It's another Tomb-Sweeping Day, and everyone is busy paying homage to their loved ones. In the news, several audience participants are holding items closely related to their loved ones and pinning their grief on their loved ones. My heart stopped for a second because I didn't have anything like that. I didn't take anything from home after I separated from my father. The only thing left is two photos with my mother, both taken when I was a child. I realized that I haven't had any photos with her since I was twenty.
My mother is not a beauty, but in my childhood memory, she always has long hair and smells like shampoo! At that time, she took me home and sat in the back seat of a bicycle, just like holding her long hair! There is an old photo at home, black and white, which was taken by my mother when she was young. At that time, she braided two braids and wore a small floral shirt with lapels. She looks cute and cute. At that time, she should be only twenty years old!
As far as I can remember, on holidays, my mother always wears cheongsam or long skirt, long hair or high plate, or clip. Really beautiful! At that time, we would steal mom's clothes, high heels, put on lipstick, stand in front of the mirror and imitate mom's posture, pretending to take pictures of ourselves. I'm looking forward to my growth. I want to have long flowing hair and wear a beautiful skirt like her!
My mother's job is sales, so she often needs to travel, and then she has to live with her grandmother. I don't seem to be too attached to her. This is what she told me later, saying that other daughters like to be around my mother, and I don't have such time! Now that I think about it, I think my mother is also very helpless. She wants to be with me, too, but she needs to work! Later, the appearance of my younger brother changed this pattern. Because I'm super-born, my mother has to hide in my relatives' house in the country. She thought I was too young and took me away. At my relatives' home, I have my sister, who plays with me, and two aunts. My mother's belly is getting bigger and bigger, and it is becoming more and more inconvenient to move. I was only five years old at that time, and I would clamor for her to play with me. I still remember that late at night. I don't know if I woke up or was awakened. I found that my mother was not with me, and then I heard someone shouting, and I cried. Then my aunt came to coax me and said that my brother was born. I am very unhappy. I thought my mother didn't want me when she had a younger brother, so I cried until I fell asleep.
The birth of my younger brother brought economic problems to the family. My parents were punished by the factory and fined 3000 yuan. Both of them were demoted. My father is a technician and imports machines, so he is not greatly affected. My mother can't do it. She was sent to the workshop to brush bottles. She has to stand for more than seven hours every day. It's hard, and she has to bring her brother back. At that time, my mother was still very energetic, wearing beautiful clothes, with long hair and smiling every day. Later, my mother was promoted by the leader to be a statistician in the production workshop, but it took three shifts, which meant that we didn't see her for a large part of the time. Every time she comes home from the night shift, we all go to bed early. Once I woke up in a daze and saw my mother cover me with a quilt, then kissed my face and said. Be good and go to bed. Because my mother's working hours are uncertain, my father has to be both a father and a mother. Every noon, he rides his bike home to cook for us. Later, afraid of delaying my school, he had to send me to my grandmother's house and pick me up at the weekend.
Although my mother needs to work the night shift during the statistical work, she is optimistic, never complains, and takes time to make clothes and schoolbags for us. Most love is summer, because I can wear clothes made by my mother. That's true happiness! On holidays, my mother will still dress up beautifully and lead us out to play! Such a good day, until my fifth grade, suddenly, the country began to lay off employees. My mother's unit was injured because she caught corrupt officials twice, and she couldn't stay on. In this way, the factory closed and my mother was laid off. Because of family reasons, she did not continue her studies after graduating from junior high school. She won the second place in her grade every year, won the sprint champion in the city, but failed to go to high school. My mother was sent to the countryside as an educated youth by my grandfather when she was sixteen. After coming back, she worked in a textile unit for a while, and then she joined my grandfather's unit. After work, my mother needs to help with housework at home and then get married and have children, so she has never continued her studies, which is also the main reason for being laid off!
During the period of being laid off, our family life began to become poor, which I learned later. I only know that other children have it, and I can have it. I have never felt any change, but I feel that my mother spends more time at home. At that time, I was really happy! Because of the need to earn money, my mother began to find various handymen and part-time jobs, such as knitting small clothes for dolls of foreign trade companies, carrying baskets for plastic factories and knitting ready-made clothes for sweater shops. The light in my living room stays up late every day, but it comes on early in the morning. My mother often stays up late to do more things, but she gets up early in the morning to make breakfast for us. I don't know through what channels, my mother found a manual job to help a small factory produce fertilizer, which required waving a shovel and bagging the fertilizer and carrying it to the car. Mother cut her long hair short, put on the simplest work clothes and rubber shoes, put on thick gloves and go to work every day. When I come back from work, my face is covered with white ash, and I have to wash it with water several times. She is less than forty years old and has fine lines on her face, which makes me very sad.
One year, my mother got a job in a small town and needed to live there. Then she simply packed her bags and left with a few people. I remember I haven't seen her for almost half a month. Later, before the graduation exam, my father took my brother and me to see her. We came to the town, walked a long way, climbed a slope and arrived at the factory. Seeing my mother and my workmates at work, my father went shopping, and my brother and I were waiting for my mother there. We looked around and saw a big house like a workshop. When we went in, we saw straw mats, clothes and shoes on the ground. At that moment, I understood that there was no bed where my mother lived, only straw mats. I held back my tears and didn't dare to cry because I was afraid that she would see me. Every time I see my mother working so hard and sticking her high waist to her waist, I feel very sad when she goes to work with a broken waist. I have been expecting that I can grow up suddenly overnight and share her pain and suffering.
