The mac died in five hours, the iphone died in half a day, and the ipad died in one day. Only boyfriends can charge for a long time, and it also includes various intelligent functions such as accompanying food, drinking and shopping, selling cute jokes, singing and dancing, and being a driver. So what are apples, donkeys and grandmothers? The real luxury is to have a good boyfriend. Agree to transfer ~
What if one day I suddenly die unexpectedly .......... ……QQ will not be visited by anyone, and Weibo will not be released by anyone. This ID will be hacked forever, and the children I know online will only think that I am disconnected ... gay friends in the third dimension doesn't know gay friends in the second dimension, and my mother doesn't know that I opened Weibo ... How can I tell those who care but don't know me that I am dead? ...
With her own house, an unmarried woman seems to be a few years younger out of thin air and has the patience to choose her lover slowly. A man asked a woman for advice: rent a house first, get married and save money before buying a house. W: Then I might as well rent my husband first.
China is strong, and all foreigners will be required to take CET-4 and CET-6! Classical Chinese is so simple that all the questions are answered with a brush, which is cheap for them. To get angry, each person should have a kitchen knife and a turtle shell, and carve Oracle Bone Inscriptions. The topic of the thesis is On Theory of Three Represents. After listening to all Jay Chou's songs, I only listen to Nunchaku once, and tell him that this is the normal speaking speed! Reading comprehension is based on Zhouyi, the oral test requires singing Beijing opera, and the experiment includes jiaozi …
I can't stand 10 anymore. I think you are very old. I want to see you every day. Leave it to me yourself. I will never let you down again. Let you stay with me forever. I will never be half-hearted. I swear I will only raise you 1 pig in my life! See this picture, 10 second forwarding, love is "perfect" and "happy old!
A: "What horse has only two legs?" B: "? Don't know. " A: "Obama." B: "..." A: "What mouse has only two legs?" B: "? Don't know. " A: Mickey Mouse B: A: What duck has only two legs? B: "Donald! ! ! "Answer:" Wrong, all ducks have only two legs. " B: vomiting blood! !
The reason for finding a short girlfriend is 1. You can hug her and kiss her. If her ankle is sprained, her back will be very relaxed. You can watch her wear nice high heels anytime and anywhere. 4. You can carry it while watching the excitement. 5. Naive girl, there is no pressure to walk together. 6. She can dodge flexibly when fighting with her husband. 7. She is always younger than her actual age, and she can be spoiled when she is old. 8. She has always maintained the fragile nerves of boys.
Roast chicken is the best seller-the first emperor among birds; The most awesome welding-welding emperor Wu; The best seller of sugar-coated haws-Emperor Taizong; The best-selling steamed bread-Mo; The best-selling braised pork-Lu; Door curtain bestseller-climbing golden lotus; The most awesome wedding-Ximen Qing; Shi Jin, the best-selling Viagra.
Several people are chatting together. Smokers say I'm a smoker, swordsman says I'm a swordsman, drunkard says I'm an alcoholic, tourists say I'm a tourist, and the ladle seller says, you talk first, I'm leaving!
Beijing: I killed you; Shanghai: I will kill you; Hebei: I killed you with a white towel; Yunnan: I poisoned you; Guangxi: I will kill you; Hubei: I strangle you; Jiangsu and Zhejiang: I will trample you to death; Xuzhou: I will fan you to death; Hunan: I'm so hot; Fujian: I'll put a hat on you; Chongqing: I love you to death; Hainan: I killed you with a coconut; Xinjiang: I strangle you with a silk scarf; Inner Mongolia: I'll soak you to death with horse milk!
Non-mainstream super funny
1, if it is a mistake to be beautiful, then I am all wet; If being smart is a crime, I have committed a heinous crime, and it is really difficult to be a human being. But you're fine. You are right and innocent. I really envy you.
2. Don't always ask others why they don't want to talk to you, because it's too hard to talk to you? Can you believe it?
I don't want to hit you either. Go to the zoo to see if there is a job suitable for you. If you run around the street like this, it's easy for the police to shoot you.
