Xiaowei decided to end his life. She made this decision after careful consideration and made detailed plans for her departure.

Xiaowei works in Beijing and is currently a planner in a company. The team she works for is responsible for planning the company’s activities. Xiaowei is usually a dispensable presence in the company. Although she is a screw, the team is all screws of the same standard, and the inventory quantity is greater than the actual required quantity, which is a lot less than her. Her relationship with her colleagues in the company is very shallow, and she is limited to smiling and nodding when they meet in the company.

Xiaowei rents in a residential area near the company. There are two bedrooms and one living room, one of which is used by Xiaowei for a long-term stay, and the other is used as a short-term rental, with people coming and going occasionally. The small schedule of 6 to 6 is very regular, and the opportunity to meet other tenants is regularly avoided.

Xiaowei, who has graduated five years ago, is currently single. Due to her passive personality, Xiaowei never took the initiative to show her favor to a boy, and she never found that she had different thoughts about someone. Two years ago, a man from the company took the initiative to contact Xiaowei. Although there was no special feeling, Xiaowei still went out to eat with him twice. After the second meal, he invited Xiaowei to go to the hotel to rest. Xiaowei's eyes widened in disbelief, and she looked at him for a few seconds, opening her mouth to speak but then stopping. In the end, he politely said that he still had something to do and left directly. The two have never seen each other alone since then. Now I can no longer see him in the company because the other party has changed jobs.

During holidays, Xiaowei always stays in the rental house, watching videos and eating snacks. Time flies. She doesn't have many friends in Beijing, so there are no weekend dates. The only friend I have contact with is in my hometown, but since my old friend got married and had a baby last year, we have gradually lost contact with him. At most, I occasionally leave messages in the circle of friends, "The baby is so cute", and get replies, "When will we come back to hang out?"

She rarely goes back to her hometown, and the last time was three years ago. There's no point in going home. Dad lives in harmony with his stepmother and stepsister, and he is a dispensable outsider. No, it should be said that it is best not to appear. The only communication is when to get married. He didn't let her become a girl-supporting demon, because her father said, "Save your salary for yourself and it will be your betrothal gift."

Xiaowei feels that she is completely isolated from her family, and there will be no violation without her.

One night, when she opened the door to get takeout as usual, the takeaway clerk smiled at her and said, "Hello, we meet again." Xiaowei just smiled and brought over the lunch box and a small cup of milk tea from the store. Then thank you and close the door.

When she picked up her chopsticks to eat rice noodles, she remembered what the courier said and suddenly realized that the person she knew best had become this stranger who delivered food every day. She asked herself, why do you need to exist? She put down her chopsticks and thought hard. She had nothing in terms of career, love, friendship, or family, and no one needed her. What will happen if I am gone? Maybe my father will shed a few tears, and my old friend will cry for two days, and then everything will return to peace, life will be the same, and the world will be the same.

Just like that, Xiaowei decided to die.

Xiaowei never wants to trouble others, so she has to finish the work before she dies.

As for the company, she organized all relevant documents and placed them in a desktop folder. She also created a description document that contained detailed index information. Ensure that the person who takes over the computer and related work can seamlessly connect.

She found her bank card and paid off all the credit cards. Find a piece of paper and write down all the passwords and related information for bank cards, WeChat Pay, and Alipay. In this way, after her death, her family can successfully get their savings. When sorting out Alipay, she saw a regular donation of 100 yuan a month to a lunch program for children in mountainous areas. Thinking that the balance of this account would be cleared in the future, she made a one-time donation of 10,000 yuan as payment in advance, and then canceled her regular donation.

Next is the social account. These data will have no meaning after his death. She cleared her QQ space, Weibo and Moments one after another. When deleting the past updates one by one, she felt that she had entered a death ritual in advance. The lackluster past appeared in front of her eyes, and then burst like a bubble.

Finally, it was time to clean the rental house. As if she was about to check out the rental, she packed her luggage. Useless and useful things are either thrown away or donated. Just carry a small suitcase with you. She planned to leave with this small box. It's like taking a train to travel to another place.

