1. Yesterday I made a bet with my friend. I said: There is no one stupider than a pig in the world. In the end, I lost, and it turns out it’s all your fault!

2. A man is lovelorn. His friend comforted him and said: It doesn't matter, you will soon forget her and find a better girl. No, there's no way I'm going to forget her anytime soon! The man yelled: I bought a lot of things for her and paid them in installments.

3. Mom: Which apple do you want? Child: The big one, the biggest one. Mom: Son, you should be polite. Be small. Child: Do you have to lie to be polite?

4. The mother stood in front of the bank window with her child in her arms. The child was eating bread and pushing the bread through the window to the teller. The teller smiled and shook his head. Mother: Sorry, the child has just been to the zoo.

5. Mom asked Xiao Xin to go to the street to buy eggs, but all she bought were small eggs. Mom: Why are the eggs so small now? Xiao Xin: Born from a chick, puppy love is popular nowadays.

6. The mother bought back a bag of fruit and told her son: Put the fruit where no one can reach it. The son said: Mom, just put it in my belly.

7. Money treats me like dung, and I still treat money like dung! Who is afraid of whom if it is all dung?

8. When looking at beautiful women on the street, if you look high, you are appreciative; if you look low, you are a gangster.

9. I am in a bad mood today. I only have four things to say. Including this sentence and the previous two sentences. I'm done.

10. I think I should lose weight. The last time I donated blood, a hundred milliliters of lard actually leaked out.

11. The happiest thing in life is that I can do things that others can’t do. For example, I can send you text messages to scold you, but you don’t know who I am!

12. Life is really boring. Last month, one of my buddies borrowed a dollar from me and said he wanted to have plastic surgery. As a result, now I have no idea what he looks like.

13. Someone asked me, are you handsome? I said I was not, and he punched me and told you to lie.

14. My principle is: I will not offend others unless they offend me; if they offend me, I will get angry!

15. Mom: Why doesn’t Xiao Ming give candy to his little sister? The old hen finds all the bugs and gives them to the chicks to eat. You should learn from this! Xiao Ming: Okay. If I find bugs, I will feed them all to my little sister.

16. The father told his daughter that his family was poor when he was a child. After listening to the story, the daughter had tears in her eyes and said to her father with great sympathy: Oh, Dad, you came to our house because you had no food, right?

17. Are you working again? I have told you more than once not to work so hard and to take care of your health. But you always say meaningfully: If I don’t roll a few more dung balls while the weather is warm, what will I eat in the winter? !

18. I saw you that day. You were sitting under the bright sun, feeling so uncomfortable. I asked you what you were doing. You smiled mysteriously: Keep your voice down. No one will talk about me when I get tanned. Idiot!

19. Sha Seng: I have sixteen transformations; Bajie: I have thirty-two transformations; Wukong: I have seventy-two transformations; Tang Monk: Why didn’t I see you transforming into a mobile phone on the road? The monsters are using their mobile phones to read text messages!

20. The weather will change recently and it will start to get cold. You must take care of yourself and don't freeze. As the saying goes: A man's legs are frozen, but a pig's mouth is frozen. I have put on my trousers, so hurry up and buy a mask!

21. God said that he would grant me a wish, and I said that I wanted world peace. He said it’s too difficult. Let’s change him. I took out your photo and said I want this person to be more beautiful. He thought for a moment and said: Get the globe and let me take a look!

22. Someone saw you today. You are still so charming. You are wearing a plaid vest, walking slowly, with a detached and comfortable look. You are so cute. I don’t know how you could compete with me back then. Rabbit's?

23. Abandoned? Being bullied? Homeless? Even if the whole world despises you and ignores you, at least there is still us - the Animal Protection Association.

24. There are not many people who know Tang Bohu, but Qiuxiang is one; there are not many people who know Jia Baoyu, but Daiyu is one; there are not many people who know you, but Chang'e is one.

25. Are you avoiding me on purpose? Or is there no chance between you and me? But I think about you every day, and I won’t give up if I don’t get you. Just let me have you, even just once, my dear...five million lottery tickets!

