But no matter how much attention you pay, you can't compare with others. Is it extravagant and wasteful? Besides, some peasant families are not rich, so they are afraid of outsiders' jokes if they don't do so. Therefore, selling iron is also big.
Personally, I think this is not desirable. Filial piety to the elderly, or to work hard on parenting.
In Shandong, influenced by Confucianism, there are many "white things" rules. Judging from my hometown in Jiaodong, which I am most familiar with, etiquette must not be chaotic. This is a rule handed down by my ancestors. But on the day of burial, the food was full, and no exaggeration was found.
Jiaodong rural rules, "red things call, white things arrive." When people "fall", they don't need their own people to plan. My uncles will arrive soon. Help decorate the spiritual bed, make sacrificial bald cakes, and inform Master and friends and relatives everywhere. Generally, every village has its owner's arrangement, who will inform relatives, who will go to the grave and who will contact what, and all kinds of arrangements are orderly.
In my hometown, the simplest "free food" more than 20 years ago was the nephews who came to help. They cooked a large pot of stewed vermicelli with cabbage and tofu in a large iron pot, and then stewed a large pot of rice, as long as they were full.
However, with the improvement of living standards in rural areas, the meals eaten by "white things" have gradually become varied. From stewing cauldron to frying cauldron. The variety of vegetables has also changed from one to eight (eight people at a table).
But the custom of our uncles and sisters helping together has not changed. Those who make fires, set vegetables, dig vegetables, serve vegetables, and pour tea, water and rice are all from our family.
This is a big stove outside. The firewood at the bottom of the stove is burning brightly, and the country chef is cooking flowers. I didn't start cooking until 2 pm because I came back late from the funeral.
Chopped onion, ginger, garlic and coriander are also put in a big basin.
Stir-fried a large pot of cauliflower, and the farmer chef quickly brought a large pot of celery. There is a pot of cucumber on the table next door, and garlic and pork head are mixed for a while.
Someone nearby watched the cooking and exchanged a few words.
Our daughter-in-law is helping to divide the cauldron. There are big rules in rural areas of Jiaodong. Even if you eat the simplest dishes, you should put them in flowers and sit at a table before you start eating.
Look, it's such a simple dining table and simple stool. Tableware is also very simple, but there is no shortage of wine glasses, teapots, tea cups, cigarettes, wine, drinks and napkins.
Mainly vegetables, not too expensive dishes. Stir-fried vegetables, stir-fried green peppers, stir-fried melons, stir-fried flowers, stewed tofu with cabbage, stir-fried bean sprouts, cucumber salad. The only meat dish is fried chicken.
A table of eight people, eating such a meal, is a "white matter" in our countryside, which belongs to the medium standard. The most important mourning days in rural areas of Jiaodong are "May 7th" and "the third anniversary of burning". Sacrifice and Zakuzama are as important as wedding banquets.
Personally, I feel that my family has recently lost relatives. This simple and frugal way of eating is not only a respect for the deceased, but also an understanding of the grief of family members, and it is also in line with our frugal tradition in China. People can't be resurrected after death, and the wind of comparison is unacceptable. It's better to do what you can. What did you say?/Sorry?
Birth, illness and death are inevitable in life, and it is also a fact that doing things in vain. Funerals have attracted much attention for thousands of years. Everyone hopes that the deceased can have a beautiful way of burial, and many people will regard it as a "size" for their children.
In recent years, the form of funeral has also changed a lot. My view is that "the competition is getting worse and the cost is staggering":
Everywhere we go, we pay more attention to etiquette and rules, "the cost is amazing" and "finally draw a conclusion" Everyone knows undertaker's comings and goings, which can reflect the behavior of the deceased before or after his death. So whether you are in the city or the countryside, you will not be too hasty and simple about the funeral. In fact, the funerals of urban people are more grand and expensive than those of rural people. The cost of catering alone is several times that of rural people.
