3. Money is what I want; Beauty is what I want. You can't have your cake and eat it, and those who give up money for beauty are also.
I don't leave my grandfather here, I have my own place to leave my grandfather, and I don't leave my grandfather anywhere. I will go to the railway. I was sick when I was a child, not when I was nine.
Alone, as for the establishment of a new China. There are no handsome guys, and finally there are beautiful women.
The door is weak and thin, and there is a rest at night. Liu Suying's illness is often in the sky.
Chen Shi urine soup, never expired. 7. Be soft when you catch the sacred dynasty; Li Kui JY, the former satrap, loved Fang La more.
From the Secretariat in Leslie Cheung, a courtier and a slave. 8. The imperial edict is strict, and I am in charge of Altman.
The whole universe forced me to hang myself. I must obey.
9. I can live for a hundred years without my grandmother; Grandma can live for a thousand years without a minister. Mother and son can't compare with turtles.
10. Chen Mi has two out of twenty this year, and Grandma has nine out of ninety this year. Please forgive my affair.
2. Ask for funny phrases in classical Chinese. The more concise the writing, the better.
Wu (1), the fable of Ling is: I am pregnant with Ke Wu, who drinks in the city every day, drunk and crazy, and goes to the city. 4. Walker avoids it. City pawn Wen Wumu. Animal husbandry and machinery, for the operator to transfer 500, so as to protect and return the right. Five hundred people criticized Fatu and said, "Madman, I have a battle of thousands of miles, and I am bitter." Every morning, it is the way to get there, and after that, you can't rest; At night, you will lick your feet until you run to the cow. Tuotu went out to the gold market to fight for wine. In the evening, he drank 500 yuan and lost his head. He was stripped of ink and clothes, and with the help of machinery, he collapsed and fled. Tomorrow, the sun is shining, 500 people wake up, the pagoda is gone and the wall is broken. He said, "Hey, he can't escape." He used clothes as ink, followed his head and stopped giving them away. He is too stiff to leave home. He shouted, "I'm crazy, so I lost my ear alone."
Every time a guest sees Wu, Wu laughs at himself.
The old man said: This is hardly a fantasy. The people who lost me in the world are not only one person in Wu's 500-year-old life, but also those who are not proud or tired. What you sent to see glory and resilience were all foreign things, not so-called evil? It is glorious to die now. Those who come to collect the body will prosper day by day, while those who care will change with the delivery. People who live in harmony are not doing well now, and their self-esteem is almost different from that of the past. Is there a gap between it and Wu Baiguo? My old friend or film (3) wants to be in China, so this book should stay. ("Southern Song Dynasty Wu 500" Volume 20)
[attention]
Yi: Chang is stupid.
(2) by accident.
③ Biao: qn horse runs fast, which means suddenly.
Ceng Zi said: I save myself three times a day.
Ceng Zimo, the host, said: My body went to three provinces in one day. Confucius said: My parents are here, so I won't travel far.
You must travel well. Confucius said: I dare not swim too far when my parents are here.
You must have a steering wheel if you swim. Confucius said: It's rare to miss an appointment.
Confucius said: Losing one's virginity because of dating sounds very fresh. Confucius said: if virtue is not alone, there must be neighbors.
Confucius said: Germany after World War II was not isolated, and there must be neighboring countries. Confucius said: You can't carve rotten wood.
Confucius said: No matter how precious a sculpture is, it can't be placed on rotten wood. Confucius said: I have never seen a righteous man.
Confucius said: I have never seen anyone like Degang Guo. Confucius said: In a threesome, there must be a teacher.
Choose the good and follow it, change the bad. Confucius said: If we have a threesome, one of us will get wet. Choose someone who is good at threesomes and let her correct those who are not good at threesomes.
Confucius said: Prosperity lies in poetry, and propriety lies in propriety. Success is fun.
Confucius said: Happiness makes you wet. When you stand up, you look like a salute. When you finished, you were happy. Zi Gong said: Sri Lanka has beautiful jade.
