The funny sketch of ancient costume "Flying Fish and Want Want Moon"
Scene: Yangming Tavern in the World.
Props: wine table. Two pairs of chopsticks. Several dishes. Two pots of daughter red. A sword. A knife.
Appearance: flying fish. Boss Wang Wang Yue. Shop assistant
begin
The flying fish came out with a sword in his hand: bartender, give me a pot of good daughter wine!
The bartender shouted, here it is, a pot of good daughter wine, isn't it? Sir, you are still the same. You never eat or drink, so I remember every time you come. Please wait, sir!
Flying fish sat on the wine table and said, wait! I want to know, where is the proprietress?
Shopkeeper: Boss, she just went out. I have no idea where she is now.
Feifei: When will the proprietress come back? Can you come back later?
Shop assistant: Sir, you'd better ask the proprietress when she comes back. The proprietress didn't marry me. How should I know?
Feifei asked the boss about his wife's whereabouts, but the clerk didn't know. At this time, Want Want Month appeared.
Want Want Moon took a knife as soon as she came on stage, and only looked at the flying fish sitting there, without saying anything, sitting opposite the flying fish.
The bartender said to Wang Wangyue, What would you like to eat, sir? Our characteristic is ...
Want Want Month immediately stops: No need. Bartender, I will eat whatever the guest officer eats. If you have any good food and good wine, just serve it!
Wangwangyue's eyes only stared at the flying fish sitting opposite, as if two people's eyes wanted to kill each other.
The clerk explained to Wangwangyue: The guest officer (Feifei fish) only ordered a pot of good daughter red from the moment he entered the door, and didn't order anything. Does this guest officer (Wangwangyue) just want a pot of daughter red?
The flying fish took a cold look: What? Can't you? Do you have any opinions?
The bartender was scared and said, no. I don't have any opinions.
Wangwangyue: Shop assistant, let me ask you, is the proprietress here now? You know what? Tell the proprietress I'm here and ask her to come out and have a drink with me. I haven't seen you for a few days. It seems to be Sanqiu, so let the proprietress come out quickly.
The bartender muttered, why, you sound like your own wife, and you don't want to be famous because you are in such a hurry to be a husband? (Then to Wangwangyue) Sorry, the proprietress is really not here. I don't know when she left or when she will come back. Please have a seat. I'll get the wine. (Shop assistant exits)
Flying Fish and Want Want Moon looked at each other coldly and sat there motionless, like a magnificent mountain.
The bartender appeared again, holding two pots of daughter red in his hand, and put them at the table of Feifei Fish and Wangwang: Here comes the wine, please enjoy it!
Feifei and Wangwangyue poured a pot of wine into the bowl, still staring at each other's faces while drinking.
The bartender walked outside the door and accidentally saw the proprietress coming back. The bartender said, madam, you can come back! Feifei and Wangwang are here again this time. What shall we do? On the same day and at the same time every week, I will call the roll to meet the boss's wife at the World Yangming Tavern. The road is very narrow, and I am particularly jealous. I was really worried that they would draw their swords when they were drunk just now. I don't know if they will tear each other to pieces. If they don't fight to death, it seems that they will die.
The proprietress whispered, when did they come? What's the situation in the pub at this time? Is there a river of blood Does anyone have a broken leg or arm? Or is the head on your shoulders snowballing on the ground like a watermelon? Tell me, what happened? Why is there no movement? Listen, it doesn't sound like much.
Shop assistant: Didn't they get bruised last time? At present, I have only worked for a week, and then I went to the pub to make trouble when I was seriously ill. Just now, Wangwangyue let out wild talk and asked the proprietress to accompany you to drink with him. ...
Boss: It's not a nightclub. I have to drink with my guests. When did I become an escort? What do these two bastards take me for?
Bartender: Boss, at this time, the two of them went to the pub to fight for the boss. Where do you always hide? When are you going to hide? Those two people in the room are first-class masters, and as a bartender, I am helpless. At that time, if the two of them don't want you, in a rage, will I become a victim of the proprietress? Am I not a ghost under their swords? How unfair I am!