In our local area, the funerals of rural people usually last for five days, and the old folk rules are cumbersome, and there is no "grade" for funeral offerings. The coffin and clothes of the deceased are less than 10 thousand yuan, and other funerals cost about 20 thousand yuan More than 40,000 to 50,000 are just people who are not rich or have public office. Ordinary people have a ceiling of 20 thousand. I doubt the statement that "the funeral in rural areas is getting worse and worse". It doesn't mean that all white things in rural areas can "keep up with the competition"
Funerals in rural areas may have their "unspeakable" customs. Living in the world and working hard have also given future generations hope to thrive. Always pay homage to the dead, thus forming a funeral culture. If there is a dead person, you should stick to it and gradually regard it as a custom. And the fewer places, the easier it is, and the more it will follow.
Nowadays, it is advocated to change customs and customs, and simplify the complex, but the effect is very small. If there is no hard means, it may take decades or even longer. It is because the customs confined to a few villages can be formed in a few years and then recognized by everyone. They think this is an "ancient" custom, which cannot be changed and can only be passed down.
A way to show filial piety. Funeral etiquette requires the participation of the whole family and the "support" of close relatives. Usually, a respected person in the village holds the position of manager. Then through "appointing" the deputy general manager, ordering gifts, serving food, boiling water, welcoming (accompanying) guests, etc. "Forming a Cabinet" becomes a temporary "funeral deacon meeting" to ensure that everyone has a clear division of labor and is responsible for all funeral affairs.
The funeral was grand because all the people came back from all directions and relatives and friends arrived as scheduled. There are five days (some are seven days) from death to burial. I am very busy, remembering the dead and cherishing my kindness. At the same time, the victim thanked his neighbors and relatives and held a banquet every day. There will be a grand banquet the day before the funeral to express thanks. Otherwise, how can there be a saying that "the dead don't talk, eight fights a day"? In fact, it is a scene of funeral after death. Without this kind of "scene", it is "unfilial" and will lead to ridicule from everyone.
The "hidden rules" of "compensation" and "filial piety" are actually a kind of "heavy burial" by comparing with each other and organizing funerals. Some descendants feel guilty about the old man and want to use it as "compensation". To this end, there are two types:
First, knowing that there is a mistake, adding mistakes to mistakes. Such people ignore their parents on weekdays, and some even dislike the elderly. The old life of the elderly is suffering in all aspects. Just get something to eat as long as you are not hungry. If you are ill, put it off until you can't afford it. A hundred years later, their children are not attacked by their conscience, but are afraid of losing their reputation as unfilial, which is an example.
Second, make a living by yourself and owe more to your parents. Now there is an abnormal phenomenon in rural areas, that is, "hollow villages". Where did everyone go? A few of them live in cities and most of them go out to work to earn money. There are also "empty nesters" and "left-behind elders", who understand the difficulties of their children and will make a living by themselves. Once the old man died, the children felt ashamed and owed too much to their parents, so they had to pay attention to the funeral to make up for it.
In a sense, funerals in rural areas make farmers feel refreshed and think that there is something to express. After all, people can't be buried quietly in the afterlife; Funeral is very complicated, and a family alone may not be able to complete it successfully unless it is particularly rich. Basically, the funeral is held by a family, and the whole village is busy. As for the high cost, this is just a matter of "going out", and the money of "going in" is also rising. As long as it is a funeral with its own banquet, most of them still make ends meet. When it comes to comparison, it is only an individual phenomenon, not all. People think that peace of mind is the highest state.
Nowadays, the trend of "white affairs" in rural areas is becoming more and more serious. In my hometown, it's really scary. Hot dishes and cold dishes add up to ten and eight dishes, and there must be turtles and bullfrogs, which is really unimaginable and even incredible. After all, rural areas have not yet achieved universal prosperity.
It doesn't matter when and why this comparison wind started, but I think it is necessary to cool it down. After all, it is unbearable for many farmers. If we continue to scrape like this, I'm afraid we will eventually blow all the tiles on some family houses into the sea.
It is not easy for people to come into this world. Say goodbye to this world with a little grandeur and excitement. It is an emotional expression or comfort to the living and the dead. But there must be a limit, and don't oppress the parties so hard that they can't breathe. Otherwise, if the deceased knows in heaven, I am afraid he will not agree and recognize it.
Filial piety at birth may be more human and happier than this comparison.
