My aunt was crying on the coffin board, and her thin figure kept twitching, which made her feel particularly uncomfortable.
There are ten mothers and sisters, the mother is the fourth, and Xiao Yan is my grandmother's 10 child. Sometimes I call her the tenth aunt. Aunt 7 1 this year? When I was very young, I became semi-stupid for special reasons (human reasons, so I won't introduce them in detail here). It is almost impossible to communicate with people normally, and the IQ is equivalent to a child of several years old. My little uncle was originally from a poor family. He couldn't find a wife in the countryside, so he had no choice but to marry his aunt. My little aunt gave birth to three children. The eldest son is dumb but smart (unfortunately, he fell into the river and drowned around the age of twenty), and the second son is dumb and stupid. The third daughter, now lying in a crystal coffin, is a normal person and the only hope and support for this family. It is said that on the day when the little aunt spoke, the whole family was like a holiday.
Born in such a family, my little sister undoubtedly has a lot of pain, and only my little sister knows best. When we were young, we also had many opportunities to meet. I felt that she just laughed and hardly spoke. What's more, we are much older than her (about 15 years old) and have nothing in common, so there is almost no communication.
I only know that my little aunt grew up slowly and went to primary school and junior high school. Of course, her grades were not good. Later, she learned the craft in a tailor's shop in the town and worked in this shop until the day of the accident.
Her object was introduced by a tailor and her boss, and she is a very honest rural guy (she is still working as a painter, but anyone with connections is unwilling to do such a job that hurts her health and is bitter, but she seems to have no intention of changing careers after working for almost 20 years). At that time, even in the countryside, she was one of those poor people. Even her little uncle didn't agree to this marriage, but her little aunt made up her mind to get married and finally got married. It seems that this marriage is not bad, although it is not rich, but life is stable and slowly on track. When there was a car accident, my little aunt was pregnant and was going to give birth in a month. Being able to have a second child shows that all the conditions are good, at least the economic pressure is not great.
I decided to write this article today, not to describe such a thing, but to understand the mental process of restoring my little sister's short life. The reason is that my oldest aunt and sister (the eldest daughter of my fifth aunt) said something, and I was dumbfounded at that time.
My first aunt worked in other places, because my sister came back specially, so naturally we talked about some things about my sister's past. My aunt said that every time I go home, I am my little sister behind the door, and I don't live in my own house, so I won't let my mother go to her salesroom. It's embarrassing to scold the little aunt, and it's not good for the little aunt at all ...
I was shocked to hear my aunt say this, and she was completely different from what I remembered. Is it true that there is a dull pain in my heart? Slowly, I thought hard and understood a little. This is the first time for me to put myself in my aunt's shoes and imagine her life. It doesn't matter, but I think of infinite regret. It's really not easy for my little sister to grow up. Her life can be said to be bitter and sweet. Life?is?so?hard. ...
Normal people, in a normal family, can hardly imagine and understand an extremely poor family with mental retardation. The feelings of hardship and discrimination are empathy. Many times, it is an abused and melodramatic adjective. People with civilized education can often hide their sense of discrimination, but in rural areas, discrimination is almost everywhere, and I have an unforgettable feeling about it. Many times, even caring is a naked discrimination. I have experienced this feeling, but certainly not as strong as my little aunt. For example, our family was poor when we were young, and our relatives who lived a little better would also give some clothes, but they had a strong sense of charity and superiority. When I was a few years old, I obviously felt uncomfortable wearing the clothes they gave me, and it was strange until I grew up. Now that I think about it, my little sister lives almost completely in discrimination, not how much discrimination she suffers. As a normal child of an abnormal family, Miss Sister's young mind is hurt by this feeling almost every day. She doesn't know why. The only thing she can do is to become extremely sensitive, afraid, afraid, instinctively avoid, and then close herself up.
There are many people on the Internet who are talking about "the injury of origin and fate", and this topic is "the injury of origin and fate". Her parents brought her life and the least food, but almost all of them were injured. I think it is a miracle that she survived. Mothers can hardly take care of themselves, let alone their children. Her father made great efforts to provide food for his family. What nutrition, early education, intellectual development, mother's care and so on. Almost zero. She grew up almost purely natural, even worse than the descendants of homo sapiens in the forest.
My mother can only say simple words, and my father hardly wants to talk. Her language function probably didn't begin to be possessed until she entered school. At this point, menstruation's little heart has been hurt thousands of times. At school, her eyes are as wide as frightened birds. She has almost nothing that others have, doesn't talk much, doesn't have beautiful clothes, and doesn't have the care of other people's parents ... Lian Xiao will be laughed silly ... I can't imagine how she gets through it now. ...
