Although I believe in vows of eternal love, I may not believe you.

3. Life is the mouth of Song Like Zude, and you never know who will be unlucky next.

4. A woman's wardrobe is like a harem. There are countless beautiful women, only a few of whom like it.

5. I have a little thought, but I don't lack it; I have a good temper, but not without it!

6. The direction against the wind is more suitable for soaring. Not afraid of being blocked by ten thousand people, I am afraid of surrendering myself.

7. Marriage is like a maze, and the people who built it have lost their way first.

8. Tongue is longer than teeth, and software is longer than hardware.

9. Protect yourself and love others. Please don't come out in the middle of the night to scare people.

10, flowers often do not belong to people who appreciate flowers, but to cow dung.

1 1. Besides teeth, there is love.

12, people who run around brothels are not old, please use Huiren Shenbao.

13, my god! My clothes have lost weight again.

14. Listening to you saved me ten books.

16. Tongue is longer than teeth, and software is longer than hardware.

17, people can't get along without manners!

18, people are afraid of famous pigs and strong, men are afraid of having no money and women are afraid of being fat.

19, people are not smart and bald!

20. Life is life, not life.

2 1, asking how sad you can be, just like a group of eunuchs going to a brothel.

22. How to lose weight if you don't have enough to eat?

Don't be lazy with me, I'm too lazy to compare with you.

24. I haven't been in Jianghu for a long time, and there are always legends about me in Jianghu.

25. People have a lot of backgrounds, but I only have my back.

26. There is no rehearsal in life, and every day is live broadcast; Not only the ratings are low, but also the salary is not high.

27. Life is simple. Live, relax. Life is not easy.

28. Scholars play dead for their confidants, while women have plastic surgery for those who please themselves.

29. I will miss you very much after you leave. Why don't you leave?

30. I would rather be proud and moldy than humble in love!

3 1, women often miss men; Men are often fickle with women.

32. Most beautiful women are similar, but ugly women are different.

33. A person's life is like taking a shit. Sometimes you have worked hard, and all you can come up with is a fart.

Don't ask me again: How have you been recently?

35, I want to puppy love, but it's already late.

36, hooligans are not terrible, they are afraid that hooligans have culture.

37. If beauty is a letter of recommendation, then kindness is a credit card!

38, people don't commit me, I don't commit crimes; If people offend me, comity three points; If people force me again, I'll give you an injection; People still attack me and kill the grass.

39. A person's life is like taking a shit. Sometimes you have worked hard, and all you can come up with is a fart.

40. The longer you have contact with people, the more you like dogs. Dogs are always dogs, and people are sometimes not people!

4 1, it is not difficult to drive, and I am afraid that there will be new people.

42. I didn't mean to be different, so I have to have outstanding taste.

Funny non-mainstream quotations

1, loneliness is singing, and no one understands the sadness. 2. I lit a cigarette, but I was lonely.

3, driving is not difficult, I am afraid of new people!

4, money is not a problem, the problem is no money!

5. Go, Bai Zhi, I can't bear to part with Han Hong!

6, how far is the thought, how far you roll for me.

7. Don't be lazy with me, I'm too lazy to compare with you.

8. I am relieved to know that you are not doing well.

Live well, because we will die for a long time!

10, even believe the advertisement, you are stupid to read it!

1 1, heroes don't ask for a way out, hooligans don't look at their age!

12, Ning had a fight with a wise man and ignored him.

13, I can't find my way. What kind of memories should I have?

14, hooligans are not terrible, but they are afraid that hooligans have culture.

15, just call me Wei Chao, although I sing like a classmate.

16, I would like to be a lovebird in the sky and a pig in the same circle on the ground!

Mean is a universal truth, and you and I are just one of them.

18, no matter how big the official is, no matter how much money there is, the prince is still dragging it.

19, it doesn't matter if your head is empty. The key is not to get into the water.

20. If you are not a cactus, why are you so strong?

2 1. Money is not everything, and sometimes you need a credit card.