26. Dad: Oh, my dear! You have been washing all morning. What have you washed? Son: Dad, I washed the soap off.

27. In the early morning, you gently approached my bed and kissed my face affectionately. Your deep eyes were always looking at me. I really couldn’t refuse you. Be good, dog, and take you with me. Go for a walk!

28. I told my mother that I like you and I want you to come to my house and accompany me day and night.

Did you know? Through these days of interaction, I found that I can no longer live without you! Really, but my mother refused. She said sternly: Pigs are not allowed to be raised here!

29. There is a tacit understanding called mutual understanding. Xuan, there is a feeling called indescribable, there is a kind of happiness called having you by your side, there is a kind of yearning called wanting to see you through, and there is a fool who will read the text message to the end.

30. The biology teacher talked about the ecological environment on the African grasslands. No one listened. The teacher said angrily: You all look at me and listen! If you don’t look at me, how do you know what an African wild cat looks like?

31. No matter how good your martial arts skills are, you are still afraid of kitchen knives; no matter how good your intelligence is, you will be knocked down by a brick; go your own way and let others take a taxi! Wear someone else's shoes and let them find it! Sending you Tuesday’s greetings, let others envy you!

32. If the landlord fights well, it means he has a brain; if he fights well, he means he has clear thinking; if he fights carefully, it means he understands economics; if he fights big, it means he is not afraid of explosions; if he wins silently, it means the city is deep. ; Not surrendering after losing; It shows a strong sense of competition!

33. I hope you can cooperate with me to do a big business. We will have no worries about food and drink, and we can travel around the country. I think with your charm, you will earn more than me. More, promise me? Let's go and beg for food.

34. The night is already very deep. I woke up from my sleep because I thought of you. Why do you always leave me quietly in the middle of the night when I want to hold you? I really need you! Where did you drop my beloved pillow!

35. The sky is blue, the sea is deep, and no man’s words are true; love is eternal , the blood is bright red, and a man can’t survive without fighting; if a man is rich, he is destined to be with everyone; if a man is reliable, pigs can climb trees!!

36. Mother and daughter wash dishes together , father and son watching tv in the living room. There was a sudden sound of breaking plates, and then silence. Son: It must be mom! Because she didn't curse.

37. Failure in foreign languages ??proves that I am patriotic; I show off all day long, but I actually have no wife; I have a small belly, pretending to be Maitreya Buddha; I chirp everywhere, like a giant grasshopper.

38. A river with spring water and a river with waves make a mountain higher than the other. Send a message to the idiot. The idiot must take out his phone. When he takes out his phone and looks down, he realizes that he is an idiot.

39. I have known you for so long, and you have always cared about me. I really don’t know how to repay you. I will definitely pull grass for you to eat in my next life!

40. In fact, every woman is a fairy descending to earth, but it’s a pity that you hit the ground face first!

41. The stars were shining brightly last night, where were you romantic? The stars are shining brightly tonight, where are you embarrassed?

42. I am holding a rose and see three girls. If anyone says they love me, I will give it to her!

43. Because of you, I believe in fate; because of you, I believe in fate; maybe all of this is destined by God and is pulling us together. I really want to say: What evil did I do in my previous life?

44. Missing you is always so strong at this time and place. You always give everything you have silently, but I always abandon you after the end - toilet paper.

45. I have learned the lesson from last time, and I have gained experience from it, that is, I will never hit you with a meat bun again, and there will be no turning back!

46. My love for you will never regret, my love for you will never fade away, I miss you so much that I can’t sleep, I can’t learn to forget you, a little pig is intoxicated on the phone!

47. I dreamed of you last night: we were walking by the river, cuddling each other. You looked up into my eyes and uttered three words affectionately... woof woof woof!

48. If there is no wind, the clouds will not move; if there is no water, the fish cannot swim; if there is no sun, the moon will not have light; if there is no you... the fool will not exist.

49. I’m going to treat you to dinner, do you want to come? Tell me quickly, tell me... After reading the text message, the statute of limitations has expired!

50. You have lacked calcium since childhood and lacked love when you grew up. You are wearing a sack, a pot lid on your head, shorts, a belt, shirtless, and a tie. Who dares to go to such a glorious image? like!

