This article is the first article of the author's "trilogy of gynecological diseases safety". The themes of the three articles are symptoms, causes and prescriptions respectively, and the other two articles are insecurity, love rat+negative energy mother+self-immolation. Only by saying goodbye to the beggar's mentality can we have a real sense of security, which will be introduced one after another.

When they "die"

Adhere to an eternal logic:

Because I am a woman, I am right.

Many people actively develop spare tires.

Because of insecurity.

-Worried about getting dumped by the main tire

-perilla said

N 1

At the beginning of life, sex is insecure.

The day my little niece was born, I went to the hospital to see her. When I first met her, she had been away from her mother for less than an hour.

Lying in the stroller at that time, she was "melodramatic" for fear of being left out-someone had to stay with her all the time. Although she "sleeps" with her eyes closed, she will cry as long as she feels no one around. When I first discovered this, I thought it was a coincidence. Later, I did an experiment to tell my mother to go away, and I walked away, too. She really started crying again. When I came near to pat her, she stopped her voice at once. The experiment was repeated three or four times and the results were the same.

She will cry as soon as you leave. It seems that my teasing made her "very insecure". It seems that "insecurity" is not only the "privilege" of girls in If You Are the One, but also the "privilege" of newborn babies.

I then sighed with emotion: "Insecurity is the eternal theme of women."

In the adult world, "insecurity" is even the most popular gynecological disease in the world.

N2

The stronger the sense of belonging, the less secure it is.

The word "security" has a high frequency in love. It can be the reason why girls accept a person, or it can be the reason why girls reject a person. It makes men feel fear and ignorance.

After all, what does a woman mean by "security"?

"A sense of security is that you strongly feel that he can't live without you; A sense of belonging means that you strongly feel that you can't live without him. " This sentence by Le Jia is the best definition of "safety" I have ever seen.

But comparing these two definitions, we will find that there are some contradictions between security and belonging, and it is difficult to have both. Generally speaking, the more you love someone, the more you will feel that you can't live without him, and therefore, the stronger your sense of belonging; But at the same time, the more you love this person, the more you can't live without him, the more you worry that he doesn't love you, or that he won't love you as much as you love him, so the less you dare to conclude that "he can't live without me". Therefore, the stronger the sense of belonging, the weaker the sense of security. Few men can meet these two needs of women at the same time.

Many women, on the one hand, pursue stability and expect to get "security" from men; On the other hand, she pursues excitement and expects men to create romantic feelings for her. However, men who can give you a sense of security are usually responsible, conscientious and even "honest" people; Men who can bring you excitement and freshness are often people who like to toss and play, get drunk today, and even "bad men" who lack responsibility and are good at attracting bees and butterflies.

Before marriage, men have no room and women feel insecure; After marriage, if a woman suddenly finds that a man has many houses behind her back, she will feel even more insecure. Therefore, whether it is emotional appeal or property, it may be a great threat to the sense of security.

N3

Can sexual life be harmonious?

Some time ago, a female reader asked me: What do you think of the view that "you can't find a husband who is too handsome or too handsome, or you will be easily derailed or seduced in the future"?

What the fuck is this opinion? It's so young and naive. You have to doubt yourself. What does it have to do with your husband? Isn't it sad to deliberately choose an ugly and ugly one for the so-called "safety"?

Insecure women often believe in the simple and rude dogma that "all men are romantic ghosts", so they don't trust all men-after being hurt by a bad person, they no longer trust any good person, which is a typical indiscriminate killing.

In the eyes of these women, the male charm of men is a kind of original sin. Whether you are really unfaithful or not, they will prejudge your guilt. On the contrary, in their minds, it is some "frustrated" men who can give them a sense of security. This "frustration" is not in the eyes of outsiders, but in their own eyes, because if a man is frustrated, no other woman will rob her. Ha ha. ) Only when men are useless and boring will they "rest assured". I have seen a joke before. A woman deliberately dressed her husband up very rustic because of her insecurity. Will you be safe if others are poor?

"Attractive men are villains of playboy, while unattractive men are loyal." This is their logic.