She took out her phone in advance to make a reservation for tomorrow's dinner. This was her habit. Before paying, she remembered that she had been drinking milk tea from the store every day recently, so she wrote in the message, "Thank you to the store manager for sending milk tea every time, and I wish you a prosperous business."

After doing these things, Xiaowei felt that he was ready. The time is set for tomorrow night. She would go to work as usual during the day, and after get off work, she would come back for her last takeaway dinner, wash up, and then take her suitcase to the bridge across the river, and jump down to end everything.

Today is the last day of the Micro Plan, Friday. Before getting off work, she tidied the things in the cubicle with special attention. Although she was usually used to being tidy, her mood was a little different today.

At this time, the phone rang. I checked and saw it was a call from an unknown number. It might be a scam call, but Xiaowei still picked it up. After all, occasionally someone would call her, an transparent person, about work matters and ask her to find her colleagues.

"Hey, I'm here in Sanxiang a day." There was a cheerful middle-aged man on the other end of the phone.

Xiaowei always ordered takeout from this restaurant for dinner, but this was the first time he heard a call from the boss. "Hello, what's the matter with?" Xiaowei thought, maybe the food delivery couldn't be delivered.

"That's right," Xiaowei heard a familiar local accent, "I saw you left a message saying that we deliver milk tea, but we don't have this event, and we don't sell milk tea at home."

It turned out to be because of the impromptu message she wrote yesterday when ordering takeout, "I have received a cup of milk tea every day for the past week. Isn't it from you?" She still couldn't help it. Check again.

"No, we sell milk tea next door. Maybe the delivery guy made a mistake. You can ask him next time."

"Okay, thank you, boss. Today's takeout is as usual. That's good." Before Xiaowei was about to hang up, he asked casually, "Is the boss from Changsha?"

"Yes!" The boss smiled heartily, "fellow?"

"Those from the county below can be considered half of my fellow countrymen." Xiaowei was unconsciously brought out by his boss to speak in his native accent.

After hearing this, the boss happily invited Xiaowei to eat in the store, saying that he would cook hotter meals for her, but she didn’t have to pack them to make them more delicious. After saying that, I hurriedly hung up the phone and continued working. Sure enough, he has a hot temper.

Xiaowei listened to the busy tone on the other end of the phone and felt a little confused. She originally planned to die after eating takeout tonight, but this was a bit troublesome.

What’s going on with milk tea these days? If someone delivers the wrong product, you have to pay for it, otherwise the delivery person has to pay out of his own pocket. Furthermore, after drinking so much in a careless manner, she always felt uneasy and owed someone something. Xiaowei never wants to owe others.

Xiaowei was still struggling with this matter until he got home from get off work. A cup of milk tea ruined her perfect plan to die cleanly.

She has never been like today, sitting and waiting for the courier to come to her door. The main reason is that everything behind him has been taken care of, except for this one thing.

When the doorbell rang, Xiaowei responded about two seconds faster than usual. But when she opened the door, there was no milk tea, and it was not the same person who had delivered her takeout before.

Xiaowei opened the food delivery software, but unfortunately it used a virtual phone number and could not contact the previous delivery person again. There is a huge sea of ??people now, where can I find them?

After thinking about it, I can only try my luck at Yi Sanxiang and the store next door tomorrow.

She felt like she was procrastinating on dying.

It has been a long time since Xiaowei went out on weekends. After she explained her purpose to the boss, the boss readily asked her to sit in the store and wait, and told her that generally the delivery guys would deliver food in a fixed area.

It was noon when we arrived at the store. Xiaowei ordered a signature farm-style stir-fried pork and sat in the corner to eat it silently. The food just out of the pot is indeed delicious. After a while, the boss smiled and brought a plate of chopped chili peppers and invited her to taste it, "Try it, we just made it ourselves. It's fresh. Let's see if it tastes like that."