Zi Gong said: Russia has a beautiful jade. Confucius said: I guard against Lu, and then I am happy.
Confucius said: I was rude when I was * * *, but I was happy afterwards. Confucius said, "The deceased is like a husband! Don't give up day and night
When Confucius went to Sichuan to eat hot pot, he said: Dead people like Stalin and Khrushchev, overnight. Confucius said: I have never seen goodness as a lecherous person.
Confucius said: I have never met anyone who likes Germany as much as Israel. Confucius said: The afterlife is awesome. How do you know that the new guy is not now? Forty or fifty people don't know anything, I'm not afraid.
Confucius said: People born after 1980s are terrible, but you can't say that they are not as terrible as people now. If they are in their forties and fifties, there seems to be nothing to be afraid of. Confucius said: when I was young, I was cold, and later I knew that pine and cypress were carved.
Confucius said: When winter comes, you will know where the mountain carvings are hidden in the snow forest. Confucius said: The near one says that the far one will come.
Confucius said: if you whisper to the people next to you, people far away will definitely come and listen. Confucius said: there are words in state affairs, words must be kept, and actions must be fruitful.
Confucius said: If there is a road on Nippon paint, it will be dangerous for you to talk or walk (probably a dangerous building). Ceng Zi said: A gentleman can't think about his position.
Ceng Zimo said: Good people always want to know why they don't do their best. Confucius said: Don't suffer from human ignorance, don't suffer from human ignorance.
Confucius said: A person who is not ill knows impotence only when he is ill. Confucius said: By! Those who know virtue are rare.
Confucius said: yo, you still know how to govern the country by virtue. Really new! Confucius said: If a worker wants to do a good job, he must sharpen his tools first. Confucius said: If you want to improve the quality of sexual intercourse, you must sharpen your penis first.
Confucius said: If a man has no long-term worries, he will have near worries. Confucius said: People who don't think about farsightedness worry about myopia.
Confucius said: Sex is similar, but learning is far away. Confucius said: * *' s posture is mostly similar, and * *' s habits are mostly far apart.
Confucius said: Only the superior knows, and the inferior is stupid. Confucius said: it has not changed since ancient times only by letting the people above know and letting the people below fall for it.
Confucius said: A gentleman is righteous. A gentleman is brave without righteousness, while a villain is brave without righteousness.
Confucius said: People take Marxism–Leninism as the guiding ideology. Good people who have courage but don't adhere to Marxism-Leninism will definitely like rebellion. If the bad guys have the courage and don't adhere to Marxism-Leninism, they will definitely be corrupt. If I hadn't stayed to work with you, I would have closed my eyes and taken a nap today, and it wouldn't be less than two or three sentences. Anger also, people who take a nap, not only me, but also the focus. What's more, I haven't lost my mind, and I am very wronged.
What can you do? If you really have the ability, why are more than half of the students lying on the chopping board? Six out of ten people hate you. Are you okay? Its number can be seen. Let bygones be bygones. Today's events are hateful, so don't get angry.
! Mom, if it weren't for my grades, I would have said at least two or three words to you when I dozed off in class today. I'm not the only one who dozes off. Why do you only miss me? Besides, I am not completely asleep. What a mistake! What gift do you have? If you are really capable, why are more than half of the students sleeping at their desks? Six out of ten students hate you. Do you teach well? Judging from the number of people sleeping, I know I won't care about what happened before, but today is really hateful and makes me really angry. Shit, it's fucking uncomfortable.
