Your mother should not be recognized by your sister-in-law, so she feels that she can't find a sense of value without making money; If your mother used to be in business and was good at making money, then the lack of sense of value will be more obvious, and she will gradually feel a lot of loss in the process of taking care of her children. (I used to take Beibei to an aunt's house in the community in winter. She told me that she was 50 years old. She used to sell furniture and worked as a supervisor in a furniture store in their county. The furniture they sell is very expensive and they are in contact with high-end customers. Customers like her recommendation. Her son is an associate professor at Panzhihua University and her daughter is a product manager. She told me that she still wanted to go to work. She took her granddaughter to her six-year-old son's house. She is very tired every day, so she has to complain to her uncle in another city through video. My uncle listened. Aunt feels very happy when she doesn't sell furniture. What I did at that time was to talk to her about the sense of worthlessness and my fears and worries. My aunt finally comforted me and said,' You are still young and need a job. I agreed. )
When a person has no power, he can't give it. You don't even recognize the value of his full-time job. Your words should say that enlightenment and encouragement should also be in vain. Just like when I seek the support of my full-time nanny and professional nanny everywhere, I don't think their words will work for me. Because they don't feel the value of being recognized, they can't give more pertinent suggestions.
I don't know how old your brothers and sisters' children are. When taking the children out to play, can I let my mother know some grandmothers of similar age and chat often, so that she will feel better, even if she spits, otherwise her heart will be too uncomfortable, which is different from spitting with her daughter and peers. My brother's children are in kindergarten. Can they dance square dance? After all, after years of hard work, they can relax, learn cooking with Tik Tok and do anything she wants to do but doesn't. I wonder if your parents are together. If not, can you discuss it with your brother, ask him to discuss it with your sister-in-law, and allow your mother to take the children to live with your father for a period of time? )
If our young stay-at-home mothers want to be valuable, they really have to rely on themselves (study courses, participate in courses, actively create opportunities to link others, and output valuable information, which will naturally be liked and valuable); As for my worry about money, most mothers will say that my husband will earn money, but what he earns and what I use are two different things. I think I am more eager to have a lot of things that I can make my own decisions than a stay-at-home mother around me.
Even I am looking for a job. The voices of working mothers around me are all looking for a job casually, because they have to take care of their children, and some even think that I have no job. I am glad that I can find a job with my own achievements.
Once I shared my feelings about making cakes, and an aunt said,' It's useless to make cakes, but you have to make money. I don't eat much cake, so I earn some money (her daughter-in-law earns more than 10 thousand a month). Another aunt next to me said,' Making cakes is a skill, because it is the relationship between earning more and earning less. Then I said,' I can earn money when Beibei goes to kindergarten! As you can imagine, when I was full-time, I took a careless word from others very seriously, because they were passing on the value of people who made money everywhere.
Reading is really useful, and the meaning of experience is to make us understand books. I especially like what Mr. Jiang Yang said. She said,' When I was young, I thought I couldn't understand life without reading. It was not until later that I found out that if I don't know life, I probably can't read books. The meaning of reading is probably to read with my life feelings and live with what I have learned from reading.'
Look, you said you were reading: "Where does the power come from?" You have practiced the method inside and find it useful, so do it! "If you like an author, practice what she says until you do it, so that you will have a sense of strength in your heart.
I have read this book, too. Through this book, I searched her articles and learned what kind of person I want my children to be. Combining her comments with her words, I have an understanding of what I want my children to be.
I want to admit and accept that my child is still an ordinary person after all, but I hope that through her hard work in parenting and self-cultivation, I can make myself happy, feel happy (no matter what the environment is, where the depths are), warm myself and others, and realize what kind of person I am, with the ability and consciousness of lifelong learning, kindness and love, and dare to live for myself. This is probably what I want my children to be.
