The child was bewitched by something and couldn't help begging: "Mom, I want to buy XXX." Please. 」

At this time, a few parents may be arrogant, and they can simply respond to their children every time: no problem, and then pay for their children with great fanfare.

We have nothing to say about this mine at home.

However, since most families are ordinary families, we always have to refuse our children at some time because of subjective worries (fear of bad shopping children) and objective restrictions (insufficient savings at home for children to shop at will).

However, many parents may not know that refusing children is also particular. Different "refusal ways" may have different and profound effects on children.

A mother asked a similar question:

In a very ordinary family, children want to eat a brand of ice cream, and a small box costs tens of dollars. Should he buy it?

Faced with this problem, the most common answer is that parents directly take their children away and tell him, "Eating is too expensive. 」

Once I heard a mother and son quarreling in the supermarket, saying that the child wanted to buy snacks.

The mother refused to buy it, and the child was anxious: "My classmates all ate it! Only I haven't eaten it. ""What are the conditions in their family and what are the conditions in your family! You have no points in your heart! 」

After listening, the children silently put the snacks back.

Parents really can't afford it? No, they just don't think it's worthwhile or necessary.

After repeated emphasis, most children will not make similar demands again.

When he appears in the same window with his parents again, it goes without saying that he will leave by the hand of an adult. Parents will be glad that their children have grown up and become sensible. In fact, children don't dare to have it at all.

When many parents tell their children "I don't have money", "it's too expensive" and "I don't have the conditions at home", they don't love their children, but they want their children to be frugal and afraid that they will develop the habit of spending money lavishly.

However, when emphasizing "can't afford it" with children, the subtext is: you don't deserve it.

The child's most intuitive feeling is that my family is poor and I don't deserve to buy such expensive things. Slowly, the sense of inferiority came out.

When they grow up, when they see those expensive goods, their first reaction is to escape and deny themselves and hide their true thoughts and desires.

Crying about poverty does not limit a child's freedom to taste ice cream, but the boundary between his thinking and action.

The second common reaction is also worthy of reflection.

Some parents feel distressed when they look at their children's eager eyes. They bite their teeth and buy them for their children, but after buying them, they always say something similar to complaining.

For example:

Your suit is worth my expenses for a week!

It's not easy for us to make some money!

You should study hard! Otherwise, I'm sorry. .....

I remember in a debate program, contestant Xi Rui told a childhood story:

When he was a child, his family was ordinary. Once he went shopping with his grandmother, he looked at the displayed cans for a long time.

Grandma found out and bought canned food from 7.9 yuan. On the way back, she sighed and said:

"This pot of money, we can eat a meal. 」

Grandma's words were harmless, but they made him eat the most bitter canned food in his life.

I believe that the old man's original intention is not to make his grandson feel guilty and blame himself. But this seemingly unintentional complaint,

In fact, it is an invisible emphasis on one's "contribution", implying that the burden brought by the child's requirements to the family has no other meaning except guilt and pain. Wilde said: "The best way to make children behave well is to make them happy. 」

However, many parents can't see that their children are too happy. When their needs are met, they are afraid that their children will be too happy to forget their roots, so they will add a heavy family burden to their children prematurely.

As a result, the money was spent, adults were complaining, and children were blaming themselves. Why bother?

Complaining is a kind of poison, which casts a shadow on children's minds and deprives them of their satisfaction and happiness.

Wendy's mother has something to say:

Be honest with each other and give your children pocket money regularly.

When the child says "I want to buy" and you are going to refuse the child, please tell the child the real reason honestly.

For example, if you can't pay the bill, tell your child, "Our family can't afford this thing.

Then if you have the ability to pay the bill, you don't have to perfunctory the child: "I can't afford it." Because children will find out through clues that their family is actually rich and can afford what they want. This way, the child will still struggle next time.

It is better to tell the child directly: "I don't want to spend my money like that (I don't want to buy the same toy again; Don't want to spend too much money on unnecessary and expensive things. At the same time, give advice to children: try to save pocket money. If you save enough, you can afford that thing yourself.

Here is a special addition: it is very important to give children a fixed pocket money on a regular basis.

