An adult saw a child with a RMB of 100 in his hand and tried to cheat. He went over, showed the child three RMB 10 yuan, and said to the child, "You only give me this one, and I will give you all three pieces of paper." The child nodded and said, "As long as you learn to scream three times, I will give it to you." Adults looked around and no one was around, so they called three times. When the adult finished the phone call, the child smiled and said, "All dogs know that 100 yuan is more than 30 yuan, don't I know?"
Another particularly funny thing is that just now, a courier suddenly came in to send flowers, and the recipient was one of our male colleagues! We all wondered whether he was gay or really being chased by girls. He was puzzled for a while with the flowers, and suddenly patted his head and said, "Shit, the recipient and the sender filled them backwards!
Every time I think about these two things, I feel so funny, absolutely.
What is the funniest joke you have ever heard?
Let me share a wave of jokes that I think are very funny. I hope you like it!
1: My wife used to work in kindergarten, and she was pregnant soon, and she was still playing tiger in kindergarten.
As a result, my water broke that day ... I was rushed to the hospital before I could take off my costume.
I found an experienced doctor. The doctor came to open the door and took a look. He hurried back: where do I think the tiger is lying?
Me: Well, my wife showed her true colors. ....
Last night, my dad wrote a string of numbers to show me seriously: this is the investment of my life!
Me: Dad, I can't see that you are still an invisible local tyrant. Our family wants to get rich.
My dad: what local tyrant, this string of numbers is the two-color ball number that I have kept for most of my life! If I can't keep it in my life, you have to continue to help keep it. . .
One night a few days ago, my colleagues and I came home drunk after dinner and saw my husband gulping water.
I went over and patted him on the shoulder and said, this guy is really refreshing!
My husband took another glass of water and asked, do you still want to drink? I quickly waved my hand and said, no, I can't drink any more. .
He said: I was caught in a rainstorm and it thundered on my way home from work yesterday. I didn't bring my umbrella. I was thinking about how to come back quickly when I called. I see that's my wife.
I thought we had a fight at noon, so I began to care about me so soon. As soon as I answered, I heard my wife say, honey, where are you?
I whispered that I was almost home. what can I do for you?
The wife said: nothing! Make a phone call and let lightning strike you to death. .....
My skin color is dark, and the weather is hot recently. I am usually on duty at the construction site shirtless.
The old guard asked me: What are you doing with bare arms? So sunburned
I said: Get a uniform tan, try to get a tan like Louis Koo.
Grandpa said again: Don't be Song Xiaobao.
Me: Song Xiaobao. ...
1. I remember when I was a child, I didn't study well. In our class, exams always come last. There are 30 students in our class, and I always take 30 exams. However, how much I want 29! Before this exam, I gave my deskmate a piece of candy, and my deskmate understood what I meant: "If you give me candy, I won't be the last in the exam. I can help you!" " "I said," I don't need your help, I just give you sugar! " "After the meal at the same table, I didn't take the exam the next day. I finally got 29, because I didn't give my deskmate sugar, but gave my grandmother a sugar-coated laxative to treat constipation!
2. Who didn't do anything ridiculous when he was young? I am also a local leader, and I am in trouble with another group of people. They sent our brother to the appointed place. When we got there, it was a barbecue shop. We chatted with each other and made some acquaintances. I just had a simple drink at the barbecue shop and drank it several times until midnight. At that time, the salary was low, only 100 yuan, and it took several hundred yuan to drink a few meals. When I came back, I boasted to my brothers: "Big Brother has two skills. That's what we did in Northeast China. There is nothing that barbecue can't do. One meal can't be done, two meals! " But I didn't expect a brother to say, "Big Brother! Do you know that?/You know what? Do you know that?/You know what? That barbecue shop is run by those people! "
3. I asked my buddy: Who is your favorite hero? Buddy: Houyi. Me: Because he shot down the sun and saved the whole life? Buddy: What I appreciate is that ... his wife ran away, but my wife held on. Me: ......
Today, when I arrived at my father-in-law's house, my father-in-law secretly pulled me aside, took out 100 yuan and said to me from beginning to end, "I think you are corrupt by smoking." How can this work? " Have you forgotten your money, guys? That won't do! Lend you one hundred yuan. Spend it first! "I am very touched:" Grandpa! You lent me money, aren't you afraid I forgot to pay you back? "My father-in-law is very generous:" It's almost the New Year. Last Spring Festival, you gave me 500 red envelopes. This year, even this hundred dollars, you can give me 600 red envelopes directly! "This is not to lend me money, this is clearly to remind me to give him a red envelope for the New Year!
