My relationship with my mother is a little bad.
My mother once said that she used to think my birthday was similar to hers.
I feel that a large part of my pessimism, negativity and unhappiness comes from my mother.
Because I was never sure.
I'm ugly, my chin is a little prominent, so my mouth is a little prominent. If I have plastic surgery in the future, I'll just sew two stitches here.
When reading and writing, she said that I had regressed. Maybe she simply thinks that hitting me will make me progress, so she often criticizes me without looking at my words.
Dress and beat me, thinking that I am in a bad state, so I should foster strengths and avoid weaknesses. I chose from several clothes that she came back on credit, and even instilled in me how good other people's clothes were. I remember when I was in college, I wore clothes that my sister in menstruation didn't want, and even when I graduated to earn money, I wore clothes that my sister didn't want on me. I'm wearing long pants that my brother eliminated, just the kind with a bulging front opening. If my family was poor when I was a child,
Life hit me. After my husband and I got engaged normally, I was afraid that getting pregnant before marriage would lose her face. After my husband and I were married normally for half a year, we didn't plan to have children. We would say that we were ill. After the pregnancy test is ok, I will say that if I can't have a baby in two or three years, my husband will definitely not want me.
Too many blows, I will start to doubt myself.
When on earth did you start to feel that this affected me? About two months before marriage to about six months after marriage, which made me never want to live again.
Marriage is a matter for two families, and I have deep feelings.
I don't know about other places and other people, I just said my own home.
Her husband's father gave her husband 600,000 at a time, of which 400,000 was enough to buy a house in the county town for simple decoration and another 200,000 was enough to buy a car.
After buying a house in the 18th-line mountainous area and poverty-stricken counties across the country, if we buy a house in a city where there is little chance of wage fluctuation, it may be too little money for us to work hard for our children's education in the future.
So my husband took out 550 thousand, paid a down payment in the city, and then bought a hardcover house with a loan. From the very beginning, my husband said that the house he bought would be written in our names. After the online signing was officially delivered, there would be a follow-up loan repayment, which could only be the joint property of the husband and wife, and then he would try to buy a house in the county. Of course, my husband has no money to buy another car.
I don't want to doubt my husband's character and say that I have nothing, because I really have nothing.
Mom's attitude certainly thinks that this is impossible, so it is possible to write my name and start promising that the car is gone. But this does not affect the process of marriage. The bride price is agreed. 168,800, the husband's family gave 170,000, which included photos, travel, new clothes and three gold money.
At this time, my differences with my mother gradually began to become obvious.
Mother said that she should give her daughter-in-law a gold bracelet when she was engaged, but nothing was given at home. She is getting married soon, so you should ask her for a gold bracelet. My husband didn't buy this, but his parents bought it.
Before people get married or get a license, there are grand marriage proposals and diamond rings. You can't have nothing.
My mother agreed from the beginning that she would not accompany anything except bride price money. The only dowry is the salary I saved after graduating from college and working.
And I always thought getting married was almost enough. My family has no dowry. How can I get others to give me more money? My husband and I will spend more if we can earn money, and spend less if we can't, and live a good life together.
Both husband and father-in-law wanted to live separately, so they rented our uncle's house and bought home appliances after simple decoration. Because the apartment is small and there are fewer household appliances, if you change rooms in the future, the household appliances will be left to my uncle's house.
My mother felt that living alone could not cultivate feelings with her in-laws, and the household appliances in the rented house would eventually be left to my uncle's house, so she strongly opposed this arrangement and finally stuffed me with a water dispenser and a microwave oven, one of which was stuffed in the name of my brother.
At this time, I have to talk about my family. My family runs a home textile shop, dealing in sheets, quilts, sofa cover and curtains. There is a street shop, one selling goods and one staying. Except for my brother who lives alone after marriage, my parents and I share a bed with two single beds, which are slightly larger than the double bed.
Before getting married, the family sold this facade and borrowed some money to buy another facade. The new facade room has two floors, which means I don't have to sleep in the same bed with my parents before I get married, so I can get married in my new home.
Time is too tight, and the simple clothes that my father and brother worked together are really tired, but I bought a sofa, a bed, a blanket and a shelf, and bought everything I could. But when my mother said, "Look, you only spent four or five thousand, and your brother spent twenty or thirty thousand. In order to marry you, although I didn't marry him, sofa cover, quilt cover and curtains all cost 20,000 to 30,000 yuan. "
Facing my new home, the curtains don't have the shadow I specifically asked for. Sofa cover is made from the rest of cloth. Except cotton, everything else is basically made by ourselves. I can't say anything. I feel that my mother really paid the labor cost and it was done in half a week. I once remembered that when my brother got married, I was a senior in high school. I didn't see my parents for a month, and no one asked me how I was studying and whether I had money to eat.