Xiaowei hasn't had it for a long time. I have eaten homemade chopped chili peppers. I put a chopstick in my mouth. It was spicy and salty. I suddenly tasted the taste that I had not seen for a long time. I choked and shed tears. The last time I tasted this taste was ten years ago, before my mother passed away.

She pulled a box of tissue paper on the table to wipe her tears. She must have not eaten spicy food for too long, and she couldn't stop her tears.

Until the dinner rush hour passed, Xiaowei did not find that familiar face among the two groups of delivery people at noon and evening. Xiaowei sat in the store throughout the afternoon, occasionally playing with his mobile phone, occasionally looking at the passersby outside the window in a daze, and occasionally chatting with the boss who was idle. At 8 o'clock in the evening, she walked out of Yisanxiang with a small glass jar of chopped chili peppers in her arms that the boss insisted on giving her.

Seeing the illuminated sign of the milk tea shop next door, Xiao Wei ran over and bought a cup of milk tea. After these days, she seems to have become accustomed to the taste of milk tea.

With milk tea in hand, Xiaowei walked towards the bus stop. A No. 98 bus just closed its door and was about to leave. It seemed that it would have to wait for another 10 minutes. She looked at the bus that was starting. At this time, a passenger in the back row near the window turned to look out the window.

It’s him! Xiaowei recognized that the man was the guy who delivered takeout and milk tea before. She couldn't help but want to lift her heels, but realized that it was futile and stopped where she was. The person in the car window seemed to recognize Xiaowei and waved to her with a smile.

Xiaowei was a little discouraged. After waiting for a day, the person slipped away under his nose. Is it possible that we have to continue delaying this? She just wanted to settle her affairs and die in peace, so why did such a trouble suddenly arise.

Xiaowei felt a little depressed when he thought that he would not be able to die as planned today. Simply don’t wait for the bus and just walk two stops back.

We walked slowly on the road. It was already past 9 o'clock when we got home. Xiaowei took out the key and was about to open the door when he saw a sticky note on the door. He felt strange and tore it off. Enter the house and take a closer look -

"Hello, I am the takeaway "brother" who just greeted you on the bus. Can you add a WeChat ID? My WeChat ID is XXX."

When Xiaowei saw the content of the note, he couldn't help but smile. It was a smile of relief, a smile that came without any effort. It was not a smile that was usually returned to others just to be polite. laugh.

With the addition of WeChat, Xiaowei goes straight to the topic. After some interactions between the two, the matter finally became clear.

Last winter, Xiaowei once ordered a stew. When the takeaway arrived, I found that the delivery boy fell on the road due to slippery conditions and spilled most of the soup. At that time, the other party offered to transfer compensation and hoped that Xiaowei would not give negative reviews. Xiaowei looked at the other person's scratched trouser legs and thought that it must be very cold under the howling cold wind outside. She couldn't bear it. Instead of asking for compensation, she told the delivery man to be careful on the way back and to get off work early to rest.

The delivery boy is actually not a delivery boy, but Xiao Zhu, a graduate student. He personally delivered food for half a year to collect thesis materials. In order to enrich the experience as much as possible, Xiao Zhu traveled to various urban areas in Beijing to experience the life of a delivery boy. It wasn't until a week ago that I returned to the area where Xiaowei lived again.

Xiao Zhu happened to receive an order from Xiao Wei that day. He still remembered Xiao Wei’s friendliness, so he decided to grab her order every day in the last few days and serve milk tea in the name of the store.

Xiaowei was relieved when the truth came out, but should he return the milk tea? How should he return it?

The day after he planned to die, Xiaowei still didn’t succeed, as if he was suffering from procrastination again.

The tinkling alarm woke Xiao Wei up from his vague dream. She squinted her eyes and turned over to touch her phone. As usual, she wanted to cancel airplane mode first, intending to check the weather forecast and check the hot search list. After unlocking it, I discovered that airplane mode was not turned on. When I saw the red dot on WeChat, I opened it and found that a new contact appeared in the chat history - Xiao Zhu.