I have been friends with you for so long, and you always care about me, but I often give you trouble. I really don't know how to answer you. Therefore, in the next life, if you are a cow and a horse, I will definitely pull weeds for you to eat.
I want to see you talk, but why do you bury your face in your ass? ... oh? Sorry, I didn't know it was your face. What about your ass?
6, the Yangtze River flood control, you personally command. You go to the front of the dam, tear open a small bag of white objects and throw them into the gap. The flood will soon subside. You shake your arm and shout: Anerle sanitary napkin, super suction! Lock the moisture! Don't reveal it!
7. I saw you that day, in the supermarket! You quietly put your hand on the barcode scanner, and the screen shows: pig's trotters. You think the machine is broken, put your face together and have a look. The screen shows pig's head and meat!
8. There are some things you should know! Days are used for windy and rainy days; The land is used to grow flowers and grass; I was used to prove the greatness of mankind. And you: "It is used to stew vermicelli. ! "
9. God saw you thirsty and created water; God saw that you were hungry and created rice; God saw that you had no lovely friends and created me; However, he also saw that there is no idiot in this world and created you by the way.
10, spring blossoms are your smile; The summer sun is burning, that's your passion; Autumn fruits are ripe, which is your harvest; Hey hey! Bear, so you can hibernate safely!
1 1. Life is full of infinite vitality with you; With you along the way, I am afraid of lightning; Just because of you, happiness and satisfaction are always overflowing; Without you, who will feed the pig food?
12, the people of the whole country are the best, riding a bench to the moon; The world belongs to you, and you can play the best. You don't need a glass to drink. From ancient times to the present, you are the best, and going out shopping is scary; What you said is nothing, the Nobel Prize is waiting for you!
13, look at you. You are well-proportioned, handsome and charming. Everyone loves you and a hundred flowers blossom. You must be the best among scum and the beast among animals.
14, as far as IQ is concerned, you are hopeless, but as far as meanness is concerned, 300 years ahead and 300 years back, a total of * * * 600 years, and no one can surpass you! At the age of nine, you let yourself fall. At the age of twenty, you reached the peak! Don't be 80 years old, now you have no teeth to the extreme!
15, starting from tomorrow, the city has decided to drive away all ugly and mentally retarded young people who are detrimental to the city appearance! You should pack up quickly, go out for shelter from the rain, and don't tell anyone that I informed you, remember! You're welcome.
16. Living wastes air, dying wastes land, and dying wastes RMB. Without you, the world will be beautiful! ! ! !
17, a classic swearing quotation: the one riding a white horse is not necessarily a prince, he may be a Tang priest; The one with wings is not necessarily an angel, he may be a bird man.
18, you didn't learn so many weapons in China, but you learned swords; Go to the sword, but don't learn the sword; There are so many moves in the sword that you are drunk with learning the sword; Learn silver sword instead of iron sword! Finally, you became a martial arts stunt: drunken silver sword! Finally, we can achieve the unity of man and sword-swordsman.
19 Look, your little face is nothing like a pig! Now throw you into the toilet, the toilet will vomit, throw you into the black hole, and the black hole will explode by itself!
20. Just a gust of wind, but so eternal, just a dream, but so real. You bowed your head and said nothing, but I couldn't calm down. I finally can't help but say to you: Next time you fart, let me know!
2 1, a barber pressed the customer's head on the faucet to wash his hair viciously. The customer was in pain and asked, "Is there anyone outside?" "What are you doing?" "If there is no one, you can kill me with a razor."
Network funny non-mainstream
1, either your guest or your prisoner. Love is a dead end anyway.
What makes me sad is not that you are not here, but that you are everywhere.
I was stingy when I was young, and I am quite young now.
Your play is so real, how can I believe it?
Most beautiful women are similar, but ugly women are different.
6. There may be several women who don't eat, and none who are not jealous.
7. Some people have a powerful aura, which makes people want to be strangers with them all their lives.
8. The bad news is that eating pepper, eggs and rice will produce a hair. The good news is that it doesn't scroll.
9. We walked so fast that our souls couldn't keep up.
10, you can see the words I typed on the screen, but you can't see the tears I dropped on the keyboard.
