Crosstalk jokes about Spring Festival couplets

Yes, Spring Festival couplets.

Authors: Ma,,.

Ma: It's not easy to be a crosstalk performer. First of all, you must articulate and have a good voice. lady

Zhao: Think quickly.

M: Yes, besides that, there must be culture. Of course, crosstalk performers don't have to have a high culture.

Zhao: Our crosstalk culture is not high.

M: But we also need to know more words. If it's good, it's good for you. You have a lot of knowledge!

Zhao: Hi, what knowledge do I have? Far from it.

M: Hey-you're welcome, you're welcome. Of all these crosstalk performers, Gao is.

Zhao: Hi-why is it so high? Don't flatter me.

M: Hey-not Peng. Of all the crosstalk performers, no one can compare with you.

Zhao: You know.

Man: ... of course, this is ... almost better than mine.

Zhao: No, no, no, wait a minute. Are you praising me or yourself? ! I am the most knowledgeable crosstalk performer, and I am almost better than him. So you are taller than all of us?

M: Actually, it's not much higher, just a little higher.

Zhao: Where do you think the height is? Besides, if you have knowledge, you have to be told by others. Do you have anything to say?

M: Hey, I know "this" and "sir" better.

Zhao: Do you still know "Sir"?

Ma: When you go to Tianjin, you ask-our writers "Hua, Ma, Yan and Zhao", you ask. ...

Zhao: Wait a minute. Who are you talking about in Tianjin? Who is it?

Ma: You don't understand. We-"Hua, Ma, Yan, Zhao", who wrote it? ...

Zhao: I don't understand? If I were a child of several years old, you could fool me. I haven't experienced it, and my parents haven't told me. I have lived in Tianjin for decades. I don't know. Hua, Meng, Yan, Zhao, Meng Guanghui, Yan Xiu and Zhao Yuanli, where are you?

M: I said Hua, Meng, Yan and Zhao.

Zhao: Didn't you just say Hua, Ma, Yan and Zhao?

M: I ... I made a mistake. Is it fresh when I make mistakes? It's Hua ... Hua, Meng, Yan and Zhao. Hua, Meng, Yan, Zhao, Ma Jiwu, Meng Guanghui, Yan Xiu, Zhao Yuanli, Gan Mianyang, Du Xiaocen, ... These are all famous writers ... Ma Lisan ... We are all famous writers.

Zhao: I know all the old people you mentioned, but I have never heard of you in the horse.

M: Never heard of it? You have never seen my handwriting. When I write, I learn from Hua Shikui and Hua Lao. What's his name-Yan Ceng ... Do you know his handwriting?

Zhao: I know, the plaque on the Quanyechang is written.

M: Yes, it's called Yandi. I practiced according to that ... I have that, that, that ... that thing. ...

Zhao: What do you have? You have stickers. What happened?

Man: It's just ... that ... that ... that ... that ... that ... such a thick book ... passbook. ...

Zhao: Is that a passbook? He can't even read the post!

M: I'm afraid you don't understand what I said about post. There are posts. When I write, I study ... such as Zhang Boyang. ...

Zhao: Who? !

Ma: Zhang Boyang!

Zhao: Zhang Boyang? Then you might as well learn from Shi Huiru. How good is Shi Hui's art?

M: Why should I learn from Shi Huiru?

Zhao: Sing and play the strings.

M: Why should I sing Dan Xian? I mean writing-learning from Zhang Boyang.

Zhao: Written by Bai Yang?

M: It's rare. It's very strange. You haven't seen his old man's handwriting-Beijing Liulichang. Almost all the plaques hanging on both sides were written by Zhang Boyang.

Zhao: Is that right? Look carefully-the person who wrote those plaques in Liulichang is called-looking forward to eight times, and his name is.

Zhang Boying? I remember a Zhang Boyang?

Zhao: Zhang Baiyang, Dan Xian sings.

Oh, yes, yes, yes, Zhang Boying, I learn from him. Should I knock him? ...

Zhao: I don't know what it means to knock him.

Ma: kowtow, kowtow to the teacher!

Zhao: Just say that you worship him and knock him. Learn such a mouthful of ashes.

Ma: Just kowtowing and learning from the teacher. People also respect us and are willing to teach us-we stand firm. ......

Zhao: What words do you have here? Upright? Listen, everyone, which learned mouth has an arm?

M: Why should I send you a message? I'll text with you. You got it? That's just simple English. When we write, we must ... like this, our elbows won't stick to the table. It's called hanging elbows, you know?

