1. There is a kind of seasoning. He is very idle all day long, so he becomes salt.

2. One day, Nokia invited iPhone to go shopping together. When they came back, it became Noka and Phone. Motorola was shocked when he saw this: Where is your i? Noka and Phone whispered: We heard someone singing on the street "As long as everyone gives a little i..." So...

3. Please make a sentence using the word boss, lao two, lao three, lao four! The most awesome sentence: The third child talks to the fourth child about the third child’s second boss!

4. A rabbit molested a wolf and then ran away. The wolf chased it angrily. Seeing that the wolf was about to catch up, the rabbit sat down under a tree and put on his sunglasses. He took a newspaper and read it, pretending that nothing had happened. At this time, the wolf came and saw the rabbit sitting under the tree, and asked: "Did you see a rabbit running past?" The rabbit replied: "Yes?" A rabbit that molested a wolf?" The wolf shouted: "No way! It was reported so quickly!!!"

5. In the library, an ordinary-looking woman read a book for a long time. Just lie down on the table. Then he struggled to sit up and took out his small mirror. Stared for a long time and then said: Look at you! If you're not pretty, why don't you study well? ! What to do next! ! After saying that, he became energetic again

6. A lumberjack went to apply for a job as a foreman: Go try the forest in front... See how many trees you can saw in one minute. After a minute, the foreman :Wow. 20 trees per minute. That’s amazing. Where did you work before? Worker: Sahara Forest.

7. The primary school art teacher asked everyone to draw what they like, but a child really didn’t know. When he was drawing something, he peeked at his deskmate and saw that he was scribbling wildly on the white paper with a black crayon. After painting one side, he painted the other side. In the end, both sides were completely covered with black. The classmate couldn't help but ask: What are you drawing? ..."seaweed"

8. My computer password is: FUCK YOU, and yesterday my boss wanted to use my computer and asked me to send the password to his mobile phone...

9. Yesterday, on the way home from work, I was chatting with a colleague. She mentioned that her husband was born in the year of the pig, but he was born at the end of the year, so he was considered a pig’s tail. ... His head immediately got hot, and he said something that I will regret for the rest of my life, loudly. , excitedly blurted out: "I am a pig head! ...

10. An American traveled to China and accidentally fell into a roadside construction ditch. He said angrily: In the United States, dangerous places A red flag will be raised! The tour guide smiled: Didn’t you see it when you entered the country?

11. A football match was being broadcast on TV and the players were entering. My wife put down the newspaper and read it for a while. TV, and said to her husband: "The newspapers said that some players and their wives have a very messy private life, and it turned out to be true today. The husband said, "That's something off the court. What can you see on the court?" The wife pointed to the TV and said, "Look at these players and their children, none of them look alike." ”

12. Why is the sea water blue? Because fish swim in the water and they spit bubbles, blue... blue... blue...

13. Apple's performance in a certain year It was very poor. If the results were not good, they would lay off employees. The employees were very angry and asked why we should bear the responsibility for the CEO's mistakes. They held a sit-in demonstration in front of the company with signs saying "we need jobs". A few days later, the board of directors decided to keep Jobs as CEO

< p>14. Xiao Ming gave his girlfriend a gift. She took it and looked at it and said, "It's broken." Xiao Ming was shocked: "Why is it new?" His girlfriend said, "Look, it says:" podi. "Xiao Ming: "Dear, -_- you took it down! "

15. We held a party and our program was a chorus of "We Are All Family". Before going on stage, the senior brother encouraged everyone: "You must be calm like me and don't be nervous. "So, more than a dozen people walked onto the stage with neat steps. The senior brother announced the curtain in person: "Now we present a chorus for everyone. The name of the song is "Our Family is All Human".

16. A buddy in the dormitory bought a new T-shirt with a line of letters I C I S B O Y on the back. During class a few days ago, another buddy and his girlfriend sat behind him and studied what this line means. This guy said that this should be understood as "I cao, I am boy", but his girlfriend said: "It should be me cao, I am sb, oh yeah!"............

17. A man went to buy a car and needed 100,000 yuan, but he only brought 99,998 yuan, which was only two yuan short! Suddenly, he found a beggar at the door, so he went over and said to the beggar: "Please, give me two yuan, I want to buy a car!" After hearing this, the beggar generously took out 4 yuan and handed it to the man and said: "Buy one for me too."

18. Li Yuchun and Sister Furong fell into the water at the same time. You have a brick in your hand, who do you hit? Rape reply: Whoever saves will be killed.