In the end, most of these insecure women are married to men who are not as good as their pursuers and obviously not worthy of their "honesty". The "honesty" here does not mean obeying the law, but "not in the mood", "not romantic" and "not hooking three and taking four". They think that such a man will devote himself wholeheartedly to them and their marriage will be safer.

This idea is really too young and naive. When they are really with such a boring gourd, they will find that the depression brought by the boredom of life is far more unbearable than a very attractive man who makes you jealous all day. Moreover, men's flirting ability is the best aphrodisiac for women. Can your's sex life be harmonious with a boring person? Further, you may not even have sexual desire.

Besides, what makes you think that honest people won't have sex? Once there is an opportunity, their inner restlessness will be activated and their dishonest side will be released. Moreover, those honest people who dare not (won't) flirt with women of the same age are more "dare" to find strange women for whoring than others, and more "dare" to flirt with little loli. (On the contrary, men who can communicate with women in a normal way are not so depressed, so they don't have to rely on those inferior ways to release them. )

An insecure woman, no matter who she marries, is wrong.

N4

Do you want to be "safe" or "feel"?

In fact, the core part of the "sense of security" emphasized by many women is not "sense of security" but "feeling". What does this mean?

In other words, the focus of their attention is not how to make their actual situation in love and marriage safe, but how to make themselves "feel safe"; And this kind of "feeling", since it is a subjective feeling, of course, also includes that kind of "feeling of being cheated"-of course, this is my own feeling, not a man's-for example, it is obvious that men's so-called loyalty is not very reliable, it can't guarantee women's safety, but it will still bring some women a "sense of security"; Obviously, a woman who marries a rich man is more likely to lose her sense of security because of her husband's infidelity, but there are still some women who think that a man's money can make her feel "safe". . .

Every once in a while, the "commitment letter" written by officials to Yu Ji is exposed. Moreover, the contents of these promises are the same without technical content, and almost all of them are "divorce your wife immediately and marry you". The question is, why is this commitment letter, which obviously has neither legal effect nor moral constraint (moral constraint requires pressure from a third party), never completely consumed by wildfire when they are in the spring breeze? Are these concubines really stupid enough not to know that they have no practical value? This is probably the demand of women for "security"-security is often a feeling of nothingness; What these women really want is not "safety", but "feeling".

What is "feeling"? Isn't it just a feeling of self-deception and being cheated?

N5

"Because I want to fuck you, you should be good to me."

Appropriate insecurity is because you care about each other. But if you are too insecure, you basically have no ability to love.

"Women have no love. Whoever is good to her will go with her. " This seems extreme, but it also pours out a lot of truth. Especially those insecure women, when choosing a spouse, the most important thing is "whether he is good to me", not "whether he is attractive or not, whether he is worth my love".

Usually, if you can't two of a kind, you have to compromise. Men tend to choose a "I love", while women tend to accept a "love me"; This is why men tend to be unfaithful even if they know that "she only loves my money and doesn't love my people", and why women tend to value security more than belonging.

For those insecure women, what stands out in their concept of mate selection is not "I want to be interested in you", but "you want to be good to me, you want to be good to me, you want to be good to me"-of course, first of all, "I am interested in you", and then you are qualified to be good to me; In men's view of love, it is almost impossible to find the phrase "You should be kind to me", as long as "I am interested in you"-"As long as I am interested in you, I will be kind to you".

If "interest" is simply and rudely summarized as sexual desire, the difference is this: men are, "because I want to fuck you, I want to be nice to you"; The logic of an insecure woman is "because I want to fuck you, so you should be good to me."

In the second half of last year, there was a "warm man fever" on the Internet. The so-called "warm man" is actually what a girl said a few years ago: "I'm sorry, you are a good man". Just the kind of person who is boring and has no personality. Isn't this kind of man always just a spare tire? Why did it suddenly become a lighthouse? Is it true that China women's collective "has vicissitudes of life" and suddenly unified and lowered the standard? Or, collectively wake up and understand that you have always thought that "tasteless food" is the "most cherished person"? However, this awakening is actually quite sad.