6. A friend asked Xu Xian: I heard that your wife is a snake spirit. Xu Xian: Yes. Friend: Is there anything you can't stand? Xu Xian: Yes, I can't stand her birthday. Friend: What do you mean? Xu Xian: She said that the day her mother gave birth to her was a birthday, the day she hatched was a birthday, and the day she became a human was a birthday. The lunar calendar should be counted separately, and there are six birthdays a year. Who can stand it? Friend: ...
1, just after dinner, my mother suddenly asked me, "son, do you remember coming to my mother's office when you were a child?" Aunt Zhang's daughter often plays games with you. Her name is Xiao Dan. "I nodded, indicating that I remember. She asked again, "Do you remember an uncle Liu who was later demolished by his family and divided into more than a dozen houses?". He always makes fun of you two and says you are a young couple. You always chase after Uncle Liu, and Xiao Dan always cries. " I nodded to show that I remember. She paused and said, "Uncle Liu is going to marry Xiao Dan this Sunday. "
I took my two-year-old son and daughter-in-law to eat instant-boiled mutton last night. As a result, our son vomited and diarrhea, so we took him to the hospital. I am very anxious. My daughter-in-law was still crying there, so I yelled at her, "Don't cry there, it's boring."
She replied to me: "If it's not your child, of course you don't feel bad!"
I have been with my girlfriend for seven years. Others say that seven years itch, but the more we love each other, there is only one thing I have been worried about. I haven't seen her family for seven years, and neither have my parents. I said I would go to her house for the Spring Festival this year, but she still said no. I am very angry. I asked her why. She said to me with tears in her eyes, "My husband is going to hit you!" I calm down and think about it. ...
Speaking of the funniest jokes, I can share some real jokes with you.
We all say that marriage is the wedding day of a lifetime, so we must choose a good day. As a man, I didn't know why this happened before, but now I finally know, because men can't live a good life after marriage. When I was a child, I always thought I could have a tiger when I grew up. When I grew up, my wish finally came true, but I have a tigress at home. Then I understand why the law does not allow men to have three wives and four concubines. So this is to protect men.
I had nothing to do after dinner a few days ago, so I went out for a walk and came to an alley. Suddenly there was a scream "indecent assault! As soon as I got angry, I came up. In today's legal society, there are even people who are indecent. I ran over and stared at the head of a man who was entangled with a woman. This is a fly kick. I didn't expect that man to fight so hard that he fainted directly. The woman looked up and said, "eldest brother, you saved my life. I have nothing to repay but commit suicide." I looked at her face and said, "Sister, in ancient times, there were heroes who committed suicide by saving the United States, but I think you are going to bite the hand that feeds you." Elder sister didn't want to hear this, and pestered, "eldest brother, this is your fault, so you can say that about me!" Do you want me to call you indecent assault again? " Before the words were finished, the indecent man on the ground woke up, got up and looked at us, ready to escape. I immediately drank "Don't move, don't move again, I will call the police". The man pleaded, "Brother, call the police! I just called it sexual harassment. "
A friend of ours, an idiot, had an interesting thing when he was learning to drive last year. As soon as the rash fellow got on the bus, "Coach, I want to learn to drive." The coach said, "Well, let go of the brakes first." Hearing this, the rash fellow immediately spread his hand. The coach said helplessly, "I told you to let go of the brakes, not to spread your hands." The idiot released the handbrake, and the coach continued to say, "Come on." Hearing this, the rash fellow made a gesture with scissors. "come on Come on, Ou Ye! " . The coach shouted "calf, get off" and begged "Coach, please give me another chance". As soon as the coach hears "all right", you go down and see if there is any oil. Hearing this, the rash fellow ran to the back of the car and opened the fuel tank cover, but he couldn't see it. The idiot thought, try with a lighter. When the coach heard something was wrong, he immediately ran to kick the idiot. You really want to be with me. "
I used to stay in a small troupe, and life was hard at that time. The commune gave the troupe a beach to grow a vegetable garden. I grow vegetables when I am busy and sing when I am free. Grow vegetables during the day and sing at night.
The hero of the troupe is surnamed Liu. He always walks with his head tilted and his movements are serious. On the surface, he is silent, but when he speaks, he makes you laugh. The heroine's name is Chen Yihong. She is smart and has a sweet voice, but her left leg is a little lame. If you don't look carefully, you won't notice it. The audience gave them nicknames: Liu Tianle, a crooked pupil, and Chen Yihong, a lame lady.
There is also a clown named Li, the second child in the family, who is the funniest clown in the troupe.
With them, I am very happy every day, and I can't laugh if I want to.
At that time, I was only fifteen years old, and it was very difficult to carry two buckets of water, especially when climbing mountains. That day, I was carrying water to climb the embankment. Chen Yihong said in the vegetable field, Zhu Xiao, I want to sing for you.