Want Want Moon seems to hear the voice of the proprietress outside the door, and shouts, Is the proprietress back? I have been waiting for the next prosperous month for a long time. Please come out and show yourself.
Feifei calmly said, yes, I also know that the proprietress is back, but as soon as I smell the unique fragrance of the proprietress that others don't have, even if the woman I like raises her hand, I am already drunk now.
Want Want Moon sneered: You are a man after drinking so little wine.
Flying fish: Unlike some people who don't understand customs, there is a bumpkin from the country. No wonder the proprietress despises men like you.
The proprietress was frightened. What are we going to do? What am I going to do?
Shopkeeper: Boss, I don't think you can escape from them even if you fly to the sky and hide in the ground.
The proprietress had to appear in front of them and smiled and said to them, I didn't expect your kung fu to be so inscrutable that I knew I was back without looking. So powerful ... if I go to the ends of the earth, will you arrest me If I can fall from the sky, you won't really dig three feet to dig me out?
Flying Fish: Except me, if the proprietress runs away with any man, I will take you back with me even if I chase you to the ends of the earth. You can't escape from Wuzhishan, or I'll turn that adulterer into a eunuch, make him childless all his life, and then tie him to a tree and wait for wolves to tear his body and torture him to death all his life.
Wangwangyue: If the proprietress dares to wink at any man, I will gouge out the man's eyeballs, then cut off his tongue, crush his hands and feet, make the man's meat into steamed buns and let him eat his own meat.
The bartender was dumbfounded: so miserable? It's inhuman!
The proprietress couldn't help listening: My life is really bitter. I might as well jump into the sea and die for nothing at least once. Only when you marry a good family in the afterlife will you not be tortured by anyone in this life.
Flying fish: If you jump into the sea, I'll draw my sword and kill myself at once. I will follow your afterlife without regrets. Remember to wait for me.
Wangwangyue: Boss, I am heroic with a knife. Wherever your soul goes, I will follow, and we will never be apart again.
The proprietress said with a wry smile, you two are hungry, too. I'm going to the kitchen to see what's delicious. I’ll be right back. Please forgive me.
Shop assistant: Two guests sit down first, and I (the sketch script is from the cartoon "www.pangdan.com" of Fat Egg sketch) will come later.
Wife of shop-owner: What should I do? Do something for me. What can you do to get rid of my miserable fate? Now I'm finished. No matter which man I follow, one of them will kill my family. What should I do?
Shop assistant: Boss, get out of town before it gets dark. Run as far away as possible and never come back.
The proprietress hit him on the head: You didn't listen to them just now. Where can you let me escape? What did I do wrong, to be a tramp? If you can't think of anything else, I'll fire you and let you pack up and go home!
Shop assistant: What can I do? (The proprietress and the bartender leave at the same time)
Flying fish is still drinking his wine, and his mouth is still nagging: the boss's wife is my man! The proprietress is my man!
Wangwangyue: I work for the boss! I work for the boss!
Feifei: The proprietress likes me! The proprietress likes me!
Wangwangyue: I love the proprietress! I love the proprietress!
Feifei: The proprietress is my wife! The proprietress is my wife!
Wangwangyue: I am the boss's mother's husband! I am the boss's mother's husband!
Feifei: I want to drink with the boss's wife! I want to drink with the proprietress!
Wangwangyue: The proprietress shares a bowl with me! The proprietress will share a bowl with me!
Feifei: The proprietress will go for a walk with me! The proprietress will accompany me for a walk!
Wangwangyue: The proprietress accompanied me out to fly kites! The proprietress is going out to fly kites with me!
Feifei: My wedding reception with the proprietress is coming! My wedding reception with the proprietress is coming!
Wangwangyue: The proprietress is already mine! The proprietress is already my man!
My boss and I share a bed! I share a bed with the boss's wife!