Other people's childhood is happy, she is black;
The growth of others is happy, and she doesn't know what happiness is;
Others have memories of the past, and hers is only unbearable;
Other people's years have laughter, and her days have only deep inferiority and autism;
……
Learning to make clothes is the real beginning of her life.
Education, including junior high school, only taught my little sister the most basic survival ability, including the basis of normal communication with society, such as being able to express her thoughts in the simplest way, probably doing things according to other people's requirements, knowing that she has no choice but to change her situation by herself, and so on. If she hadn't learned sewing, she wouldn't have survived in society, because her understanding and learning ability were far below that of ordinary people.
There are almost no tailor shops in towns and villages. Now people buy ready-made clothes, which are cheap and good. Township tailors have low skills, high costs and difficult business. I always suspected that their store would close down. It is incredible that it has existed for so many years. The demand in rural areas is really different. Many traditional clothes are needed by people, but there is no factory to make them. This is the chance for young aunts to survive. A small gap is busy all year round, but the income is not much better than farming.
For marriage, I think my little sister is unimaginable, and humble living has always been her greatest need. Love is beyond words, that is, there is no need and no mood. Before they got married (in 2005), they never watched TV or listened to the cash register (maybe they watched it at someone else's house). Can you imagine such a family in Jiangsu, the most prosperous and developed city in China in 2 1 century?
It is a great blessing for Miss Sister that the master introduces someone to her. All she can ask is that the other person is not stupid (this is also called a condition? ), without any other additional conditions. For her, it is very grateful that people don't dislike her. Where is it that she doesn't like others? So the object introduced by the master, she made up her mind to marry him at a glance. She is very afraid of losing this opportunity. Opportunities in her life are always too few and too precious, and every time is precious. So she chose to insist, and her father objected. She couldn't understand why her father didn't agree. She thinks that no one even looked at her before, and now there are normal people who want to marry me, and you still don't agree. Why? What, his family is poor? Come on, look at our family. Who is qualified to dislike others being poor?
In this way, the little aunt resolutely married herself. For her, marriage is not the pursuit of happiness. Her greatest need is a normal family, a complete family with no mental retardation even if she is poor. She has been waiting for this opportunity to escape from this "family of origin" which has been suffering for more than 20 years with three mentally retarded people. In order to leave, she is willing to pay all the prices she can afford. Now this opportunity is just around the corner. How can she give it up? How dare she give up?
I have to say, Miss Sister's decision is correct. Even the poorest new home brings her infinitely more warmth than family of origin, and everything here makes her proud. Here, she even hopes that future children will laugh and be happy like normal people, not like when they were young. ...
Although they don't earn much money, they spend almost nothing and their debts are paid off quickly. When they have money in the future, they can buy a beautiful sofa in the hall. ...
Everything is as beautiful as a dream, and such a day is simply too happy. If it weren't for the discomfort caused by the occasional "family background", she would have been very satisfied with the world.
The mentally retarded mother and brother are lingering shadows, but they cannot be changed and are powerless. Although everyone around her knows her family of origin, she still tries not to let her mother go to the store, because it's really embarrassing, and there's only so much she can do. But mother likes to see her daughter very much. She is only happy to see her daughter, so she often wants to go. She can't understand the pressure and pain she has brought to her daughter. At first, my daughter couldn't help it, and finally one day she couldn't help it. But she can't tell her mother, so she can only scold her and tell her not to come. In this process, my daughter is very sad, and my mother is also very sad. With her IQ, she will never understand what she did wrong. ...
I used to know that she still took care of her mother and brother. She used her skills to make many new clothes for her mother and brother, and bought many gifts for China New Year and festivals. My uncle praised them on various occasions. Last year, she gave her mother her 70th birthday and specially invited a troupe, which was full of vigor. I didn't know it was compensation until now. She is a kind child and has deep feelings for her mother, but she can't bear the eyes of social discrimination. She has no adjustment ability and can only limit her mother's appearance in her public life circle. But she is uncomfortable and can only make up for it in other ways. ...
It's always been like this since childhood. She has a lot of hardships, which she can't say and can't solve. Many times, all she can do is torture herself. If I am not an aunt and brother who studied for a few days, who can understand her inner suffering? On the one hand, my period felt sorry for her, on the other hand, she was full of dissatisfaction, and she could not understand the unknown difficulties of menstruation. Understanding is often a luxury.
