This is just the tip of the iceberg. In the unknown corner, there are many women who are suffering from unknown pain.
According to a set of data published by People's Daily1October 25th, 165438, 30% of China's 270 million families have experienced domestic violence, and a woman suffers domestic violence every 7.4 seconds on average.
Every year, 6.5438+0.57 million women commit suicide, of which 60% commit suicide because of domestic violence; Domestic violence accounts for more than 40% of female homicide deaths; Women will choose to call the police after being abused for more than 35 times on average.
Just looking at the data, many people may not feel it. Suppose it takes you one second to gather all the victims of domestic violence in the country every step, then you will encounter a domestic violence scene every seven steps.
How terrible, we claim to be civilized, but we are never far away from animal nature.
Let's go back to today's theme-the case of wife killing in Hubei. The victim's name is Kan Xiaofang, who was killed in the process of divorcing her husband.
Kan Xiaofang was born in a poor family. Although she studies hard, she is confined to a junior college because of various problems. Although the conditions were difficult, she never thought of giving up. She is always trying to grow up like a tenacious weed.
She longed for a soul mate, but at the age of 30, she still didn't meet her. Older unmarried, she was forced by family pressure and finally married Yu, who had known each other for only three months.
She believes that even if there is no vigorous love, she can always live an ordinary life, but she can be greeted by endless domestic violence. Unlike many women who were concealed after domestic violence, Yan Xiaofang did not conceal it from the beginning.
She turned to the outside world, her family and the police for help again and again, and was persuaded again and again: endure for the sake of children and endure for the sake of life and reputation. Finally, she made up her mind to divorce, even if she had to face her husband's death threats again and again.
She knew that if she didn't divorce, she would be killed by her husband one day. She tried to escape, but in the end she couldn't escape her husband's axe.
In the process of divorce, Kan Xiaofang always wrote a suicide note before consulting with her husband, and then tore it when she came back safely, but for the last time, she had no chance.
She wrote in her suicide note: "The good or bad luck of going home this time is unpredictable. If anything happens, please ask your family to look for the suicide note in the iron box. ..... Don't need a funeral, don't need to look at the day, don't need to look at the time, and don't need a big coffin, just an urn. Don't sacrifice, just don't want to forgive the murderer, don't forgive him! "
Yu should not be forgiven, but in this tragedy, besides Yu, shouldn't those accomplices who contributed to the fire reflect?
Domestic violence is never a domestic matter.
Many people don't realize that some deep-rooted and seemingly natural concepts have unconsciously provided soil for domestic violence.
To some extent, "tearing down ten temples is better than tearing down a marriage", "fighting at the end of a couple's bed" and "washing one's dirty linen in public" are all acquiescence to domestic violence.
Silence and patience will not make the perpetrators have any sympathy, on the contrary, it will only get worse.
We need the whole society to achieve a sense of zero tolerance for domestic violence. If home can't be a person's safe haven, where else is it safe?
Domestic violence is not a domestic matter, but a serious violation of human rights like murder and arson. No one, male or female, should tolerate domestic violence, and once it appears, go out decisively.
Don't be afraid that your parents will lose face and your children will be left out after divorce. Your life is more precious than vanity such as face and social evaluation.
The integrity of family structure does not guarantee the healthy growth of children.
It is difficult for many women to come out cleanly after domestic violence, mainly because they are distressed by their children. However, children who grow up in a violent environment at home are not healthy, and their hearts are often accompanied by inferiority and insecurity for a long time.
Violence in front of a child whose world outlook has not yet formed is equivalent to telling the child that violence is allowed. As adults, they are more likely to change from victims to perpetrators.
Albert, an American psychologist, once did an experiment: 36 children, male or female, were selected from the kindergarten affiliated to Stanford University and divided into three groups.
Then one group was randomly selected to observe the scene of adult violence against Bobby doll, while the other two groups of children had no similar experience.
In the violent scene, the experimenter in charge of violence will kick and curse Bobby Dole. After the scene lasted 10 minutes, the experimenter took the child away.
Finally, all the children were taken into an activity room with aggressive toys. It turns out that those children who observe violence are more aggressive than other children.
Therefore, the integrity of family structure cannot guarantee the healthy growth of children, but a warm and loving family atmosphere is the decisive factor for the healthy growth of children.
Don't be superstitious that children from divorced families will lead a miserable life, which is more beneficial to children than living in a broken but safe living environment and fearing violence.
Please keep the choice of marriage firmly in your own hands.
The most important thing is prevention. Female friends should not get married at will because of others' coercion, nor should they give their choice of marriage to others, let alone get married in a flash. Don't entrust it easily until you know who the other person is.
From the psychological point of view, the main purpose of the abuser's violence is to expect absolute control and complete control in the relationship.
In order to achieve their goals, these perpetrators are extremely good at camouflage. To outsiders, they may be knowledgeable and educated.
For example, An Jiahe, a demon abuser in Please Don't Tell Strangers, has excellent medical skills in real life. In the eyes of patients and friends, he is an elite with culture and social status, and even a representative of anti-domestic violence.
But only his wife knows that it is the devil to close the door when others are gone. Female friends, we must keep our eyes open for important events in life. Prevention is more important than stop loss.