Wife: Hey, shave your beard.

Husband: Why, it's not delicious. ...

Wife: You are not fit to take the decadent route.

Husband: Then what route should I take?

Wife: stupid route ...

Husband: I'm not going the same way as you. ...

Since I married my wife, I have contracted most of the housework at home. I don't complain about doing some housework, but what makes me dissatisfied with my wife is that I still can't be free after finishing the housework. I want to watch TV for a while. I grabbed the Internet with her, and she grabbed my computer again. It's not certain that MM and I can chat online. It's really unreasonable.

On a whim, I said to my wife, "I want to distribute household appliances. You use yours, I use mine, and no one should rob anyone."

Hearing this, the wife smiled and said, "Good idea! The computer, TV and air conditioner are all mine, and those pieces are yours! "

My wife pointed to some household appliances at home. Seeing them, my wife pointed to the washing machine, microwave oven, rice cooker and range hood!

3. Husband: "I said, is this wool strong?"

Salesman's wife: "your eyes are not long, you can't see them yourself!" " "

Husband: "What's the matter with you?"

Wife: "Oh, I forgot! I thought I was at work! "

Husband: "I'm going to give up drinking."

Wife: "I'm tired of listening."

Husband: "Don't believe it? I bet you two bottles of Erguotou. "

A little fat wife saw a dress in the shopping mall, put it on and looked at it in the mirror. The clerk praised, "This dress suits you very well. It looks like a devil when put on. "

The wife was very happy and asked her husband to buy it.

The husband said helplessly, "Dear, I add that the devil has many shapes ..."

6. The wife asked her husband, "Are you afraid of your wife?"

The husband said, "Fear!"

The wife asked, "Why are you afraid of your wife?"

The husband said, "Being afraid of your wife is a fine tradition in our country. In ancient books, there is a record of being afraid of his wife: when he first got married, Bao was as solemn as a bodhisattva, and he who married a bodhisattva should not be afraid! And after giving birth, you are as fierce as a hag, so don't be afraid! Gradually become an old woman, pigeons and cranes are like cinnamon wood, and husband cinnamon wood, how can you not be afraid! So, I am afraid! "

7. Husband: "I don't understand why women don't pay attention to cultivating temperament, read more books and enrich their inner beauty. They always like to go to beauty salons to maintain their skin and spend their time on superficial external beauty?"

Wife: "That's because most men are superficial, but they are rarely blind."

8. A woman came home angrily and shouted to her husband, "I just bought a big suitcase. I'm fed up with you. I'm going to pack my things and go back to my family! "

The husband said without looking up, "It's late, your mother has come. She just had a quarrel with your father and came with a big suitcase! " "

9. A couple is getting old and discussing who will die first.

The husband asked his wife, "What will you do if I die first?"

My wife thought for a moment and said, with my lively personality, I will definitely find several young single women or widows to live with.

The wife then asked, "What will happen to you if I die first?"

The husband thought about it and said shyly, "Probably the same as you ..."

10, wife: "You are ridiculous. I forgot that I was married when I saw a beautiful woman. "

Husband: "On the contrary, every time I see a beautiful woman, the clearest thing in my heart is how I got married!" " "

1 1. The wife said to her husband, "My mother called me and asked me to send a recent photo. She wants to see if you have made me fat or thin in the past six months. "

The husband said, "You have obviously lost weight. What should I do? "

The wife said, "I know you have the best way."

The husband pondered for a while and said, "If you don't get two bees to stab you on both sides of your face, your face will get fat immediately." This is medically called bee therapy. "

Wife: "Why do you always call me stupid?"

Husband: "Men like to say that the woman they like is stupid."

"Why?"

"I am very happy to find the same kind."

13, when my wife found mosquitoes before going to bed, she immediately sat up and sprayed toilet water and mosquitoes from head to toe.

The husband said, "Give me some, too."

The wife glared: "If you spray, who will the mosquito bite?"

14, wife: "Do you think I am beautiful?"

Husband: "of course, more beautiful than anyone!" " "

Wife: "But when we got married, my mother only received a few hundred dollars as a bride price. What do you say? "

Husband: "it means good quality and low price!" " "

15. When I saw someone in the QQ group shouting to sell his wife, my wife asked by the way.

Wife: If you have no money in the future, will you sell me?

Husband: of course not ... you are worthless ... (whispering)

Wife: Then why did you marry me?

Husband: because ... because ... it's cheap. ...

16, a couple who have been dating for several years, met a few years later.

Woman: "I hope you get married soon and have a daughter." I asked my son to chase your daughter, and we climbed a family. " '

Man: "Your son's mother rejected my daughter's father. How could my daughter's father promise your son's mother!" " "

17, the couple are sitting in the car, and the husband is driving.

The wife asked, "Don't you think we are lost?"

"What is your basis?"

"We ran over the dead dog half an hour ago."

18, Lao Li is addicted to alcohol and gets drunk every time he drinks it. The wife said angrily, "If you drink any more, we will divorce. Look at my words! " "

Lao Li really hasn't drunk for two days. On the third night, when the wife came back from work, she saw her husband pacing around the room and asked, "What are you thinking about when you don't cook?"

Lao Li said, "I think we should get a divorce!" " "

19, I bought a bottle of gray nail polish today, and it feels good when applied. I just want to show it to my husband.

Husband actually said: "painted onychomycosis, one infects two!" " "

20. Husband: "My aesthetic view is always different from others. Most people say it's beautiful, but I think it's ugly. Most people say it is ugly, but I think it is beautiful. "

Wife: "What do you think of me?" Husband: "Of course, you are the most beautiful woman in the world in my eyes!" " "