Zhou Zhijian, the author of Embrace Imperfect, taught us to do the bravest thing in this book-to expose our own stories, that is, stories.
Storytelling is called "narrative therapy" in clinic. It is a widely used post-modern psychotherapy method at present, which gets rid of the traditional treatment concept of treating people as problems, and makes the parties get healing through the methods of "story narration", "problem externalization" and "from thin to thick". On the other hand, narrative therapy, in short, is a story.
0 1.
Zhou Zhijian writes his own story, just like a doctor operating on himself with a scalpel. Behind his bravery are injuries and struggles.
His childhood was lonely and self-abased, because his family was poor, and his parents were busy all day for their livelihood and had no time to take care of him. In infancy, even if it is carried by the mother, it is just a "thing" that the mother climbs on her back or on the ground; At school age, he has no money to go to kindergarten and is often left at home alone. He lost contact with others and was once considered dumb.
The lonely and self-abased little boy stayed in his heart. Because of the lack of milk (love), this part of him actually never grew up until he became an adult and had enough wisdom to face his childhood self. By telling childhood stories, he recognized the little boy curled up in the corner and told him that it was because of such a little boy that he realized his independence. His original intention was to help others psychologically.
02.
Tahiram Dodo, a contemporary female poet in China, said: "No matter how good a person is, he will meet with malice; No matter how sincere, it will still be suspected; No matter how soft you appear, you still have to face meanness. But remember, your life is yours, not anyone's. "
Childhood has its absence, and adulthood has its disputes. Have you ever been looked down upon? Zhou Zhijian once encountered a text message: "Enough, enough narcissism". The so-called "attraction" rule is not only to attract beautiful things, but the more you avoid something, the less you can do it. He said, "That's enough. Please respect yourself." End criticism and counterattack.
Rumors stop at the wise, and it is unwise to fight violence with violence, and criticism will only attract more criticism. People are addicted to the game where I am right and wrong, and you lose and I win. Everyone wants to be right and win, and they are afraid of being criticized, so we hide our imperfections and try our best to package ourselves as a perfect person. We don't know that we may have been distorted by "perfection", and then we distort others and think that others should be perfect. We lack sympathy for ourselves and humility for others. We don't need to be so perfect, and neither do others, do we?
And telling stories, in fact, the fundamental purpose is just to learn one thing: love yourself.
03.
Learning to love yourself is not a simple lesson. We all think that loving ourselves is an innate ability, and the lack of understanding of what it means to love ourselves makes us selfish. We don't know that we need to learn to love ourselves, especially the author, who has been in a state of lack of love since childhood. Our eyes stare at others but we can't see ourselves, telling stories, so that we can see ourselves in everything that happens.
20 12 The author bought a house with a ten-ping terrace in Taichung. This house has a spacious living room and three rooms. He spent a lot of money on decoration and nursing. In order to help a friend who is not very rich, he rented a room to a friend at a very cheap rent. While wishing his friends a happy life, he also hopes that his friends will take good care of his garden and house. But his expectations were disappointed. His friends lived happily, but his flowers and house were not taken care of ideally. Moreover, because he had friends to live with, he had to become stiff at home.
When he saw his neat habits and expectations, as well as his need for independent space, he couldn't help asking his friends to stop renting, but fortunately he got their understanding and cooperation.
We are always afraid that we are not good enough, want to get better, and can't see our own needs and uniqueness. We don't know, "if I have no compassion for myself first, then my compassion and kindness to others are false and flattering." When I can recognize the self that needs to be affirmed, he doesn't have to continue to pretend to be a' good person' in order to get recognition and affirmation from others. " By telling stories, we see ourselves, so we are free, free.
04.
Among my WeChat friends, there is a special friend who can be deleted, but it has not been deleted. He is no longer alive.
He and I had an affair, and I remember him as optimistic, cheerful and positive. He used to be a program host of a radio station, and later became a photographer and wedding host. Married a former soldier's wife, looks very sweet. One day, however, I heard from a friend of mine that he committed suicide.
Because of the delay in letting his parents have grandchildren, after investigation, he may have some physical problems and be under too much pressure, so he jumped into the river. Maybe this is just the fuse, not the only reason for his suicidal thoughts. It's too hard to live, and death can be solved with just one thought. But unfortunately, this life has not been completed!
There is a cure for all diseases, but heart disease is difficult to treat. How many people keep their pain in their hearts and carry it on themselves, which eventually leads to tragedy. We all have mouths and hands, and we can write. We could have saved ourselves. If he can tell his own story, even to himself, he may find a way to break through suicidal thoughts and be reborn.
I also have a friend who suffers from depression and is good at writing. He opened his official WeChat account, and the robot set in the background automatically replied: Go ahead, I'm listening.
What a warm sentence, whenever the official WeChat account privately trusts her, I can receive this sentence "Speak, I am listening". How happy it is to have someone to listen to you at any time. If my dead friend is willing to talk to me, I will reply without thinking: Go ahead, I'm listening. But how many people can do it without analyzing, judging or defining, just reacting in time and listening quietly?
05.
The author told his story to the readers. As a recommender of this book, let me tell my story.
I am not an energetic person. When I was a child, I slept for two whole days and one night before I woke up. I almost worried my mother to death. Later, I overheard my mother say that my father had me after he got drunk once. I am afraid of how much kindness I have accumulated in my last life. I was born under the influence of drunkenness, and I don't have any serious physical problems. I can tell you this story at this moment.
I have been hurt, experienced darkness, not to the extent of depression, but I have also retaliated against those who hurt me in my own way and given up on myself. Like many people, I don't want to talk, even if I have sisters and girlfriends. Fortunately, one day I picked up a pen, yes, at least I was willing to write.
I had a struggle before writing. Should I show the imperfections in my life to others naked? Do I want to break the self-image I have worked hard to create and let others know that my life is like this? But I wrote it anyway. I can't find any other way to eliminate my inner depression. I believe that writing it will not only cure myself, but also people with similar experiences can be cured from my words. Fortunately, this method is very useful for me, and I am getting closer and closer to my true self. This makes me more open-minded and compassionate to myself and others.
As I spoke, my heart suddenly became clear. Now I am not only writing with a pen, but also willing to talk and listen. Because there are more channels, emotions can be relieved faster, and things can always be solved faster. There is no solution to everything, there is no need to entangle, just let go and be happy. Let go of resentment and forgive others. Let go of self-pity and learn to face and solve problems. I am cured by telling stories, so I want to recommend this method to you.
06.
Dare you tell a story you don't know? Unfortunate childhood, inferiority caused by poverty, is still lonely after all. ...
Behind every imperfect self, there is a story. Prejudice is everywhere. If you can accept and appreciate the differences of others, if you are willing to open your heart to others, if you try to express yourself in words, if you listen to stories, tell stories and respond to stories, you will find that you are not alone.
Leonard cohen sang in "Anthem": Everything has cracks, and this is the source of light. It is often in imperfection that we can see the beauty of life, just as we can appreciate the sweetness of watermelon after tasting the bitterness of bitter gourd.
Do you want to try to stand in the cracks of life and tell your own story? Go back in time, see yourself clearly and recognize yourself in every occurrence. Embrace the inner child again, be a supercilious giant who bravely says "no", connect with people, create stories with stories and create a collective healing.
All imperfect parents, suffering children, all souls who never give up, please embrace your imperfection, put your head on his shoulder and tell him: I know you are not perfect, but I love you for who you are.
Give up change and change will happen. Completely accept yourself and others, and change begins. I just want to tell you: don't change, you are not perfect, I love you just the way you are!