51. The shopping mall is holding a promotion, advertising to buy a refrigerator, and giving away air conditioners. Someone bought the refrigerator and was waiting for the mall to give away the air conditioner when the mall staff said: Sir, where is your air conditioner? We can send it back to you!

52. Don’t call your child a brat, because from a genetic point of view, this is not good for parents.

53. Three Obediences and Four Virtues: Follow your wife when you go out, obey orders, blindly obey if you say something wrong; wait for makeup, remember birthdays, endure beatings and scoldings, and be willing to spend money!

54. If you don’t eat, you won’t eat. If you eat, you will become an idiot. Idiots don’t eat for free, and idiots don’t eat for free. I'm not crazy, I'm just an idiot if I look at it!

55. Don’t ask me why I cry, my tears flow for you, and my heart breaks for you.

I hate that man, why did he take you away from me... damn thief!

56. The train climbs up so fast. I wonder how fast it will be when I stand up and run!

57. The stars and the moon are hanging in the sky, Chang'e flies to the moon and worries about her, the Cowherd and the Weaver Girl talk about love, the matchmaker is a myth, but there is a fool who doesn't speak and squints his eyes to look at the phone!

58. From a distance, you can see an elephant-headed donkey. If you look closer, you can see a donkey with an elephant-headed head. If it is a donkey, it is a donkey, but it cannot be ridden. Damn donkey! exasperating!

59. I am happy because you are happy, I am sad because you have lost weight, I am smiling because you have gained weight, and I am rich because I sold you, my poor pig!

60. What is an optimist? ——It’s like a teapot, its butt is burning red, and it’s still in the mood to whistle!

61. Your smile is sweet, your angry look is cute, you are the most beautiful in my eyes, and you are the best in my heart. Are you touched? Pig!

62. The clear river flows with love, and great friendship can be seen at a glance. Who can I tell you about the wonderful tomorrow? I send messages to idiots!

63. Abandoned? Being bullied? Homeless? Don't be sad, don't be discouraged, even if the whole world despises you, at least we are still there. The pig farm is your warm home.

64. You have lacked calcium since childhood and lacked love when you grew up. You are wearing a sack, a pot lid on your head, shorts, a belt, shirtless, and a tie. Who dares to go to such a glorious image? like!

65. You look very creative. Living is your courage. Being ugly is not your original intention. Without you, who would bring out the beauty of the world.

66. Hello, hello, you eat pig grass, have more hair and less meat, like to bathe in rice soup, and say that your skin care effect is very good, you are really a rare living treasure.

67. One cup and two cups, I will walk with a big stride, three cups and four cups, I will hold on to the wall and walk, five cups and six cups, I won’t walk against the wall, if I drink a pound, my sister will hug me and walk away!

68. My colleague is a very cute girl. When she came home from get off work last night, there were few people on the road, but her bag was robbed. The girl was in a daze for three seconds in the cold wind, then turned around and ran in the opposite direction! So follow. When asked why, she said: There is nothing in my bag, just a sanitary napkin and a pack of paper. I am afraid that the thief will find nothing and come back and beat me!

69. You are the book and I am the bag , you are a mouse and I am a cat, you are wood and I am glue, you are pork and I am a knife, you pay for tonight’s meal.

70. You see green mountains and green mountains from a distance, but you can grin when you look up close;

71. How to make leaders bow to you? It’s actually very simple, just send him a text message!

72. The little pig has a bulging belly, thick legs and a dimple face, and a mouth that cannot go in or out. Where are the little pigs now? Panting while looking at the phone.

73. As soon as I entered the company, my eyes were dull, my limbs were weak in the middle of the night, my internal organs were all in pieces, and over time, I felt very painful and helpless... I had to work overtime again!

74. Let me ask you a riddle: There are two drops of water on the pig's butt, name a song - you can't guess it, your face is crying!

75. When I called your cell phone that day, there was a voice prompt saying: The owner is running naked, please call again later. After a while, I called your cell phone again, and there was a voice prompt saying: The owner has rushed out of the service area!

76. You are financially poor, have a volatile personality, have colorful hobbies, and have a messy life creed. All of the above are true!

77. Do you know what I ate yesterday? Boil you, fry you, steam you; bake you, braise you, braise you; fry you, pan-fry you, serve you cold!