The summer vacation passed, ushered in school, and went to a strange environment. The school is not far from home, and it takes nearly an hour to get there by bike. I know for myself that the road I choose can only be taken by myself. Eating in the school cafeteria every day, the pocket money given by my family is not much, five days a week, just ten yuan, so I can only play two dishes and rice at noon, but it's ok, enough to eat! Other eligible students will bring snacks to school. If I have no money, I won't eat them. Looking at the colorful clothes worn by my classmates, I feel a little envious, but I can only wear two sets of clothes every season. Even if there are good clothes, they are all from relatives. At this time, I remembered what my mother said. Going to school is learning. Don't compare with others.
I always remember the dream of having long flowing hair when I was a child, but in fact, I haven't had long hair since I was ten years old, because I live with the elderly, my grandmother can't braid her hair, and I can't reach it myself. I live with my grandmother once in a while. She is too much trouble. Finally, in a cry, my cousin and I were cut by my sister-in-law. That was the last time I had long hair. Since then, my hair has been cut very short and easy to take care of, so I don't need to bother. I usually dress like a boy, because I always want to be a boy, so that my family won't lose a lot of money because I have a younger brother, my parents won't be demoted, and maybe my mother won't be laid off.
After graduation, I couldn't find a job for professional reasons, unless I went to other places, but my mother didn't agree at that time. She doesn't want me to be too far away from her. She wants me to be with her. After a year of tossing, I officially joined the job and can have a stable salary. I give my mother my basic salary every month to supplement my family. I felt so proud at that time. I keep a little pocket money and still live the consumption life of my student days. I spend a lot of money on CDs and books, which are my spiritual food.
At this time, my mother was also introduced to work in a company of textile group to do logistics work. Although it is not easy, it is at least more stable than before, and there is no danger of injury. My mother has changed back to that confident woman, that cheerful, kind and helpful woman. Any girl who is going to get married is bound to find her and ask her father to take a look at her. Her mother will make a double happiness mat (handmade insole with red background) or ask her mother to knit a sweater and so on.
This life lasted for several years. I met my husband now, probably because I was a good girl since I was a child, and I always expected to rely on my tiny strength to maintain family harmony. At that moment, I suddenly wanted to live for myself, and I went to him without hesitation. I still remember that before I left, my mother kept urging me to say that our place was not very good and our work was not very good. Why did we go there? I am a stranger. At that time, I was young and energetic, always thinking that the outside world was full of bright future. In my mother's sigh and my father's sigh, I finally took my luggage and set foot on my own life.
After I left home, I felt like a wild horse, galloping on the grassland and forgetting everything behind me. My mother calls me every week to be caring and attentive. At that time, I was too busy in love to care about her feelings. I just answered stupidly, and never thought about whether my mother would be sad.
Every year when I go home for the New Year, I can't bear to drag my suitcase back to my hometown. Because relatives will ask all kinds of questions to urge marriage, they are not very happy to go back. But every time I step into that familiar path and alley, there is always a light on. That's the lamp that my mother lit for me. She's waiting for me to come home. When she saw my figure, she ran all the way, helped me with my things and asked me if I was tired, but she was always there. The year my mother retired, when she signed in the office, she called me and told me that she had retired and there was plenty of time in the future. She can cook good food for me or take care of my children when I get married! She looked like a child that day. How lovely!
If it weren't for the accident, maybe now she is really helping me with my children, or arguing with me about parenting experience ... but everything is hypothetical, and the accident is irreversible after all. In a few seconds, I lost her forever. However, while she was suffering silently, I was still at odds with them, even without any communication. When the doctor gave the death notice, her father knelt on the ground and begged the doctor to save her again, but it was all over and life was so fragile. It took only two short days from declaring brain death to actually declaring death. At that time, we really couldn't accept that she left us like this without even saying goodbye. I didn't say sorry to her, and I didn't have a chance to say "I love you, I love you very much."
At my mother's funeral, I was heartbroken to recall all this. I always thought I could have the whole world, but I forgot the person who loves me the most, waiting for you in the same place forever, guarding you and illuminating your way home. My mother is buried next to my grandmother's grave. Because my grandparents are here, there is no so-called ancestral grave, so they can only be buried near my mother's house. I chose a direction overlooking grandma's grave. On the day of the funeral, we all cried. I can't even accept that my mother is waiting for me at home to make our favorite steamed stuffed bun. However, at this moment, she is lying in this cold coffin, being watched by us. After the farewell ceremony, it's time to queue up for cremation. Women can't get involved in this. I don't know what the rules are. I can only wait in the long corridor outside. My mind plays the past bits and pieces over and over again, all of which are the shadows of my mother, and now she will be reduced to ashes. When my brother came out with his mother's urn, my heart broke with a bang. I squatted on the ground and cried at the top of my lungs. How I wish all this was an illusion, just a dream.
From now on, I will be a child without a mother, and no one will hug me and say good night to me; No one took my hand and said, hold my mother's hand and don't get lost; No one will call me again, clamoring for me to bring more clothes and umbrellas, pay attention to diet and rest. When I was a child, my father took me to the cinema to watch "Mom, Love Me Again". I will cry with the little actor unconsciously. As I grew older, I never changed. I cried once after reading it. After that, I can understand all this better. A child without a mother is like grass and weeds, which nobody cares about.
This year is the sixth year that my mother left us. Since she left, I have stopped deliberately celebrating my birthday, because I know it is a difficult day for my mother, and because of my mother, I exist. In the past, every year on my birthday, she would take time out to cook for me, but now, I can't eat her rice and steamed buns anymore. I haven't eaten those dishes for six years. As for steamed stuffed buns, no one knows how to make them.
I still often remember my mother's little black-and-white photo with two pigtails. My mother at that time was so beautiful and young. I hope you will be happy in heaven, and there will be no more pain and suffering. I look forward to the day when we meet. I love you, Mom!