Wangwangyue: You are shameless!
Flying fish: You are so dirty!
Wangwangyue: You are so mean!
Feifei: You bastard!
Wangwangyue: I despise you!
Flying fish: I despise you!
Feifei and Wangwangyue fought with chopsticks. As soon as the proprietress appeared, they immediately resumed their calm behavior.
The proprietress came to the stage with a dish: Here comes the dish, eat it while it is hot. It′s on me this time.
Feifei: Please sit next to me, madam. If you don't mind, let's eat together.
Boss-in-law: No, please eat!
Wangwangyue: Boss, ignore him. Come, sit next to me and let me take care of you.
Wife of shop-owner: No, thank you for your kindness. I am not hungry either!
Feifei's tone turned cold: proprietress, don't you want to give me face? Do you want to deliberately go against my meaning?
The proprietress smiled apologetically. That's not what I meant.
Wangwangyue: Boss, I just want you to have a drink with me. Don't you want to?
The proprietress tried to dodge: I'm not idle, I have something to do later. ...
Want Want Moon tugged at the boss's wrist: Come, sit with me.
The flying fish tugged at the boss's wrist on the other side: Don't go there, just sit here with me. Let's have a good drink today.
Want Want Moon still pulls the boss's wrist: Don't look for him, sit down!
The flying fish is still pulling the boss's wrist on the other side: sit down!
The proprietress stood in the middle, dragged by two people, a little angry and said, well, what's the matter? My arm is about to be broken by you, and it hurts me to death! All right, all right, I'll sit in the middle, and you two don't have to fight anymore, that's all!
Wangwangyue: Boss, come on, I'll pour you a cup!
Feifei: Madam, now I'd like Feifei to propose a toast to Ms. Come on, cheers!
The proprietress said impatiently, drink! I am in a very bad mood now. I want to have a drink today.
Feifei: Madam, after drinking, let's go out for a walk, just the two of us. What did you say?/Sorry?
Wangwangyue: Boss, I know a shop that sells imported fabrics. I must make many beautiful clothes for you. I'll buy whatever you like, no matter how much it costs. I think you will like it, too.
The proprietress is a little interested: really! Is it really a good thing that you will buy anything I want?
Wang Wang Yue: As long as you like it, it's money well spent. For you, why don't we go shopping later, just the two of us
The proprietress is a little carried away: just the two of us?
Flying fish immediately interrupted: no! If you walk into an empty corner and show the fox's tail, you may rape first and then kill. Madam, you are no match for him at all.
The proprietress was frightened: No, you scared me.
Flying Fish: Madam, I suggest you never go out alone with him. To tell the truth, I once saw him flirting with a lady in public and watching her as beautiful as a fairy. As a result, do you know what he did? He went to hug the lady on the spot and gave her a hard kiss. The lady couldn't beat him, so she jumped into the well and committed suicide before she got home.
Wife of shop-owner: No wonder I see his murderous look, as if we are all enemies of his father. I'm afraid of what you said, too
The bartender dressed as a woman, with a full face of powder and a twisted ass, walked up to the boss's wife. He said, honey, I've been waiting for you in the house for a long time. Why are you still here? I have already said that in order to stabilize our present relationship, you should stop going out and doing things in public. Look at you sweating. Here, I'll wipe it for you. I'm really sorry to see you working so hard. We have lived together for so long. Why didn't we announce our intimate relationship to people all over the world until now? Is it really embarrassing for you to disclose our relationship? Honey, look at you. Ignore them. They're just a bunch of smelly men. Come on, let's go back to the house.
The flying fish has wine in its mouth. I have never seen such an ugly woman: Boss, who is this?
Wangwangyue: How ugly! You're not gay, are you?
Boss: Sorry! There is another thing I haven't told you, that is, I married someone else long before I met you, and I organized a happy family a few years ago, and now my life is quite good. Come on, let me introduce you now. This is my lover now.
Feifei and Wangwangyue said in unison: So you like women? !
(End)