19. My ten-year-old sister took a pack of crispy rice and ate it with gusto in the yard. My neighbor's five-year-old brother looked on eagerly. He wanted to eat but was embarrassed to say so, so he asked his sister, "Crispy rice." Not crispy? I think this little kid is quite reserved. At this time, a classic scene appeared - my sister took a piece and put it in her mouth and said: Listen. . .

20. When I was still a QQ member, Painxun had a ‘group’ function. I thought this should be the same as grouping, making it easier to manage friends, so I created a group called 'mm', and added all the mms who had good relationships, were ambiguous, and promising... Later... , I was disappointed

21. My deskmate said to me: "A very bad thing happened to me!" I asked: "What happened?" He replied: "One day I dreamed that I was taking an exam. "I said: "Nightmare, nothing." Then I woke up and found out that I was taking the exam. "

. A girl’s QQ signature was “never give up”, which she silently translated in her heart: “Never give up”.

23. One day when I was shopping, I heard two little PL girls talking next to me. One of them suddenly said, "The chrysanthemums are so itchy", and my balls suddenly hurt. Just as I was looking at him with admiration, the other A girl said, "The mimosa I grow is pretty easy to grow." At that time, my face was full of cows.

24. When I was in the first grade of elementary school, once in a quiet class, I saw the classmate sitting in front of me quietly touching his buttocks with his hands, and then quietly extending his clenched hands out of the window. Quietly opening and shaking in the wind... More than ten years have passed, and I have never seen such a public-minded person.

25. There is a wolf baby. It does not eat meat but only eats vegetarian food when it is born. Its parents are very worried. Finally, one day they saw a wolf baby chasing a rabbit, and the parents were very happy. Then the wolf baby grabbed the rabbit and said: Hand over the carrot! ……

26. Yesterday, I was talking to a female colleague at my workplace about being a little nervous about driving. She said: “Yes, when I was driving, I would hit the brakes in my dreams at night, and I was so nervous. My husband was kicked awake.”

I didn’t know if my head was caught in the crack of the door, so I asked casually: “Did you dream about changing gears?” The office was silent for a while and then burst into laughter.

27. The penguin brother and the penguin sister are dating. In order to make a good impression on Sister Penguin, Brother Penguin specially dressed up and wore a crisp suit. Sister Penguin looked at it and slapped Brother Penguin in the face several times: "Damn, I'll let you become a member! Damn, I'll let you become a member!!"

28. The aluminum pot at home leaked, I I took it with my son for repair. After looking at it, the master said: "It costs 15 yuan to change the bottom of the pot." My son whispered to me: "Dad, we are not changing here, the hot pot restaurant opposite has 'the bottom is free'."

29. New Year During the dinner, there are a few tables with name plates, and everyone else can sit wherever they want. Then I heard a woman say: "You go and sit in front, there is your memorial tablet there." I collapsed immediately...

30. One day Zhu Bajie finally couldn't stand others laughing at him like a pig monster. So he made up his mind to have plastic surgery, and went to Korea without telling his master. After becoming a handsome boy, his confidence doubled, so he went to the bar to see if anyone could recognize him. When he saw a beautiful girl, he went to strike up a conversation: Beauty, Do you know who I am? Let me tell you quietly that I am actually Zhu Bajie! The beauty said in surprise: Second Senior Brother, am I your Junior Brother Sha?

31. One day when I was shopping at a snack street, I found a shop selling egg tarts. Every item looked very delicious, and I wanted to buy one. Try asking the clerk: Is this sold individually? Clerk: No, this is from Japan.

32. When a priest was walking in the woods, a bear suddenly appeared. The bear was obviously hungry. When it saw the priest, it rushed past. The pastor was frightened and prayed loudly, "God, save me, please turn this bear into a Christian." The bear walking towards him suddenly stopped. After 2 seconds, the bear raised its palms. Said: "Thank God for giving me food"

33. When chatting with my boyfriend, I got excited and saliva splashed on his face. Then he instinctively wiped it away with his hands. I was a little embarrassed, but I deliberately changed the focus and pretended to be angry: "What are you doing? You dislike me?" He said with a gentlemanly smile on his face: "No, wipe it evenly!"

34. One day, you When encountering a lion, pretend to be calm and stare at the lion with scary eyes.

Suddenly the lion clasped his hands and knelt down. You said proudly: You know how powerful it is! After a while, the lion said quietly: After praying, it’s time to eat

Hope you will accept it Haha