A few days ago, my best friend came to see me and we went out for less than two hours. Before leaving, I could say I was reluctant to leave. I stood at the entrance of the subway station for more than 20 minutes. It was not until it was too late that I watched her get off and go home.

This afternoon, my best friend said that if something happened, he would come to see me in the evening. I felt happy again: Haha, many people still remember me.

Later, I thought, why would I be so happy when a friend contacted me? It turns out that I am so lonely and afraid of being alone, and so afraid of being forgotten by my friends~

It has been more than eight and a half years since I left my job. Looking back on those days when I was working, I felt like I was in another world. Being a full-time mother is really tiring, not only physically but also mentally. Maybe writing down my feelings can give mothers who are about to stay full-time a mental preparation.

Actually, I was quite happy and happy at the beginning of my full-time job. At that time, my husband and I didn't open the fire ourselves, we ate with my parents, and we lived not far from my parents' house, only a 10-minute walk. Every day I sleep until I wake up naturally. Of course, the time I wake up is only about 9 o'clock, and then I look at the stocks. I don't care so much about the ups and downs - I don't have to rely on stocks to support my family, so my life is very comfortable.

After I found out I was pregnant, I couldn’t believe it, and I was afraid of the trouble of going to the hospital: I had to queue up to register, and I also had to queue up to see a doctor; and there were several clinics near where I lived that specialized in medical abortion. I think these doctors must be very good at checking pregnancy. So, I found one to check out. An old doctor in his 50s performed a B-ultrasound on me and told me with certainty that you were indeed pregnant. If you want to do it, you have to do it as soon as possible... Before she could finish her words, I rushed to say: "I want this child!" The old doctor looked at me with surprise on her face. She probably couldn't figure it out. If she wanted a child, she would come to them. What to do? Haha, even thinking about it now makes me feel funny.

In the first half year of pregnancy, I was very happy and didn’t react much. My friends often came to me to hang out and eat and drink together. The only change is that he has become more picky than before. I would like to say sorry to my dad for causing you to worry~

I love hot pot very much. Many pregnancy guides say that pregnant women cannot eat hot pot. This made me very depressed and confused: Why can’t I eat it? Back then, my best friend and I loved to eat, so every time we met we would eat all kinds of delicious food in Kunming together. Hot pot can last as little as an hour and as long as two or three hours at a time. It is truly a must-have meal for foodies to chat and deepen friendships! To this end, I searched a lot of information and finally understood: Pregnant women are not encouraged to eat hot pot because they are afraid of eating undercooked meat. Meat may contain various parasites and harmful bacteria, which is very harmful to the unborn child. I was very excited: as long as it was cooked thoroughly, I could eat it. Therefore, throughout my pregnancy, I was not subject to any restrictions on food. A friend whose child has gone to college also said that pregnant women are not allowed to drink carbonated drinks. I was thinking about it at that time. One bottle of Asian soda a day would weigh 4,500 grams after the baby was born. It was not a problem and there were no problems. .

However, having said that, worrying about problems with the baby may be a common problem for every pregnant mother. Even if I eat something that may be harmful to the baby, I worry about affecting the baby's development or malformation. Every time I have a pregnancy check-up, I have to ask the doctor if there is anything wrong with the baby. Even if the doctor says there is nothing wrong with the baby, I will still be suspicious: Maybe the doctor didn't notice it? ah? Why doesn't the child move?

When the baby moved for the first time, I finally felt a little relieved, at least the baby was still alive. (As I write this, I want to slap myself twice: Is there anyone who curses their own baby like this? ). I still remember during a B-ultrasound examination in the late stages of my pregnancy. Because a relative at home had given birth to a child with a head problem, I specifically asked the doctor if the child’s head was normal and if the lips were cracked... I was relieved when the doctor answered in the negative. .