4. What are the classic funny sentences in classical Chinese? 1. In the extremely cold place in the north, a woman sat on the wall and urinated. As a result, the urine froze and even * * * was tied to a stone. Call her husband and tell him yourself. If the husband is short-sighted and careless, he will not melt, even the gas will turn into ice, and his hair will freeze, which is puzzling. But he ordered his servant to cut it open, saying, "Look at the chisel carefully, and the wool is connected with the straight seam;" Attached to the horizontal seam is a beard. "
Two brothers went to the river to take a bath. My brother's penis was bitten by a water snake and could not be pulled out. My brother tried to cut with a knife. My brother said, "Look at the knife carefully! Two eyes are snakeheads; The one-eyed one is a scorpion. "
3. A maid accidentally farted in front of her master, who was very angry and wanted to scold it. Seeing that her ass is very white and she doesn't feel hot, she is not only forgiving, but also angry. Tomorrow, the Lord was in his study when he heard a knock at the door. He opened the door and looked at it. It was yesterday's maid. Asked why he came, he replied, "I farted again just now."
4. Those who have never been near a woman in their lives don't know what Yin is. Ask people, and they say, "It's like an eye standing upright." This man keeps it in mind. One day, I suddenly had sex with a prostitute. I don't know where the prostitute's house is. I ran to the street and saw an ophthalmic signboard with several eyes painted on it, which was accidentally placed horizontally, so I went to the prostitute's house for this reason. The doctor went into the inner channel to achieve his goal and was furious, giving his son a scolding. The man said, "Since it's not a brothel, how can you put so many bi samples outside?" .
5. A person is good at divination and likes humor. When a pregnant man or woman came to ask, she congratulated her and said, "This is an egg catcher." . The man is so happy that he is undoubtedly pregnant. And production, it is a woman. Because in the past, fortune tellers said, "Only men have eggs, only women have eggs, and those who have eggs are not women."
6. Husband and wife will do something, because they are not asleep because of their two sons. So let's give it a try. Between two sons, they shouldn't know that they want to do this. And sex, its mother is very happy, almost dead. A son suddenly laughed, and his mother was ashamed and sour. Another Confucius said, "Well played, well played. When her mother died, she didn't cry, but smiled. " .
7. An unmarried woman secretly asked her sister-in-law, "Are you quite happy about this?" ? Sister-in-law said, "What is the honor? Just for the gift of the duke of Zhou. "After marrying my daughter, I will go back to Ning. She saw her sister-in-law and said, "What a liar. ".
8. On the bride's first night, the groom was not very good at it, so he put his penis in without moving. The female * * * said, "Oh, no, it hurts!" ! The husband said, "Take it out"? The woman said, "Oh, no, it hurts!" ! The husband said, "What do you want?" ? The woman said, "Take it in and take it out." .
9. A woman stays up late and plays with eggplant in a bowl alone. The woman thought she knew she was bullied when she saw eggplant, but she was cursed. The neighbor said, "This is ugly. Please keep your mouth shut, madam. " . The woman said, "That's not what I said. I won't scold eggplant this time, and melon and gourd will come together in the future. "
10. Married women are rich and men are poor, and men are worried about their dependence on marriage, which leads everyone to rob relatives and mistakenly carry their aunts out. The woman shouted, "I was robbed!" " Aunt said on her back, "Yes, yes! Come on, don't believe him. "
1 1. Wedding night, farewell dinner. The next day, the chef looked at the desktop and didn't see the sugar man. Asking questions everywhere, the couple suddenly laughed. Xi Niang was there and asked, "What are you laughing at?" The woman replied, "No wonder a person's tongue was sweet last night."
12. A man happened to meet two boats, so he reached out of the window sill and hurt a finger, complaining to his wife. His wife told him in horror: "Remember not to pee when you meet two boats in the future."
13. Yong Dong is very filial, and God arranged a fairy to marry him. When the fairies sent them away, they all said, "Go down. If you have more filial piety, please send a letter. "
14. A woman complained to Guan Yun: "Pumping water from a well defiles it from behind." The official said, "Then why don't you come forward?" Answer: "If you stand up, you may lose your ears."
15. remarried, having sex for the first time, and then not feeling it. Ask her husband, "Are you going in?" He said, "Go in." The woman went on to say, "Well, I have a little pain."
