What really dominates our love pattern is our family background and childhood experience.
The pain of being born in a family made her lose herself in love.
. Linlin, a new female guest at the blind date meeting, is outstanding in appearance and gentle and lovely in temperament. After in-depth understanding, everyone discovered that this is a sensible girl who makes people feel extremely distressed. When she was about five years old, her alcoholic father got drunk after the party and spent the night outside. She was stung all over by the bag. The doctor said that if she arrived 10 minutes late, she might die. ...
It was because of her father's dereliction of duty that she became more and more sensible, and she was away all the year round, reporting good news instead of worrying. Such girls are also easy to suffer in their feelings. After breaking up with her boyfriend, she left all the four clothing stores that she had worked hard for a long time to her ex-boyfriend.
The pain of coming from a family taught her to understand. She admitted that she had compromised many things. Although she has her own principles, I will break mine for you, because I love you.
Girls who are too sensible tend to keep people away and don't want to be rejected, so they choose never to speak.
Family of origin refers to a family where everyone grows up with their parents from birth to independent marriage. After this theory became popular, more and more people blamed what happened in real life on being born in a family.
Wu Zhihong, a famous psychologist, shared his personal growth experience in the program "Starting Shooting". Host Ma Dong asked Wu Zhihong: "Is it really that big to come from a family?" Wu Zhihong replied flatly: "Yes".
In Wu Zhihong's view, the family is the condensation of the whole world and society, while the individual is the condensation of the whole family. It is very important to talk about family background.
Mei Sheng, a fan of the TV series Ode to Joy, seems to be thoughtful, but in fact he is crushed by a terrible family.
The famous singer Angela Zhang was once influenced by her family background, and even her career was almost ruined. When the heart attack recurred, my mother transferred all her savings, and her family accused her of abandonment, unfilial and drug abuse. ...
Some people say that just like the real version of Fan, she didn't give up in the face of family accusations. She is indomitable, dare to speak out and dare to give up. Because the future is always in your own hands.
It is important to come from a family, but we can't ignore the influence of the day after tomorrow. Being born in a family only affects a person's childhood and adolescence, and some choices in adulthood will be influenced by his childhood experience, but only, and the influence will be weaker in the later period.
In the process of growing up, a person has to experience many people and things, and their acquired influence can not be ignored. This may be an important reason for changing his life trajectory and affecting his actions. Being born in a family is an external cause, and we can't ignore the internal cause of our own development.
Understanding and identification are the most important factors for the influence of family background and family background. Family background is only a "reference factor" and cannot be placed in such a high angle as "taking over cause and effect".
How much influence does family background have on a person's love?
The influence of family background on a person is often reflected in love. The book How We Love mentions five love personalities, each of which corresponds to a different family background and childhood:
1. cheerful personality.
Such people generally don't refuse others. They grew up in a family that criticized their children too much or overprotected them. Their parents are generally too demanding of their children, which makes them afraid of conflict and opposition when they grow up. Compromise constantly in love relationship, hoping to please close people.
2. Victim case
. Such people are usually very self-abased and afraid to show themselves. Their childhood usually lives in the shadow of quarrels and even domestic violence. They are used to "hiding" themselves and like to fantasize about a utopia in their minds to escape the reality that scares them. These people seem quiet, but they are often anxious and depressed. They are used to being submissive in love, even repeating the same mistakes and falling in love with violent and irritable people.
3. Controlled personality
. People with controlling personality, because of the lack of family protection in childhood, force themselves to become powerful in order to survive. However, for fear of stepping out of their own safety zone, they will control their intimate partner twice in love, hoping that the other party will do as they say. Once the other person loses control of his emotions, he will become angry and even do something out of line.
4. Swing personality.
Such people are extremely insecure. When they were children, they usually lived in the shadow of fear of abandonment and neglect. When they grow up, they are too sensitive to rejection and loss of contact, and often fantasize about having a perfect lover to make up for the lack of love in childhood. Therefore, they are always too idealistic and put great psychological pressure on their lovers.
5. Avoidant personality
. People with controlling personality are taught to be independent and self-reliant from an early age, learn to take care of themselves from an early age, get used to getting along with themselves, and are not good at communicating with others. Although they are more restrained, they are also less sensitive to others.