Humorous positive energy short stories 1: the fright of the snitch
There is a man named caterpillar in Maojia village who eats, drinks, whores, gambles and steals.
That night, the caterpillar came back from gambling in the town to win money, walking lightly and humming a tune, not to mention how proud he was. When passing through Zaozi Village, a night wind blew, and the caterpillar smelled a thick jujube fragrance, making its mouth water. It is said that the jujube in Zaozi Village has an attractive aroma. When I heard it tonight, I really liked it. Now is the ripe season of dates, and stealing dates happens to be his old job. Why not choose some to try?
After making up his mind, the caterpillar slipped into the village quietly. At this time, it was dead of night and the bright moon was in the sky. The caterpillar successfully bypassed the village and slipped into a jujube garden. He didn't rush to climb the tree, but listened with bated breath. He was relieved only to hear the sweet snoring from a room next to Zaoyuan. He recognized a big jujube tree full of fruits, climbed up the trunk with his hands, and then climbed up like a civet cat, hardly making any noise. After climbing the tree, the caterpillar looked at the fragrant dates covered with branches, drooling, and couldn't wait to pick the big ones and put his hand into his mouth. At this time, the accident happened. I don't know if the branches trampled by caterpillars were eaten by insects, or for other reasons, suddenly? Click? It broke with a bang! The caterpillar was caught off guard, and its whole body fell straight like a broken kite.
Fortunately for the caterpillar, there happens to be a tall and strong pumpkin shed under this jujube tree. The caterpillar fell on its back and made a muffled sound. The pumpkin shed shook violently a few times, but it survived and did not fall apart. The caterpillar was buried by the broad pumpkin leaves, and the burrs on the pumpkin leaves and vines scratched his face, which made him very uncomfortable. The caterpillar was struggling to escape from the pumpkin shed when suddenly an old man's voice came from the room next to the jujube garden. Who is it? Hearing this, the caterpillar is not good. This sound just woke up the owner of the jujube garden! He was so scared that he didn't even dare to go out. Fortunately, he was able to use his quick wits and keep his mouth shut. Woof woof woof? Learn to scream a few times. This move was really effective, and then the old man's voice came: Oh, it was wild dogs that made trouble. ?
The caterpillar thinks it can get away with a few barks. Take the opportunity to get away, who knows? Cheep? With a cry, the old man opened the back door, put on clothes and took a long cigarette rod, and went straight to the jujube garden. The caterpillar immediately panicked, and quickly lay motionless on its back on the pumpkin shed, letting the thick and dense pumpkin leaves cover itself. The old man looked around the jujube garden and saw nothing unusual, so he went straight to the pumpkin shed. Bababa? Smoke slowly and nag yourself while smoking:? Alas, I feel less when I get older. When I was awakened by wild dogs, I couldn't sleep any more. ? Hearing this, the caterpillar secretly complained, so it had to hold its breath and lie on the pumpkin shed. It's really unpleasant
Time is running out. The caterpillar's shoulders were sore and his hands and feet were numb, but the old man showed no sign of going back to his house to rest. Finally, after smoking a bag of cigarettes, the old man came to work again. He looked up and counted the pumpkins in the pumpkin shed by moonlight. On the count of one, two and three, the old man suddenly wanted to know. Gee, no, there are only nine pumpkins on the scaffold. Why is there another one tonight? I'm crazy, my memory is poor, and my eyes are useless. What should I do? Say that finish and continue to count. The caterpillar listened to the old man's counting voice, fearing and hating. That old bastard thinks Lao Tzu's ass is a big pumpkin!
The old man is really HuiLaiShi, countless pumpkins on the scaffold, forget it, but he is a die-hard, even with the long cigarette rod jacking up the pumpkin on the scaffold, counting each pumpkin, one by one, and finally the long, hard and pointed cigarette rod actually stabbed the caterpillar's asshole. Gee, strange, why is this pumpkin soft? Is this pumpkin rotten? Oh, what a pity! Enough for my pig to have a good meal.
Caterpillar hates the old man, old thing. What happened to stabbing people? Why did you stab me? He felt terrible, but he was afraid to say anything, so he had to bite his teeth and die. At this juncture, suddenly listen to the old man? Haha? Laugh:? Money, money? God knows, I'm rich! ?
Hearing this, the caterpillar has a big head? Huh? It's loud It turned out that the money he was holding slipped from his trouser pocket, and the old man fell off the pumpkin rack with a long cigarette rod and scattered it all over the floor. When the caterpillar went to town to gamble tonight, he brought his own money 1 ,000 yuan, plus the won 1 ,000 yuan, making a total of 2000 yuan. Blink of an eye fell into the hands of the old man, the caterpillar's heart really hurts like a knife! But he was lying on the pumpkin shed, shouting but not daring to shout or move. It's really dumb to eat coptis chinensis. I can't tell you how bitter it is!
The old man picked up all the bills that fell to the ground, dipped his hand in saliva and counted the money over and over again. After counting, he kept saying, don't mention that joy. After the excitement, the old man felt incredible about the sudden good luck tonight. He looked up and squinted at the melon shed, talking to himself while watching. Did the goddess of wealth help me throw a cornucopia into my pumpkin shed tonight? Let me move a ladder and climb up to find out. If there is a cornucopia, please worship me! ? After that, the old man bowed devoutly to the pumpkin shed, and then what? Knock, knock, knock. Slowly leave the pumpkin shed and move the ladder inside.