It turns out that Xiao Zhu fell asleep while chatting on WeChat last night. After all, Xiao Zhu refused to accept the red envelope for buying milk tea. The last message was sent after Xiao Wei fell asleep, "How about we have a meal together tomorrow?" Bar".

Xiaowei instantly felt like all the sleepyheads had run away. She rubbed her face and her sleepy eyes, unable to explain how she felt.

It would be nice to have a meal with someone before you die. Xiaowei thought it must be because of this that he wanted to agree to the meal. She simply replied with one word, "Okay."

Thinking this, Xiaowei got up, cleaned herself up, opened the door and went to the bathroom to wash up. Just as she was about to go in, she saw the door of another room also opened inward, and a head popped out. He glanced at her and immediately exclaimed, "Great!"

The person next door yesterday I stayed in a short-term rental with a young girl in her late teens. She was probably not yet an adult. Her long black hair was scattered casually on her shoulders. At this moment, she felt a bit like a flower that had been damaged by heavy rain. Although she was smiling reluctantly, she couldn't hide the pain between her brows and asked Xiaowei for help.

Xiaowei gave her some hygiene products to relieve her urgent need. The little girl huddled on the bed, still sweating heavily on her forehead. Seeing this, Xiaowei went to the kitchen to boil a pot of hot water and found a piece of old ginger that was a bit wilted from the refrigerator. This was the last time a short-term tenant bought food and cooked. What remains. Wash the old ginger, cut it into thin slices, put it in hot water and continue to cook it over high heat. I couldn't find brown sugar and had to use a packet of sucrose instead.

While doing these things, Xiaowei remembered how her mother used to cook ginger soup for her. In the first few years when she came to work, her mother always made her brown sugar and ginger tea, and sometimes boiled angelica eggs, which took care of her body very well. She never suffered pain like this girl. Later, no one cooked for her, she didn't eat anymore, and she never felt any pain. If I didn't think about it, I thought I had forgotten it, but I didn't expect to remember it so clearly.

The little girl drank the ginger soup, thanked her and fell asleep comfortably. Only then did Xiao Wei remember to look at his phone. Xiao Zhu had already sent several messages. Because he couldn't bear to leave this little girl behind, Xiao Wei had to explain the situation to Xiao Zhu and discuss changing the meal time. Xiao Zhu didn't say much, just "wait a minute."

I thought he meant that he had something to do now and we would discuss changing the time later. Unexpectedly, the doorbell rang. When I opened the door, I saw the delivery boy Xiao Zhu, who was not wearing a rider uniform. In his hand, he was carrying a packing box for One Day Sanxiang and three cups of milk tea. Seeing Xiao Wei's surprised expression, Xiao Zhu said to himself, "Don't blame me for coming to the door rashly."

Xiaowei was amused and turned around to let Xiaozhu in. As soon as the two sat down in the living room, they heard the little girl open the door and come out. After a nap, the stomach pain will stop, and the little girl will be full of energy. He ran over and thanked her exaggeratedly, "Sister, you are really my life-saver!" Then when he saw the food on the table, he touched his growling belly and exclaimed, "It smells so delicious."

The three of them sat together and had a good meal. Xiaowei found that the food Xiaozhu brought over were all her favorites. Maybe he referred to the takeout list he usually ordered. He is such a careful boy. After eating, the lively little girl transformed into a little magpie and started chirping.

Xiaowei is sure to answer every question, and Xiaozhu is equally candid and occasionally makes jokes with humor. Little girl, I have a lot to say. The three of them ate and chatted like this until they went out for another dinner before they dispersed.

When I packed up and lay on the bed at night, for the first time, Xiaowei didn't play with his mobile phone like before. This past Sunday was incredible. How many years has it been since she had such a comfortable and warm time? It was a long, long time, so long that she could no longer remember it.

The first time she met two strangers, she felt like she was being pulled back to the world when she was about to fall off the cliff.

