1, unable to plead.
The most taboo for parents is not giving their children the opportunity to defend themselves. What children are most afraid of is that if they have no chance to complain, they will be regarded as talking back and will be severely punished. This is a typical manifestation of feudal paternalism and the opposite of the spirit of equality and democracy, which is extremely harmful! Imagine how our beloved children will face life if they are used to adapting to unfairness and have no ideas of their own except seeking permission. Cultivating a rational child who dares to express his opinions is far more important than saving the face of adults.
2. Family discord
Adults don't know how to be modest and often blame each other. In fact, whether parents quarrel or parents are at odds with the elderly, it is a psychological thunder and lightning, rain and snow, but suffering from young age and helplessness, they have to hide in the corner and secretly sob. A harmonious family atmosphere is like enough sunshine and water for a child to grow up. Parental relationship is the weather of children, and children's minds are still immature. Bad weather not only hinders the healthy growth of children's body and mind, but also often leaves a lifelong psychological shadow. It is the responsibility of parents to build a warm and loving family.
3. Parents' behavior
As soon as the teacher talked about beauty, he heard adults swearing in the street when he got home. As soon as I received public morality education in class, my parents would throw things away and collect them indiscriminately, instead of handing them over to the government.
With the progress of civilization, children have a higher starting point in moral cultivation than their parents, so let go of their parents' airs and learn from their children. This is the result and trend of the times. There is nothing to be ashamed of. In fact, we need to learn from our children.
4. Parents don't play with themselves.
Childhood children like to play games with their families most, but unfortunately there are not many such opportunities. Adults have their own world and entertainment. In China, playing with children has always been regarded as dispensable.
How wonderful it is to spend more time with children, play games with them and watch them change and grow day by day. When children enter adolescence or get older, there will be fewer opportunities. Let's enjoy happiness from heaven now. Fathers should not feel humiliated in front of their wives and children. This is the dregs of feudal male chauvinism. The more civilized the society and class, the more attention is paid to getting along with family members.
5. Parents' bad hobbies or habits
Smoke, wine, mahjong sound, the other side of bad habits is bad character. Adults drink too much, mahjong loses, but it is themselves who suffer in the end. Bad habits not only bring troubles to family members, but also do great harm to health. No matter how many years that habit has lasted, let's grit our teeth and give it up. There are no habits that cannot be changed, only people who don't want to change!
6, parents arranged
Whether it is dressing, scheduling, making friends, or choosing an interest class, you can't make your own decisions. Adults' explanation is always: what children know is for your own good.
Parental arrangements are common in China. Either parents are not at ease, or they think their ideas are correct and important. In fact, even if children are young, they are still alone, and their interests and feelings need to be respected. They should have some autonomy. Only by giving them the opportunity to make their own decisions can they develop their own personality and not be opinionated. For making friends, we should give principled guidance, but it is best not to interfere specifically. In fact, what kind of friends have what benefits? A friend who doesn't study well may be bold, cautious and resourceful, and can also enrich a child's character. Shouldn't we adults have all kinds of friends?
7. Language impairment
Adults don't choose what they say, but they don't know that "a good word warms the winter in March and a bad word warms the winter in June." If you are not a child, you will never feel scolded and belittled by your parents.
Even in the face of your own children, don't talk. You have no choice. The younger a child is, the more dependent he is on his parents' evaluation. Negative comments and bad emotions do great harm to children. In fact, in the same sentence, there are different angles and ways to say that goodwill and encouragement can play a more positive role than accusation and depreciation.
8. No privacy
Keep a diary and turn over your schoolbag. Parents bully the weak in order to fully monitor us. They also call it "superior review".
Tell a story, there is a girl whose parents are afraid that she will take a detour in love and be inseparable from her. Her mobile phone was confiscated and her parents took turns to escort her at school. She was locked in the room when her children came home. The girl is very resistant to this, and she wants to give the adults some "color". As a result, when her parents were most severe, the girl got pregnant. When interviewed by a reporter, the girl said, "I can borrow my classmate's mobile phone. I have the key to my house. He called me when he came downstairs, so I dropped the key from the window. He opened the door at my house, and then I went out. It won't work if my parents lock me in the house. The more they' imprison' me, I will give them some color to see see. My pregnancy is' color' for them, and they are' forced'. " This is a very sad true story in reality. Not to mention the disrespect for children in this way, as far as the matter itself is concerned, guardianship and monitoring are not only ineffective, but also dangerous. The so-called "no congestion, no traffic."
So, what if there is no monitoring? The most effective way is to establish children's reasonable attitudes and values. In short, what parents can do is to teach their children to choose, not to supervise, replace or force them to choose.
9. Be suspected of being wronged
Having got high marks in exams and compositions and being suspected of plagiarism; The vase is broken and there is less money. The younger brother and sister cried and were thought to have done it themselves. I did a good thing out of kindness, but I screwed it up or didn't finish it. I was mistaken for naughty and severely criticized.
No investigation, no right to speak. Even if the child is naughty, ignorant and has a "criminal record", we should keep our doubts in our hearts before we can find out the truth. Don't find fault easily. It's hard to be wronged. Such behavior is a great distrust and disrespect for children. Think about what it feels like to be suspected and wronged by friends or leaders, and you will know how much the child hurts.
10, parents reneged.
No matter how much you look forward to it, how long you look forward to it, you don't recognize what you promised or delay it indefinitely.
Parents' dishonesty has two obvious negative effects: first, parents' prestige is greatly reduced, and parents' prestige is the basis of education; Second, parents' dishonesty sets a negative example for children. If you don't keep your word, it's hard to ask and expect your children to keep their word. As long as it is not fully monitored, the child may break his word at any time.
1 1, not respected.
Models are thrown away, wall paintings are torn off and small animals are given away or eaten. I did an embarrassing thing myself, and my parents told everyone.
A big reason why parents are not respected is that they were not respected by their parents when they were young. Parents who don't know how to protect their children's self-esteem are the most failed parents.
12, study and examination
Learning is life-oriented, and life is learning, without the freedom and fun of childhood; If you do well in the exam, you are afraid of pride. If you don't do well in the exam, there will be a snowstorm tonight.
It is understandable that parents want their children to get good grades, but the question is how to really help them. In fact, most parents have no effect on their children's requirements and supervision, which is thankless.
13, lack of tolerance and understanding
The child is still young, and his thinking ability and physical ability are not mature. Many times, making mistakes and getting emotional is far from the child's original intention, but the child can't get the tolerance and understanding he deserves.
China people generally lack the spirit of trying, largely because when they were young, trying to fail was not tolerated and encouraged, so they dared not try. Parents and friends are advised to tolerate children's unintentional mistakes and encourage children to try their own ideas. Although it may not be successful, children will get opportunities to grow from it.