I worked in Yudong for three days for nothing, and I helped to eat at home with my own skills. On the third day, the friends who went to the funeral basically left after the funeral, feeling that the cost was not very great! What really cost money is the third and sixth anniversary: there was a performance the night before, and two people were working against each other, and the relatives and friends came the next day! At the end of 20 16, my friend gave grandma three years, opened 86 tables, 16 dishes and smoked hibiscus king! Personally, I feel that it is a serious waste, and there are two-thirds of the dishes left!
In fact, it is not just a "white matter." In recent years, the cost of "weddings and funerals" in rural areas has become more and more fierce. In the final analysis, the most important reason is vanity.
A luxurious feast in the countryside
To tell the truth, sometimes I go back to my hometown in the countryside to attend some weddings and funerals, and finally I look at the big table where I didn't eat. Everyone has packed the dishes, which is very sad. In recent years, the comparison of rural white things has intensified, and the cost is amazing, all of which are caused by vanity. Isn't it a shame to see how many banquets and dishes are served in other people's homes, and that you are less than others?
If people's vanity has always existed, then why has the situation of white things become more and more serious in recent years? In fact, this also reflects from one side that the economic level of rural people is better than before. In the past, everyone was poor. How could we afford a big banquet? In recent years, famous agricultural workers have saved some money by working in cities. Coupled with the small circle of rural people, as long as a few people are extravagant and wasteful on white things, others are watching and naturally compare.
To say that rural people have managed to save some money over the years, there is really no need to blindly compare and spend money at will. As the saying goes, children should be raised rather than kissed, and they should be filial to their parents and still have time to spend with them.
Today's New Farmers-Big Black Cattle
Smoke more than 10 yuan in northern Henan, keep wine and meat every day, and ask some trumpeter bands to be cremated and buried in good coffins. These are all for the living. If there are brothers and sisters at home, you can't spend less. Without your neighbors, you will be called stingy. In fact, when parents are alive, it is much better to spend more time with them or take them to travel during holidays, and it is much better to have a big burial after death. Some family members have never been there when they were alive, and they are reluctant to eat. Work hard all your life and regret being a child.
My humble opinion on small cadres and big village heads
In response to the deployment of the town government, our village has just set up a "village Committee on weddings, funerals and celebrations". The village secretary is the president, the village director is the vice president, and the members are the "big prime ministers" who often ask questions in the village. The original intention of the establishment was to guide the villagers to be frugal and do new things, and to "bury the elderly thinly".
In rural areas, weddings and funerals have become a normal state. I think this situation should be analyzed from many aspects:
First, ordinary people have money. With the development of national economy and the inclination of rural policy, rural people are getting richer and richer, and have developed from filling their stomachs to eating quality and health. The material foundation determines the superstructure. If you have money in your hand, you are not afraid to spend money. You can think about spending money by law, and there will be weddings and funerals in rural areas.
Second, the psychology of comparison. Rural society is a relatively concentrated and closed small circle, unlike people in cities who are highly mobile, they often have the psychology of keeping up with the joneses. Your family has ten dishes for entertaining friends, and I want fifteen next time: your family needs ten yuan for a pack of cigarettes, and I want twenty yuan next time; Your family has prepared good wine, and my family is not far behind. In the long run, layers of overweight, with face but bitter lining.
Third, rural expenditure "intensified" to see how to compare. Compared with previous years, the cost is indeed increasing. However, the price in rural areas is relatively low, and the dishes cooked at 3500 yuan may be more affordable than the banquets in the city 1000.
What do you think of the wedding ceremony in the countryside?
This is a bad habit, all caused by the wind of comparison. Rich families have done it, and those who have no money have to bite the bullet and do it, otherwise it will cause gossip, and some families just become poor again. In order to put an end to the practice of doing great things, the village elected and established the Red and White Council, which formulated specific standards for the management of weddings, funerals and weddings, and was supervised and implemented by the Red and White Council, which was quite effective. At present, there is no more than 10 thousand yuan, and the villagers all say yes.
If you die unfilial, the wolf cries miserably and climbs vanity instead of face. With so much extravagant money, it is better to be filial when you are alive. Dead, no matter how much you spend. Neither did the victim.
I feel more enjoyable when I am alive, and I don't want to add chaos to the living when I am dead. The simpler the better.