A marriage can be divided into "internal environment" and "external environment". The internal environment refers to husband and wife, and the external environment is the environment other than husband and wife. Whether there is a problem with the internal environment or the external environment, fundamentally speaking, the tragedy of marriage is caused by the internal environment.
It is easy to understand that there is something wrong with the simple internal environment, such as the husband or wife betraying the marriage and destroying the marriage, which leads to the breakdown of the relationship between husband and wife; In addition to this situation, the rest are almost all external factors acting on internal factors, failing to keep the bottom line and norms of marriage, and eventually leading to marriage tragedies, such as the marriage tragedy caused by the man's family acting as a demon or the woman's family interfering in marriage.
The following two women's marital problems are very similar. The reason why they have different endings is that one of them's marital environment has been destroyed, while the other's marital environment is very stable. Let's take a look separately.
Woman A: "In other people's marriages, the woman makes conditions and the man is satisfied. But my marriage with my ex-husband is not like this. Our marriage can be said that all expenses are almost equal.
I let this marriage begin because before we got married, I heard about many women's marriage tragedies, all of which were similar: the woman made a condition and the man satisfied it. As a result, the marriage ended in divorce, and the man tried his best to calculate the woman on the pretext of spending more money on his own, and didn't want to give her any property.
I don't want such a tragedy to happen to me. I think it's better not to owe each other from the beginning. I think only when two people share the expenses equally can we be even, and the two sides are always in an equal position.
Sadly, our marriage has not developed in this direction.
When we got married, my ex-husband paid half of the money as a down payment, and I'll pay back the rest of the loan. Originally, none of us owed anyone, but when the house price went up, their family began to calculate.
My mother-in-law used her sister-in-law's marriage as an excuse to let us sell the house, saying that she would share the money with her brother-in-law to buy a house. I strongly disagree with my mother-in-law's request. Although the price of our house has gone up, it hasn't gone up much. If it is sold, it will be difficult to buy the same house again. If we have less money, we will only end up living in a one-bedroom apartment.
I thought my ex-husband would think of this, but I never expected that he would stand by my mother-in-law and give me two choices, either selling the house or getting a divorce.
I don't agree to sell the house. Divorce is the only way out. And sadly, in the end, I only got the money I repaid the loan, and the rest fell into my husband's pocket.
What I hate most is not my mother-in-law, but my ex-husband, who quarreled with me. He doesn't care how we are doing. He even divorced me for the sake of his family, which really chilled me. 』
Woman B: "My mother-in-law didn't ruin my marriage, but now I think about what happened before, and I'm scared. If I didn't buy a house before marriage, if I didn't spend a lot of money on it, if my husband colluded with my mother-in-law, I would not only get divorced, but also suffer heavy losses.
My mother-in-law has her own house and money in her hand. But my brother-in-law wants to get married and buy a house, and she doesn't want to pay for it. She wants us to sell the house and change two sets of small ones for her brother-in-law.
Because I know what my husband's family is like, my mother-in-law made such a request and made it clear that it was a calculation. I am really angry. I don't owe her anything, and I haven't been bad to her. I don't understand why she framed me and sacrificed my life to fulfill her brother-in-law.
After I told her to fuck off, she refused to let go and fanned the flames in front of my husband. I saw that my husband had a tendency to waver, so I told him clearly: "If you listen to your mother and let me sell the house, I will not only divorce you, but also clean up your house. Not only will your mother not succeed, but you will get nothing! If she wants to sell, she will sell her own room. Why do you sell our wedding room? "
He dare not expect anything. As soon as I said this, he gave up his wavering thoughts and stood firmly with me against my mother-in-law. 』
If the husband and wife are not in harmony, the marriage will be a mess! If the internal environment of marriage is to be stable, the most fundamental way is for husband and wife to unite and be consistent with each other, so that they will not be affected by any external factors. On the other hand, if the husband and wife are not in harmony, the marriage will be fragmented and any external factors may ruin the marriage.
The previous woman's marriage went to tragedy because her ex-husband didn't take her side and because he didn't agree with her. The internal environment of their marriage is extremely fragile. A man may not destroy his marriage himself, but if he and his wife disagree, he can't stand any temptation from the external environment. Anyone who stirs up the flames will drag him down and ruin his marriage.
The woman and husband in the back do better than the husband and wife in the management of the marital environment. Although the husband wavered, he did not stubbornly destroy the marriage, but strengthened his belief under the guidance of his wife, and there is still room for redemption.
Other couples can take time to communicate the "internal environment" and "external environment" of marriage. If you are determined to work together, I hope you will stick to it. But if you haven't thought about this problem, you'd better communicate well in advance and keep the internal environment of marriage, so as to cope with the interference of various external environments freely.