78. There is a little pig who is amazing. He sleeps until ten o'clock every day and eats five bowls before eating. No one dares to compare in weight. Where is the little pig? Looking through short messages.

79. If you feel happy, wave your hands, if you feel happy, stamp your feet, if you feel happy, shake your head. Happy to you - madman!

80. I heard that there will be a meteor shower tonight. It belongs to the constellation Pig. At that time, there will be a big pig flying across the sky. It’s a pity that I have to sleep and can’t watch it. It would be great for you. There are so many people. Watch you fly!

81. Do you know that I met a mentally retarded person yesterday? I have never seen such a stupid person before? As for how stupid he is? Let me tell you this, he may have a lower IQ than you!

82. You are as diligent as a bee, as beautiful as a butterfly, as loyal as a puppy, as well-behaved as a kitten, as honest as an old cow, and as powerful as a tiger. No wonder others call you... Beast!

83. I really like your big ears, broad face, thick lips and dark eyes. Your singing voice is amazing, and the lyrics are always in the same tune - hum hum hum hum hum. You are my pet piggy!

84. In the morning, my son saw the neighbor’s girl getting married and asked: Dad, why is my sister crying? Dad: Because she is getting married and going to other people’s homes. She will rarely come back in the future.

The son thought for a while and said: Dad, mom always bullies us, how about we marry her off too! Just let her come back to wash our clothes occasionally.

85. Everyone who kisses me will be dumped by me. Maybe you will think I am too ruthless. In fact, I also miss the moment of kissing. The feeling is really delicious. , but what can I do? That’s what eating snails is like!

86. I haven’t heard from you for a long time. I’ve been thinking about you these past two days, and I’m very confused. I’ve searched all over your favorite ponds and restaurants. The hut and the lawn where I sleep, but there is still no trace of you. My heart is almost broken. How can you throw away such a big pig?

87. There is a bright moonlight in front of the bed, and I feel panicked because I have no money. He raised his head to look at the beautiful woman, but lowered his head to feel sad.

88. Brother, I haven’t seen you for a long time. What’s wrong? Did you go to your wife’s mother’s house again...Gaolaozhuang?

89. Let me cover your eyes quietly, gently place a piece of watermelon rind under your feet, and then watch you step on it with pleasure.

90. There are two sentences that I have always wanted to say to you, and today I finally got the courage: the first sentence, I love you and I like you so much; the second sentence, never take the first sentence seriously.

91. The first time I saw you, I was deeply attracted to you. I had the urge to take you home. I longed to hold you to sleep every night and see you when I woke up in the morning. Beside me - pillow!

92. You and I walked quietly on the small road in my hometown, and you bowed your head shyly and said nothing. When the villagers saw me, they all said: What a good boy, well groomed and beautiful. It’s a pity that he comes out to herd pigs at such a young age!

93. A pig ran forward desperately, and suddenly a wall appeared in front of it. Instead of avoiding it, it bumped into it. Why? Don’t you understand? It's very simple, it won't make sharp turns!

94. Bro, do you have any difficulties recently that you need help from? I need help even if I have difficulties. Even if there are no difficulties, I will help even if I create difficulties.

95. You are an ugly duckling in the pond, you are a silly crow in my old tree. This is a truth I said when I was drunk. Why are you laughing secretly?

96. Dear user, hello, your mobile phone will be shut down at 0:00 tomorrow! If you want to ask why, it will be difficult for us to explain to you based on your IQ!

97. Emergency order: You want money but no money, you want talent but no talent, and you want appearance but no appearance. You have been classified as a person with three types of incompetence. You must leave the city within hours after receiving the order, otherwise you will be severely punished!

98. I just discovered that you have the appearance of being like a fish and a goose... When the fish see you, they will be frightened and sink to the bottom of the water, and when the geese see you, they will be frightened and fall to the ground!

99. Thank you for accompanying me to see flowers in spring, sunset with me in summer, fallen leaves in autumn, and snow scenes in winter. Without you, no matter how beautiful the scenery is, it will be blurry. Thank you very much - glasses!

100. Do you know? We met a long time ago. You followed me closely, pressed your face against mine, sniffed me with your nose, and bit me gently with your mouth... At that time, my name was Lu Dongbin.