Accept children's desires and disappointments.

Of course, it is not always easy to say no to children. They may show a particularly strong desire for something.

For example, when my son was 5 years old, he once went shopping with me in the supermarket and took a fancy to a very delicate but expensive toy model.

He couldn't walk directly at that time. He stared at the toy model and said, mom, I want to buy it.

I answered him: Ah, this toy is really beautiful! You must like it very much.

He nodded.

I went on to say that this toy is too expensive for us, and I can't buy it for you. However, I can stay here with you to see more.

The son's face showed obvious loss.

So I went on to say: I think you seem a little lost, because this toy is really attractive, right? What's its name? Which cartoon is it from? Can you tell mom about it?

As soon as my son listened to my question and swept away his previous depression, his eyes began to shine and he told me the background of this toy model clearly.

After chatting happily for a few minutes, my son volunteered to tell me that we should go there again.

Then simply turned around and left.

Sharing this example is to tell you that there are many ways to satisfy children, not just by spending money.

When we sincerely see children's love for something and are willing to take the time to listen to their inner voice, children can have the joy of harvest without really "buying" something.

But sometimes, it is extremely difficult for children to talk.

When their parents refuse their "I want to buy" request, they are likely to roll around and cry.

This kind of children are more common in babies whose self-control has not yet been established, or someone in the family dotes on their children too much, which will lead to children losing control once they are not satisfied.

At this point, our suggestion is that parents should tolerate their children's out-of-control emotions.

If a child is out of control and attacks others, we should manage the child's behavior and restrain the child's misconduct. But please always allow your children to release their emotions.

This will test the patience of parents. But at the same time, it will also teach children a very important thing, that is, our wishes are endless, but the process of growing up is a process in which many wishes are constantly shattered.

In the final analysis, if you can satisfy your child within your power, you will satisfy him.

If you can't do it, tell the reason objectively, don't criticize the child's wishes and needs, and then let the child experience disappointment.

That's what real life is like.

Many times we need to learn to get along with those disappointments.

This is also part of the sense of reality that we can teach our children.

In short, as long as you pay attention to the precautions I mentioned above, then allow your child to be disappointed.

It's not so terrible to make children cry.

I took a fancy to a very delicate but expensive toy model. He couldn't walk directly at that time. He stared at the toy model and said, mom, I want to buy it.

I answered him: Ah, this toy is really beautiful! You must like it very much.

He nodded.

I went on to say that this toy is too expensive for us, and I can't buy it for you. However, I can stay here with you to see more.

The son's face showed obvious loss.

So I went on to say: I think you seem a little lost, because this toy is really attractive, right? What's its name? Which cartoon is it from? Can you tell mom about it?

As soon as my son listened to my question and swept away his previous depression, his eyes began to shine and he told me the background of this toy model clearly.

After chatting happily for a few minutes, my son volunteered to tell me that we should go there again.

Then simply turned around and left.

Sharing this example is to tell you that there are many ways to satisfy children, not just by spending money.

When we sincerely see children's love for something and are willing to take the time to listen to their inner voice, children can have the joy of harvest without really "buying" something.

But sometimes, it is extremely difficult for children to talk.

When their parents refuse their "I want to buy" request, they are likely to roll around and cry.

This kind of children are more common in babies whose self-control has not yet been established, or someone in the family dotes on their children too much, which will lead to children losing control once they are not satisfied.

At this point, our suggestion is that parents should tolerate their children's out-of-control emotions.

If a child is out of control and attacks others, we should manage the child's behavior and restrain the child's misconduct. But please always allow your children to release their emotions.

This will test the patience of parents. But at the same time, it will also teach children a very important thing, that is, our wishes are endless, but the process of growing up is a process in which many wishes are constantly shattered.

In the final analysis, if you can satisfy your child within your power, you will satisfy him.

If you can't do it, tell the reason objectively, don't criticize the child's wishes and needs, and then let the child experience disappointment.

That's what real life is like.

Many times we need to learn to get along with those disappointments.

This is also part of the sense of reality that we can teach our children.

In short, as long as you pay attention to the precautions I mentioned above, then allow your child to be disappointed.

It's not so terrible to make children cry.