5. Classical Chinese funny sentences 1. Haha, Mulan flies a plane. What plane does she fly? Boeing 747.
I resigned from Beijing last year and lived in Tokyo, where I was ill. There was no music in Tokyo, and Sima Guang was not heard at the end of the year.
3. Money is what I want; Beauty is what I want. You can't have your cake and eat it, and those who give up money for beauty are also.
I don't leave my grandfather here, I have my own place to leave my grandfather, and I don't leave my grandfather anywhere. I will go to the railway.
I was sick when I was a child, not when I was nine. Alone, as for the establishment of a new China. There are no handsome guys, and finally there are beautiful women. The door is weak and thin, and there is a rest at night.
Liu Suying's illness is often in the sky. Chen Shi urine soup, never expired.
7. Be soft when you catch the sacred dynasty; Li Kui JY, the former satrap, loved Fang La more. From the Secretariat in Leslie Cheung, a courtier and a slave.
8. The imperial edict is strict, and I am in charge of Altman. The whole universe forced me to hang myself. I must obey.
9. I can live for a hundred years without my grandmother; Grandma can live for a thousand years without a minister. Mother and son can't compare with turtles.
10. Chen Mi has two out of twenty this year, and Grandma has nine out of ninety this year. Please forgive my affair.
6. What are the funny classic sentences? 1. I am not a casual person, but I am not a casual person.
2. I am in the Jianghu, but there is no legend about me in the Jianghu ... 3. Take other people's road and leave others no choice. I heard that women are like clothes and brothers are like brothers. In retrospect, I actually streaked 19 years too many chefs! I'd rather believe in ghosts than men's broken mouths! 6. Clear water leads to no fish, while mean people lead invincible.
7. The one riding a white horse is not necessarily a prince, he may be a Tang priest; Not necessarily an angel with wings-mother said it was a bird man. 8. Two tigers are not allowed in one mountain unless there is a male and a female.
9. I, a college student's life goal: peasant woman, mountain spring, a little field. 10, women remember: be sure to eat, play, sleep and drink well.
Once exhausted, other women spend our money, live in our rooms, sleep with our husbands, pick up our boyfriends and beat us 1 1. In spring, I buried myself in the land at the entrance of the village. In autumn, I harvested many handsome guys. Then I changed the name of the village to "handsome boy village", and I became the village head as I wished.
12. One day, I dreamed that I spent all my money. When I woke up, my pocket was really empty ... 13. I made great success in losing weight. Look, my three chins are sharp! 14. The problem with chocolate is that if you eat it, it will be gone. 15. Don't wait until everyone says you're ugly before you realize that you're really ugly.
16. If my friends can sell them for five dollars each, I can make a small fortune. 17. It's not terrible to have a big belly. What's terrible is that it's unexpectedly big.
18. The biggest advantage of blind date is that if there are problems in marriage in the future, you can put the blame on the matchmaker.
7. What sentences or words can be translated into funny classical Chinese, and the sentences in classical Chinese should not be too long.
translate
You are an old woman, a dead teacher.
If you didn't stay and fuck me, if you didn't decide my score,
Today, I closed my eyes and took a nap. Today, I dozed off in class.
Not less than two or three sentences. I must refute you at least two or three times.
Angry, napper, not only me, but also unhappy! I'm not the only one who dozes off,
What's the point? Why do you only look at me?
What's more, I haven't lost my mind, and I am very wronged. And I'm not completely asleep, which is really wrong!
What can you do? What gift do you have?
If you have the ability, if you have the ability,
Why are more than half of the students involved? Why do more than half of the students sleep at their desks?
Six out of ten people hate you, and six out of ten students hate you.
Are you okay? Do you teach well?
Its number can be seen. You can tell by the number of people sleeping.
Let bygones be bygones. I don't care about what happened before.
What happened today is hateful, but as far as what happened today is concerned, you are really hateful.
Makes me angry. Makes me really angry!