The new red scarf loses its hair and color, and the slippers are two pairs of clothes. A month later, the sole was broken, and half of the plastic skin of the red washbasin was lost after half a year.
My mother said that she gave a lot and was very tired. She complained about why I didn't like grand marriage proposals and diamond rings. I say everything alone, and I don't like it when it's grand. My mother says I'm crazy. Unlike her, I won't fight for it. I'll cry later.
I have cried several times, and I don't understand why face is more important than lining.
On the wedding day, 20 minutes before the hotel ceremony, my mother scolded me across the aisle for my wedding, and my earrings were not ready, saying that I was mentally ill. I didn't notice it, and my friend was nearby, and my makeup lady was scared, and whether it was the wedding scene or not, my mood would plummet.
After a month of marriage, my husband and I have not moved into a new home. Mom and dad came to my in-laws' house on business. Mom said that she was so angry that she didn't sleep all night after she got home. The reason is that after her first marriage with my dad, she didn't take out fruit snacks but tea. I didn't treat them well. I had to take a shower at 9 o'clock that night, so my hair was too wet to blow dry and I couldn't go out to see them off.
After two months of marriage, my mother didn't know which neighbor said ten years ago that I didn't say hello when I saw her in the street. It was too arrogant. Then she scolded me and said it was all for my own good. My husband said it was inexplicable.
Three months after marriage, my mother complained in front of her son-in-law that her parents-in-law did not do well and looked down on her and my father. The angry husband clearly told me that I would be alone when I went back to my parents' house in the future.
Four months after marriage, Lantern Festival, I caught a cold. My mother insisted that I go out and watch the lights with them, because my brother was in a bad mood. In order to adjust his mood, I put off catching a cold for another week.
Six months after marriage, it is my birthday. After dinner in two friendly families, my mother asked me to arrange my brother's birthday in ten days. In fact, it's not that I don't want to invite my brother to dinner. It's just that I'm disgusted with the forced warning a week in advance. My family has never been in the habit of celebrating each other's birthdays. I haven't celebrated my birthday since the third grade, and because my birthday is ten days earlier than my brother's, I often forget my birthday. I think of my brother's birthday. I didn't call him at school, and I didn't remember my birthday until I got married for four years. Now, as soon as I get married, I'm suddenly asked to celebrate my brother's birthday. I'm confused. My brother never got a chance to call me after he got married.
After my birthday, I had a simple meal. My mother asked me why the staple food is fried noodles, not longevity noodles. To be honest, I really want to cry.
For a long time, I was afraid to see my mother. One of the reasons is that I spent 200,000 yuan on the bride price and bride price money my parents gave me when I got engaged, and paid off part of the mortgage. My mother expressed strong opposition, and we had a quarrel. Even if the money was given to me, even if all the bank transactions and signatures were with me, even if my parents-in-law helped us repay the remaining 330,000 loans because of this move.
For a long time, I felt easily depressed. I can't understand that other girls and their mothers can go shopping arm in arm. My mother would shake my hand and say it was too hot and sticky. Other girls can call my mother every day. As early as in college, I wouldn't call my mother often, because every time I was scolded or hung up, the phone never lasted more than a minute.
Once upon a time, my mother complained that I didn't go out to socialize. Now, my mother complains that I can't go back to my mother's house when I get married.
But why go back to your mother's house? As soon as she entered the door, she looked from top to bottom to see if she was wearing what she liked, whether she was wearing high heels, whether her socks were pilling, whether her eyebrows were caressed as she said, and even whether the ponytail was her favorite high ponytail. After a hard day's work, when I get home and just lie down, I will be spit out: "I raised you so much, I don't know anything, I don't know anything, and I don't know how to sweep the floor when I come back. Just like you, your husband will pay you back."
I think there's nothing wrong with me. As long as she is in a bad mood, it is not good for me. Even if I just clean up the house and wash the pots and pans, she can tell her friends that I can't wash such a big bowl and sweep the floor. While showing off my achievements, I said that I had never been hungry, and I was never dressed worse than others. I now remember that my clothes were joked by the boys in my class as old women, and I didn't have the freedom to dress until I became financially independent. I don't even like to wear the bright red clothes she arranged, and I don't want to take pictures of the rich second generation she thought. I just don't live well, I'm not active, I always fall behind others, and I have mental problems. Back to my mother's house, facing my mother, there has been no standard answer to the classroom exam. My mother is a grading teacher, based on her mood and her changeable moral standards.
I don't care much about the ridicule I have received, but I can't forget it. I don't understand that my mother can praise me for twelve points in front of others, and then ask me to be a baiwenhang with only seven and eight points.
For a long time, I didn't know what was right. I told myself over and over again that I was not wrong. I think I might be wrong, too?