I have to say that for the first 24 and a half years, I didn't want to get married at all. Personally, I have always enjoyed being single. I feel that one person is full and the whole family is not hungry. I can do whatever I want without accommodating other people's emotions. In addition, the marriage life of my brothers and sisters is not very smooth, so the word marriage is as insignificant as air in my world.
In fact, sometimes suddenly, it's more jealousy. I don't know when the classmates who were fighting together a few years ago were all mom and dad in an instant. In addition to being happy for them, they also felt a little lonely. There seems to be only one person left in the crowd, guarding his ivory tower and refusing to give up.
? A classmate's wedding made me persist in the gap for many years and collapsed instantly. I suddenly realized that not everyone stopped at the same place and refused to grow. For so many years, I have been stubbornly weighing the pros and cons of love and marriage, and refused to leave my utopian world for a long time. Is it right or wrong? Foolishly pursuing the shameful but useful golden creed, truth is still poisoned chicken soup. For the first time in life, the interpretation and belief of marriage have undergone earth-shaking changes, full of infinite doubts.
? Because it is a small county, the schoolwork is not too heavy, plus two years of teaching experience, although the work is not easy, it is also smooth. The stability of work not only brings spiritual liberation, but also gives me more leisure time. But it is this kind of leisure time that completely defeats me. For the first time, I realized the loneliness that went deep into the bone marrow. In the social circle, in addition to showing teaching work, it is to bask in the sunshine, and friends laugh, you are not 90 years old, you are 90 years old. I am used to answering with "hahaha", but I know how much bitterness is contained in this smile.
? I fell asleep alone in an empty room, facing the sunshine outside the window. My heart is full of shame for wasting time, but I don't know how to change it. I can only observe my biological clock silently, secretly comforting myself that if I can take a nap, I should be comfortable rather than uneasy, enjoying rather than panicking. But when I woke up, it was already dark, and there was only my own breath and mouth in the room, and my voice echoed. I couldn't help but want to bury my groggy head in the pillow and want to cry.
? I hate such days, and no one can talk about sadness and joy; I'm tired of such years, and I only have my own shadow behind me; I am very tired of this time, a person silently talking to himself, half crazy or not.
I also deeply know that the best way to solve loneliness is to find a confidant; A movie, a good meal, and a new dress are nothing but opium that cures the symptoms rather than the root cause.
? Just, my man, where are you, hiding in that corner of fate? Do you know that there is a person who wants to fall into your dream and watch the clouds, listen to the rain and laugh with you all his life?