First, parents divorced.
Generally speaking, it is a very painful and helpless thing for children to divorce when they are growing up. Children can't influence their parents' feelings, so they can only passively accept the fact of divorce. Children who grow up in this environment are influenced by their parents since childhood, and they are generally indifferent to their parents who have never raised themselves, and they are not closely related to their relatives. What problems should newcomers with this family background pay attention to when they get married?
In my opinion, married couples are adults, and adults' thinking should be more comprehensive and forward-looking. Parents and their original partners have divorced, and there is no longer any legal relationship, but newlyweds are different. Legally, newlyweds are still the legal heirs of divorced parents, and they still maintain the blood relationship with their parents and their relatives. Based on the above reasons, I suggest that it is still necessary for newlyweds to inform their divorced parents of their marriage before they get married, with the advice of their parents. Even if you can't attend the wedding, you should tell them the news, and you must take time out to visit them after marriage, on the one hand, to maintain emotional contact, on the other hand, to safeguard their legal and blood rights and obligations.
It is important that if both parents have not remarried at this time, the couple must mobilize all resources and abilities to persuade divorced parents to attend their own wedding and mobilize all relatives of divorced parents to attend the wedding. Couples must also arrange divorced parents to sit at the main table, because they are your biological parents, and they must create opportunities for parents to contact again. If a family reunites because their children get married, it is likely that they will find their original feelings and a complete family.
Of course, more divorced parents attend their children's weddings alone. Compared with their parents, they are lonely, somewhat inferior, unwilling to show up at the wedding planning ceremony in Beijing, and even unwilling to speak on stage. In my opinion, for parents, children's marriage should be put in the first place, and parents' face should be put in the second place. Parents should try their best to obey the needs of the wedding. Because marriage is the most important day in a child's life, and it is also the greatest wish of parents. Ensuring the success of children's wedding planning in Beijing is the greatest wish of parents. Parents should not artificially create emotional barriers in their children's weddings.
For newcomers, marriage also means a real rite of passage. Newcomers should not only perform the necessary wedding etiquette, but also strive to mobilize their parents to obey the needs of the wedding from the overall layout of the wedding. Of course, when arranging for both parents to appear at the same time, single-parent newcomers should also try to avoid the process arrangement that embarrassed single parents. For example, parents of both sides are arranged to walk on the red carpet at the opening ceremony, and parents of both sides are arranged to take the stage at the same time during the tea ceremony. Because of this process arrangement, the fact that a single father or mother is alone is not taken care of, and the privacy of the father or mother is completely exposed. It is particularly important to note that after the wedding planning scheme in Beijing is completed, newlyweds must communicate with their parents about the Beijing wedding planning scheme, tell them which part of the wedding process needs their parents' cooperation, and ask for their opinions, so that parents can be confident in all their appearances at the wedding and avoid embarrassment.
Second, parents remarry.
Parents remarriage can also be divided into two situations. One is that only adoptive parents attend the wedding (parents who are not involved in raising do not attend the wedding), and the other is that all parents attend the wedding.
(1) Only adoptive parents can attend the wedding.
This is also divided into two situations: one is that the parents remarried when the couple were young, and the stepfather or stepmother raised the couple like biological parents and made countless efforts. When the couple get married in this family, emotionally speaking, they don't have to consider the status of stepfather or stepmother, and they should complete all the wedding ceremonies as normal as their biological parents.
The other is that the new parents remarry after they are sensible. Although the couple legally accepted the fact that their parents remarried, they never accepted their stepfather or stepmother emotionally. When preparing for their own wedding, the newcomers in this family should consider it comprehensively. Newcomers should not only highlight their biological father or mother at the wedding, but also be careful not to downplay their stepfather or stepmother. On this issue, newlyweds had better be more accurate and ask your wedding host for help, because they are more experienced than newlyweds after all. In the wedding process, there are several links to pay attention to.
1. The master of ceremonies introduces the names of both parents.
It is essential to introduce the names of both parents at the wedding. Generally, the father's name is introduced first, and then the mother's name is introduced. For normal families, this is nothing, but for divorced families, there may be problems, because the remarried stepfather may not have the same surname as the newlyweds. If you introduce your father first as usual, the privacy of your parents' remarriage will be exposed and your stepfather will not stand out emotionally. Therefore, when introducing the names of new parents, we can consider introducing the biological father or mother first, and then introducing the stepfather or stepmother; For the sake of confidentiality, you can simply not introduce the names of both parents and play a charade for unsuspecting guests; Of course, the best situation is that the stepfather has the same surname as the newcomer, or the biological mother has the same surname as the newcomer, so it is no problem to introduce the stepfather first.
The MC is serving tea for a change.