Zhao: Which hand? This hand, the right hand, you know? He doesn't even know which hand to write with.

Man: ... I can use this hand, or both hands.

Zhao: I have never heard of two people writing it by hand.

Ma: Hey, I can do it-"I can write plum blossom seal script with both hands, and the Empress Dowager Lafayette likes it very much, and I am appointed as Your Highness at the age of nine ..."

Zhao: You said this is Liu Jin.

M: Yes, we just want to learn from his old man. He is our elder, our ancestor.

Zhao: How can you mistreat your ancestors? Isn't that one thing? Your surname is not Ma, and you don't ask Ma University? Liu Jin is surnamed Liu. How can he be your ancestor? Your ancestor was a horse widow-opened a shop.

Ma: Let me go! Let me go! Don't talk to me here. I'll tell you that Zhao Peiru is finished. You're all right. If you act in a hurry, you will be finished-you don't respect the old-timers.

Zhao: What kind of doyen are you?

M: I've never seen you joke to your face like this-"You, you?" When I wrote a letter to someone, they didn't mention how polite-"yo-ho, you're here?" Please sit down! " There are so many people standing, just ask me, "Please sit down, hurry up, hurry up, pour the tea ... give me the right bowl ..."

Zhao: Is the bowl still hot? Really thirsty.

Horse: "Go to the end!" "

Zhao: Look at this. Eat and drink-to the end? When I asked Hua Shikui to write, I had no face! People are banquets, so I will give him a bowl of single-hook brine.

M: I don't care about noodles. I mainly care about people's hearts-"face, face!" Quick, pack garlic ... "Big, the whole purple garlic is free to eat, there is no limit!

Zhao: Wow-look at your mouth, wrapped in garlic ... full of garlic? What's this about?

Ma: Never mind what to eat, just say that the couplets I wrote for the opening ceremony are good-Beijing, 49 cities are a sensation-"Great! Ma university asked, what a wonderful word! Wow-!"

Zhao: What did you say, so sensational? That must be amazing, right?

M: Business opening-the first part is "Business is booming all over the world". ...

Zhao: Good, good, good-the second part is "rich resources enter the Three Rivers", right?

Ma: Hey? You saw this when I wrote this pair?

Zhao: How many times have we watched it?

M: I don't know how you remember my words.

Zhao: What did you say? Don't be ashamed! Hit your mother and want these before she gets married! Your words?

M: Good! All right! You ... you ... you dare not go, you wait, you wait. ...

Zhao: What, looking for someone to fight?

You're here. You just need to contact online, and I'll get it for you right away!

Zhao: Do you know what a pair is?

M: Of course I know what I'm doing. Pairs-five here, five there, ten here, ten there, fifty here, fifty there, five hundred here and five hundred there. ...

Zhao: I haven't heard of a pair of 500-where are you going to hang a roof that is not that high? Word for word, nonsense, five on one side and seven on the other. What the hell is that? Write the words correctly, you know?

Of course I know, right? You can't beat me. I know. I do this.

Zhao: For example, we have a meeting to discuss the last part of the league. what do you think?

Ma: Fuck off! This ... used to ... go up and down, so you don't have to ask. Can't die-up and down, back and forth, high and low, left and right, old and young, civil and military.

Zhao: One day?

Ma: The ground! You tested me, before! Heaven and earth! Needless to say-the sky is against the ground, the rain is against the wind, the road is against the sky, the thunder is foggy, the market is open, and everything is prosperous. ...

Zhao: Right, right, right. Do you think there is such a learned man?

Man: handout, handout!

Zhao: Don't give alms. I have a message about the first part.

M: salt? I'll give you vinegar, but salt is not good for the sauce. The salt is salty and the sauce is salty. Salt I am here with vinegar, oil, salt, sauce and vinegar.

Zhao: I have a good internet connection?

Ma: Good for evil, good for evil, that's what was planted, bad, virtuous and foolish. This is a saying.

Zhao: Idioms! I have something in the last line.

Man: Stone? I'll give you the gun, your assistant, I'll draw the gun, you vault and I'll get off. ...

Zhao: Here we go again. My five words add up to "Heaven speaks well".

Ma: Heaven speaks well? "Going back to the palace brings good luck"-Xiaosheng, the chef, I can do it at the age of four and live a regular life.

Zhao: What, you knew when you were four years old? Are you lucky to be back in the palace? I said you were right. What?

M: Get off.

Zhao: God?

Ma: The ground.

Zhao: Words?

Ma: ... vinegar.

Zhao: OK?