As she spoke, she sang the Lu opera "Li Er's wife remarried". There is a sentence in the lyrics: I really hope someone can help me ... She smiled at me while singing.
They are laughing in the field and I am laughing on the slope. The more I laugh, the more bored I get. The bucket swayed on my shoulder, fell on the slope, and even people rolled down with the bucket.
They came to help me at once. Li said to him, if I give you a water tank, you should also fill it up. You need to be less picky, and you don't need Mrs. Li Er to help you. You are a young man, find a big girl. What do you want with Sister Li Er?
There was another burst of laughter in the crowd.
Once Li played with him, there was a scene in which Li said to him, "Call your ear and mumble for a while." Liu nodded and said, "Remember what your adult said.
On the surface, Li Xiangliu seems to have said something confidential. In fact, there is not a line in the script.
One day, when the play was finished, Li said to Liu gently, "You are my own son, you must remember."
Liu knew that Li was scolding him, but forced by the circumstances, he had to promise: remember what the adults said.
As soon as they got back backstage, the two men scuffled.
On the Grand Canal in autumn, the bright moon is in the sky, and thousands of miles of gold float. A few of us often drive a boat, rippling in the river, accompanied by Li and singing solo. I was fascinated by the song "Clear Water and Blue Sky".
During the break, Liu Tianle said, I'll tell you a riddle, and type a word in each sentence.
He said: eighteen sons live in a family, and when they grow up, they go their separate ways, and eight people live under one roof.
Li asked: What you said is wrong. Eighteen sons are divided into two groups, one is eight and the other is two.
Liu Tianle went on to say: We can't live in two rooms, so we have to get rid of a pair of big bastards.
Everyone looked at each other and couldn't guess what the word was.
After a while, Chen Yihong smiled and squatted on the boat and called for her mother.
Still looking at Li's face, he didn't speak.
Li asked inexplicably, what's so funny about laughing at you like this?
Hearing his question, he kicked Li and said, Call your brothers assholes!
Li looked at and, but still couldn't find the answer. Wipe away tears and say, eighteen sons, eighteen sons are wood, eighteen sons are Li, and eight people live in one room. You see how Rong is written, but Bao Gai has eight people, that is, eight people live in one room. There is a word in your name, that is, two people live in two rooms. These eighteen sons lived for sixteen years, but they drove away your brother and two bastards!
Li Er let this just suddenly realize!
On the boat, several people got into a ball. The boat was so happy in the clear waves that the stars in the sky were blinded by laughter. Mother-in-law moon didn't pay attention and fell into the water with a smile.
I am still laughing when I think of those youthful years!
First of all, thank you very much for answering this question here. Let me take you into this question. Now let's discuss it together.
I used to stay in a small troupe, and life was hard at that time. The commune gave the troupe a beach to grow a vegetable garden. I grow vegetables when I am busy and sing when I am free. Grow vegetables during the day and sing at night.
The hero of the troupe is surnamed Liu. He always walks with his head tilted and his movements are serious. On the surface, he is silent, but when he speaks, he makes you laugh. The heroine's name is Chen Yihong. She is smart and has a sweet voice, but her left leg is a little lame. If you don't look carefully, you won't notice it. The audience gave them nicknames: Liu Tianle, a crooked pupil, and Chen Yihong, a lame lady.
There is also a clown named Li, the second child in the family, who is the funniest clown in the troupe.
With them, I am very happy every day, and I can't laugh if I want to.
At that time, I was only fifteen years old, and it was very difficult to carry two buckets of water, especially when climbing mountains. That day, I was carrying water to climb the embankment. Chen Yihong said in the vegetable field, Zhu Xiao, I want to sing for you.
As she spoke, she sang the Lu opera "Li Er's wife remarried". There is a sentence in the lyrics: I really hope someone can help me ... She smiled at me while singing.
They are laughing in the field and I am laughing on the slope. The more I laugh, the more bored I get. The bucket swayed on my shoulder, fell on the slope, and even people rolled down with the bucket.
They came to help me at once. Li said to him, if I give you a water tank, you should also fill it up. You need to be less picky, and you don't need Mrs. Li Er to help you. You are a young man, find a big girl. What do you want with Sister Li Er?
There was another burst of laughter in the crowd.
Once Li played with him, there was a scene in which Li said to him, "Call your ear and mumble for a while." Liu nodded and said, "Remember what your adult said.
On the surface, Li Xiangliu seems to have said something confidential. In fact, there is not a line in the script.
One day, when the play was finished, Li said to Liu gently, "You are my own son, you must remember."
Liu knew that Li was scolding him, but forced by the circumstances, he had to promise: remember what the adults said.