Mother's, sincere and his mother's thankless mother, it's fucking uncomfortable
! ! ! (づ￣ 3￣)づ
8. A reporter interviewed the director of a mental hospital and asked, "What method do you use to determine whether the patient is fully recovered?" The dean said, "We gave him a test. We fill a bathtub with water, put a spoon and a big bowl next to it, and let them drain the water out of the jar. " The reporter said disapprovingly, "Of course, we use a big bowl!" The dean looked at him and said slowly, "Normal people pull the plug.
"In a mental hospital, a doctor is testing three patients.
The doctor asked the first patient, "How much is 3 times 3?" "274。" The first patient replied.
The doctor asked the second patient again, "It's your turn. What is 3 times 3? " "Tuesday." The doctor turned to the third patient again: "well, now it's your turn." What is 3 times 3? " "9。"
"Very good," praised the doctor. "How did you work it out?" "This is not simple? Just divide Tuesday by 274! ? "In a park, there are two people sitting on a bench. One of them is reading the newspaper quietly; The other continued to fish in the air.
After a while, many people gathered around. At this moment, a policeman came over and said to the newspaper reader, "Is this your home?" The man reading the newspaper said, "Yes, yes," and the policeman said, "If he is crazy, would you please take him home at once?" People who read the newspaper repeatedly apologized: "OK, sorry, sorry!" " "Then go boating.
Brother: "doctor, my brother has always fantasized that he is a hen!" " What should I do? Doctor: "Let me see." He looks serious! Why did you bring him here now? "Brother:" Everyone in our family is waiting for him to lay eggs! "Please tell me, Mr. Smith," the interviewer asked. "Do you have any other skills that you think are worth mentioning?" "Indeed," the applicant said modestly, "two of my novels appeared in national magazines last year, and I also finished a novel."
"It's not easy," the interviewer commented, "but I want to know what skills you can use during office hours." Mr. Smith happily explained, "Oh, all this was done during office hours."
The blood circulation teacher is explaining the blood circulation to the students. In order to be intuitive and clear, he told everyone: "Students, if I stand upside down, you all know that blood will pour into my head and my face will turn red."
"Yes, teacher!" Students answer together. "So, now let's think about it. Why doesn't blood rush into my feet when I stand normally? " As soon as the voice fell, a young student rushed to answer: "Because your feet are not empty."
The usage of "good" Chinese teacher: "The Chinese word" good "has such usage: it is easy to express but not easy; Very hard, in fact, it is very hard; Happy or unhappy is happy. Do you understand? " International student: "Very easy to understand."
Psychologist: "I've been too impatient and nervous recently, and I need to see a psychiatrist." Friend: "But aren't you the best doctor in your field?" Psychologist: "I know, but my consultation fee is too expensive."
Couples ran into each other in the street, and the woman flew over and hugged the man and said, Hurry up ... The man panicked and said, Are you embarrassed? In front of so many people! The woman said: Are you embarrassed? In front of so many people, there was a boss sleeping with his lover. The phone rang and the lover answered: The user you called was drunk! When I came home the next day, my wife swore: How much wine did you drink yesterday? Even the mobile company knows that it is in love! Happy! Spend a lot of money from now on! Get married! Cool! From now on, someone is in charge! Divorced! Free! Say something about spending money! Aids! Be silly! Lie in bed and die! Damn tires A doctor drove home after attending an emergency nursing class. On the road, he saw a man lying beside a car, motionless.
He quickly jumped out of the car and said to the person lying on the ground, "I am an emergency doctor in the hospital." Can I help you? " The man lying on the ground moved and said, "well, can you help me repair this damn tire?" It's hot and I want to cut my niece's hair for more than two years. I don't want my 3-year-old niece to cry and say, "How painful it is to cut off your hair!" I repeatedly told my niece that cutting her hair didn't hurt at all and bought her a lot of snacks. She finally agreed.
After cutting my hair, I asked my niece, "Does it hurt to cut my hair?" The niece said, "The cut hair was left in the barber shop. I don't know if it hurts now. " .