Finally, I love you. I'm sorry, please forgive me. Thank you. I found two books, the easiest way to accept: the practice of zero limit, which I shared with you before. I forgot a lot about this book, except for the feeling it made me feel. When I told you, I went to review the underlined part of the book and knew that I needed to write a book review next time so that I could remember it. This book is also very good. I should observe more, ask more questions, practice more and make more mistakes in my work. That's what I do now.
I saw that you mentioned interest classes in your previous comments. I would like to remind you in a friendly way that every child, including adults, will go through three stages when learning new things, namely, study area, comfort area and panic area. You can ask your child what he doesn't want to learn, and the next time you are faced with the choice of interest classes for your child, you can ask yourself a question. If your children give up halfway and don't want to learn, will you feel sorry for the money you invested?
Regarding the choice of interest classes, I quite agree with Big J's view that interest is consumption, not investment, and there is no requirement for "rate of return", not to mention "children should insist on spending so much money". Interest is just to create experiences for children and find love.
I have a deep understanding of this. I don't think I have a gift for cooking. I learned to make steamed bread, cakes and toast, and I wasted a lot of materials at first. And I lost control for a while and hoarded a lot of grains. Finally, because summer tastes bad, they are used as toys for children to play with. I wasted a lot of materials, slowly practiced summing up, and now I can make toast, cakes, mung bean cakes, bean paste, moon cakes, cookies, sushi and so on. (Now I'm looking for a miscellaneous grain manufacturer in the company, knowing that the weather is hot or humid in summer, miscellaneous grains are easy to go bad and insects are easy to grow. The best way is to open the bag and store it in the refrigerator at a constant temperature, or seal it with a vacuum bag. After work that day, I will use the vacuum machine I bought last year to divide the miscellaneous grains into small bags at night. )
Link me to choose an interest class for big J, how to judge whether the child's interest class is in the comfort zone, study zone or panic zone; And how to help children do scaffolding, break down the parts that children encounter difficulties, and let children realize that even when they are most afraid, someone will help and support her. This is the background of her life.
You want to be a custodian teacher in kindergarten, but you need to get off work at nine o'clock, so you can do the following things now.
First, clearly tell your husband and children your plans and ideas for going to kindergarten and going to work.
Second, use the existing time to cultivate children's self-care ability, emotional habits, reading habits and exercise habits.
Third, you can learn how to prepare dishes in little red books in your spare time and prepare them in advance on weekends. If time permits, take the children to learn to cook. Just as the Ministry of Education has incorporated children's learning to cook into the curriculum system, two children teach together, which saves you a lot of time to play with them, and you will have more time to work and improve yourself in the future. Take the baby to do housework. If you can get together, you won't feel that you don't have time. )
Fourth, don't expect your husband to change, first rectify yourself, read books (which need practice), exercise, meditate and affirm yourself.
When you do the above, maybe your idea that you can only choose one job will change slowly, maybe you will explore a new career orientation, and your husband will change slowly. You should take the care class as the last choice first, and after you cultivate your child's habits, your father can take care of it at night.
(I have also searched for articles about stay-at-home mothers returning to the workplace before, and learned that some mothers open their own custody classes because their children are unattended, and only accept a few children to ensure normal living expenses. I once had the idea of going back to my hometown to run such a trusteeship class. )
Six, children in kindergarten, you can use your ability to find other jobs at that time, to see if others will accept it. When you are competent enough, you can also apply to your boss for special commuting time during your work, so time management is also a skill that you must learn during this period of staying at home. (You can search time management, and books will appear. Attach your birthday sister's article on time management of stay-at-home mothers, rank your life value and optimize the housework process. )
7. Educational consultants can also be front-desk course teachers of interest classes! Can you take the time to get a teacher qualification certificate? As a training teacher? This combines your previous work experience.
First, make a plan for one, two or three years. You can write first and then change. Occupation is a dynamic process, and balance is a choice that everyone who forms a family needs to make.