1 1. When life lacks fighting spirit, I really want to have a rival in love.
12. As a thin man who once fully understood how to eat without getting fat, now he finally fully understands the feeling of getting fat when eating.
13, I'm a perfectionist. I won't clean my room until it's completely dirty.
14, if I hadn't convinced myself, I would have turned against the world.
15, hoarse, can't see clearly, please speak louder.
16, don't think I'm a cynical hooligan, but I'm a big liar with deep feelings.
17, I used to put a dagger on the bedside table before going to bed in case someone came in at midnight and couldn't find a knife to stab me.
18, if beauty is a letter of recommendation, then kindness is a credit card.
19, don't look back, I only love your back.
20. You are all flowers of the motherland. I pinch one when I see one.
2 1, look at you! Looking at the back, I was anxious and turned my head to scare away millions of lions.
22. Your husband is sleeping elsewhere and you are forced to get up.
23. If you were a flower, cows would not dare to shit in the future!
24. Women's clothes are called capital, and men's clothes are called perverts.
25. The biggest tragedy in life: the beauty is dying and the hero is bald.
26. You keep your secret, but I keep yours. My feelings.
27. There are no white pies in the sky, only white bricks.
28. Tongue is longer than teeth, and software is longer than hardware.
29. My wife said she wanted to see lightning, so I cut the wire with a kitchen knife.
30, even believe in advertisements, reading is stupid!
3 1, those deep feelings are not simple words, I think you can make it clear.
32. A person's life is like taking a shit. Sometimes you have worked hard, and all you can come up with is a fart.
Non-mainstream screening is funny
1, I want to thin into a lightning bolt and illuminate all the fat people.
Don't think about your kindness to others, because no one will remember it except you.
3, my principle is: people don't commit me, I don't commit crimes; If someone attacks me, I will be angry!
4. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you for your family, and thank you for your ancestors for 18 generations.
Iron pillars can be ground into needles, and wooden pillars can only be ground into toothpicks. The material is wrong, and it's no use trying again.
6. Many things in the world are not right or wrong. If there are more people doing it, it will be right or wrong.
7. Every time I take the elevator, I feel like I'm in the microwave oven when I hear the door opening, and sometimes there are acquaintances inside.
8. To be a man, we must "stand the four tests": stand the test, stand the test, stand the question and stand the check.
9. The only reason I am fat is that my body is too small to hold all my personality.
10, whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock; I like your personality, but I don't like your gender!
1 1, were you copied today? Your whole family has been copied. ...
12, you think you stepped on me, but you don't know that I can cut off your head at any time.
13, a woman's purity is false, unless her heart is pure.
14, has the child seen the ash machine? Answer, there is a hair ash machine.
15, you are not an environmental protection bag, so don't always pretend, pretend, pretend.
16, when I found my wife, I kissed her for the first time for three days and three nights. I want to ask, where have you been these years?
17, the green hills are still there, and there is no firewood.
18, I eat porridge every day, but I don't want to. I went for a walk in the vegetable market yesterday. I think I'll continue to eat porridge.
19, geography teacher: What would our world be like if the earth stopped turning? Little B: Even if the earth doesn't turn, we will continue to turn around the central government with President Hu as the center.
20. I received a mobile phone message. There is a monkey in the zoo, so ugly that everyone vomits. One day I went to vomit. One day you went and the monkey threw up.
2 1, although the famous flowers are taken, I will loosen the soil! Talking about mood phrases
22. Excuse me! I'm already dead! But thank you for coming to see me! See you tonight 12!
23, loneliness is a person's carnival, carnival is the loneliness of a group of people.
24. When the mushroom was walking on the road, it was hit by an orange. Mushroom is furious: "I don't have eyes, go to hell." Then the orange died. Because bacteria killed oranges, oranges had to die.
25. Life is like an angry bird. There are always a few pigs laughing when they fail.