Offering tea and changing one's mouth are also important links in the wedding. In order to highlight the biological relationship, when offering tea and changing hearts, both husband and wife can offer tea to each other's biological father or mother first, and then to the remarried father or mother; (For example, the bride must offer tea to the groom's biological father or mother first, and then to the stepfather or stepmother. It is the same for the groom to offer tea to the bride's parents. ) This arrangement can not only highlight the kindness of the biological father or mother to the couple, but also keep China's wedding etiquette.
3. In other aspects of the wedding.
In other links that need the cooperation of parents of newlyweds, we should also ask the biological father or mother first, and then ask the remarried father or mother. Because remarried families are not exactly the same, each family is different. The specific process is to invite the wedding host to Beijing for wedding planning according to the specific situation.
2) All parents attend the wedding.
The concept of all parents includes not only biological parents, but also remarried stepfathers and stepmother who attend the wedding of the couple. This situation is not uncommon. Biological parents and stepparents get together, and everyone is happy and blessed for their children. There are not so many problems to consider when this new family holds a wedding. Newcomers only need to pay attention to one problem, that is, whether their biological parents or stepparents are raising themselves, they must complete the necessary wedding etiquette. In my career, a couple's parents both appeared at the wedding, including their biological mother, adoptive mother, biological father and adoptive father. The couple divorced and remarried when they were young, but everyone agreed on the issue of raising children. For the growth of their children, they all devoted their energy to the wedding and sat at the main table, and their relatives also attended the wedding. At the wedding, as the host, I consulted the couple and their biological parents in advance. At the beginning of the wedding, I played down the complex background of the couple's family and highlighted the traditional concept of taking the father's surname. I only introduced the names of my biological parents, not the names of my adoptive parents. However, in the respect of offering tea, because the couple are facing seven parents who raised themselves and four families who raised themselves, and getting married means entering the other family, which the couple will always face in their future life, I specially arranged for the couple to offer tea and bow to all seven parents. The stepfather and stepmother of the couple didn't expect to receive such courtesy from the couple, and they were very moved. They all came to me and said: this arrangement is so perfect that it not only highlights the biological feelings of biological parents, but also highlights the kindness of adoptive parents.
Third, parents died.
The death of parents is the saddest tragedy for anyone, and marriage is a happy comedy. Tragedy can only be comedy on the stage. And our life is not an exaggerated stage, but we should face the reality seriously and find the positioning of wedding style in real life. For newcomers whose parents have passed away, we should pay attention to the following questions.
1, avoid recalling the past time at the wedding scene.
This problem should be considered from the perspective of parents. We say that the biggest ideological change of people from middle age to middle age is to recall their past life and everything they have experienced in the past, and the most vivid memory of parents is the difficult and happy process of raising their children, which will inevitably cause parents to yearn for their deceased relatives, especially on the day when their children get married, and they will definitely fantasize that their deceased partners can see the results of their children's marriage. Therefore, at the wedding ceremony, it is best not to touch parents' nostalgia, not to let parents fall into sad mood again on the big day, and not to specially design the flow arrangement that highlights the emotional color between the couple and their parents. For example: live photos of the couple's growth from childhood (because photos must involve parents' group photos), live stories about childhood (because it may involve the shadow of their deceased parents), and don't cry easily when facing their parents (because the tears of the couple will definitely infect their parents' tears). In short, when arranging the on-site wedding process, we should downplay the emotional color of parents' death, and the best result is to avoid touching the topic.
2. You can arrange activities at home to comfort your deceased parents.
In our traditional Chinese wedding, there is a solemn ceremony, that is, ancestor worship: to commemorate the deceased relatives and declare that the family will be handed down from generation to generation. Newcomers can put this traditional ceremony at home. For example, before the groom takes the bride home, or before taking the bride home, he can bow and kowtow to his deceased parents to comfort their own marriage, or burn incense as a souvenir. They can even change the tea ceremony held at home. The advantages of arranging at home are: first, it can comfort the deceased parents emotionally, stay in the small range of "closest relatives" and no longer bring sadness into the festive wedding scene. The second is to protect the privacy of parents and family members.
Step 3 downplay emotional problems at the wedding scene
At the wedding scene, newlyweds can also take a brush-off approach to emotional problems, not taking the initiative to highlight emotional color, not taking the initiative to arrange procedures that may cause tears. For example, when introducing parents' names at a wedding, introduce the names of living parents according to normal procedures; On the issue of changing the name of serving tea, the process is also completed step by step according to normal procedures. Newcomers don't cry, don't give gifts to both parents, don't do unconventional actions to living parents, and don't arrange all activities that only parents have. In short, it is necessary to downplay the sad feelings. On the wedding day, parents' greatest happiness is the success of the wedding.
In today's society, there are also many families whose parents have died, remarried and divorced at the same time. When a couple in this family get married, they must decide their own wedding process according to their own personal experience and the actual situation of each family. After the process is initially determined, they must re-examine the whole process from the perspective of their parents and make timely amendments. Don't patronize yourself and ignore your parents' feelings. According to my experience, this family needs a couple to hold a wedding. ()