2. Husband: "Honey, why don't my pants press below my knees?" Wife: "It's not because the wire of the electric iron is too short."
3. Wife: "Why do you always scare children before exams?" Husband: "I deliberately made him anxious. He used his quick wits and developed his intelligence. "
4. My husband is looking for woolen pants. Wife: "I washed it and gave it to my big brother." My husband is looking for a plaid shirt again. The wife said, "I washed it and gave it to my little brother." The husband was furious and said, "Wash me and give it to your sister."
5. The wife and husband went home together. The wife closed the door as soon as she came in. The husband knocked at the door and shouted, "Open the door! I haven't gone in yet! " The wife, who is a bus conductor, said, "What are you shouting? Take the next bus! "
6. There are two mosquitoes in the mosquito net. One is full and the other is empty. The wife asked the prosecutor's husband to fight mosquitoes. The husband killed the fat one at once, but refused to hit the other one. His wife asked him why he didn't call. The husband said, "The evidence is insufficient."
7. Wife: "You seldom drink outside. Why do you drink so much at home? " Husband: "I heard that wine can be courageous." 8. Mom asked me to translate! ! ! (Super hilarious)
Today, I was watching a DVD, and my mother came in with another book and said, tell me what these words mean.
Mom: What does this "I don't know" mean?
I said, "I don't know."
Mom: I sent you to college for several years. How come you don't know anything !
I said: no! I don't know! !
Mom: Still mouth shut! ! ! ! $@%! #$^&； %#$%@$%@#$%! ^%^! ^%$^#&； .. (a good beating)
Mom: You're telling me this. What does "I know" mean, mean? You should know. Tell me about it.
I said, "I know."
Mom: Tell me if you know.
I said, "I know."
Mom: Are you finding fault? You just cleaned up a little, didn't you?
I said: I know!
Mom: I know you haven't said it yet! ! Don't pretend to understand! & amp*$%^@$#! % $ @% # * $ # $% (another beating)
Mom: Be careful. You spent so much money to send you to college, and now you can't do anything. You can put on airs in front of my mother for a while. Ask you the last one, you can explain it to me. If you can't tell me I'm cleaning you up, you can translate something for me: "I know but I don't want to tell you."
I fainted, picked up a pillow and hit it on my head for more than 30 times, hit my head against the wall for more than 40 times, slapped my mouth with my hands for more than 50 times, and kicked the corner of the table for more than 60 times. When I was bloody, I asked my mother: Are you satisfied now?
So her old man came to ask me again: "Son, what do you mean, I am anonymous, don't fool me?" "
Me: "I'm bored, so leave me alone."
Mom: "looking for a beating, talking to your mother like this" (so I was beaten)
Mom asked again; "I didn't hear anything, repeat. What do you mean? "
I said, "I didn't hear you clearly. Say it again. "
Mother said it again: I didn't hear anything, repeat it.
"I didn't catch that. Say it again. "
The result was tied.
Mom asked again, "What do you think?"
I said, "What did you say?" (beaten again)
Mother asked again, "What do you mean by looking it up in the dictionary?"
I said, "Look it up in the dictionary."
"Look it up in the dictionary. I asked what you were doing." (beaten)
Mother asked again, "you'd better ask some physical conditions." How do you translate it? "
I said, "You'd better ask someone else."
"You are my son, I ask others why, looking for a fight."
"ah! God help me! "
"God help me!"
"Play with your mother, and God won't save you! (beaten)
I ask you again: "Use your head and think again. What does that mean?" "
I said, "Use your head and think again."
"Son of a bitch, don't you dare hit me" and then do it.
I quickly said, "It means that only mothers are good in the world."
"Well, that's more like it. I'll make you something to eat later and ask you tomorrow. " 9. My son sleeps with his mother every night. Mom said: when you grow up, you marry a daughter-in-law and sleep with your mother? A: Yes. Mom said, what about your wife? The son said, let her sleep with her father. Dad said excitedly after listening: children are sensible since childhood.
10, my daughter came home from school and said, "Mom, our class will have a barbecue tomorrow. The teacher said that everyone should bring one thing. " Mother asked her, "What do you want to bring? Chicken wings or sausages? " The daughter winked and said, "How tired it is to bring those! It is enough for me to bring a napkin to wipe my mouth. "
◇ Mother taught her five-year-old son to look at animal pictures and pointed to the giraffe and asked, "What do giraffes fear most?" The son thought for a while and replied, "My neck hurts!" " Mother pointed to the centipede and asked, "What is it most afraid of?" The son replied, "I have beriberi!" "
After the senior high school entrance examination, my parents went to the examination room to pick up my daughter and asked her how she did in the exam. My daughter said yes, and my mother said, "Look how well my daughter studies!" " Not to be outdone, my father said, "My daughter is good, too. She can play the piano!" " "Mom said," My daughter can cook. Dad said, "My daughter plays badminton very well." ... "At this moment, the taxi driver couldn't help asking," Aren't you talking about the same daughter? "
◇ Relatives came to visit and asked Bao Xiao, a junior, "Where are you in the class?" Bao Xiao replied: "Third." Relatives praised: "Good grades!" Bao Xiaoao said slowly: "Only two can't beat it!"