She thought about everything she heard during the day. Xiao Zhu went deep into the rider community just to obtain real and detailed first-hand information, but unexpectedly gained many touches in other people's lives. Life for this group is mostly difficult, but despite the lack of choices, they still live and fight hard.

Xiaowei did not expect that his humble kindness would not only relieve them of the burden of compensation and the anxiety of getting bad reviews, but also warm their hearts and give them some energy to carry on. She never thought that she could have such a big impact on others.

This incident had a great impact on her, and she began to doubt her decision to die. As lucky as she is, should she really give up everything so easily?

An optimistic and cheerful girl named Xiaolu comes from a small county town. She is at the age where she dares to think and act, and her youth is limitless. This time I came to Beijing to check out my ideal school in advance. She usually likes to write while walking and dreams of becoming a writer one day.

She always communicates with everyone she meets so enthusiastically, showing herself without reservation and exchanging other people's stories. Her infectious energy made Xiaowei unconsciously smile like her without any scruples, and she dared to say the words directly without having to think twice.

One is a newborn calf who is full of hope for the future and feels that everything is possible; the other is a person who has seen all kinds of things in the world and still embraces the world with kindness and warmth. Xiaowei suddenly realized why she felt like old friends with them at first sight. Xiaolu was the lost past, and Xiaozhu was the ideal buried deep in her heart.

Xiaowei has stopped thinking about her deceased mother for many years, but now she can't help but take out a densely sewn cloth bag from the depths of her packed suitcase. The innermost layer of this amulet-like cloth bag is a photo of her and her mother. Over the years since her mother passed away, she has gradually closed herself off, always accepting everything calmly and indifferently. Without the person who gave her love and the person who needed her love, she gradually lost the goal of life.

Carefully opened the cloth bag in his hand, layer by layer, and finally took out the slightly yellowed photo. The look of myself in the photo is somewhat similar to that of Xiaolu, with the same flamboyance and youthful vitality. The mother standing next to her was somewhat similar to her now, except that her eyebrows were not distant and indifferent, but gentle and peaceful. Behind the photo, the date is written, May 12, 2012.

She remembered that afternoon. Her mother rode to the boarding high school to pick her up. On the way, she chattered to her mother about recent events at school. A senior student returned to school to give a speech. That senior sister was admitted to a first-class university through her own efforts. After graduation, she went to teach in a mountainous area for several years before returning to school for graduate school.

Listening to the senior sister’s description, Xiaowei was quite touched. I excitedly told my mother that I would also go to teach in the future. As usual, my mother said seriously, "My mother will support you in whatever you do. Just go if you want to."

Unexpectedly, those words became the last words her mother said to her. A car accident took my mother away forever. From then on, she sealed that day and all the good things in the past in photos, and never dared to touch them again.

Mom, it would be great if you were still here.

Xiaowei held the photo on her chest and couldn't let it go for a long time. Ever since I made the decision to commit suicide a few days ago, everything has been disrupted by a strange combination of circumstances. Until today, when I found my mother's photo again, Xiaowei suddenly thought that maybe my mother has always been by his side and has not gone far. Perhaps it was her mother's arrangement that allowed her to encounter a turning point before doing something irreversible.

When Xiaowei woke up on Monday morning, he did not go to the company and submitted his resignation directly to the company by email. The relevant documents and information in the company have also been sorted out and can be handed over easily. There is no need to go back.

The luggage has been packed and there is no worry in my heart. She came to the train station and bought a ticket to Daliang Mountain. From now on, there are no white-collar workers, only support teachers. This meaningless life, let it burn somewhere else.

Xiaolu looked back at the story he had written about Xiaowei, and seemed not satisfied with the ending. So I added this paragraph at the end——

As for what other stories are behind, Xiaolu playfully added at the end, "Life is long, to be continued!" 』

Attachment: There are many reasons for writing this story, including my own confusion, my thoughts on the meaning of life, and my deepest desires.

For details, see "The Story Behind Xiaowei" and the source of inspiration for "A Man Called Ove Decided to Die". Review