As soon as they got back backstage, the two men scuffled.
On the Grand Canal in autumn, the bright moon is in the sky, and thousands of miles of gold float. A few of us often drive a boat, rippling in the river, accompanied by Li and singing solo. I was fascinated by the song "Clear Water and Blue Sky".
During the break, Liu Tianle said, I'll tell you a riddle, and type a word in each sentence.
He said: eighteen sons live in a family, and when they grow up, they go their separate ways, and eight people live under one roof.
Li asked: What you said is wrong. Eighteen sons are divided into two groups, one is eight and the other is two.
Liu Tianle went on to say: We can't live in two rooms, so we have to get rid of a pair of big bastards.
Everyone looked at each other and couldn't guess what the word was.
After a while, Chen Yihong smiled and squatted on the boat and called for her mother.
Still looking at Li's face, he didn't speak.
Li asked inexplicably, what's so funny about laughing at you like this?
Hearing his question, he kicked Li and said, Call your brothers assholes!
Li looked at and, but still couldn't find the answer. Wipe away tears and say, eighteen sons, eighteen sons are wood, eighteen sons are Li, and eight people live in one room. You see how Rong is written, but Bao Gai has eight people, that is, eight people live in one room. There is a word in your name, that is, two people live in two rooms. These eighteen sons lived for sixteen years, but they drove away your brother and two bastards!
Li Er let this just suddenly realize!
On the boat, several people got into a ball. The boat was so happy in the clear waves that the stars in the sky were blinded by laughter. Mother-in-law moon didn't pay attention and fell into the water with a smile.
I am still laughing when I think of those youthful years! The answers to this question shared above are all personal opinions and suggestions. I hope the answer to this question I shared can help everyone.
Meanwhile, I hope you like my sharing. If you have a better answer to this question, please share your comments and discuss this topic with me.
Finally, here I am. I wish you all a happy life, good health, a prosperous family and everything, a big fortune every year and a prosperous business. Thank you!
As a creator of the funny field, I am happy to share my thoughts. I am a person who likes all kinds of funny jokes very much, and I also have a funny role in my life. I think life will be so colorful because of funny things. Let me tell you some funny jokes I've heard.
Last Sunday, I went back to my hometown in the country to visit my grandparents. It happened that my uncle was there. We just chat and watch TV. Seeing that half of my uncles suddenly had a stomachache, I went to the toilet to pull ... A few minutes later, I suddenly heard a sentence from the toilet: Ah ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Shit! ! ! My grandmother went to the toilet and cursed my uncle, saying, what a big man! And curse! Uncle: Sorry. Oh, my God. I just wiped P shares ... halfway through ... suddenly my nose runs. So I naturally picked up the toilet paper in my hand and wiped my nose. ....
I feel embarrassed every time I think about it. Another time, I turned on the water in the canteen of my unit. Accidentally, the water splashed on my hand, and a lady behind me took my hand and asked with concern, "Did you burn your hand?" Although it hurts, in order to show my manhood, I just bite my teeth and say, "Nothing, nothing." Pretend nothing happened. Little sister suddenly turned around and said to the people waiting in line behind her, "Go home, the water is not boiled today."
This is a funny joke that I have experienced personally.
As time goes by and we accept new things, funny jokes will no longer be interesting!
We should keep creating jokes to win everyone's happiness. As a spicy brother who focuses on funny, let me edit a few funny jokes. Segments and animations are more suitable!
Animation 1. Either fly in the start or be crazy in the start!
Animation 2. Ghost fire boy: "My life begins with the ghost fire and ends when I fall to the ground.". It doesn't matter whether it hurts or not, what matters is handsome! "
Figure 3: Break free from your bondage and dance the square dance freely!
Figure 4: Grandpa was paralyzed in bed for three years. Seeing this picture, he suddenly stepped ten meters and climbed over the wall. His whereabouts are still unknown!
Figure 5. No, my brother runs fast. See you at Qingming Tomb next year!
Funniest joke? Many, many, for example, I studied music with a female classmate. I asked her what instrument she played, and she said she liked to play. I told her you can play? She said yes! I said I like oral sex best. Later, I chased her for more than a year, and finally caught up with her and lived happily for more than three years. Seriously, she really likes oral sex. Her voice is beautiful, comfortable and feels good!
And the second girlfriend I mentioned. When I teased her at first, I asked her last name. She said her last name was Xiao. I answer directly, hello, beautiful woman. My last name is Cui. We just played the flute group to make her laugh. Later, we were together and lived happily for more than a year, but I feel that she still doesn't feel as good as her first girlfriend. The first girlfriend really loves music and flute, and her voice is really good.