The three-year plan I wrote three years ago is to open a custom-made clothing store for parents and children in the future. In the three years in Beijing, starting with the theory and design drawings, the children began to go back to their hometown for internship when they went to primary school. Slowly, my husband resigned, found a job, and suffered from an epidemic. I took a course as a baby nurse, and my husband lost his job and lost money in the stock market. I began to explore my inner fears, reading, exercising, meditating, and self-affirmation (self-affirmation is only established when you feel valuable)
When I read more books and think more, I see many people's regrets before they die. In order not to regret in the future, he slowly learned to bake, read and practice. Teacher Chen exported value in class and was liked by people. I began to embark on the road of article output, actively linking others and creating value; Learning to write, want to exercise logical thinking; Studying career planning, slowly doing well, finding a job related to food, my husband taking care of children at home and looking for a new job; Recently, I learned that there is a nursing class nearby, which can take care of children when the epidemic has not started, so that even if the husband goes to work, the children can have a nursing place. I'm really grateful to be in Beijing. I find this road really difficult if I want to.
Second: Now my career plan is to do my job well, study at work, practice after work, live and work together, and practice baking and cooking well.
Our company has established a baking brand, and will develop many baking products in the future, which means that there will be samples, and I can take them back to make finished products for them to taste and be a buyer who can cook and bake. Doing this well, I believe it will also bring me irreplaceable core competitiveness (my colleague also thought of a sideline for me. There are many children and people in Beijing, so you can sell bread and soy milk breakfast at the entrance of the community. The time management course says: Charging study time after work is a necessary condition for your future salary increase and promotion. The boss is interested in the value that your future will create for the company.
After learning to write well, you can also write articles to promote the company; You can also take your child to try parent-child baking, let her know what love is, and witness the process of never attending the meeting, accumulating a sense of strength and ability.
Third: Six months ago, I thought my child had to go back to his hometown to go to school at the age of six. Now I think it is ok to finish primary school in Beijing if I develop well. As long as I cultivate her study habits, ability to adapt to the environment and three senses (intimacy, ability and strength), she can adapt quickly even if she changes places in the future.
First of all, I can only love others better if I love myself first. This is also the best case that I want to tell Beibei to realize what kind of person I am and dare to live for myself. I think everything I do now is what kind of person I want my children to be. Then I believe that when I love myself in live high, Beibei will definitely feel the state and enthusiasm brought by my enjoyment of life and work, so she won't be bad. )
Secondly, when someone asks Big J and sees that their family is very happy and Little D's father is doing well, does Little D's father recognize your value when you are full-time? She said no, the value is made, and the meaning of hard work is to let yourself choose what you want. She let me know that she is so close to us and has the same difficulties. Now that she is out, I can come out, too.
I like Big J because she really understands the suffering of a stay-at-home mother. Even if her little D cerebral palsy recovers and becomes a normal child, it can't be separated from money, but the feeling of taking care of a child who needs long-term persistence to see hope is real. So in her latest video, she said she didn't know that a child needs to go through 10 thousand exercises to learn to walk. I looked at it and burst into tears. In the past six years, I have written about WeChat official account, published books, given lectures and made a 500W-W cloud girlfriend. This is our story. If I call it a counterattack, I'd rather be ordinary all the time, but now I'm braver. Every time I am desperate, I will tell myself that I have to grit my teeth and move forward in the most difficult time, because the road is always upward.
I like to read the growth stories of every great person, because it is experience that shapes her. What we can learn is what they did right in the most difficult time to make them like this.
As a top 500 executive, Xiao D's father wrote a letter to stay-at-home mothers about family and career care. He said: When we talk about "care", everyone focuses on the missing parts, but I understand that when we talk about "care", we must scrape off the discarded parts and piece together the rest.
How much are you going to invest in your family, career and every part of yourself? Is it 100%? If you insist that every part is 100%, then this is the work of three people. In family or career, one thing is beautiful. Many abilities are interlinked. And many times, we mistakenly think that only doing business can develop.
I will be happier if I put aside everything and what I want to achieve, but I can accept it and be grateful. This is a good enough life after my efforts.
I wrote a lot. I don't know if it's useful to you, but it's very helpful to me. May you find strength and give it to your mother.