I'm L 'Oré al Paris, and you deserve it.

23. I want to know why my Jinse has fifty strings, and each string has a youthful interval.

24. When I am in a bad mood, I want a hug.

25, Chopin of Niu B, can't play Lao Tzu's sadness!

Oh, let a man with spirit take risks where he likes, and don't let your wife be empty!

27. People are afraid of being famous pigs and being strong, while men are afraid of having no money and women are afraid of being fat.

28. I am not too stupid, but too credulous.

I like your personality, but I don't like your gender.

30. The sunshine is so dazzling, but my eyes are raining.

3 1. Does the belly grow in the head? All you think about every day is eating.

32. Time will bite, and if you don't leave, you will be scarred.

33. Those who have money are brushing Taobao, while those who have no money are brushing Weibo.

34. How many worries you can have is like a group of eunuchs going to a brothel.

35. I will try to save money and buy an ATM.

36. Be calm for a while, and you will die if it breaks out.

37. Being pregnant is like being pregnant. It takes a long time for people to see it.

38. House prices are getting higher and higher, and there are fewer and fewer good men.

No matter how strong the wind is, it can't blow away a ray of light from the sun.

40. No matter how high the trick of a liar is, it can't compare with the true feelings of a fool.

4 1, no one has blown cowhide so fresh and refined for a long time!

Tomb-Sweeping Day, buy flowers to pay homage to the lost love.

43. People say I'm thin, but I'm not obviously fat.

44, miss stop, stop! Want to fall in love with me?

45. Copy the most advanced answers, and it will take a long time.

46. Don't look for me if you have nothing to do, and don't look for me if you have anything to do.

47. Among the fleeting pleasures, the most terrible thing is fleeting.

48. Are you tired? Just tired. Comfort is for the dead.

49. The mine disaster continues in the review, and the rise in property prices is under control!

50. Unrequited love is a successful pantomime, and it becomes a tragedy when it is said.

5 1, according to the pig's aesthetic, I am basically a handsome guy.

52. graduation photo is the most embarrassing but reluctant photo I have ever taken.

53. When you are away from home, please remember: Be sure to return Niu B to Niu!

54. Sleep in class, play after class, and die in exams.

55. Confucius can't help you solve the problem, but Lao Tzu can help you solve it.

56. Forgetting that passes by you is the stormy waves of life.

57. Don't push me, or I will become great and out of control. .

58. Where can I hide my sudden desire to cry in this city?

59. Lying will always be exposed, and wearing a wig will always be exposed by the wind.

60. Protect yourself and love others. Please don't come out in the middle of the night to scare people.

6 1, women love two kinds of flowers, one is to spend money, the other is to spend as much as possible.

62. If I can forgive your vulgarity, can you tolerate my compulsion?

I will always smile in front of you, even if it hurts again.

I can cook all kinds of instant noodles. Do you want to consider marrying me?

65. Even if you want to cry again, smile and say: You are a grandfather!

66. Only women and English are sad, and only wives and jobs are hard to find!

67. Why does the husband have to earn money to support his family? Please reverse the word husband.

68. There are two ways to pollute a place: garbage or money!

69. You have the heart to lose weight, but you have a mouth to eat.

70. The heart seems to be raining, venting the unhappiness in this world.

7 1, look at you. You look like a joke.

72. Women can't do everything, but without them, you can't do anything.

73. Even if the road ahead is hard, we must persevere. Only the bully can create brilliance.

74. Even my thoughts have become routine and perfunctory.

75. You will know what a friend is when you are most unhappy.

76. You are in my aunt's heart, not afraid that my uncle will strangle you in the middle of the night.

It is said that we are the flowers of the motherland. Why am I the one who gets hurt?

78, pick up the debris on the ground, all the pain is only one person to lick.

79. I lose weight every day except when I eat, and you say I have no perseverance.

80, happiness is to find that the car wiper clip is an advertisement, not a ticket.

