Qi Jun has lived in the country with his mother since childhood. From a girl's perspective, she used a plain pen to "write your virtues of diligence, housekeeping, patience and humility, filial piety and good neighborliness."
Qi Jun has a profound knowledge of classical poetry, but he only talks about the matter, and his brushwork is simple and fresh, just like a distant flute, and the lingering sound unconsciously reveals sadness. A lot of this sadness comes from the misfortune my mother suffered in her marriage.
We can piece together an old-fashioned woman's life from a series of chapters and descriptions from multiple angles. Just like a picture scroll, you can see your mother's good character on the front, side and back. Just like a script, sometimes it's the protagonist, sometimes it's a supporting role, sometimes it's just a walk-on, sometimes it's a guest appearance, and you can get a glimpse of your mother's mind. Her loving face, her tearful smile, just like this.
Mother is a typical good wife and mother in the old society, and has a deep and strong love for her husband and children; Have a compassionate and tolerant heart for long-term workers and outsiders; Dedicated to the Buddha, there is also a bodhisattva heart that can't bear to kill small animals.
Father and mother are distant cousins and have been engaged since childhood. A personable, once studied in Japan, official to teacher; An ordinary-looking, illiterate person confined to kitchen chores. In fact, two people who are very close but don't match each other, except for a few childhood friends, can hardly have the same language, which will surely sow the seeds of misfortune for the future.
When I got married, my father renamed my mother Menglan. Maybe they live a good life. After marriage, the two have been gathering less and leaving more. My mother runs a big family in the country, and my father is also an official in other places. Everyone said that my mother helped her husband. My father gave my mother a beautiful gold watch, which she cherished very much and could not bear to wear. When curious villagers want to see the gold watch, mother is so cautious that her heart should be full of sweetness:
In that patriarchal society that pays attention to women's three obedience and four virtues, it seems natural for father to bring a beautiful and educated young aunt.
Finally, the family got together in Hangzhou, stood by the door, picked up the military cap and command knife for their father, put on the cloak with fox fur collar, and went out to socialize with their father ... They were all exquisite aunts wearing pearls and jewels. As for my mother, although she doesn't have to do housework anymore, she is a stranger and often sits alone in the house without saying or laughing. A "bun" wrote all my mother's bitterness. My father frowned at my mother's abalone bun, but his eyes were full of smiles when he looked at my aunt who had washed her hair. We can imagine how menstruation's proud love bun broke her mother's heart again and again.
Even this so-called reunion is short-lived. Soon, my father took my aunt and brother to live in Beiping, and my mother and Qi Jun returned to their hometown.
My mother's idea of family reunion can't come true. When my father made up his mind to take them to Beiping, my brother died of acute nephritis.
The mother who lost her eldest son endured grief, but she still did not forget to educate Qi Jun to sympathize with her father's loss. The early death of my brother and the tears of my mother made Qi Jun suddenly understand sadness when he was young.
My father attached great importance to feelings and righteousness and invested in the establishment of a hometown primary school; Father is far-sighted, preferring to retire rather than infighting; My father likes to write poems, and every time he writes a poem, he has to consult with Qi Jun ... Such a good man in the traditional sense is unconsciously cruel to his wife, which makes people even more chilling.
Qi Jun's attitude towards her father and daughter is contradictory. She was angry at his indifference and alienation from his mother, and she loved him for his ability to be literate and martial, and he was also a teacher and friend, so she often put pen to paper and could not bear to blame. Fishing is about my father who likes fishing when he retires to his hometown. He used to make wine with his own fish, and while drinking, he recited poems. He was caught in the throat by fishbone, which was unbearable. Finally, he was melted by fresh olive juice and mature vinegar prepared by his mother. Therefore, my father told Qi Jun to be filial to his mother with gratitude. Qi Jun, a girl who has already observed her mother's infinite grievances, can't help but blurt out: "Why don't you be nice to her?"
The sudden death of the eldest son, the husband's indifference and long absence, and the death of the adopted son, which is not the mother's inner pain? But the mother always sticks to her kindness and gentleness, giving her children warmth and enlightenment all her life.
Later, Qi Jun and his aunt became friends by reading novels.
As a mother, I fully understand this mixed feeling. Because I love my daughter, I am very happy that my daughter and my aunt get along very well. Maybe I will be less wronged in the future. However, her daughter, who has been clinging to her, suddenly approached the woman who stole her husband's love. How can she not get lost?
After his father died, Qi Jun went to Shanghai to study. Due to the traffic jam caused by the war, when she graduated and returned to China, her mother had died and was temporarily resting in the orange orchard that she had helped manage before her death. Isn't that vast and lonely orange orchard a portrayal of my mother's loneliness all her life? I wonder if she doesn't want to?
In the society at that time, both father and mother had their own inevitable limitations. When I close the book, why do I feel like I was punched? My heart is dull and painful, and I can't help thinking and thinking about it.
Related reading:
Impression of Qi Jun's Prose | The Sorrow of the Old Woman (2)
Qi Jun: Write softly and affectionately.