Aunt's family is full of misfortune and uncertainty, but because of her appearance, all relatives have a long sigh of relief. Seeing that her little life is getting better and better, I think my little aunt will be guaranteed in the future, and my daughter will have an explanation to her parents and brother. Her husband is also very kind and kind to his wife. The economic power of the family is in the hands of my little aunt, and everything looks really good-if there are no unexpected troubles.
A week ago, my little sister sent her son to school. On the way back to the store, when crossing the road, a new female driver stepped on the accelerator as a brake and died on the spot. Witnesses said that flying on the roof was so high. ...
At the age of 36.
My little aunt is lying quietly in a crystal coffin. She has got rid of all the troubles in the world. Maybe to some extent, it makes her feel better, which is another form of relief. It's just that this way of walking is so intense that people dare not look back. ...
She took away the unborn children, who are the mothers and children of another world. There is a son in the world who will miss her. The 13-year-old son I saw today actually has no idea what sadness is. He is still a little too young. I touched his hand on purpose. The poor child has no mother anymore. ...
She also left her beloved husband, who was more important in her life than her parents. He has no talent and ability, no knowledge and charm, no handsome, no tenderness. None of this matters. For her, kindness is enough, and he is just kind enough. What can I ask? She never thought that she would leave him. When she was bored, she also thought about what he would be like when he was old. For him, she can only be grateful. With him, her life will be complete. She never wanted to be apart. She must be very sad to leave so suddenly now, but she can't stay. How pathetic!
Mom will always be the pain in her heart. This woman brought her into this world, but she was unable to bring her happiness and endless pain. She used to hate her so much, but after all, she was her own mother and finally had to accept the fact. When she finally had her own happiness, especially after having her own children, as a mother's instinct, she tried to learn to understand and accept this mentally retarded mother. She is connected with her blood. With happiness and suffering, she can forget. She tries to be a good daughter because she is a good daughter.
When the eldest brother fell into the river and drowned, she was still very young and had no memory at all. My second brother bullied her since he was a child. She used to hate him very, very much When I grow up, there is no hatred, only pity. In the future, no one in this world will pity this fool except my sister. Now that my sister is gone, my brother may one day be taken to heaven by a minor illness or starve to death, or die randomly like my brother. In short, his birth was a tragedy, and the final result was doomed to be no better. My sister is definitely unwilling to accept the result that others take for granted. I can give it to my brother in different ways, but there is no buts. ...
Finally, talk about normal and abnormal old fathers. This is a very poor man. He married a silly woman and raised two silly sons and an alcoholic daughter. With high heels, he can imagine what his life is like. Her misfortune is the exact opposite of her father's. She changed from abnormal to normal and from bad to good. My father went from normal to abnormal, at least a normal person, and finally became the parents of a bunch of abnormal people. Can he be okay? In that era when normal people had a hard life, how did this person support this large number of old, weak and sick people? This is a legend! Now the legendary man is old and can't do farm work, and he has severe asthma. Going to the hospital every three days indicates some misfortune. Can't think, dare not think, if he falls, what will this family look like ...?
Menstruation was crying on the crystal coffin, and unsuspecting people couldn't imagine that she was mentally retarded, strictly speaking, a mother's state. Is it because of sadness that her mind returned to normal? Or has she never been abnormal, but she just has no expressive ability?
I didn't feel too sad about my little aunt's death. I felt the same way before and after. Before I got to know her, I didn't have much emotion. Later, I felt that she was a relief, as described above. As far as the worst result of the present life is concerned, any one of my parents and my brother is seriously ill, which drags her down, and it is very likely that my sister might as well die. A little higher medical expenses will make her sewing income zero, and even fall into extreme poverty, which will once again lead to endless discrimination. This day may come at any time. As a normal person, my little aunt finally poked her head out of her misery. If she is weighed down by suffering again, she will suffer more than the first time. And when I think about her past and future pain, I feel sad from the heart, which is much worse than her death. I can only be deeply depressed, afraid that I will cry in front of so many people.
Her only mission in this world is to take good care of her mother, father and brother. However, her shoulders are so fragile and her life is so fragile. It would be nice to barely build her little home. So she is very hard, very bitter and miserable. Maybe it's because I've been used to it for a long time that I have a second child.
……
Aunt, your family has prepared a grand farewell ceremony for you, two banquet greenhouses, and many relatives have come to see you. They all felt sorry for you and saw you off. Brother, this meal is very uncomfortable, and I have been thinking about your feelings at the moment, because I think too much.
Never see you again, little sister. Have a nice trip.
Please wipe your eyes next time you are reborn.
(2065438+April 2009, 19 night. )