There is a custom in my hometown. After death, I must wake up before my body is put in the coffin.

The night before grandma was buried, a room full of people stayed in front of the spirit all night. Our sisters knelt down and sat closest to grandma.

Light a lamp, renew incense, burn paper money …

Listening to my brother-in-law, the burning basin was full, so we sent money to grandma instead. Knock on the chin next to you every time you burn it, to remind grandma to pick it up.

When it burned me, a big piece of smoke jumped into my eyes, which made people cry.

At that moment, my blood suddenly rushed up. No, it was more like a shiver. Drive me to run forward, to pursue a soul that I thought I didn't have much emotion with her, but now it is tightly wrapped around my life.

I want to catch up and ask, "Grandma, where are you now?" Where are you going? Have you received the money I burned? "

"Tibetan Buddhism says that people will be born again 49 days after they leave, but they will remember past lives in the first 2 1 day. Grandma, you remember me now, don't you? So you want to keep me with that thick smoke and try to talk to me, don't you? "

Do you want to say, "It's not that we don't kiss you or love you, but that we have too many grandchildren to take care of, and we don't mean to give you away." Don't blame your grandparents ... "

"Grandma, you don't say ah, I don't blame, I would have don't blame! I thought there was no feeling between you and me. I thought I wouldn't cry. But now, I really feel that the part of my blood with you is constantly flowing. At this moment, they surge, rise and burn in the blood. "

People often underestimate the temperature and inseparability of consanguinity.

In the movie "Tangshan Earthquake", Zhang Jingchu plays Deng Fang and his younger brother Fang Da, who are both crushed on both sides of the first floor in the earthquake. They can only save one. She clearly heard her mother's choice: save her brother.

After the earthquake, Deng Fang, who survived miraculously, was adopted by a military couple. She never forgave her mother, let alone herself. She thought she would never see her mother again in her life.

It was not until 32 years later that she met her younger brother Fang Da unexpectedly. When I saw my mother again, at that moment, that part of my blood merged urgently, and the cracks for many years were finally repaired.

Once, no matter how much hate, no matter how much entanglement, pain and friction, all vanished.

This is the blood relationship: blood ties, endless.

2.

That night, everyone in the room was sleepy and dozing off. But I'm not sleepy. This is the first time I've faced a dead man. In the past, when there was a funeral in the village, I didn't even dare to enter other people's doors.

But now, I look at grandma's portrait, body, so close, I'm not afraid, not at all.

Grandma is gone, but who is lying there?

All of a sudden, lightning flashed through my mind like Shi Huo, or I was enlightened in an instant.

I couldn't understand this book before, but now it is so clear.

Lying there is the body where my grandmother once lived, and now she has gone to the next reincarnation. Physically like the hotel she once stayed in, she went to another city.

I suddenly remembered my favorite writers, San Mao and Youth Lin, who both committed suicide. In real life, many people have committed suicide or are on the way to commit suicide.

At the moment of my epiphany, I had this feeling:

Died of what? Why do you have to leave and bury your body to end this life? Why not say goodbye to your soul in this life and live in this body in the next life?

This is rebirth.

The body is just your residence, and the soul is your life.

3.

You may scoff, even my dad laughs at my spiritual world.

I, a modern person who was born in New China, grew up under the red flag and was edified in the university, should believe in soul, reincarnation, yin and karma?

Before, I didn't believe it at all I can't understand what the fallacy of ghosts and gods is in Tibetan Life and Death Book.

But now, my grandmother's body is in front of me, and I touch her. It is ice. So, where is the little old lady with a wrinkled face who chews food with a shriveled mouth and dentures? Her body is here, where is her soul?

I want to believe that she is going to the next reincarnation, the next life.

She left her alien body here, leaving her bones and blood on her children and grandchildren in front of the dead in a room.

I suddenly stopped being afraid of death, corpses.

There is another sentence in the Tibetan Life and Death Book: "This so-called' corpse' that we are so afraid of is with us here and now." Every day. Every moment.

The greatest Zen master of our time, Dunzhu Rinpoche, said, "Look, they built such a big house for the dead, but you didn't notice that they also built such a big house for the living dead."

What wonderful words! What a sobering sentence!

Once a person loses his soul, isn't it a walking corpse? Isn't it a Promethean?

4.

At this point, I remembered my muddleheaded past.

I have lived for more than 30 years. Suppose I lose my job, marriage and everything tomorrow. How can I support myself with my bare hands without any assistance? ! I don't know. Didn't even think about it.

After living for more than 30 years, what do I want to face this vast world? Don't want what? I don't know, either.

Until last year.

I began to write, explore my heart, and ushered in my awakening moment.

My rusty mind finally started slowly and painfully, and only then did I finally wake up the sleeping soul.

I know I will keep writing, and I have the confidence and capital to support myself.

You know, every day for the rest of my life, I will never allow myself to live against my will again. In the face of temptation, bondage, hypocrisy, and the glass house built for myself, I have no mercy.

I want to smash it! Ignore it at all!

I want to be my own master, not set or framed. In this secular world, choose a happy road! If there is no such road, build a bridge.

You see, the sun shines on the other side of the bridge, and the magpies on the branches flap their wings and fly away; The evening breeze is slow, fireflies are flashing, frogs are chirping, cicadas are chirping in the pond … Isn't that your favorite country life?

Feuerbach said: "Your first responsibility is to make yourself happy. If you are happy, you can make others happy. "

Thank you! Feuerbach! Give me such a good survival logic.

5.

On the night of grandma's death, I began to ask questions about life and death, and this topic was too big, and I was just on my way.

I spent my whole life practicing here in do or die.

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