Thankfully, the old guy finally left, and the caterpillar's hanging heart was finally put down. Go while it's good. Who knows that his body just moved, and the wooden frame under his ass suddenly. Wow? With a loud cry, the ground caved in, and the caterpillar screamed and fell straight down. To make matters worse, there is a manure pit under the pumpkin shed, and the caterpillar's body is impartial. Plop? Fell into the cesspit with a bang.
The sound alarmed the old man again. The old man roared: Where did you get the wild dog? ! Old man, I just entered the house and made trouble again. You want to rob me, don't you? Damn beast, I'll take it down and kill you! ?
Hearing this, the caterpillar lost its soul. He climbed out of the cesspit in despair and stumbled out of the jujube garden, ignoring the stench?
Humor positive energy story 2: Give you face
Xiao Zhao is a quick-tempered and outspoken person. He likes to interrupt in any situation, and he often makes people embarrassed in public. Manager Hao criticized him for this, but he didn't agree and went his own way. Because he is the nephew of General Hao, General Hao only shakes his head and sighs.
At the end of last month, under the leadership of manager Hao, all the staff completed a big project. As soon as manager Hao was happy, he sent someone to book ten tables in the hotel, ready to reward all the employees of the company at night.
After work, employees of the company came to the hotel one after another. After all the employees arrived, Manager Hao raised his glass and began to speak. Just in the middle of singing, Xiao Zhao stood up and applauded. Manager Hao speaks well! We all remember! ?
Manager Hao glanced at Xiao Zhao, sighed and thanked everyone for their hard work. Unexpectedly, Xiao Zhao stood up again:? We must redouble our efforts! Live up to General Hao's expectations. ?
Manager Hao gave a wry smile. Xiao Zhao is good at everything except interrupting others. ?
The colleague sitting next to Xiao Zhao couldn't help it. He pulled Xiao Zhao's skirt and motioned for Xiao Zhao to sit down. Xiao Zhao also recognized General Hao's point, so he tried to sit down, but he looked around with a nonchalant look.
At the beginning of the banquet, Xiao Zhao was talking while eating, and his mouth was not idle at all. He always has a word in everyone's mouth, just like a debater, which makes everyone laugh and cry. Seeing that the dinner was coming to an end, Manager Hao raised his glass. He glanced at Xiao Zhao and found Xiao Zhao smiling at himself. He was still chewing food with relish. So manager Hao took a deep breath and announced loudly with the strength of wine. Today's banquet is just the beginning. If the company completes big projects in the future, we will celebrate.
To everyone's surprise, Xiao Zhao didn't say a word for the first time during Manager Hao's speech. When the employees saw this scene, they were very puzzled: Xiao Zhao talked all night and couldn't stop eating and drinking. Why did he stop talking after eating and drinking?
Hao always say that finish, with satisfaction toward Xiao Zhao nodded his head. However, Xiao Zhao remained silent, just sitting there with a red face, as if vomiting, which seemed to be a bad drinker.
The next morning, Zhao Gang walked into the office and was surrounded by everyone. One said he learned to be a prick, and the other said he learned to play dumb. This time, Xiao Zhao patted his thigh. He quickly said, hey hey, you don't know.
At this moment, Manager Hao pushed open the door left unlocked and came in in four steps. This next person went into the forest to quiet the birds, and everyone sipped their mouths and didn't say a word. They just looked at Manager Hao nervously.
Manager Hao smiled and looked at everyone, then nodded to Xiao Zhao, and then said in a favorable tone:? Don't look at people with colored glasses! At the end of the dinner party yesterday, Xiao Zhao performed very well. Who says Xiao Zhao's habit of interrupting others cannot be changed? Isn't this quite face-saving?
Before everyone could react, I quickly interrupted Manager Hao's words. Manager Hao, you are mistaken! I'm not giving you face. In fact, when you said it at last, I just wanted to interrupt, and I was caught by a fishbone and talked for a long time.
Humor positive energy short story 3: packaging tablecloth
Liu is a man who is good at life, but he is proud of himself. Eating with friends, big Liu Zhun Bao, every time he says:? It's a pity to waste it. I took it home to feed the dog. ? Friends have never had the same knowledge as him, and at most they just laugh.
On this day, Liu went out to eat with his friends and drank a lot of wine. There are three or four cases of beer alone. After dinner, Liu did the same thing again, pointing to the food on the table and saying, I'll take some to feed the dog. ? Say, ask the waiter to clear the table.
The waiter removed the plate, and Master Liu picked up two dishes by the way. Several people stood up to leave. Liu looked at the table and said that so much vegetable juice hurts. ? Liu bian said as he let go of his hand, put the plastic tablecloth in the middle, simply tied a button and held it in his hand. Everyone was surprised when they saw it. This big Liu tidied up so well that he didn't even let the tablecloth go.
After a while, Liu came home and handed two dishes to his wife, asking her to eat quickly. Seeing him still carrying a plastic bag, his wife asked him what he was doing. Liu didn't speak, threw the tablecloth on the ground, reached out and untied it, and began to pull it up.
My wife looks puzzled:? What are you doing with garbage? Liu pulled the tablecloth for a while and found several bottle caps to look at one by one. Suddenly, he picked up one of them and said, finally found it? Liu's wife asked him what he found. He smiled and said, "Did you find this when you just opened the bottle cap?" Another bottle? Somehow I lost it, and I was too embarrassed to look for it after dinner, so I had to bring the whole tablecloth. ?
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