This kind of women's warm call for warm men is actually a continuation of "you should be good to me" and even a morbid demand. Nine times out of ten, women who ask for a warm man are insecure. But at the same time, only people who don't understand love will be so demanding and so warm.

N6

No left, no nie

If a man is "insecure" in his feelings, he will first think that he is not good enough, so he will work harder to improve his charm index and enhance his "lover stickiness". As a result, they will become better and better; If women are "insecure", they will think that it is mainly because men are not good enough, which is a man's problem. Therefore, they constantly confirm whether men love themselves enough, and even ask too much, which is especially "difficult to serve". As a result, men are not driven crazy, but they drive themselves crazy first! ! !

There are many girls with princess disease and strong desire for control. Their requirements for boyfriends can be summed up in one word: obedient. In fact, this is caused by a lack of security. Basically, once they fall in love, they can't take care of themselves. For example, they can't even boil water or open mineral water bottles. . .

Of course, it is ok for boyfriends to do these things, but the excesses of these girls are that if boyfriends are slightly negligent, they will immediately raise the problem to the strategic height of "You don't love me enough". Boyfriends should dare to question this online. They will further doubt whether he loves me or not, and then put pressure on their boyfriends with the story of "other people's boyfriends".

When they get along with men, they follow an eternal logic: because I am a woman, I am right.

They have a low sense of self-worth, inferiority, sensitivity and blx, so it is particularly easy to associate other people's attitudes towards her with their own values. If she thinks that the way others treat her is not good enough and the "specifications" are not high enough, she will not think that it is a problem of the other party's style of doing things, but will be characterized as "treating me badly" and "disrespecting me"; Then come to the conclusion that "others are not good to me, maybe because I am not good enough" and torture myself. Even, they often need to put on airs to verify how much you love me. And if others are more friendly to her than he expected, she will have the fear of "what can I do" and "I don't deserve it"

In their hearts, they are looking forward to the appearance of the only thrill, but when this person does appear, they will be particularly afraid and afraid to approach. Isn't this Ye Gong Haolong? They believe that as long as they are not close, they will never lose; But in fact, this attitude of not facing reality can only lead to faster loss.

N7

gain the upper hand by acting first

It is difficult for a woman with insecurity to maintain a long-term passion for a person.

If men like the new and hate the old when there are emotional problems, then these insecure women often hate the old even if they don't like the new-they have no passion.

The reason is actually very simple. They have been exhausted by constant "death".

After losing their passion, in order to avoid being abandoned, they often decide to "strike first" and get rid of each other in lightning speed. Or, even if you don't break up, you will start looking for a spare tire in order to ensure that you have a way out. It is generally believed that people with more spare tires are often people with strong "resource allocation ability", but this seems to be a misunderstanding. In fact, many people actively develop spare tires because of lack of security-fear of being dumped by the main tire.

If two insecure people are together, they will fall into a "prisoner's dilemma".

Both of them have no sense of security, which shows that both of them strongly want to be with each other, but everyone is worried that the other party will take the lead in "breaking the contract". At this time, there will be four possible situations: after full communication, two people reach an agreement and choose mutual trust, which is the best solution; The frequency of thinking of two people is inconsistent. A trusts B and B don't trust A. After a long time, B will take the lead in "retiring"; B trusts A, A doesn't trust B, and A will quit first after a long time. Two people love each other deeply, but they are afraid that the other person doesn't love themselves enough and doesn't trust each other. They both secretly "find a way" or stop the game first.

Tell it to a woman.

▼

In the above paragraphs, if you are angry and unconvinced that you have been accidentally hurt, then you are the woman I most want to see but have never seen before. Welcome to introduce me to someone.

Many women say that they feel insecure, which is purely melodramatic. You don't trust others, and you are suspicious for no reason. Why do you ask others to be nice to you?

True love, you believe, may not exist; But if you don't believe it, you certainly don't believe it. This requires two people to run a business together, so to have a good result, we must first fully trust each other and fully invest.

Tell it to a man.

▼

If your woman is insecure, on the one hand, it is because she is really fragile, but more importantly, she loves you too much and is afraid of losing it. Therefore, please be more understanding and caring for insecure women.

end