8 1, tomorrow is tomorrow, there are so many tomorrows, since there are so many, it is better to put it off again.

If one day I am killed by you, I won't let you be a ghost.

83. Hope is like fire, and disappointment is like smoke. Life is like seven fires and eight cigarettes.

84. Arrogant woman, don't put down your posture for a playboy man.

85. Male No.2 said to Female No.1: Why do you love others behind my back?

86. The world belongs to us and our sons, but in the end it belongs to those grandchildren.

87. The highest level of work is to watch others go to work and get their wages.

88. Time is absurd and wanton, and that innocence has also begun to become restless.

89. Wear other people's shoes and take other people's roads, so that others can neither find shoes nor find their way.

90. You told me to get out, and I got out. You asked me to come back. I'm sorry. I'm leaving.

9 1, marriage is a grave, but it's better to be buried underground than to die in the street!

92. Every time I think of you, you are a grain of sand, so there is a Sahara in the world.

93. Do you think I will watch you die? I close my eyes.

94. I wander on the coastline of your life, like a wounded soul.

95. Don't argue with a fool, or others won't know who is a fool.

96. Life is actually a gamble. If you win, you will be happy; if you lose, you will be heartbroken.

Teacher, if you ignore the bell again, we will ignore it.

98. Since I fell in love, my waist has stopped hurting, my head has stopped hurting, and my heart has stopped beating.

99. Auntie, see you at heartbroken cliff in sixteen years. Don't forget to send me a message then!

100, people can't hang from a tree, but try to die several times in several nearby trees.

Non-mainstream funny classic quotations

1. Two orioles singing green willows, and I don't even have a companion! The rabbit and the rabbit are running, and I don't even have a companion! I suggest that god stand up again. I don't even have a date! Sitting up critically ill, I don't even have a companion! I don't even have a date! Ask how much you can worry about, I don't even have a date! If relatives and friends in Luoyang ask each other, I don't even have an object! This song should only be in the sky, I don't even have a date! 2.2. The MAC died in five hours, the iphone died in half a day, and the ipad died in one day. Only boyfriends can charge for a long time, and it also includes many intelligent functions such as eating, drinking, shopping, selling cute jokes, singing and dancing as a driver ~ So what is Grandma Apple? The real luxury is to have a good boyfriend. Agree to transfer ~

3. What if I die suddenly and unexpectedly one day? No one will go to QQ, and no one will send Weibo. This ID will be hacked forever. The children I met on the Internet would only think that gay friends, who was three yuan online, didn't know gay friends, who was two yuan online, and my mother didn't know that I opened Weibo. How can I tell those guys who care about me but don't know me that I'm dead?

With her own house, unmarried women seem to be a few years younger out of thin air and have the patience to choose a lover slowly. A man asked a woman for advice: rent a house first, get married and save money before buying a house. W: Then I might as well rent my husband first.

China is strong, and all foreigners will be required to take CET-4 and CET-6! Classical Chinese is so simple that all questions are answered with a brush. It's cheap for them and it will make me angry. Everyone has a kitchen knife and tortoise shell, and Oracle Bone Inscriptions is engraved on it. The topic of the thesis is On Theory of Three Represents. After listening to all Jay Chou's songs, I only listen to Nunchaku once, and tell him that this is the normal speaking speed! Reading comprehension is based on Zhouyi, oral test requires singing Beijing opera, and experiment is based on jiaozi.

6. I can't stand 10 anymore. I miss you very much. I want to see you every day. Leave it to me yourself. I will never let you down again. Let you stay with me forever. I will never be half-hearted again. I swear I will only raise you 1 pig in my life! See this picture 10 second forwarding, love is perfect and happy!

7. What horse has only two legs? b:？ I don't know. A: Obama. What mouse has only two legs? b:？ I don't know. A: Mickey Mouse. What duck has only two legs? Donald! ! ! No, all ducks have only two legs. B: vomiting blood! !