Ma: ... Not good.

Zhao: Really?

Ma: ... cannon.

Zhao: God speaks well? What about yours?

Ma: underground vinegar residue cannon.

Zhao: What do you want everyone to hear?

Ma: When I went to the field, vinegar caught the gun. Catch it.

Zhao: What a pity! What kind of couple is this?

Ma: It's outrageous, that's it, that's it, that's it, that's it, that's it, you blame you, that's it, that's it. You don't say nice things together, just like this, just like this, just like this, just like this, just like this, just like this, just like this, just like this, just like this, just like this, just like this, just like this, just like this, just like this, just like this, you are called withering injury! Ladies and gentlemen, Ma University asked, is this a disaster? No-it's just that you're hurt! Forget it, don't say this, don't say this, learn something good, learn something good, hey-learn singing, don't learn snobbery.

Zhao: OK, OK, you're right, then I'll say online.

M: Just say it. As long as you can say it, I can give you the next sentence. I have nothing to say, I can't say ... I will ... give you a dime.

Zhao: What do I need a dime for? Can I say something?

Ma: Open your mouth and say it according to a hundred words!

Zhao: A hundred words? I don't have that long breath. You always find it difficult to talk, no, the less you talk, the harder it is to say-listen to this, two words-mutton.

M: That's it. Oh! Radish.

Zhao: I am very particular about this. Mutton is edible.

Ma: Radishes are edible, too-how good it is to cook radishes and mutton together.

Zhao: Oh, listen again.

Ma: Radishes (gongs and cymbals).

Zhao: This is outrageous. Huqin is a musical instrument.

Ma: Gong and cymbals-Gong is beating and cymbals are beating.

Zhao: Oh, you are right again. Silk and satin.

Ma: Radish (Rob).

Z: Satin is cloth.

Yes, Rob, it's made of yarn and nylon.

Zhao: Yue Fei.

Ma: Radish (Rob).

Zhao: That's too much. Yue Fei, are you also interested in radishes? Yue Fei is a hero.

Ma: Who is Monk Manglietia in Saving Mother?

Zhao: Fall down. ...

Ma: Hey! Look, loyal ministers have dutiful sons!

Zhao: What are you whispering about? Listen again. 1234567.

M: What's the matter?

Zhao: Just to avoid your radish, you can deal with my three words. I have one, two, three, four, five, six and seven words. You can't eat three and a half radishes, can you?

M: One, two, three, four, five, six, seven-the radish is almost ready!

Zhao: What are the names of this pair?

M: There are no words with at least three words.

Zhao: OK, I'll just say a three-character word-Maya jujube.

Ma: Croton and onion.

Zhao: I eat this horse tooth jujube.

Ma: So are onions!

Zhao: Is this true?

M: Great. Look, Maya, Yang Jiao, Jujube and Onion-Maya jujube in August, Yang Jiaocong in February, Maya jujube in autumn, Yang Jiaocong in spring, Maya jujube on the tree, Yang Jiaocong on the ground, red and green Yang Jiaocong, sweet Maya jujube, spicy Yang Jiaocong, Maya jujube. ...

Zhao: Why are you so poor? Bitch! I can tell you, I can add a word-the horse eats the horse tooth jujube, and when it is ripe, it falls to the ground for the horse to eat.

Horse: Sheep gnaw horns and onions. Crotalon grew on the ground and was eaten by sheep. How's it going?

Zhao: Oh! All right!

Ma: Hehe-"I missed it, but it's not far away. I don't know if it is ... "

Zhao: Shake it slowly. Too much shaking will turn yellow. Listen to this-fly north and fly south, with wings up and down.

What do you mean? Where the hell are you flying to?

Zhao: This is not nonsense. The geese in the north fly south-the geese in the north fly south. In which direction do their wings fly? Things, it can't stand still, it flies up and down, so it's called-flying north and flying south, with wings divided up and down.

Man: Listen to me, there is a bottom line, a bottom line, a bottom line.

Zhao: Let me know if you have it!

Ma:-The front car and the rear rail go up and down about two times.

Zhao: Oh-up and down?

Ma: There are highs and lows.

Zhao: High or low?

Ma: Up and down, hehe-"Although I miss ..."

Zhao: "... and not far. "

M: Oh? This is also diarrhea?

Zhao: Hello! Listen to this again-the little mouse steals hot bean jelly.

Ma: It's a shame to change the vernacular. Boring

Zhao: Are you bored? Stop looking. Here is the oral part of the study-little mouse, what's the name of such a big mouse?