of the water.
12. People who have never had shit since ancient times pull early and pull late.
13. You always fart in the office, and colleagues can't help asking if you can keep quiet. Then I saw you sitting there shivering and asked what you were doing, and you replied that I was shaking!
14. Some people are like this. They are maggots and think the whole world is a cesspit.
15. Ah, lying in the bathtub, surrounded by white ceramics and water, I suddenly felt. . . I look like shit in the toilet.
16. God gave me ten slender fingers, but I used them to dig my nose excrement.
17. A couple met in the park. The woman asked: Are you willing to die for me? The man looked embarrassed and the woman continued to ask, If you don't want to die for me, then you don't love me. Let's break up. The man hesitated for a long time, and finally took out his ear and fed it to her.
18. It is not difficult to get one hand wet, but it is difficult to get a quilt wet.
19. A brother is constipated and can't be comfortable in the toilet for a long time. Just as he was going all out, he watched a buddy rush into the toilet like the wind and enter the next position. No sooner had I entered than there was a real storm. The brother said enviously to his buddy: Dude, I envy you so much. The buddy said: I envy you, my pants are still on!
20. As a lazy and delicious person like me, the only way to lose weight is to shit more.
2 1. I woke up in the morning to see my boyfriend playing, and I was unmoved by all kinds of teasing and touching behind him. I'm so angry! Get down and play with his balls with your hands! Maybe it hurts. Get up and chase me, and I run to bed. This guy pushed me down, took off my pajamas and bounced my balls!