Books say that prenatal education is required. I can’t remember which book I read it in (I bought a lot of pregnancy books at that time - I had no experience, so I had to read more books and learn from previous experience), it said that the fetus should listen to the deep and deep voice of the father. Based on this, one night, I asked my husband to say a few words to the child. My husband was reading a book and said intently: "Child, listen to mommy, and daddy will read for a while!" I stayed there for a long time. I don’t know what to say~

I still remember when I was about 7 months pregnant, my best friend came to see me. (I miss those days so much. We would see each other almost every month. Later, because her workplace moved far away, and I gave birth to and then took care of the child, it took a long time for us to see each other. I want to cry. ~) That day, when the two of us met, I suggested going to the mall. She seemed stunned for a moment, but of course she agreed with my suggestion: How many female compatriots don’t like to go to the mall? After more than an hour, she complained that her feet hurt and said she didn't expect me to be able to walk so well with my big belly. She originally thought I could only sit and drink tea and eat snacks, and she never expected that I would have to walk around for such a long time. Haha, it turns out she was wearing a pair of high heels and following me for such a long time. Can she be considered tricked by me?

When I was still at work, there was a topic selection meeting. A senior suggested that we do a special topic and go into the delivery room to visit the birth process. At that time, he said that when the child’s little hand makes an impression on the mother’s belly, When I arrived, my mother’s heart must have been filled with love and relief.

At that time, I didn't feel much after hearing what he said. But when the child grows bigger and bigger in my belly, the feeling is really amazing, especially when I talk to the child and respond. One night, my husband went out with friends in the middle of the night and didn't come back. I lay on the bed and said to the child: "Baby, is daddy a bit too much? He doesn't come back so late. If you think he is too much, just do something." Just for a moment." As soon as he finished speaking, the child really moved! I was surprised and happy, thinking, does the child really understand? At that time, I really wanted my child to come out and keep me company. However, my sister-in-law told me that once the child comes out, my freedom will be gone. Is it really that scary? I don't quite understand.

The good times did not last long. By the time I was eight months old, I was slowly beginning to feel the pain of pregnancy. First, I had an allergy. There were a lot of red particles on my belly and it was extremely itchy. I went to the doctor and there was no good advice. Later I found that after scraping, the bumps would become smaller and the itching would be relieved. I often scraped my arms, which turned red and purple. I can't sleep well every night, it's itchy! Too itchy to sleep. It was easy to get through the delivery date that I had agreed with the hospital. I got up before 6 o'clock in the morning - because the itching was unbearable - and checked the things I needed to prepare for the delivery again, and sat there until 8 o'clock waiting for the bus. Come pick me up.

I can’t remember what time I entered the operating room. Inserting a urinary catheter and injecting anesthesia were nothing to me, because what was even more terrifying was what happened next: I was raped by the doctor before the anesthesia had fully taken effect. There was a cut on my belly, which made me scream in pain. This is different from what a best friend told me: She clearly said that after taking anesthesia, she would prick me with a needle and ask if I had any reaction. I was still here waiting for someone to prick me with a needle, but what came out was a knife. ? I fully expected that they would add some anesthesia or take some measures, but the anesthesiologist told me that it was all like this. It was a semi-general anesthesia, not a general anesthesia. It was impossible to stop now, so hold on!

In the pain, I felt the doctor pressing my stomach hard, and a stream of heat flowed out of my body. I heard the doctor calling: Come and help me quickly! After a commotion, my child was taken out, and then I heard the little guy crying. I have always thought that I would have a boy, and I couldn’t help but be curious and asked: Will it be a boy or a girl? The doctors and nurses ignored me, so I asked again, and finally the anesthesiologist told me: It’s a little girl. I seemed to feel that he was wondering: It hurts so much and he still has the heart to ask this?

Next, I continued to endure the severe pain of my stomach being cut open. I couldn't bear it anymore, so I asked the doctor: How long will it take? The doctor said: The uterus is being sewn. There was a moment of despair - although I didn't know how many stitches would be needed in one session, I also knew it would take a while, at least to the outermost belly, right?

I don’t know how I survived it, but I was finally pushed out of the operating room. As for the child, he was taken out long before I came out.