8. The reason for finding a short girlfriend is 1. You can hug her and kiss her. If she sprained her ankle, it would be easy. You can see her wearing beautiful high heels anytime and anywhere. 4. You can carry it on your shoulders while watching the excitement. 5. Naive girl, there is no pressure to walk together. 6. She can dodge flexibly when fighting with her husband. 7. She is always younger than her actual age, and she can be spoiled when she is old. 8. She has always maintained the fragile nerves of boys.

9. The best bird to sell roast chicken is the emperor; The most awesome welder; The best way to sell candied haws is to have too much sugar; The best way to sell steamed buns is to make them. The best way to sell braised pork is profound wisdom; The most awesome selling curtain climbing lotus; The most awesome wedding celebration; The best history of selling Viagra.

10. Several people are chatting together. The smoker said I was a smoker, the swordsman said I was a swordsman, the drunkard said I was an alcoholic, the tourists said I was a passenger, and the gourd seller said, you talk first, I'm leaving!

1 1. No salary increase, no promotion, even the year-end bonus was cancelled. I'm going to drown my sorrows in wine. Someone brought a bottle of wine, and when everyone saw the name of the wine, tears fell down, and some people immediately cried. The name of that wine is Laobaigan.

12. "The bitterness of girls everywhere" Beijing: I killed you; Shanghai: I will kill you; Hebei: I killed you with a white towel; Yunnan: I poisoned you; Guangxi: I will kill you; Hubei: I strangle you; Jiangsu and Zhejiang: I will trample you to death; Xuzhou: I will fan you to death; Hunan: I'm so hot; Fujian: I'll put a hat on you; Chongqing: I love you to death; Hainan: I killed you with a coconut; Xinjiang: I strangle you with a silk scarf; Inner Mongolia: I'll soak you to death with horse milk!

Non-mainstream quotations of classic humor

1, love is like a photo, which needs a lot of darkroom time to cultivate.

2. Smart people are unmarried, and married people are hard to be smart.

Angels can fly because they look down on themselves.

Internet is like a prison. You stole a wallet in, but you know everything when you go out.

Loneliness is not innate, but starts from the moment you fall in love with someone.

It's strange that you breathe in so much courage and spit out a sigh.

7, you have not been loved, you will cherish those who love you in the future.

8. Don't look back. My brother only loves your back.

9. Dissatisfaction is a suspended substitute, which makes people have the desire to climb up in comparison.

10, success is 3% talent plus 97% not being distracted by the internet.

1 1, fooling around will get boring sooner or later.

12, smart women deal with men, stupid women deal with women.

13, the departure of the stool is the pursuit of the toilet, or the ass is not retained.

14, everyone said that my sister was beautiful, but it was all made up.

15, I smoke because it hurts my lungs, not my heart.

16, the past is profound, but it is not enough to stop the future.

17, some people, when making masks, look much better than real people.

18, instead of mixing, it is better to cook, not as good as two, not as good as soaring.

19, freedom is not given by others, but pursued by ourselves.

20. Hard work will never kill you! But I won't prove it with myself.

2 1, love is cheap, and it is cheap again and again. When you stop being a bitch, women will come.

22. Love is like ice cream. Avoid it anyway, it will eventually melt.

23. Love makes people forget time, and time also makes people forget love.

24. When you fall in love with someone, you will always be a little scared and afraid of getting him; Afraid of losing him.

25. Everything has a price, and the price of happiness is pain.

26. Work is so interesting! Especially watching others work.

The furthest distance in the world is not the distance between life and death, but when I stand in front of you, you don't know that I love you.

I love you, and I am willing to give up everything-including you-for your happiness.

The night gave me a pair of black eyes, but I rolled my eyes with them.

30. Children in the back seat will have an accident, and children will be born in the back seat.

3 1, I lost my appetite when I saw you. What about sexual desire?

One should love animals, they are so tasty.

Do you think I'll watch you die? I'll close my eyes!